We now return to our regularly scheduled broadcast of “Temptation Island”, only on BOBTube.

The Skipper, Gilly, and Ghinger are standing beside the Rock that Talks.





WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, I TOLD YOU YOUR FRIENDS WENT INTO THE TEMPLE!

Yeah, they’re uh, not really our friends.

Skipper!

Sorry if I speak out of turn for the two of you.

You didn’t.

WELL, THEY’RE IN DANGER!

The Skipper, Gilly, and Ghinger all kind of just stand there, nonplussed.

MORTAL, GRAVE DANGER! THE KIND OF PERIL THAT COULD TAKE THEIR LIVES!

I don’t want to go in now.

Me neither!

That makes three of us.

BUT, THERE ARE PRIZES INSIDE!

What kind of prizes?

A voiceover of Miss Fury booms.

“The lucky winners who make it through the temple win an all-expense-paid trip off of the island! All you have to do is retrieve General Patton’s Colt .45 pistol.”

The trio perks up.

Well, lil’ buddy, time to get on in there and face that mortal peril.

What do you mean?

Go in there and get us a trip off the island!

What are you going to do?

Stand here and talk with the Rock that Talks about stocks, socks, and the Atlanta Hawks.

What a cock!

Yeah, Skipper, you and Gilly should go in together!

The Skipper wrings his hands and stomps.

Oh, alright, we’ll all go in.

Yeah!

Gilly, the Skipper, and Ghinger all enter the temple, and piece for piece, somehow, the guys have managed to buy out the entire set from Legends of the Hidden Temple. In the first room, the crypt, we see Profess-Cent and Banana Li-Maryanne. Profess-Cent is laying on the floor with the stone Banana Li-Maryanne was carrying on his groin, Li-Maryanne steadily whacking at the stone with a stick.

Oh baby, hit that rock!

This is sex!

The Skipper and Gilly look absolutely stunned by what they see. Ghinger rolls her eyes.

Not again.

They do this a lot?

Every single night.

Banana Li-Maryanne does a handstand as Profess-Cent rolls over onto his belly and starts moving his arms and legs like he’s swimming. Soon after, they both shart shouting gibberish at the top of their lungs, but only for a mere moment as they stop.

That was amazing, babe.

That was sex!

Oh, it’s you three! Can’t we get any privacy!

Yeah, we have our dignity, you know!

The Skipper rolls his eyes as he turns to Gilly.

Not that I could tell.

The Skipper picks up the chest containing the silver statue.

We’re not even out of the first room and this how you guys act? We’ll never get off this island if you keep it up!

Don’t think I could have said it better myself. I think we should split up! Ghinger and Gilly are with me. Profess-Cent and Banana Li-Maryanne you should go in that room.

Skipper points down to the Ledges.

We’re going to go this way.

Skipper points to the pit. The group splits up. Each team goes their respective ways. Once inside the pit Skipper notices a rope.

Hey guys, I think we can swing to the other side. Look! There's a door!

Meanwhile, Profess-Cent and Banana Li-Maryanne weave their way through “the ledges” and make it into the pit themselves. Profess-Cent crawls in and waves Banana Li-Maryanne in.

Hey guys! We’re down here!

Profess-Cent says this as the last person, Gilly, swings across to the other side. Gilly looks down and notices something just a little too late.

HEY! Oh, shit! Watch out!

Profess-Cent still looking up like a gobsmacked doesn’t realize that a temple guard with a blade comes up and slices Profess-Cent’s throat and drags his body into a hidden door. Banana Li-Maryanne is in shock.

Go through that door before it comes back!

Banana Li-Maryanne while still in shock walks towards the door to enter “the headless kings” room. As she walks in a temple guard cleves off her head with a battle-ax. None the wiser the group of Gilly, Ghinger, and the Skipper enter Medusa’s lair. Quickly, Ghinger notices snakes on ledges. She walks over and picks one up. Skipper sees Medusa’s head in the center of the room.

What do you have there, Ghinger?

Ghinger shows Skipper the snake.

Bring it over and try to put that in these holes. Gilly, grab one of the others.

Skipper walks over and grabs the last but that it was unnecessary because Ghinger’s opens the door to King’s storeroom.

I wonder how we have to open the door to the next room?

The Skipper starts walking around the room and notices keyholes on podiums.

I’m betting we put a key in one of these holes.

As the Skipper says this, Gilly accidentally knocks over a vase.

Hey man, be careful wait what's that?

Looks like a key. I wonder what we gotta do with this?

Skipper's face turns red with anger. He takes off his hat and throws it at Gilly.

Come over here and put it in these keyholes!

Gilly walks over and places the key in the hole. Nothing happens. Gilly looks over at the Skipper and shrugs.

Nothing happened.

The Skipper's face is purple in anger at this point he balls up his fist and cocks his arm back.

TRY THE OTHER ONES!

Geez, Skipper, okay.

Gilly scurries over to the second podium place in the key and nothing happens. Gilly again shrugs and moves on to the third and final keyhole. Once inserted the door opens to the next room. Bobby and Ghinger quickly enter the room with Gilly in tow.

Check this room out.

These paintings on the wall are cool!

They’re monkeys! Hey!

Ghinger reaches into the backpack you've been ignoring and produces the silver statue from episode one.

I bet we put this here!

Ghinger places the shrine of the silver monkey on the center pedestal. Once it’s place does a hole in the wall opens to reveal General Patton’s Colt .45 pistol. The Skipper grabs the gun, as soon as he snatches it, a loud unlocking noise could be heard. The talking rock’s voice can be heard.

ALL THE ROOMS ARE UNLOCK. MAKE YOUR WAY TO THE EXIT.

That was easy Banana Li-Maryanne had to have heard that!

She, for sure, heard that.

Let's go this way!

The group climbed down a ladder to the dark forest. They shoot across the swamp into the tomb of the headless king. Gilly is the first to see Banana Li-Maryanne’s decapitated head sitting atop the king's headless body.

HOLY SHIT!

Keep going that bitch is dead.

The trio leaves the room and enters the pit. Wasting no time they leave the pit into the ledges. Helping one another get through, like good teammates, they make it out of the temple. The group race to the shore. Once on the beach, the last temple guard tries to take out the Skipper, Gilly, and Ghinger. When all of a sudden a water leopard comes out of nowhere and mauls the temple guard to death.

I TOLD YOU!

The Skipper shrugs.

You sure did Gilly. You sure did. Looks like he got catfished!

Both Gilly and Ghinger glare at the Skipper.

Really? That was the joke we set up?

The Skipper shrugs.

Look! A ship is headed our way!

All-expense paid trip off the island.

The scene fades to the BOBtube credits.

**PREACH**

TK and Bobby are on stage accepting an award from the Academy of Streaming Media. They decide it’s a good time to cut a promo on Centrubion.

Woah, woah, woah.

Bobby steps forward with the microphone in hand. As opposed to a normal XWF mic, this one is very ornate. Pitch black, twice the length of a regular microphone, with a head on either side encrusted with amethyst with a bright silver inlay. The microphone of a Sith lord.

Sorry to interrupt your regularly scheduled program.

We at BOBTube have a special announcement.

As in Thunder Knuckles and I, executive co-producers of all BOBTube footage. Subscribe today, only $4.99 a month!

So, as one-half of the Tag Team Champions…

Thunder Knuckles steps forward.

And as the other half of the Tag Team Champions…

We’re killing the mythos of Centurion and Ruby at MayDay. The supposed wonderful, great, yet under accomplishing tag team, always pitched as the underdog, but look at the little doggie Centurion bark on his way into our fucking yard. He’s a cute little corgi, but this little pooch can’t sniff our shit, a fucking Boxer and a Rottweiler waiting over here. You say bow wow, we go woof. Ruby wants to save the day and thinks you’re Superman or some shit? That’s great. You know what I am to Superman? I’m not some magic spell, no. I’m not some typical brainless monster that wants to just exchange fists, oh not at all. I’m not even the fucking kryptonite to Superman, shit, that stuff he’s survived now for damn near ninety-some-odd years. Nah. What makes me better than Superman, is that he’s just fiction, a story, a fairy tale. Us? Them No Good Bastards, and fuck you, Ruby, you disrespect us by not saying our fucking name, we’re not fairy tales. We’re the fucking future, the date with destiny that’s as comforting as open-heart surgery, child custody cases, and funerals. We actually exist, and lookit us now!

Bobby holds his arms out, holding his half of the Tag Team Championship belts in his left hand at one end of it, showing the glint of gold into the camera of the faceplate as he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

You beautiful fuckers out there, please be seated, take solace, and listen to the word of the Relentless Legend himself. Let us give pause…

PREACH MY BASTARDLY BROTHA!


TK smirks before talking.

You know how you know you’re a great fucking tag team, Bobby?

How?

When your opponents have to search FAR and WIDE to track down legends “that don’t even work here” to come cameo in their promo.

Thunder Knuckles gives a jerking-off motion that is unfamiliar to XWF fans, new even, he’s using both hands to simulate a giant cock. He’s even thrusting into it. TK stops a few pumps in and continues.

Hate to break it to you, shit sticks. You can get every fucking legend in the goddamn world because it’s not going to be Raven, it’s not going to be Warstien, in the ring on MayDay, mother fuckers. That goddamn beating is Centurinal and Ruby’s alone. One’s in the hall of legends! Everyone give it up for Centurial everyone! Hall of Legends! Doesn’t have to be here! Well, fuck-boy all you gotta do is make like a Raven and get the fuck out. We can give a good goddamn either fucking way. Speaking of ways and shit. You’re in ours. You don’t have to be here, shit, you’re endangering the life of the person you say you fucking love, because why, Cent? Make no fucking mistake this ends only one way.

TK and Bobby Clink their tag titles together.

Todd, roll the fucking clip of Ruby’s future.



That’s Ruby’s fucking future if you keep letting the bitch play pretend, Cent. There are nasty, vicious, vile Bastards coming to the goddamned ring on MayDay. We don’t just plan on beating Ruby up, fuck to mother fuck no, we’re coming to injure her. Making sure when Ruby hits the ring with Fury, for the Anarchy gold, at Leap of Faith. Let alone when you two face the greek destroyer Osira, who already busted Centurials fucking ass on Savage, and Fury, who’s made a goddamn career beating the shit out of Ruby, on Anarchy. That poor fucking Ruby can barely hold herself upright let alone withstand the black widow. That’s not slapstick. That’s a fucking fact.

Bobby shakes his head.

Wait a fucking minute. Don’t have to be here?

Cent, you think I lost my nerve when I lost the Hart, but then we went and captured tag team gold. You, though, didn’t have to be here to see that.

We stole the show at Snow Job, you were busy beating a dead horse. You didn’t have to be there.

We overcame Continuum in a return match at March Madness. You barely squeaked by Diesel, BOB’s own, but you didn’t have to be there.

You didn’t have to be at any of these places tarnishing your legend, nope, instead, you came and put on matches so lousy that it’s a fucking miracle we won the damn straps and needed a challenger.

Ruby, fuck, what all has she done for us lately? Getting punked out by Sarah Lacklan, man, that went far, didn’t it?

Bobby rolls his eyes.

Shit, the both of you could have done yourself a wonder by teaming up earlier, maybe? Who the fuck knows, you could’ve honed your game a bit, gotten back to some semblance of relevance instead of looking like the lame-duck challengers you fucking are.

TK steps forward. Motions off over some ladies. The ladies begin grabbing all over TK and Bobby.

Why have one Cent? When you can buy’em all?

Bobby grins.

We got strippers!

Ol’ Thunder Knuckles wouldn’t say drowning in pussy. We’re pretty goddamn good swimmers. With a whole lot of Ozzy’s fucking money. Sparing no expense on high quilty ass, my man.

Olympic-sized pools of chicks, and we’re on the high dive, making a splash and coming out wetter then we went in!

Yes, Bobby. Anyway, did you see this bitch ass white male fucking go full fucking Hitler? Seriously, this fucking guy said this shit.

TK enters his whiny Centurion voice.

I think there is a whole subset of people who are completely irredeemable. Rapists. Bigots. Clout chasing wrestlers. You can all go into the bin.

TK shoots a smile knowing that voice upsets Centurion, begins talking in his own voice again.

Seeing as Cenurinal is the one chasing after the tag belts all of a sudden, again, cause he doesn't have to be here. Wouldn’t that make that mother fucker a clout chasing rassler? Please. For the love of all that holy, Cent. Off yourself. Just like your hero.

Bobby interjects.

Dude, haven't you watched Centurion during 2021? It's already been career suicide! And why the fuck do you keep thinking it’s special to be alive in your 40s? Shit, you aren’t ancient, you’re not a fossil, you’re just over the hill and a little out of touch and you wear pants that aren’t cool. Like it’s a miracle I’ll live because you want to body-shame me? I pass the same physicals you do to compete around the world. You think TK won’t be around and kicking in a few years time, and why? Hell, you even bring up the doom and gloom to Corey, like you’re giving sage-like advice when you’re just regurgitating articles from last months Men’s Health Magazine.

For the love of Christ, do NOT tell us about your colonoscopies.

Ever. It’s just gross for no reason. Don’t actually be fucking Gilly.

Right, even if you are the number one asshole in Ruby’s life. Speaking of, now you drag a hapless, naive little girl playing dress-up thinking it's heroic but really it's vigilantism on par with a Karen in a 7-Eleven telling the cashier you sipped out of your Slurpee before paying for it. That's Ruby, at best, ladies and gents, asking to speak to the fucking manager because your fries are too hot and patting herself on the back. She credits herself too much, buys into the hype the insufferable cretins thrust her direction, while the whole world continues to be as chaotic and wild as ever. Good things happen, bad things happen, and Ruby has nothing to do with it. World Hunger? Still a problem. CoVid? Still no cure. So long as 'dem Ruby-Os fly off the shelves, who gives a fuck? THAT'S Ruby. Branding, scheming, marketed for kids for overconsumption leaving minds numb and souls bloated and lazy.

Them No Good Bastards sure as shit ain't heroes. We don't fuck around waiting for one. We get on our fucking giddy-up and make change where we want and need.

TK reaches out his fist without looking at Bobby. Bobby without looking at TK reaches out his fist. They connect and TK takes over.

Centurinal, something you must have fucking missed is Ol’ Thunder Knuckles is a fucking APEX predator. Just ask your boy Robert Main. Bobby Burbon is a fucking war machine fuel by the blood of our fucking enemies. You have as much chance of protecting Ruby as she does at protecting herself. That bitch is already rattled. It’s her fucking swan song, feel me? Anytime this bitch gets in trouble she fucking fumbles. I don’t even have to see her next goddamn promo to know that’s what’s about to happen. History speaks for its-fucking-self. Ned Kaye. Kenzi Grey-Lackin. Miss Fury. She can’t keep up with us. She’s not used to it. You haven’t prepared her well enough for this kind of fucking environment. That’s a fucking shame on you moment Cent. Do you think putting her up against the likes of fucking Lord Raab equals one of us No Good Bastards? If you do you living in a…


FUCKING FANTASY