The swamps of Dagobah were a nasty place. A pungent stench hung in the air perpetually, similar to that which lingers around Barney Green after he forgets to lift his fat flabs and scrub underneath them in the shower.

Dragonfly’s buzz around the surface of the water, bodies the size of a lightsaber. You like that thematically relevant unit of measurement, don’t you? Don’t you? Yeah you do… Anyways, the cloud of dragonflies is thicker than a swarm of Kid Kool ideas but somehow still less annoying.

No, the swamps of Dagobah and their dangers weren’t for the prissy and weak-willed Thaddeus Duke’s of the world. This was habitable territory for only the strongest… only the G.O.A.T.s…

The old master stands alone in a clump of trees, staring up at a full moon which illuminates the otherwise dark night sky. There is a dull hum of a ship approaching through the fog, a soft and muted glow of exterior lights dwarfed by the moon. Curious, the old master thinks to himself, someone coming to see him? A rare occurrence, this was…

An X-wing jet hurtles through the air, a distance from the master. It’s out of control, reckless, and soon plunges into the swamp with the same sloppy and sickening “SPLOOSH” you’d hear if you plunged into Roxy Cotton.

The jet sits in the water, mostly submerged, but for a long while no pilot emerges. “Sitting in shame, he is!” the master thinks to himself, “Understandable.”

Finally the hatch opens, and a young man scrambles out of the cockpit with multiple bags and bits of camping gear strung over his shoulders and arms. The poor boy is saddled with more dead weight than any of the poor souls that had to try and carry Cadryn Tiberius. The young man climbs down from the ship, trudging through the knee-deep sludge of Dagobah and trying to stay as clean as possible… sort of how a lot of people made their way through the XWF when Shane was in charge. The master chuckles to himself; good one, that was.

The master makes his way slowly through the trees towards the young man and his ship wreck, inching nearer and nearer as the man reaches the shore and begins to spin slowly and surveil his surroundings.

DREWK SKYWALKER:
Why do I get the feeling…

The young man suddenly drops his bags, spinning and staring directly at the old master in the trees and with a blaster gun drawn from his belt and ready to fire.

DREWK SKYWALKER:
… that I’m being watched?!

G.O.A.T.:
Put your weapon away! I mean you no harm! I am just wondering… why are you here?

The old masters voice creaks and groans as he speaks, wisdom and power dripping from each syllable even if he does sound like a dying muppet. Sensing that the mysterious man from the woods isn’t hostile, Drewk tucks the blaster back into his waistband and begins unpacking his bags to set up camp for the night.

DREWK SKYWALKER:
I’m looking for someone.

G.O.A.T.:
Looking? So lucky… found someone, you have!

The G.O.A.T. laughs, and Drewk looks up from the contents of his duffel bag with arched eyebrows.

DREWK SKYWALKER:
Really? That’s your Yoda laugh, James? Have you ever even seen “Empire”?

The G.O.A.T. chuckles nervously and sneaks a glance directly at the camera.

G.O.A.T.:
Stay in character, you dick.

DREWK SKYWALKER:
You sound like Scooby Doo. “Hree heeheeheeheehee”? Really? You're making us look foolish right now. Are you trying to make Apex: Legacy look foolish?

G.O.A.T.:
ANYWAYS, DREW! If we could get back to the topic at hand… you’re looking for someone, and maybe it’s me… right?

Reluctantly Drew sighs and returns to the script. He shakes his head slowly, returning to the duffel bag he was rifling through.

DREWK SKYWALKER:
No, I don’t think so. I’m looking for a great warrior.

G.O.A.T.:
Ooooh! A great warrior!

The old master grins, but the sparkle fades from his eyes as he stares through the shadows at Drewk and his tone grows ominous.

G.O.A.T.:
… war does not make one great.

Drewk Skywalker can feel the blood in his veins run cold, and he raises his eyes once more to study the old master in the shadows. There is a grim knowingness to The G.O.A.T.s tone, but as Drewk swallowed nervously the master breaks the tension with another Scooby Doo-ish laugh before making his way out of the trees and over to Drewks pile of baggage.

G.O.A.T.:
Hmmmm. Ooooh. Hmmmm. Brought some trinkets, you did! Look through them, I will! Rub my genitals on them, I might!

The old master begins pulling several items out of Drewk’s bag. A “cat a day” desk calendar. A shiny sequined eye patch. A book that can teach you to cook like the finest chefs of Alderaan… yikes, awkward. The G.O.A.T. tosses all these items and more to the ground, Drewk rushing over hastily to stop him.

DREWK SKYWALKER:
Hey! Get out of there! That’s my stuff!

G.O.A.T.:
Give me a trinket for myself! In exchange for the help I will give you!

Drewk slaps the old masters hands away from the duffel bag, then quickly reaches inside and pulls out an old tee shirt and tosses it to The G.O.A.T.

DREWK SKYWALKER:
I didn’t ask for your help, so stay out of my stuff. You can have that, though.

The old master of Dagobah unfolds the shirt slowly, revealing the smiling faces of Ned Kaye and Centurion above the text “Apex: Prophecy”. The old master scowls and tosses the shirt into the water of the swamp.

G.O.A.T.:
I do not want this! No one does!

He’s quietly thoughtful for a long moment as Drewk tries to ignore him. The master weighs his options.

G.O.A.T.:
Help you anyways, I will, to find your friend.

DREWK SKYWALKER:
I’m not looking for a friend. I’m looking for a Jedi master.

The old master's eyes sparkle once more as he studies Drewk in the pale moonlight.

G.O.A.T.:
Oooh! You seek Raven! Take you to him, I will.

Drewk rolls his eyes and shakes his head. He admired the persistence of the old master, but he wasn’t going to fall for whatever trap the tiny green man was setting.

DREWK SKYWALKER:
The man I’m looking for isn’t named Raven, friend.

G.O.A.T.:
Well, you probably know him as Yoda.

Drewk chuckles.

DREWK SKYWALKER:
Nope! I seek The Peoples Jedi, Yoven.

The old master stares at Drewk blankly, waiting for the dots to connect in the young Skywalkers head. It takes a little bit. Longer than it rightfully should. Finally there’s a spark of recognition on Drewk’s face.

DREWK SKYWALKER:
Wait! “Yoda”… “Raven”… “Yoven”…

This was not the smartest of the old mans prospective pupils. Now, Jackson Hart on the other hand? That guy really had something to offer…

YOVEN:
Theeeere it is. Now, why do you seek me?

DREWK SKYWALKER:
There is an evil in the universe that needs to be stopped. My name is Drewk Skywalker and I need you to show me-

YOVEN:
The Force? How to use it, how to control it? How to weild its power to stamp out BOB and their imperial army?

DREWK SKYWALKER:
Uh, yeah. Pretty much exactly that.

Yoven studies Drewk for a long time. It’s borderline oogling. Drewk shifts uncomfortably where he stands. This must be what Atara Themis normally feels like. Finally Yoven shakes his head.

YOVEN:
No. No training, shall we do. You are not ready, and you are too old. Too old to begin the process… AND TOO RECKLESS!

???:
But so was I…

A disembodied voice carries across the stillness of the swamp, but only Yoven can hear it. He shakes his head slowly.

YOVEN:
But he is not you, Obi Jim Caedobi. He… he is not ready.

Drewk looks stunned at the mention of his fallen mentors name.

DREWK SKYWALKER:
Obi Jim?! Where is he?! You can talk to him?!

OBI JIM CAEDOBI:
He needs your help, Yoven. His recklessness can be unlearned.

Drewk looks around the darkness furiously for any sign of Obi Jim, but still doesn’t hear the voice that echoes for Yoven.

YOVEN:
But… his age… and so dumb, he is! No understanding of Force Ghosts, he has! C’mon! This is pretty basic stuff. For longer than you can imagine, I’ve trained the Jedi of tomorrow. I have seen what happens to the underdeveloped. I’ve seen their pain, their agony, their death. I’ve seen them swayed and broken by the dark side. I have seen them give into it, give in to Darth Fury and the others like her…

Drewk’s eyes lock on to Yovens, pleadingly.

DREWK SKYWALKER:
Please… I’ve already learned so much…

Yoven weighs his options carefully.

YOVEN:
… will you finish what you begin?

Drewk nods solemnly.

DREWK SKYWALKER:
I’m not afraid.

Yoven smiles.

YOVEN:
Gooooood. You will be. You… will… be…

FADE

OUT

---

Ask enough times, and you shall receive.

Wait, you did ask for this, right? Someone must have. I was told that people asked for this. Well, maybe someone asked for it at some point, and I just rejected enough times that now the moment has sort of passed and everyone forgot about it… OH! I bet it was Ned Kaye. Ned Kaye would ask for this. A real one, he is. Well, whether you want it or not, the moment has been thrust upon you.

Yoven is back in the XWF.

It feels like forever since I’ve been here, but I wasn’t really GONE. I was around. I was accessible… but people in this company act like I died. They talked about how wrestling outside of the XWF was a joke as they flocked to companies like GCWA or Project Honor or OCW where I had established my footprint. They talked about how I had some grudge I was carrying out and how I’d be on the wrong side of history… I’d RUE THE DAY that I scorned Vinnie Lane and Theo Pryce!

I scorned nobody. I did exactly what I’ve always done. Pursue opportunity when one spot can offer you none. It didn’t change what the XWF meant to me, or what I meant to it.

Still the People’s G.O.A.T. Still the best resume in the history of this company. Still a fucking #Legend.

But you looked down your noses at me and you treated me like an #Afterthought. You snickered and cracked jokes when you thought I wasn’t listening. You pumped yourselves up and talked out of turn when I rode quietly in my own lane, and you felt you could get away with it.

I realized I cared more about the XWF than it cared about me, but it needed me more than I needed it. That’s not a good situation, and so I left. It wasn’t supposed to be an exile, but when the line was drawn I was happy to stay on my side of it. You could look down your noses, and you could judge my career if you wanted to.

You mock crazy Yoven, living quietly in his swamp, but you fucks are the ones that pushed him there.

But like Vin Diesel in a spin off of a sequel of a reboot… I will ride for my family. I will fly the flag for my Apex: Legacy brotherhood.

I will fight when they ask me to.

Oh shit, there you go. Someone DID ask for it.

---

The climate in the swamps of Dagobah is thick and humid, moisture hanging heavy in the air as Drewk Skywalker raced across its surface. Sweat pours down his flesh as he runs, soaking his shirt until it’s matted to his torso. His heart pumps violently, blood flowing like coursing electricity through his veins.

Faster.

Harder.

Normally these were the words Drewk Skywalker chanted to himself while, uh, “wielding his lightsaber” to pictures of Robert Main… but not today. Today it was for something more beneficial to society.

He leaps from the ground to the top of a small boulder, then flips casually through the air from the rock to a nearby vine which he snags and swings in on like a WREEEEEECKING BAAAAAAALL! He releases the vine and plummets from the trees to the dirt of the Dagobah swamps, and immediately takes off at a full sprint.

This. THIS was the elite training of a top Jedi, or at least a solid tag-team wrestling specialist.

YOVEN:
No chance against the BOB-side, you have. Not with effort like this! Push, Drewk, push! Push harder if you are to have any hope against evil!

Drewk continues to sprint, trying to meet Yovens insane pace, but with each pounding footstep he takes the disapproval in the old masters tone grows more apparent.

YOVEN:
Told you, I did! You were not ready for this training! You can’t handle it.

Drewk tries to tune out the negativity of his new mentor, but it’s nearly impossible to ignore Yoven’s loud and distinctive criticism from his perch on Drewks back.

The old master sits nestled in a heavy duty backpack slung over Skywalkers shoulders, bouncing up and down with each step Drewk takes and chiding him happily.

DREWK SKYWALKER:
I can handle the training, Master Yoven. It’s just that it would be much easier if I wasn’t carrying your fat ass around the entire time!

YOVEN:
FAT?! Lean, I am! “Abs”, they call me! Now carry me, you hairless Tauntaun!

DREWK SKYWALKER:
But why-

YOVEN:
No! There is no why! No more will I teach you today. Put me down, and clear your mind for tomorrow.

With a sigh of frustration, Drewk pulls the bag from his shoulders and sets Yoven gently upon the ground. The old master crawls carefully out of the napsack and finds a soft portion of ground to settle on. Frustrated with the results of his training, the young Skywalker begins to wander and put some space between he and his mentor. He makes his way to the edge of the trees, peering into the shadows…

… something feels… off…

Drewk feels a coldness envelope him, a chill running down his spine as he begins to steep in a sense of dread.

DREWK SKYWALKER:
Master Yoda, I… I feel the darkness, the BOB side of the force!

YOVEN:
You must follow it.

The old master's voice is flat and solemn, no trace of his normally quirky delivery. Drewk continues to stare off into the darkness of Dagobah, noticing what appears to be a small cave entrance with a black curtain draped in front of it.

DREWK SKYWALKER:
In there?! Is it dangerous?

YOVEN:
It’s terrifying.

DREWK SKYWALKER:
Wh- why?

YOVEN:
Through that curtain you will find yourself somewhere nobody has ever wanted to be.

DREWK SKYWALKER:
A cave where I’ll have to confront the secrets that lay dormant within me?

YOVEN:
A Shove-It run by BOB.

DREWK SKYWALKER:
OH, WHAT THE FUCK?! Nooooo! I don’t want to get involved in any of that!

Yoven shrugs his wise and sage shoulders. Perhaps the young Skywalker should have considered that before crashing a ship into the old masters swamp and demanding to be trained in the Jedi arts… but no matter.

Realizing that he has no choice in the issue, Drewk kneels and pulls his lightsaber out of the bag Yoven had been riding in. He fastens the weapon to his belt and begins to trudge through the trees towards the cave. Drewk hesitantly pulls back the black curtain and steps into the cave, finding himself in a small clearing on the other side.

Drewk moves around the small clearing, looking for clues or signals as to where he should go from here… when he notices another doorway across from him. He inches towards it, wondering if it leads to a tunnel that he’s supposed to follow.

Then she appears.

Tall and dominating, the recognizable silhouette of Darth Fury appears and takes a few slow steps towards Drewk. The young Skywalker screams, loud and shrill, but there is nobody around to hear. Yoven sits stoically outside the cave, allowing the events to unfold as they’re supposed to. Realizing he’s alone, Drewk pulls the lightsaber from his waist as he retreats. With a mighty swing, Drewk attacks, but Darth Fury quickly and easily produces her own glowing red lightsaber and deftly knocks the attack away. Drewk winds up and swings again, overhead this time, but again Darth Fury is defensively covered and tries to knock Drewk’s weapon out of his hands and to the ground.

Drewk doesn’t let that happen.

He clenches his lightsaber tightly and with one more mighty swing, he aims for the head… and connects. With a loud BOOM! and a shower of sparks, he drives his weapon into Darth Fury’s helmet and knocks the head off her shoulders. He looks on, stunned, and watches at the severed head lands on the ground and rolls until it’s face up… the shattered face mask revealing to Drewke the identity of Darth Fury.

It’s Drewk Skywalker.

The aspiring Jedi looks down at his own face within the destroyed helmet. His own face behind the greatest force of evil in his universe.

DREWK SKYWALKER:
No. No… NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Yoven sits outside the cave in silence. He stares ahead grimly.

Warned you, he had.

FADE

OUT

---

I left the XWF. Who cares? Big whoop! We’ve already covered that. One thing we didn’t really talk about was why I didn’t come back before this…

Surely, people reached out didn’t they?

Of course they did. People offered me more different team ups than a stack of Marvel comic books, I was offered title shots, I was offered dream matches. None of it felt right, the timing was always a little off. That doesn’t exactly make headlines though, does it? That doesn’t scream “T Money ducked Lee Stone!” as far as internet clickbait goes.

So people speculate. They hypothesize and they dramatize. They convince themselves and then the masses that it must be out of hate. Raven isn’t coming back because he HATES the XWF now. Maybe it's because it's not the same company as it was before, or maybe he doesn’t agree with where it’s going! Ooooh! Maybe it’s not the company, but the management! He must HATE Vinnie Lane now, or maybe he hates Theo! Did he get outvoted in a board meeting? Was he bitter at them about the quality of opponents they were pairing him with from the roster?

The roster! I must hate someone on the roster and not want to work with them.

“Chris Page? He seems hateable. He and Raven have some history, and across multiple companies. Page and his brotherhood targeted Apex: Prophecy a couple of years ago, maybe there’s some bad blood there! Or Miss Fury! Raven called out BOB and the Left Hand at the same time when both factions were in the early stages. He definitely hates her, and doesn’t want to deal with factions in the XWF. He hates them.”

Stop.

You’re embarrassing yourselves if you think Chris Page registers to me as a threat on that level. It’s nothing against the guy, even though he’s a fucking cock, it’s just that we’ve been in the same ring at least four or five times and he’s never come out on top. One on one, War Games, Hell Dome, it doesn’t matter. Roll him up and I’ll burn him down. I’m not trying to be dismissive; he’s a Legend and you can’t take that away from him (though we can take it away from Shane ) and a former Universal Champion (his lifetime participation trophy) but if we start going XWF achievement for achievement, Page is already out.

And Miss Fury? Hate? Just because she’s pulling strings for BOB? She’s just a face in their crowd, and the recognizable faces are dwindling. I thought Atara Themis would be in this match. Where’s Andre Dixon? Your army is relying on CHRIS FUCKING PAGE to do some serious heavy lifting, and his lower back cant take it!

I never hated BOB. I just told them that it didn’t matter how many of them chased me around social media or begged me back to the XWF to fight them. I would get to them someday, on my terms.

Welcome to my terms.

No, it wasn’t hate that kept me away.

---

Still, we find ourselves in the swamps of Dagobah.

Drewk Skywalker trains with Master Yoven on the “beach”, a patch of grimy dirt a few yards away from the “water”... not a particularly accurate word to describe the sludge that bubbled over the surface of the planet. It’s viscous and vile, eerily similar to the discharge from Charlie Knickles’ abscess.

I’m sure he has at least one.

Drewk is balanced upside down on one hand, like a real fuckin’ show off. His free hand is outstretched in front of him, a look of concentration on his face as he laser focuses on a pile of rocks in the distance. They begin to float, stacking themselves upon each other swiftly.

So clearly, training’s been going well.

He flips back to his feet, focus shifting from the rocks to his X-wing fighter jet still mostly submerged in the ooze.

DREWK SKYWALKER:
Ugh. I’m never going to get that thing out of there.

YOVEN:
So certain are you. Always with you, “it cannot be done”. Hear you nothing that I say?

DREWK SKYWALKER:
Master Yoven, moving stones is one thing but this is totally different.

YOVEN:’
NO! No different! Only different in your mind! Unlearn what you have learned.

Drewk turns slowly towards the swamp, a look of defeat on his face. Yoven totally just hit ‘em with a verbal bitch slap.

DREWK SKYWALKER:
Alright, I’ll give it a try.

YOVEN:
No! Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try.

No. I was mistaken. THAT was the verbal bitch slap.

Totally owned and with no logical retort, Drewk Skywalker nods and focuses. He extends his hand, imagining powerful waves of energy emanating from his fingertips and lifting the ship high into the air. He visualizes. He focuses with all of his might.

It sinks completely beneath the surface.

Yoven sighs and shakes his head as Drewk storms away from the swamp in anger. Calmly, Yoven takes a deep breath and extends his own hand. The air vibrates, the ground shakes. It feels that way at least.

Yoven lifts the X-Wing from the water, then floats it safely to the land, turning to look at Drewk with an unmistakable “what, bitch?” expression on his face. Drewk Skywalker is clearly shooketh.

YOVEN:
That’s the sort of shit that earned me three Universal titles, kid.

DREWK SKYWALKER:
I- I don’t believe it.

YOVEN
That… is why you fail.

OH! COLD BLOODED!

Drewk is quickly distracted from the sting of the beatdown, as a vision dances before his eyes. Quick flashes; faces and, and clouds? Yoven quickly realizes what’s happening. The Force can grant visions, premonitions even. Perhaps Drewk’s training had been going better than even the old master realized.

DREWK SKYWALKER:
Master Yoven… I see… I see Shan and Baea… in a city in the clouds… They’re in pain!

The vision disappears, and Drewk snaps back to reality. Oops, there goes gravity. He shakes his head to clear his thoughts, then turns to face the old master.

DREWK SKYWALKER:
I have to leave, I have to help them!

YOVEN:
If you leave now, you may save them, but you will destroy all they have fought for. Apex Legacy.

Drewk takes a few steps towards his newly salvaged X-Wing when suddenly the Force ghost of Obi Jim Caedobi appears next to Yoven. Look at him, all glowing and blue and shit. Obi Jim wears a disapproving look on his face.

OBI JIM CAEDOBI:
You don’t know if they’ll die, Drewk. You should stay and finish your training.

DREWK SKYWALKER:
Can you tell me that they won't die?

OBI JIM CAEDOBI:
… I mean… look, they’ll be fiiiiiiinne.

Drewk is less than convinced. He shakes his head furiously.

DREWK SKYWALKER:
I can help them! I can use The Force!

YOVEN:
But you can’t control it!

OBI JIM CAEDOBI:
Stay and complete the training, or you’ll be tempted by the dark side. As was Darth Fury. The cave, Drewk... remember what you saw in the cave.

Yoven and Caedobi fistbump in solidarity. They know the truth; if Drewk leaves now, he will become an agent of evil, a lost cause and lost soul like Darth Fury. The young Skywalker has other plans.

DREWK SKYWALKER:
I will return. I will finish the training, Master Yoven.

Without another word he climbs into the X-Wing and prepares for takeoff. The G.O.A.T., Master Yoven, sighs before offering up one final bit of advice.

YOVEN:
Mind what you have learned. Save you from the BOBside, it can.

The engine rumbles as the fighter jet rises off the ground, and speeds off into the darkness of the Dagobah swamp. Yoven and Caedobi stand together, watching as the ship disappears.

OBI JIM CAEDOBI:
That boy is our last hope.

YOVEN:
No. There is another.

---

If it wasn’t hate that kept me away from the XWF, was it indifference?

I’ve heard that tossed around in the past.

Maybe I just didn’t care about any of this anymore. This wasn’t the XWF that I bled to build, or that I owned and operated. These weren’t the rivals that I came up with, or the fans I was so accustomed to entertaining.

It’s not like I was pushing Vinnie and Theo to let me gun for the Universal title again. It’s not like I was screaming at the top dogs of the roster and trying to smash them down whenever they started getting too big for their britches.

Clearly I didn’t care anymore, right? It wasn’t my playground, and I didn’t want to play on it anymore.

That would certainly explain my attitude towards Bourbon and Thunder Knuckles, right? I can’t even argue against that one, it’s not speculation. It’s a known fact that Bourbon chasing me for another rematch, and this time with his reinforcement, was never going to pique my interest enough to come back. They could have come to Shawn and I if they wanted to, they had the opportunity, but they barked from a safe distance… and barked fucking incessantly.

So take them out of it, and look at the rest of the field… Oz, I- I don’t even know if I know who you are? Mr. BOB… does ANYONE know who you are? Does anyone care?

No, it’s not indifference…

So what was it?

You won’t like the answer. You’ll tell me it’s a cop out or anti-climactic or some shit.

I didn’t come back because I became Yoven.

I became the Jedi Master. There was nothing left to do, nothing left to prove, no wars left to wage, no rivals left to slay. Sometimes it’s time to find yourself a nice swamp to settle in, and enjoy the quiet.

Apex Legacy forever.

Fear the Raven… Forevermore.

---

Shan, Princess Baea and Mainbacca stand on the deck outside of the city in the clouds. They all breathe sighs of relief after a treacherous trip that involved dodging Imperial ships, weaving through an asteroid belt, and even escaping a giant worm monster that tried to eat their ship.

I know what you’re thinking; those would have been some great scenes to see.

Well, unfortunately, action scenes very rarely push the plot forward with any sort of significance and we don’t have time for that right now. Rest assured Shan flew very heroically, and Baea was not as all interested in him romantically. There was no flirting, no stolen glances, no kisses and no “... I know’s” to her “I love you!”

I fuckin’ promise you that.

Anyways, they’re here safely on cloud city and stretching their legs as they look up at the gates.

PRINCESS BAEA:
You’re sure the guy that runs this place is going to help us?

SHAN SOLO:
He fuckin’ better, if he wants me to buy him a new bouncy castle to replace the one he melted.

PRINCESS BAEA:
… wait, what? NO!

Before she can say anything else a shout comes from the distance.

“WELCOME TO CUNT CITY!”

Mainbacca roars loudly as Noah Cuntrissian makes his way over to them and hugs Shan tight.

SHAN SOLO:
Cunt City, huh?

NOAH CUNTRISSIAN:
It’s sick as fuck!! Come on, I’ll give you all the grand tour. Not the main gate, though. Let’s go through the side gate over here and we’ll start with the far end of the city.

Noah leads the group away from their ship and into a large corridor. The ceilings are high, walls a pearly white marble. It’s clear that Noah is very proud of it, but Baea isn’t focused on the decor. She shoots a concerned look to Mainebacca who growls softly.

NOAH CUNTRISSIAN:
So how’ve you all been? How’s Raven? Is he playing Yoda?! Oh! He’s totally Yoda! That’s so cool! Here, just through here…

He leads the trio over to a large set of double doors, hands resting on the handles as he waits for them all to draw near.

PRINCESS BAEA:
Why is there nobody else around? Isn’t this a city?

Shan, for the first time, begins to think there’s something wrong. He looks sternly at Noah.

NOAH CUNTRISSIAN:
I’m sorry. They didn't give me a choice. I had to protect Cunt City.

Noah throws the doors open, and reveals…

Darth Fury and Thunder Fett.

Oh shit son.

It’s about to get real.

TO


BE


CONTINUED