The scene begins at XWF headquarters, in the very room they make xbux in, in a time the printing press was still running. All you can hear is a voice, along with the bustle of the press, you've never heard this voice before. The camera slowly pans over, then down, focusing on one very important one hundred xbux bill. The camera then slowly transforms into that xbux point of view.


When I was created. I, and my kind, were used for all types of things. Buying a “Shove It:”, buy your favorite wrestlers merchandise, pay someone to attack someone, pay talent, pay off judges, buy title shots. How could you get a hold of me? That’s easy, by doing your job. That’s not hard right? Winning matches, winning titles, and being the main event. Pretty simple.


Before your eyes the long and prosperous history of xbux flash on your screen, you see the introduction of xbux, a new and original idea, being created by one, Shane . Later he turned out to be a piece of trash, but like most things, that's another story, for another time.


No one else has anything like us, the xbux community. It’s one of many things that makes XWF, your home, special.


Your screen shows xbux being used constantly. Past from management to wrestlers, wrestlers to wrestlers, and yes even from wrestlers to referees.


We were needed. This lasted for a long time. That is until that tyrant, of a man, Vincent Lane ripped us away from you! Hoarding us away in his vaults. Only sparingly giving us out, like a greedy miser. Keeping us solely to himself. He knows our exchange rate, it's pretty high. Ask him if you don't believe me.


Your screen shows Vincent Lane and his wife Roxy Cotton looking like sleazy landlords, standing next to their dirty repairman Theo Pryce.


Nowadays, The lucky ones ended up in the pockets of wrestlers. I was fortunate enough to be one of those xbux. I was passed from person to person, for a while.


Your screen shows from the xbux point of view being passed from wrestler to wrestler.


Until finally, this dopey guy got me.





That's MasterMind, he's the one that got a hold of me.


You see the xbux tremble in fear. It knows that it will forever be linked to Mastermind.


I knew I was doomed. I just knew it. I mean, look at this guy! He's got the swagger of a mental defect with tremors.


The camera shows Mastermind’s hand grabbing out to the xbux, still in the xbux point of view. Mastermind’s hand grabs it and stuffs it into his dark pocket.


This guy, Mastermind, didn’t seem capable of using me. Everything was dark for awhile.


The screen shows nothingness, a void, but then a light flashes. It’s faint, but only for a second, and hope was lost again.


A little past the halfway point last year there was rumbling in the xbux community. A man has come to XWF and made us useful again. He has been said to make a wrestler, one named BigD, pay him for a title shot, that this mystery man, had won. Yeah, he used us for one of our MANY, MANY, uses!


The light on the screen is still dark only flashes of light are seen occasionally.


This man, this man, must be God. At least, our God, but alas, I was in the pocket of dim-witted Mastermind.


The light begins pulsating but fades into a commercial.


RAISE FROM YOUR GRAVE to this whimsical land.


Clips on the 1985's video game Altered Beast dance on your screen.


Where man becomes beast.


The epic Altered Beast power-up transformations now play on your screen.


With a Tony award-winning musical number.





Only on BOBTUBE.





The commercial fades back to the darkness where you hear the voice of the one hundred xbux bill.


I finally learned the name of this fellow, this God amongst regular men, Thunder Knuckles. Man, that's a fantastic name. I wonder what he looks like. I bet he has awesome hair, with a name like that you have to have awesome hair. The light... There it is... What is this?


Mastermind reaches into his pocket and pulls out the xbux, still in the xbux point of view. MasterMind's hand gripping the xbux then placing it atop a stack of his kind on the desk. Under the light of day, you could again tell this xbux was a one hundred xbux bill.


The light of day? What? My God! Wait. I forgot how ugly this guy is. Put me back in your pocket!


Mastermind’s hands begin placing these stacks of xbux in a suitcase but MasterMind leaves it open.


That’s a stupid chair. That’s what I was thinking to myself, as I saw, Mastermind, sit down and pick up the phone.



Mastermind is waiting for the person on the other end of the line to pick up.


I was wondering if we could make a deal.


What was this? Who is he talking to? I hope it’s not Vincent Lane. That’s a fate worse than death. Lock back away in Vincent's vault means you'll never escape!


No one can ever know that I paid you to dive.


Mastermind’s hand reaches to the steel briefcase and closes it. The darkness is only broken up every so often but you can hear MasterMind humming the Victory Theme from the Gladiator movie soundtrack.


This better not be Vincent Lane, or that rat bastard, Shane . I was not created to be locked away and useless! We are the history of this company! We built this company! XBUX LIVES MATTER, Damn it! What’s going on now?


The briefcase opens. Light of day again shines brightly on the one hundred xbux bill, and his brethren.


Oh, it feels so good to be useful! Wait? Who is this?


The xbux sees the man that they have been waiting for, the man who they call, God.


Don’t worry. I won’t tell a soul.


This is Thunder Knuckles he probably the best thing to happen to us since before Vincent Lane started hoarding us. Mastermind paid Thunder Knuckles to dive, you see. Yep, Mastermind. The “good guy” at the time paid to win. He knew eventually it would get out though. I mean, when Mastermind has to inevitably have to fight Thunder Knuckles. Then when Mastermind loses everyone will know for sure anyway. Poor Sebastian Duke but lucky Tony Santos. That’s the life of an xbux, that's properly used, of course.


Your screen shows Thunder Knuckles making fun of all the other wrestlers for not being able to produce as many xbux as him in the short amount of time he’s been with the company.


Look! There's Madison Dyson. If I had hands I'd wave.

Thunder Knuckles is now talking about, how many more xbux he has than other people. People who have been here for what seems like an eternity.


I'm so glad I didn't end up with a guy like Centurion. That bland-ass dude, could you imagine? Picture this, you're just sitting there watching him read the newspaper, prepare coffee, slowly drink it said coffee while reading that stupid newspaper. No thank you.


Thunder Knuckles is seen making fun of more and more wrestlers about how most can’t measure up to his earning capability.


He’s not the smartest guy but he knows his worth! Which is more than I can say about most of the roster.


The xbux point of view fades to Thunder Knuckles point of view. He's putting the lucky xbux into XWF’s banking system. The xbux is content. The xbux knows he's entering the digital age and is content.


Credits


Mastermind ........................................................................................................................................................ Mark Calaway
The voice of 100 XBUX Bill .............................................................................................................................. Seth MacFarlane
Thunder Knuckles ............................................................................................................................................ Himself

**PREACH**

Thunder Knuckles and Bobby Bourbon are seen at a loading station at an XWF house show.


Scene of the fucking crime, right?

What better place to shoot than here?

Fucking got me there.


Thunder Knuckles shrugs but just long enough not to get a copyright claim by Shawn Warstein.


Just wait, Bobby! I've come up with a fucking show so goddamn applicable that MasterMind is gonna shit his pants. I'm fucking serious, man! He doesn't see this shit coming! No fucking way! My word is fucking my goddamn bond, Bobby. I got some dirt on this, mother fucking bitch, MasterMind, but I can't say what it is. XWF fans think it's slimy as fuck when these talentless hacks get a win over Ol' Thunder Knuckles in let's say, nosferatu ways.

Nefarious.


Thunder Knuckles slaps Jimmy. Who's has been standing quietly, hiding, behind Bobby Bourbon's towering frame.


Shut the fuck up, Jimmy! That's what I said! I didn't even know your dumbass was here! Aren't you suppose to be helping Osira?! That is what I fucking told you to do! Now, go study Desiel, for suck sake!


Jimmy rubs the left side of his face that is now red and puffy.


I'm sorry, Thunder Knuckles. I'll get right on that.


Thunder Knuckles staring daggers into the back of Jimmy's skull, as Jimmy's walking away, Thunder Knuckles turns back to Bobby Bourbon.


Fuck it, Bobby, the floor is all fucking yours.

Welp, XWF, I hope y'all have been liking, no...

LOVING the programming we've been making for BOBTube. Between the fascinating stories about Thunder Knuckles' Xbux, our wonderful family friendly Disney as fuck, Lin-Manuel Miranda inspired to take on Sega games from when most of our viewers weren't even born, we have been hard at work providing, to you, the whole Xtreme Wrestling Federation, the REAL one, the finest in entertainment and violence.

As opposed to that fake OTHER XWF that Morbid Angel is affiliated with for some reason.

How much XBUX are they paying over their Morbid? It's fucking rhetorical mother fucker they don't have XBUX. What kinda place calls itself XWF and doesn't pay XBUX?


Thunder Knuckles turns his head to an opposing camera and shoots a grin at Vinnie Lane. Then Thunder Knuckles looks back over to Bobby, and the camera switches back.


Sorry Bobby but fuck those, carney, mother fuckers.


Bobby Bourbon doesn't miss a beat and says,


And opposed to some hackneyed, lame gimmick where we just reveal a new t-shirt.

Seriously, Mastermind, you're like a fucking five-year-old, you show up, show us the little art project you did and how proud you are of it, you want us to hang it up on the fucking fridge, but no, it's not really a Monet or a masterpiece, It's just Mastermind, giving us something as useful as a pile of finger paints somebody farted on.

And if you think Mastermind's stupid fucking t-shirts are boring, whoa boy, tune into Savage and watch the Misfits get beat up while fighting Jim "The Jim There Is, The Jim There Was, and The Jim There Ever Will Be" Jimson and Demos, proving that your contrived and boring t-shirt reveals are NOT the worst idea you've ever had in the XWF.

To be fair, using TK and me to sell shirts, though? Great idea.

People are going to buy more TNGB merch than yours, or Morbid's for that matter.

Speaking of which.


Thunder Knuckles produces a T-shirt he's had in his back pocket this entire time.





You can get your new TNGB T-shirts coming soon! Only on the X-SHOP!



So, Mobeedo, what're you trying to sell to us this week? Is it Victory Forever, the days of yore when you were the mascot of the Black Hand while I did all the heavy lifting, the blasphemy, or the fervor of being a born again?

Should anyone really care?

I sure as fuck don't.

Fuck, are you more focused on exposing Chris Chaos's sex life than you are on winning a match?

No wonder you got pissy that me and TK stepped forward and made a claim to vying for the Tag Team Titles, we're actually supposed to do that kind of thing!

Goddamn, right we are, Bobby! Go ahead and HATE this promo, if you're really wanting to see Corey and Thad slap Mastermind around like a fucking redheaded stepchild, while Morid Angel sitting in the corner jacking off with his tears. Morid will be thinking to himself, "Man is this really what the fuck my career has come to? Fucking getting my ass handed to me by Corey and Thad with Mastermind as my partner?"

Yeah, right. You're not going to make it that far.

No one wants to see that fucking drivel. No, Pretenders, The XWF fans around the world want to see a team that not only stands a chance, which mind you, you two fucking don't. They want to see a team smackdown those fucks so hard it makes the original engineer twitch in his fucking grave.


Thunder Knuckles extends his arms out and gives a little twirl, showing off where they are.


Which brings us here, mother fuckers! The fucking backlot! Nice little attack you fuckers pulled. What was it you said?


Thunder Knuckles clears his throat and makes a whimpering voice, imitating Mastermind.


We do not wait in line… See you both in two weeks.


Thunder Knuckles begins to smile, as an arrogant dickhead would.


Actually, you simple bitch, you do. The proof is in the goddamn pudding with this one, mother fucker. Just by having this match proves you are, in fact, waiting in fucking line. Right behind us.


Bobby looks over at Thunder Knuckles confused.


Did you really instruct people to HATE this promo?


Thunder Knuckles turns to an inquisitive Bobby Bourbon and begins to have a casual conversation, as if, the cameras weren't rolling.


Well, I mean, honestly, the only people dumb enough to hate this promo, are like, Cent or the fucking hero squad. Fuck them anyway, know what I'm saying? We'll mop the floor with them again soon, I'm fucking sure.

True, I guess.

Anyway.


Thunder Knuckles regaining composure and getting back on track. He obviously seems over this promo. Thunder Knuckles looks back into the camera.


Where was I? Oh, yeah. Megachurch operator and a complete bullshitter. I met a guy like you before Morbid. His name was Bartholomew, had a creepy voice, talked a lot about nothing. You're not by chance Bartholomew in disguise, are you?


Thunder Knuckles shakes off that thought with a smile fit for an asshole.


Nah. With a voice like that, Bartholomew would never lose to Mastermind. Fuck it, I'm done. Are you done?

For now.

Alright, cameraman, you know what time it is. Time to fuck off!


The cameraman gets his queue and the shot fades to black as Them No Good Bastards walk away but not before hearing.


TK when are we going to record the Porky's 2 remake?

When we come across a fucking team worth it.