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Dionysus · (12-11-2023)

It was exactly as I had remembered it.

...Well, aside from myself and The Many Faces looking like a local community theater production of A Christmas Carol.

The lights in my old living room were off, save for the light coming from the television screen and a lamp on the end table. There was a man sitting on the sofa, with a boy in his pajamas watching the television with excitement, his feet barely touching the floor. It all sounded like static to me, but the sentiments were still there. I felt a hand on my shoulder as I turned to look at Daniel. "You remember what this is."

"How could I forget?" I replied. "It is one of the most important memories I keep with me." I watched as I saw a younger me excitedly talk to my father. Though no noise was uttered, I can still remember what was said. "'One day, when I grow up, I want to be just like you.'"

"You sure that's what you said?" I heard Wide Dio chime in from behind me.

"Maybe not those exact words, but the sentiment was the same."

The room became a swirling mist around all of us. "It was a happier time then. Back before he set off for Japan, leaving us all forever in the end."

"So I take it, then, you wish to no longer be like him?" Devin asked.

While the question seemed innocent enough, I could not help but scowl at him. "You are well attuned to my memories just as everyone else is here. I think you know the answer to that question."

"I do, but it is not Devin asking the question. It is you asking yourself that question," Devin corrected.

I was beginning to really resent psychology.

"Okay fine," I continued. "Maybe there was a time where my dreams and aspirations deviated from following directly in my father's footsteps."

"But then you couldn't get work, on account of the debts your uncle set you up for," Daniel expounded. "Any other dreams at that point were beyond your reach. So you turned to the one thing you knew you could do on your own, without anyone telling you otherwise."

"I know that, but-"

"So then why are you here? What is driving you?" It was Daniel's turn to ask the difficult questions. Or rather...myself as a manifestation of Daniel. "We found everything we could about your father, right? We can't keep saying he's your driving force anymore."

I held a hand up, hoping that maybe I could quiet my mind. "Look. The reason why I am still here is because of just how much I have invested in myself after all these years. Sure, my search has yet to yield any fruit. I even abandoned the prospect a while ago. But it was still something that I kept in the back of my mind." I passed my hand through a swirling cloud of mist, creating a whirlpool effect as it went by. "So while I did my searching, I also had a life and a career I was interested in pursuing. I didn't just want to give that up."

"So you're in...what, a holding pattern?" Wide Dio asked.

I took a deep breath to collect my thoughts. But nothing came back to me. No revelation. No insight. Just...nothing. "I guess...I don't really know what I'm doing this for anymore." As I said the words, I felt a great pressure lift off my shoulders. "There is no one I need to be in this business for. Not my family. Not any friends. It is just us now..." I paused, not wanting to ask the next question, until finally I asked, "...But is that enough?"

"What are you saying? Of course that's enough, Dio!"

The mist, along with The Many Faces, vanished before me. The new voice echoed behind me. I turned to look, but a brilliant light prevented me from getting a good look. What I could see were a series of silhouettes, no distinct faces of any kind. The voice that spoke sounded eerily familiar...then it clicked.

It was Elli's voice I was hearing.

"...Elli?"

"I guess if that's what you want to call us. But we're so much more than just Elli. We're...well, lets just say we're your biggest fans!" I then started to hear...applause...combined with laughter and cheering.

All too suddenly, recognition flooded into my mind. This was the same feeling I had when I brought Wide Dio shopping. When I talked to Devin out on Bde Maka Ska. The experience that we all shared in the meeting room. A chorus of voices, just slightly out of earshot, as if it were in our peripheral hearing. "What are you really? Answer me honestly."

"Very well; it is your mind, after all," Elli responded. "But I should warn you; the answer is only going to be confusing. A good mystery for your doctor...Elbrook, was it?" The silhouette behind her laughed, as if it were on cue. "We are a collective consciousness meant to observe and cheer for you. Think of us as...a defense mechanism for your mind. The feelings you have of despair, worthlessness, anxiety, depression...we cover those up behind laughter and good fortune to the hero we choose to follow."

"So you deliberately block out parts of my emotions...just so I won't have to experience them?" I asked.

"Oh no, you still experience those. We just let you ignore them for a while. We are something you can keep your mind on. A good mystery, right? What are these weird voices you keep hearing? How do they relate to your lived experiences? Why does everything feel so convenient, as if it were all blocked out in a script of sorts?" I could hear the individual silhouette walking closer to me. I could feel its breath on my neck as it leaned in for a whisper. "Those...are the questions you have been thinking about all this time...right?"

I jumped back, looking at the outline that stood behind the entity before me. "How can-"

"How many times do I need to explain it? Its your head, Dio. I know every thought, every emotion that has gone through here. From family, to friends...to those you love." The silhouette's form wavered, changing into the same appearance I remembered Elli from in our first meeting; Chuck Taylor's, ripped jeans, t-shirt and hoodie. Though the eyes were different. I remembered emerald green before...these were constantly shifting; a chromatic spectrum, not wanting to rest on one particular color. The visage behind her began to hoot and holler at the new appearance. "It would be better to take on the form that you would feel most comfortable with, isn't that right, Dio?"

My hands went to my temples and my eyes clenched. My head was in searing pain as the group laughed loudly. Maniacally. I felt myself spinning, then falling, as they began to chant, "DIO, DIO, DIO..."

Further and further down into the void I went, the chants continuing to follow me.

Spiraling out of control...

The weightlessness...

Until...

"Dio!"

I snapped awake and sat bolt upright, taking in deep breaths. William was kneeling next to me, reaching over for a glass of water. "Here, drink this."

I accepted the glass, taking slow, deliberate sips. I handed the glass back to William, then paused, looking panicked at my business partner. "What, uhh...what day is it, William?"

William looked back at me, confused. "Its...its still Saturday, Dio. Its pretty early in the morning too. Maybe you need some more sleep."

"Sleep..." I thought aloud, my head clouded. "Right...yes, sleep would be good."

"Daniel called me over to check on you. I'll be in the next room if you need anything else." William helped me back to bed, then walked out of the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

So what I had just experienced all happened in the span of a few hours, huh. Nearly having a mental breakdown over the extra stresses in my life, all equated to me having a nightmare about hearing more voices in my head.

This trial needed to end. And soon.

...And yet...even now, knowing that it was all a dream...

...I can still hear applause...

Christmas songs stop making sense after a while, if you really start to think about them.

I mean really, why would anyone want a hippopotamus for Christmas?

And even further, why is it even a Christmas song to begin with? Certainly there is the campaign that accompanied it where a zoo was looking to bring in their own hippopotamus and, with the help of that one song, raised both awareness and funds to bring it over, but I was under the impression the holiday season was about togetherness; being with those that mean the most to us, whether it is by blood or the family you choose for yourself. And yet, the song on its own merits, if you can call them that, is the ramblings of the kind of self-entitlement a midwestern father would shake their head at.

But I suppose that is just the nature of the holidays, right? We all put together wish lists and send them off to our loved ones hoping they will choose something we are looking for, instead of appreciating the thought behind the gift. And sure, I played this game as well when I was a child. But that was a time when I was blissfully unaware of the reality before me. In a way, its much like how Centurion is viewing this upcoming match-up. Look at all the goodies under the tree, Centurion. This Xtreme Championship. An entire pay-per-view designed in your image. Being named MVP of our respective Fire and Ice teams. And none of them in a deceptively large box filled like a Russian nesting doll of other Christmas wrappings. It is enough for both of us to salivate over, is it not?

...Well in truth, it is enough for you to salivate over. There is plenty here for a man who is continuing in his stride after taking time off "just because." But for someone like me, who busted their ass every day to make a name for myself, these are only perks. The match is what I want. Further proof that my ascension is not a fluke. See, you are looking at the prizes and envisioning what you will do with them, instead of focusing on what you will need to go through in order to even sniff those prizes.

We may very well get along backstage and outside the ring, but know that since day one of me being in this business, when that bell rings, all pleasantries are thrown out the window. And the cuddly teddy bear you have experienced thus far? Well, you only need look at BOB D to see just how cuddly I can get. I have said this to him, and I will repeat to you; being nice is different from being kind. After all, a kindness would mean taking you out before the match takes a turn for the worse. And that is the kind of match that we are mixed up in. Nothing is off the table. If I wanted to give you an actual reason to take some time off, I can do that in spades.

Now, I bet you are wondering, "Dionysus, why are you continuing to give me shit over my taking a break? Isn't that just a sign that you are a workaholic? I came back better than ever, have I not?" And I began to think on it more and more. Maybe I am being too critical of you taking leave. Maybe I am a bit of a workaholic. And I can certainly acknowledge that your break was necessary if you asked me.

But then I look at the accomplishments I have had over the course of this one year. Debuting to immediate fanfare as Chardonnay at Snow Job. Part of the runner-up team in War Games. Elite Eight in March Madness. And to cap it off, two Television Title reigns and now this Xtreme Championship. I bring these accomplishments up not to rest on them, as there is still work to be done. After all, I have contractually obligated defenses to complete. However, In the span of one year, through my own hard work and determination, I have managed to turn my fortune around for the better. And in order for me to do that, I had to put the work in, day after day, to become the breakout star I knew I could be.

And I know, had I just taken a break "just because," no one here would ever let me live it down.

That is because the fundamental difference between the two of us is all in the timing. You've had a long, storied career. You can kick you feet up if you want to. Some might even say you have earned that right. But for me, I'm only getting started. Yes, even as someone entering their seventh year in this business, I still have my battles to win, mountains to climb, and heavens to ascend to. You can call it envy if you wish. I call it like I see it.

Complacency.

That's why you're not going to get your hands on that MVP status, the pay-per-view selection, or this Xtreme Championship.

You're getting a Dionysus for Christmas.

And only a Dionysus will do.

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