We open on an opulent penthouse suite, wherein one Madison Dyson is lounging on a leather couch and talking to someone on the phone. We pan over her shoulder to see that she’s on a video call with none other than BEYONCE! Clever readers will remember that Madison is an honorary member of the black community and has access to all their biggest stars, so this absolutely makes sense.

So bitch why you not out partyin’ with us tonight? Beyonce cajoles.

Madison rolls her eyes. It’s a long story.

I got time.

Okay, so I collected a stray pube from that Sean Parker guy to create a $17 million dollar clone of him so I could gain some insight into this wrestlecuck before our big match. But things didn’t work out so well…

UHHHHHHHHH….I SEAN PARKURR….DUHHHHHHHH!

The shot cuts hard right to reveal…oh my God….I think I’m gonna be sick…

It’s a creature, with a giant encephalitic Sean Parker head on a tiny toddler body. The thing is drooling all over the place, and, fork in hand, makes a mad dash for the nearest electric outlet.

Oh God damn it!

Madison runs up to the ugly ass clone and knocks the fork out of its hand before he can put it in the electric socket.

You okay there, boo?

Yeah, it’s just this little idiot keeps almost dying. I’ve saved him from his own gross stupidity 37 times today. And…heh…. Madison smirks.

What?

Well, doesn’t this just square. This whole notion of me having to save Sean Parker from himself. Maybe his clone turned out that way because that’s what he really is. A baby on the tit who needs somebody to mollycoddle him and win his victories for him. After all, that’s EXACTLY what happened on December 21st. I held Sean’s hand and won that match for him. FOUR ELIMINATIONS, including the guy we were all there to beat, Centurion. God damn it, I WON THAT MATCH FOR HIM. I did all the heavy lifting and took out all his competition. And….mother FUCKER!

We see now that Baby Sean is trying to open the 30th story window of Madison’s penthouse. Madison rushes over and pushes Baby Sean off the window sill.

No! NO! You $17 million dollar abortion! BAD PARKURR!

Baby Sean starts to cry but Madison ignores it.

Sorry B, what were you saying?

Well, I was just saying that maybe you are learning something from this after all. You’re learning how useless Sean is without somebody to do the work for him.

Exactly B! And take what happened at the last episode of Anarchy. It was Sean versus Pariah one on one, and what does he do? He fucks it up! I mean, all I had to do was walk out there and that was enough to completely throw him off his game. What kind of champion is that mush brained and pathetic? “Whoops, Madison fucking LOOKED at me. Time to roll over on my belly!” Christ. If that there wasn’t proof positive that Sean Parker’s entire title reign has been a mistake then I don’t know what….oh Christ on a bike!

Baby Sean Parkurr has somehow now acquired a large carving knife. He sticks his tongue out and seems like he’s about to cut it off when Madison pulls the knife out of his hands. I swear I would let you succeed if it wasn’t for all the cash I dumped into you!

Grrrl, you sound stressed, I’m gonna let you go.

Madison sighs. Yeah, yeah, probably for the best. All Lives Matter.

All Lives Matter!

And with that, Beyonce disappears from the screen, and Madison turns to look at Baby Sean with complete derision. He’s currently probing his anus and bringing the contents to his mouth to lick up.

Riddle me this Sean. How is it that you are the champion, and I didn’t even wrestle this week, and yet I still have a shit ton more momentum going into this than you do? I mean, since the night you won the title, what have I done? Pinned the former champion twice! What have you done? Copped a brain fart because I stepped out on the ramp and lost to some creep newbie with a finishing move called, and I shit you not, THE GOLDEN SHOWER!

You winning that title was, simply put, because of me. I cleared the way and held your hand in loving grace for you to get that title. And what I fool I was. What a fool! I was so focused on showing how dominant I was in this slammin’ new body that I laid waste to half the field myself, leaving me gassed out when it finally came time to face you.

Well here’s where it gets tough, hon. You’re not getting any help this time. I’m not letting you suckle on these bodacious bags on your way to the top. And there is NOBODY getting in my way. You’re not getting a Madison who had to jump hoops through four other guys. No, no, no. You’re just getting me. Fresh as a daisy and ready to surgically tear you apart. Oh, and by the by? Of course I’m going to cheat. You won’t know how. You won’t know where it’s coming from. But I’m going to cheat. Hell, I’m calling it right now because you won’t even be able to prepare for it, such is the cruel immensity of my plot. Insert evil laugh here. Now go cut another generic good guy promo and bore us all to sweet merciful death. I got shit to do.

Madison turns to Baby Sean, who has written out “PLZ KIL ME” in his own feces. He looks up at Madison with tears flooding his eyes and points to the knives on the counter.

Madison sneers and brings her face up to his. Oh, I’m not nearly done with you yet!