*looks for dolls of @The Disintigrators on Amazon*

*can't find them*

*tries eBay*

*giggles when she not only finds them but sees the price has dropped down to "Please take these things...anyone!"*

*buys them*

*pays, like, 6x the cost in shipping than the dude wanted for them*

*gets them delivered to the Egg*

*takes them out of box*

*sets them on killer hardwood floor*

*squishes them with the heel of some sexy knee-highs stelleto boots*

Kisses!

Did you want this dolly back, sweet little Sar'?

Charlie Nickles pulls out the doll he used to taunt Sarah leading up to night 3 of Relentless, 2019...AKA a replica of the doll Jean-Paul Lacklan gifted to his daughter on television all those years ago. The hair on the doll is jet black and there are small silver flecks upon the dolls face, placed as if they were piercings. The doll is dressed in a dirty white robe, made of silk, that falls past her legs.

The Disintigrators walk into the room with their manager, the UNDEFEATED tuxedo match king, Freddy Fabulous - as well as their towering friends Big Preesh and Big Mad Ivan.

Johnny and Dave look ready to rumble, but Freddy waves them back and pulls a mic from behind his sequined dinner jacket.

Freddy Fabulous: "Well my, my, MY if it isn't the Portland Princess, the Kennebunkport Queen, the BITCH from Bar Harbor herself! Mademoiselle Sarah Lacklan, the alleged heiress to an alleged empire that allegedly matters to a number of people somewhere between zero and two. Listen to me, half pint, I remember back on the Penobscot Ciscuit your old man had you running his spit bucket to and from the ring at three years old - all the boys in the back called you Little Miss Sunshine, which, of course, was meant IRONICALLY. I'm happy to see an entire childhood of PMS has led to a dully functioning member of society - NOT!"


The D-Grators along with Preesh and BMI hoot and howl at the incredibly witty line.


Freddy Fabulous: "But you see Sarah, not EVERY professional wrestler is as quick to sell out as your father, the man known to slap his last name on anything he might be able to sell. Why do you think he started up that Path of the Light seminar business anyway? Look at the timing, Sarah! 1993! He saw Waco on the news and said I CAN DO THAT! We all thought it was a rib. Now you stand here and insult the two BADDEST men to ever walk the halls of the X-Treme Wrestling Federation over MERCHANDISE??? I'll have you know, those little dolls you bought online are knock offs. There ARE no Disitingrators action figures! These men have INTEGRITY! They have GUMPTION! They have PRIDE! And unlike the Lacklan Corporation of Officially Licensed Products and Performances - aka, your FAMILY - THESE men have a BOND of FRATERNITY! THESE men would not sully themselves for every nickel and dime they could put in their coffers! THESE men are MEN'S men. And if you want to challenge MEN'S men... then first you have to go through THEIR men! Preesh! Tell her."


Freddy hands his mic to Big Preesh, who points one clubbed finger at Lacklan with a snarl.


Big Preesh: "You listen up right here right now you little WITCH! You want my friends Dave and Johnny? First you gotta get your ugly pigtails twisted up by me and my BOY, the BIGGEST and the MADDEST, Ivan the Terrible! You got you a partner? I DON'T CARE! We'll smack your little girl scout ASS two on one if we have to! And we'll steal all your Tagalongs, Do-Si-Dos, and Adventurefuls too!"


BMI: "Don't forget the Samoas, Preesh, those are my favorites."


Ivan states calmly. Preesh continues screaming with all the veins in his neck popping out.


Big Preesh: "AND THE SAMOAS TOO!!! You're gonna GET IT little girl! I hope you brought your little red riding hood, sister, because these two BIG, BAD WOLVES sre gonna huff, puff, and KICK YOUR FREAKIN' ASS! WOO!"


"Dangerous" Dave Mustang: "WOO!"


Johnny "Twisted" Steele: "WOO!"

(02-23-2022, 08:04 AM)BIG PREESH Said: The Disintigrators walk into the room with their manager, the UNDEFEATED tuxedo match king, Freddy Fabulous - as well as their towering friends Big Preesh and Big Mad Ivan.

Johnny and Dave look ready to rumble, but Freddy waves them back and pulls a mic from behind his sequined dinner jacket.

Freddy Fabulous: "Well my, my, MY if it isn't the Portland Princess, the Kennebunkport Queen, the BITCH from Bar Harbor herself! Mademoiselle Sarah Lacklan, the alleged heiress to an alleged empire that allegedly matters to a number of people somewhere between zero and two. Listen to me, half pint, I remember back on the Penobscot Ciscuit your old man had you running his spit bucket to and from the ring at three years old - all the boys in the back called you Little Miss Sunshine, which, of course, was meant IRONICALLY. I'm happy to see an entire childhood of PMS has led to a dully functioning member of society - NOT!"


The D-Grators along with Preesh and BMI hoot and howl at the incredibly witty line.


Freddy Fabulous: "But you see Sarah, not EVERY professional wrestler is as quick to sell out as your father, the man known to slap his last name on anything he might be able to sell. Why do you think he started up that Path of the Light seminar business anyway? Look at the timing, Sarah! 1993! He saw Waco on the news and said I CAN DO THAT! We all thought it was a rib. Now you stand here and insult the two BADDEST men to ever walk the halls of the X-Treme Wrestling Federation over MERCHANDISE??? I'll have you know, those little dolls you bought online are knock offs. There ARE no Disitingrators action figures! These men have INTEGRITY! They have GUMPTION! They have PRIDE! And unlike the Lacklan Corporation of Officially Licensed Products and Performances - aka, your FAMILY - THESE men have a BOND of FRATERNITY! THESE men would not sully themselves for every nickel and dime they could put in their coffers! THESE men are MEN'S men. And if you want to challenge MEN'S men... then first you have to go through THEIR men! Preesh! Tell her."


Freddy hands his mic to Big Preesh, who points one clubbed finger at Lacklan with a snarl.


Big Preesh: "You listen up right here right now you little WITCH! You want my friends Dave and Johnny? First you gotta get your ugly pigtails twisted up by me and my BOY, the BIGGEST and the MADDEST, Ivan the Terrible! You got you a partner? I DON'T CARE! We'll smack your little girl scout ASS two on one if we have to! And we'll steal all your Tagalongs, Do-Si-Dos, and Adventurefuls too!"


BMI: "Don't forget the Samoas, Preesh, those are my favorites."


Ivan states calmly. Preesh continues screaming with all the veins in his neck popping out.


Big Preesh: "AND THE SAMOAS TOO!!! You're gonna GET IT little girl! I hope you brought your little red riding hood, sister, because these two BIG, BAD WOLVES sre gonna huff, puff, and KICK YOUR FREAKIN' ASS! WOO!"


"Dangerous" Dave Mustang: "WOO!"


Johnny "Twisted" Steele: "WOO!"

*Madam

(02-23-2022, 08:04 AM)BIG PREESH Said: *stuff spoken through a mouthful of marbles*

*looks at stomped dolls*

*sees that, indeed, the dolls are of "Wildhorse" David Danger and
Jonathan "Tornado" Aluminum*

*sighs*

Okay, for realsies this time.

Well...well...weeeeeellll....if it isn't the Flab Five. First of all, did you see what I did there? So amaze, right?

Secondly, it's not MY fault that you dum-dums haven't figured out where the REAL money is made! As Baby Yoda's granddaddy once said: Merchandising! You can't go ANYWHERE in the GREATEST state in the union-

🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINE🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶

-without seeing why I had so much #ShoeMoney growing up. We even branded the freakin' STORMS out there. #LacklanMistral

Thirdly, while I appreciate gumption and a gung-ho attitude like any other wrestling executive (#AnarchyCommish #AnarchyIsTheBestAnarchyNumberOne #TuneInForThePlumpPigeonTournament #AKATheSar1Classic), I cannot, in good graces, accept any kind of match wherein the competitors may drop dead at any moment due to congestive heart failure (#PleaseIgnoreBarneyVsGenericHeel #tysm). Therefore, the attempts by YOUR boys, the DisintiLOSERS (#SeeWhatIDidThere), to hide behind approximately 3530 pounds of leftover cheeseburgers will be IN VAIN until they can pass a physical!

Hey! Numbnuts! Have Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb gotten their physicals, yet?!

(02-22-2022, 03:16 PM)Charlie Nickles Said: Did you want this dolly back, sweet little Sar'?

Charlie Nickles pulls out the doll he used to taunt Sarah leading up to night 3 of Relentless, 2019...AKA a replica of the doll Jean-Paul Lacklan gifted to his daughter on television all those years ago. The hair on the doll is jet black and there are small silver flecks upon the dolls face, placed as if they were piercings. The doll is dressed in a dirty white robe, made of silk, that falls past her legs.

Johnny "Twisted Steele rips the sleeves off of his LET'S GO BRANDON tee shirt and starts screaming.

Johnny "Twisted Steele: "LISTEN UP RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW SMURFETTE! THIS RIGHT HERE IS THE XWF! THIS IS THE BATTLEGROUND PF FULL GROWN USDA PRIME GRADE A MEN! WE AIN'T NO SOFT ASS NAMBY PAMBY LIBERAL ENBIES WITH MULTIPLE PRONOUNS YOU HEAR ME?!?! WE ARE ONE HUNDRED PERCENT RAW DOG SERIAL KILLERS! WE WILL WRECK YOU AND LEAVE YOU BLEEDING IN A DITCH! YOU SEE THESE???"

Johnny unbuttons his tight leather pants and works very diligently to pull them down around his waist so that his bright yellow Gadsden Flag boxers are showing.

Johnny "Twisted Steele: "DON'T TREAD ON ME, SKANK! I'M A SECOND AMENDMENT PERSON AND I AM NOT AFRAID TO STAND MY GROUND AGAINST YOU KEYBOARD WARRIOR ECOTERRORIST LEFTYS! FEEEEEEL THE HEEEEEEEAAAT!!!!"

Johnny starts flexing like crazy while "Dangerous" Dave Mustang finishes eating a corn dog.

(03-08-2022, 01:05 PM)The Disintigrators Said: LOUD

So...did Preesh NOT pass that physical, then? And tysm for taking time away from your busy schedule of not even main eventing the pre-show on that show no one watches to get back to me 😊