Jay Omega, founding member of the Guardians, charter member of the GPS, one of the two main heroes in this story stands on the deck of the joint venture, looking around approvingly.

I have to admit Nicky did a great job. Unlike that slacker Alex. Told me to meet him here an hour ago.. still hasn't shown up. I swear if I have to bail him out again..

All of the sudden the sky darkens slightly. A large 300 pound missile crashes onto the deck.. bounces several times before being stopped hard by the safety railing. Alex Richards gets up grinning.

Fucking eh! Nicky owes me for stress testing the deck like that! Now that's how you make an entrance!

What did you... Wait.. I can figure this one.

Jay takes several sniffs of the air.

Gunpowder? Did you fire yourself out of a cannon?

 Fucking right I did!

You made me wait an hour so you could make a big entrance firing yourself out of a cannon? Truly worth it!

We are basically a couple of pirates after all! I did bring something.

Alex reaches into his ever present ancient doctor's bag which miraculously survived the trip and pulls out some weed.

This isn't from Seaman is it? Because I don't smoke..

What do you take me for? Some teenager with 5 bucks? This is something I got my French alien buddies to cook up.

Well shit.. I'm always down for alien bud.

I do have to warn you though.. it's weird.

You already said it's your weed dude.

Alex quickly rolls up a blunt, takes a hit then passes it to Jay. Jay takes a puff himself..

That shit's not bad.

Of course it isn't. It's the Zim-Quila express. You said you thought it sounded like a weed strain so I cross pollinated it with some Zim-Quila and now you don't have to choose between getting drunk and stoned. You can do both at the same time.

 I don't know if that's madness or genius. But I know it's probably illegal as hell so I approve of it.

If you liked that you're going to love our new island resort. Got it for next to nothing too. Guy said I was crazy for wanting to own it. Check out the deed..

Alex reaches into the doctor's bag again and pulls out a deed and victoriously hands it to Jay.

Dude, this is for a ski resort in Alaska. How the fuck are we gonna operate nautical adventures out of a fucking landlocked mountain?

The better question is how are we going to parasail down a snow covered mountain? And damned if I don't want to know the answer to that!

Alex scoffs.

Your answer though has an easy answer. We can ride the boat down the mountain then haul it back up with the Strange Rover.

All the way to the coast? Every time? Fuck that noise. I'll have Erin find us someplace warmer.

 Ha! I knew you'd react that way. That's why I also found us a small resort in the Maldives. In fact I was just about to suggest we go over and close the deal.

That's more like it!

We're the GPS dude.. why have just one resort when you can have two? You haven't heard the best part.. they're giving away free booze all weekend!

Why is that exciting? You make booze.. it's always free.

 It's the principle of the matter. Sure I can drink my free booze but it's always more enjoyable to drink someone else's free booze. What can I say I'm a social motherfucker.

Thanks to Tesla's technology it doesn't take Jay and Alex long to make their way to their island in the Maldives. They quickly reach the bar which is predictably packed. Far beyond capacity.

 I got this Jay. The owner of the club is also the bartender and if anyone knows how to talk to bartenders it's me.

Jay who has several good retorts to that including the fact he's a far more successful businessman on earth then Alex instead just shrugs and decides to let it play out.
Considering the considerable size of the boat, and the unique looks of the professional wrestlers the bartender quickly notices them and gets someone else to take her place behind the bar. She starts to walk over.

That's the owner Mariah Carey.

You're kidding right? That can't be her real name.

Hey Mariah! Hit me baby one more time!

The bar owner who does actually kind of resemble a late 90s pop star scowls at Alex. 

I'm not that Mariah Carey and that's not even one of her terrible songs you ignorant asshole!

You're doing a great job handling this so far Alex.

 I thought maybe you changed your name or something in tribute.

My dickhead father thought it would be a funny name. I thought it would be funny to punch him in the face.

So we do have something in common. I also enjoyed punching my father in the face.

This is your master negotiating skills?

 Did your father also disown you?

Actually yeah.

Well.. did he stick a stupid clause in his will saying that you would lose your inherence if you weren't married by the age of 35 like the stupid chauvinist pig he is?

Ok.. maybe not.

 You know how hard I worked building this resort? Now of as of June 1st I'll have nothing. That's why I'm having one last party this weekend.. and offering free booze to really stick it to my cousin Henry who's stealing this place from me. 

We can burn it down and collect the insurance money?

Don't you think I thought of that? In the event of arson..

Aren't we supposed to be buying this?

Mariah sighs.

 Just give me whatever your best offer is and Frank and I will be gone by the morning.

Frank?

My son.

Alex pauses thinking deeply.

Nope. Can't do it. Can't take advantage of a single mother and her son to steal their life's work.

No offense. But you don't exactly look like a couple of deep thinkers. So what are you going to do?

Well obviously Jay is going to marry you.

They both look at Alex and say in unison.

What?

Alex looks surprised his idea wasn't better received. 

You're the ladies man here Jay.

Dude.. I'm already double married. I don't think Tasha and Evelyn would go for that.  Besides would you want 3 women ganging up on you? I may be crazy but I'm not that crazy.

Also.. it has to be a legal marriage. If you're already married twice and it isn't Utah.. what am I saying I'm not marrying you!

Of course not. You'd be marrying Alex.

That's even worse.

I know right. Besides I always sworn I'd only get married for love. Rebecca would kill me..

It's been two years dude..

A single tear rolls down the big man's eye.

But it's like it was only yesterday.

Alex reaches into his doctors bag again.. fills it with Zim-Quila.. downs it. Then does it again. Mariah looks over.. perhaps thinking of some private pain of her own, then gently places her hand on Alex's back unable to reach his shoulder. She whispers something to Alex who whispers something back.

You know I'm only marrying you for the love of free booze right?

Why do you think I'm marrying you? It ain't your good looks...

Having done so much with just a few words Jay smiles and lights up a joint thinking I earned this. He walks away as Alex and Mariah continue talking and the scene fades out.