LIVE!!! FROM GUTTERSON FIELDHOUSE (THE GUT!) IN BURLINGTON, VERMONT! Liam Roberts - vs - Big D Kenzi Grey - vs - Scarlet "The Hunteress" X-Treme Rules! Tula Keali'i & Boris - vs - Miss Fury & Money Oswald Ruby - vs - Atara Themis Dodge Ball Match! This twist on the classic lumberjack match sees the entire roster surround the ring supplied with dozens of dodge balls to throw at the competitors however they see fit. How will they behave? Who will they target? Anyone may post a small additional piece stating their dodge ball intentions, including anyone from the Savage or Warfare rosters as well.

The fans inside the Gutterson Fieldhouse in Burlington, Vermont erupt into cheers as brightly colored pyro explodes all over the appropriately social distanced arena. The fans who are in attendance are a rowdy bunch, banging their hands on the protective barriers and stomping their feet as the camera pans over them. The camera pans down on Vinnie Lane as he opens the show, a broad grin on his face.

Vinnie Lane: “Welcome to ‘The Gut’ everyone! XWF Anarchy is coming to you LIVE from Burlington! We have another HUGE night of action featuring The Internet Champion, Big D in non-title action! The singles debut of a former XWF Tag Team Champion, a tag team match featu…”

Before Vinnie can finish running down the card, the lights in the arena dim and the video screen over the entrance way comes to life as “Gimme Your Applause” blasts throughout the arena.

The fans turn as Kenzi Grey walks out, flanked by her wife, the XWF Universal Champion, Sarah Lacklan. The starlet drinks in the reaction from the fans, but she narrows her eyes and plants her hands on her hips as she sees Vinnie standing and clapping as well. She is quick to call for a halt to the music as she points at Vinnie.

Kenzi Grey: “UHHH, NO! No you don’t! You don’t get to do that, not until you and I have sorted out the business of my Anarchy contract!”

Vinnie Lane: “Take it easy Ken! We already talked about this. We are going to settle this like adults!”

Vinnie rummaged under the desk. He pulled out a case of ‘Han Santatizer’ with a label proclaiming it had been seized by Customs as counterfeit. He shook his head, continuing to rummage under his desk, then pulled out half-eaten meatball sub. A broad smile spread across his face as he took a bite and tossed it aside. Finally he found what he was looking for; the 30 Second Promo Undisputed Heavyweight Championship. Vinnie rubbed the large face of the belt, then laid it gently across the front of the announce table.

Vinnie Lane: “Here it is dude! If you want your contract changed, you have to beat me for THIS, right here…RIGHT NOW!”

The fans roared as Kenzi continued to glare at him from the top of the ramp. Vinnie gave a crooked grin.

Vinnie Lane: “Now! We can avoid all of this and leave your VERY GENEROUS contract as is, or you can start off your Anarchy run with a big fat L! It’s totally up to you dude!”

Kenzi’s face reddened with anger as she paced back and forth, with Sarah doing her best to keep her wife calm.

Kenzi Grey: “Vinnie…you owe me! I wrestled last year with a blown-out knee…BECAUSE OF YOU! You should be bending over backwards to make it up to me! Instead of treating me with all of the respect that I am due, you are making a mockery of my debut!”

Vinnie Lane: “NO WAY DUDE! I am showing everyone that I am fair and impartial! I could have said no to changing your contract, but instead…I am giving you an opportunity to earn a change being made to it! I think that is pretty fair!”

Vinnie gets up from behind the announce table and takes up the 30SPUHC and rolls into the ring. He goes to the ropes on the entrance side and holds them open for Kenzi, waving for her to get inside. Kenzi seems annoyed, but she makes her way up and steps cautiously inside, keeping her eyes on Vinnie.

Vinnie Lane: “Come on dude! You really don’t trust me? This is simple! You get 30 seconds to cut a promo on me and I get 30 seconds to respond. The fans will vote on who had the best promo and after they pick me, this thing is settled and you can come out later and face Scarlet, just like the fans are expecting in a X-TREME RULES MATCH!”

The fans cheered and stomped their feet as Kenzi shook her head and glared out at the rabid fans.

Kenzi Grey: “HOW CAN I EXPECT TO EVEN GET A FAIR SHAKE? LISTEN TO THESE BLOOD THIRSTY ANIMALS! I’M A STAR! I SHOULDN’T EVEN BE IN GARBAGE MATCHES LIKE THIS!”

Vinnie Lane: “You can just take the L. I’m sure Scar won’t mind an easy win tonight!”

Kenzi Grey: “GODDAMN IT! FINE!”

Kenzi paces back and forth, eyeing Vinnie with suspicion as she raises the microphone to her mouth, then suddenly stops.

Kenzi Grey: “Wait?! Why am I going first? You should go first!”

Vinnie smirked as he patted the title belt on his shoulder.

Vinnie Lane: “Dude! I’m the Champ! Besides, it’s ladies first!”

Kenzi scowled, not happy in the least with any of this as the fans booed her and Sarah ran around the ringside area, screaming for them to ‘SHIT UP!’ Kenzi let out the air in her lungs in a huff, then let loose her promo as the fans quieted down to hear what she’d say. Sarah held her breath as Kenzi prepared to deliver her 30 second promo.

Kenzi Grey: “I’m the biggest star the XWF has ever had on its roster, and yet instead of giving me the respect and protection that I deserve, you’ve brought me to the asshole of Vermont and put me in some ridiculous match with one of the screwballs from ‘The Hills Have Eyes!’ Well Vinnie, that shit aint gonna fly with me or Sarah! I want that 30 Second Title and I want my contract modified in a way befitting someone like me…who is going to put eyes on this brand and asses in the seats!”

As soon as it was over, Sarah clapped loudly for her wife, but the reaction from the fans was decidedly hostile. Apparently they didn’t care for Kenzi exposing their hometown as the ‘asshole’ of the state. Vinnie couldn’t help the broad grin that spread across his face as he waited for the crowd’s boos to finally fade to a manageable level.

Vinnie Lane: “Wow Kenz!”

He launched into his own promo.

Vinne Lane: “That was great, if you just wanted to piss off the crowd! Look, I know that you’re kinda like a star, but this is professional wrestling dude! You signed a contract, and trust me that was a REALLY GOOD one! If it wasn’t, I would totally let you out of it because you and my old lady are friends, and I’d like to keep getting laid! So, here’s the deal; let’s keep your contract just as it is and I’ll keep this title belt right where it belongs…I LOVE YOU BURLINGTON, VERMONT!”

The fans exploded as Vinnie ran to the turnbuckles holding his title over his head as the fans cheered him. Sarah and Kenzi shook their heads in complete disgust, the outcome pretty much without question. However, just to make sure, Vinnie pointed to Kenzi…

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Then he pointed to himself…

“HOOOOOOORRRRAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY!”

After a few long moments, Vinnie stepped down and shrugged.

Vinnie Lane: “Good try Kenz, but it looks like that contract is staying as is and you have an X-Treme Rules match to get ready for dude!”

The fans began to loudly jeer Kenzi as the starlet threw a minor temper tantrum.

Kenzi Grey: “I CAN’T BE IN SOME HARDCORE MATCH! I’M A STAR AND MY FACE IS MY FORTUNE; I CAN’T RISK SOME HILLBILLY MOUNTAIN WOMAN TRYING TO MESS IT UP! YOU NEED TO FIX THIS!! I DEMAND THAT YOU FIX THIS VINNIE!!”

Vinnie could only shrug and continue to usher her out of the ring, but before he could Sarah hopped up on the ring apron with a demented look in her red eyes as she stared at her sweet non-Windows phone. She glanced up at Vinnie with a broad smile on her face.

Vinnie Lane: “What?”

Sarah held up her phone, with a frozen image of Vinnie at the tail end of his promo and the timer reading 00:31.

Sarah Lacklan: “It IS 30 second promo, isn’t it Vinnie? Not 31 and some change, yes?”

Vinnie Lane: “HANG ON! THAT WAS 30 SECONDS, DEAD ON! Wasn’t it?”

Sarah Lacklan: “Sorry Bossman, but you went over your time, I think that is a disqualification! So, the winner of the match has to be the owner of the sweetest booty in all the land!”

The fans booed loudly as Vinnie recounted his promo in his head, counting on his fingers. Sarah snatched the 30 Second Promo belt off his shoulders and hopped down before he could stop her.

Vinnie Lane: “HEY! TITLES DON’T CHANGE HANDS ON A DQ DUDE!”

Sarah backed away, putting the title on Kenzi as she flashed a Billion $$$ smile to the delight of her wife and extreme displeasure of the fans.

Kenzi Grey: “Vinnie, I’ll give you that rider for my contract in a few minutes, okay? OKAY! BYEEEEE!”

The two women walked back up the ramp as Vinnie continued to count his promo time, positive that he hadn’t gone over the limit.

Liam Roberts - vs - Big D

Vinnie Lane: “You guys ever even heard of a ‘derecho’ before?”


A massive tunnel of wind gusts blow through the arena and the video feed becomes static and snow.

MATCH TO AIR AFTER BIG D GETS POWER BACK IN BUTTFUCK IOWA

We go to a locker room, where XWF Universal Champion Sarah Lacklan stands. She is holding a green and yellow jersey and a pair of green shorts on a hanger, with the name "Lacklan" on the back of the jersey. She has a disgusted look on her face.

Lacklan: I'm not wearing this.

Into frame walks the Banana-Lime Blur and Anarchy Champion, Ruby, in full gear. She, of course, has a big smile on her face as she pats Lacklan on the shoulder.

Ruby: Come on, Crack-A-Lackers! You'll look great in it!

Lacklan: I'd look like a total dweeb. Like...

Lacklan looks Ruby up and down.

Lacklan: ...well...

Ruby: One man's dweeb is another man's cool guy!

Lacklan: That's not true at all. Look at this monstrosity. No self respecting human being would be caught dead in this.

As soon as Lacklan says this, Centurion jumps into frame, wearing his yellow and green outfit with "Centurion" written on the back of his jersey. He stands, hands on his hips and chest puffed out, as if he were Superman.

Lacklan: ...my point exactly.

Centurion: These are sweet, Rubes! And the jersey fits me perfectly! Shorts are...a little tight, but I'll figure it out. Team Banana-Lime FTW! Hazzah!

Centurion jumps out of frame, leaving Ruby standing with Lacklan. Lacklan grimaces before looking over at Ruby.

Lacklan: I never thought I'd meet anyone who would make you look cool.

Kenzi Grey - vs - Scarlet "The Hunteress" X-Treme Rules!

Eye of the Tiger plays and from the back steps Scarlet The Hunteress Donaldson. She kneels down at the top of the stage, and acts like she is looking for footprints of her opponents. Then the Misfits Manager Antony The Jerk joins her, and they both head to the ring. Antony pulls the middle and top ropes for her and she enters the ring. She then stands in the middle, as her theme cuts off.

“Gimme Your Applause” by Lady Gaga, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera begins to play as bulbs flash all through the arena. Kenzi Grey walks out with a confident smile for the fans as an explosion of pyro erupts and she strikes a pose for the cameras. She pauses to adjust the heavy black brace on her right knee, then heads down the aisle slapping the outstretched hands of the fans. At ringside, she climbs onto the ring apron and pauses again for the flash of the cameras, kneeling there with a smirk. She climbs the turnpost and gives the fans one more photo opportunity as she sits atop the turnbuckle, still blowing kisses and posing for the fans. She hops down, finally entering the ring as she readies herself for her opponent.

As soon the bell had rung, both ladies manage to collar and elbow one another. Then they have a tug of war, until Kenzi managed push her on the ropes. She then chokes her for about four minutes until she broke it off, then she punches her in the gut. Then she Irish Whips her to the ropes and connect with a Bicycle Kick into Scarlet’s face. She then charges on the ropes, and she hits a diving knee on her chest and goes for the pin..






1!










KICKOUT!


Vinnie Lane: "Oh man, Kenzi is basically giving this newcomer a hard time with her deadly kicks.. but only can manage with a one count."


Scarlet kicks out, and Kenzi then lifts her up and she locks her in a Front Facelock, while kneeing her in the gut. As she kept doing this maneuver, Scarlet almost past out from it. But Scarlet manages to push her into the corner and deliver some Flair like chops in corner until Kenzi’s chest turned red. Then she pulls off the corner, and she hits a DDT on Kenzi; then she stomps on her, and then she does a Boston Crab on her, while adding pressure on her lower back and legs.


Vinnie Lane: "Scarlet knows how to break down Kenzi, she’s managing to focus on her back and legs so she can be weak from her deadly kicks."


As Scarlett kept the hold on Kenzi quickly crawls to the bottom rope, but Anton bites her hand off the bottom rope. The ref takes notice and reprimanded him, so Anton backs off while Scarlett breaks the hold. She then lifts up Kenzi, and she Whips her to the ropes and she connect with a Uppercut, but Kenzi ducks it and hits Scarlett with a Pele Kick that knocked her out as the fans came unglued.


Vinnie Lane: "HOLY CRAP KENZI DONE KNOCKED OUT SCARLET WITH A SWEET PELE KICK!!"


Kenzi then bask in on what she did, while the fans started to boo the shit out of her. She then whips her braids at them, and flicked them off. She then goes to the apron, and as slowly Scarlett got on her feet, and Kenzi hits her with a Springboard Knee Strike on Scarlett. She then goes to the downed Scarlett and she rubs her forearm on her forehead, and then strangles her until the ref started counting to three, then she does it again.

As she does it again Anton comes on the apron with some foreign object in his hand, Kenzi manages to see Anton and decks him in the face with the foreign object. The ref tries to take it off her hands, but she manages to push him on the mat. Kenzi then attempts to use the blunt object, but Scarlett kicks it out of her hands which flew to the front row, and she started punching her, and whips her to the ropes and connected with a Clothesline From Hell.


Vinnie Lane: "So much fuckkery in this match tonight folks, this is why it’s called ANARCHY… and not say SAVAGE or.. uh.. WARFARE! Anything goes in this match, and we manage to see this newcomer thwart Kenzi’s scheme of hitting her with that foreign object. Lets see how much Scarlett can dethrone our Universal Champion’s wifey."


Scarlet then goes to the corner, and she tunes up The Misfits band, then Kenzi slowly gets on her feet and Scarlett hits her with a Superkick Party on her face. She then starts to clap as the fans started to clap in unison. She then goes to the top rope, and she stands up there, with some visible signs of nervousness..


Vinnie Lane: "I don’t think Scarlet is ready to be on top.. of that rope. If I was her, I wouldn’t go up there for any high risk maneuvers dudes and dudettes."


Scarlet takes a Leap Of Faith off the top rope with a Flying Crossbody on Kenzi that turns into a cover..



1!












2!!



















KICKOUT!

Kenzi kicks out, and she rolls up on her feet. She then starts to show her arm breaking out of nowhere, and the ref takes notices. As the ref takes his time to notices, Scarlett comes up to Kenzi, and Kenzi ended up tricking her by slapping the shit out of her!

Kenzi the turns her back and she hits her own BETTER THAN YOU….

YOU ARE BEING TRAPPED ON SCARLETT!


She then immediately pins her…



1!
































2!!























KICKOUT!


Vinnie Lane: "OH SHOOT!... KENZI TRIED HER OWN VERSION OF SCARLETT’S SIGGY BUT COULDN’T GET THE JOB DONE!... how much more can Scarlett handle against this wannabe Regina George of Anarchy?"


Indeed, Scarlet escapes from her own finish, but moments later Kenzi is right there with her own WALK OF FAME to seal the deal!

Kenzi pins Scarlet...



1!























2!!






























3!!!

Winner by Pinfall - Kenzi Grey

Vinnie Lane: "Well, it looks like all that crying about it being 'too tough' on poor Kenzi was all for othing... she just handed Scarlet the Hunter-ess her very fisrt loss in XWF!"

Tula Keali'i & Boris - vs - Miss Fury & Money Oswald

The music hits and the fans groan and boo. Miss Fury and Money Oswald of the Brotherhood of Baddies emerge from the back, and they make their way to the ring as heelishly as they can. Oswald even insults a baby! He called it stupid because it can't even read. He's got a point.

B.O.B. settle in the ring and look ready for a fight.


Vinnie Lane: "These dudes are not very popular, and why would they be? They're the self-proclaimed villains of XWF! They even pick on RUBY! Who would pick on HER!?"

Boris slav squats out from the curtain and the fans lose it. Plenty in attendance have his signature fatead and they hold it up porudly as he passes them by. He waits a beat though, and soon enough Tula Keali'i emerges as well, also wearing one of Boris' trademark furry hats! She walks up to Boris and puts a lei around his neck to match her own and then they both walk to the ring together.


Vinnie Lane: "A symbolic gesture of teamwork right there from Boris and Tulip... er, Tula... and I think the bond between them both is growing every day!"



Tula and Boris enter the ring and they look ready to go.

DING! DING! DING!!!

Vinnie Lane: “It looks like we’ve got Tula and Fury starting us off, and these two chicks are each pretty wary of the other…”


Indeed, the stances and tactics of both competitors reflects the fact that they see each other as a genuine threat. Fury is more reserved, looking for quick in and out swipes at Tula. Tula does her best to maintain position in the middle of the ring while Fury circles around her.

Fury finally gets tired of being patient and goes for the bum’s rush. She feints going low which causes Keali’i to duck down in an effort to sprawl out against a takedown attempt, but then Fury leaps upward with a knee that catches Tula on the Ka Lae point of her jaw. We almost have a full Ben Askren moment when Tula falls forward, but she comes to her senses in time to get her hands in front of her before crashing eyeballs first to the canvas. Fury is right on top of her, hooking her head and flipping over Tula in a bridging chinlock that looks mightily uncomfortable, as Tula is pulled backwards into a sharply angled cobra pose.


Vinnie Lane: “WOW! Great flexibility by both girls… Tula’s really kicking to get free here!”


Eventually, Tula manages to work Fury’s fingers enough to break her grip. Tula falls to the mat and Fury gets up, then throws herself down looking for an elbow drop. Fury finds only mat as Tula rolls away in time.

Fury grabs Tula by an ankle and drags her toward the center of the ring, then spins into an Indian deathlock. Tula grimaces, but grinds her teeth and doesn’t look anywhere near in danger of submitting. Tula manages to get her upper body close enough to Fury’s that she’s able to strike her opponent with chops and palm thrusts, breaking the hold. Fury though, rather than abandoning it altogether, throws herself toward Tula and hits a diving headbutt right in Tula’s island smile. Fury then looks to go for the lock once more, but appears to have gone to the well one too many times as Tula scouts it and kicks Fury away, sending Fury tripping over into the far ropes, dangling across the middle.


Vinnie Lane: “Dial up a 619! Or wait, what’s the area code in Hawaii? Do you have to dial 1 first? Is long distance still a thing?”


Tula does not go for a 619. Instead, she heads to her corner and tags Boris, who immediately jumps from his corner and hits Fury across the back of the head and neck with a SLAVIC LEG DROP! Boris lands heavily on his задница, and grabs at his tailbone while Fury flips out to the floor herself, landing with a thud on her back.

From his own corner, Oswald has come to the end of his patience. He rushes into the ring and clobbers Tula in her corner, sending her flying off the apron and into the barricade surrounding the ring.

Referee Chaz Bobo gets in Money’s face, and eventually he backs him to his original corner again and Oswald exits the ring with some frustration on his face.

Outside the ring, Boris checks on Tula, which leaves him open to attack from behind by Miss Fury. Fury sends him crashing first into the ring apron, then into the stairs. Seeing Boris in a world of hurt, Fury walks up to the top of those stairs and then jumps off, snagging Boris in a rocker dropper to the concrete.


Vinnie Lane: “That’s a great move right out of my own repertoire! Clearly MissFury studies the all-time greats!”


Fury rolls back into the ring and tags Oswald, who wastes no time dropping down to the floor and stalking his way towards Boris, who’s still laid out next to the steps on the other side of the ring. When Oswaldstands over Boris and grabs him around the neck with both hands, Tula Keali’i jumps onto his back and locks in a rear naked choke! Oswald struggles but can’t swat Tula off of him, having to eventually whip her around to the front of him where he catches her in a spinning sidewalk slam that shakes the stairs. Boris is up now, and he jumps from the apron only to be caught in a big bear hug by Oswald, who then drives the small of Boris’ back into the apron before tossing him into the ring like a load of laundry.

Oswald gets up and enters the ring, then gives an unceremonious stomp to the prone Boris, roaring with adrenalized rage as he does so. He then pulls up Boris in the dreaded GOOZLE, tossing him into the corner and following him in with a charging corner splash. Boris sags to the mat, and then Oswald starts to ascend the ropes.


Vinnie Lane: “Oswald climbing the ropes? This is outside of his wheelhouse, tertiary finishers be darned… could be a high risk, high reward situation here!”


Oswald finishes his climb and unsteadily looks out over where Boris lays. He looks ready to pounce like a jungle cat, but Boris scrambles to his feet and then spews a mist of clear liquid up into Oswald’s face from the opening of his balaclava! Oswald crotches himself on the top buckle and falls forward, landing on the mat with a loud thud.


Vinnie Lane: “Did Boris have vodka in his mouth this whole time? Did he regurgitate it???”


Now Boris is the one who climbs to the top, though much more quickly than Oswald. Boris gets to the top and turns, then jumps off and lands in a big FLYING SLAV SQUAT onto the sternum of Money Oswald! Boris hooks a meaty thigh for a cover!





1!






















2!!
























Miss Fury breaks it up!


Vinnie Lane: “Here comes Tula to even things up, but the ref is stopping her! Turn around, ref! Fury and Oswald are both still in there with Boris fending for himself!”


Miss Fury drives Boris down into the canvas with a headlock driver, and then helps Oswald up. Fury scales the ropes and beckons Oswald to hand Boris over to her, and the big man does as he’s told, helping drape Boris over Fury’s shoulders and letting her execute HELL HATH NO FURY!


Vinnie Lane: “Boris’s head slammed into the buckle from that big top rope modified DVD! The official is only now turning back just as Fury is escaping with the double team!”


Oswald grabs Boris and yanks his lifeless body upward… DELETION! Boris is motionless and Oswald drops down for a cover.




1!
































2!!



























Tula Keali’i is pulled off the apron by Micheal Graves before she can enter the ring to break up the pin! He was under the ring the whole time!










3!!!

Winners by Pinfall - B.O.B.

Vinnie Lane: “WOW! Huge win by the Baddies here, even if they stole it! Looks like Tula is more concerned with checking on Boris in the ring rather than going after BOB, though, after all Boris has yet to regain consciousness!”


Boris is fast asleep in Tula’s lap as B.O.B. escape down the ramp together cackling and mocking their defeated opponents.

Ruby - vs - Atara Themis Dodge Ball Match! This twist on the classic lumberjack match sees the entire roster surround the ring supplied with dozens of dodge balls to throw at the competitors however they see fit. How will they behave? Who will they target? Anyone may post a small additional piece stating their dodge ball intentions, including anyone from the Savage or Warfare rosters as well.

Hello Doves appears briefly on the X-tron in pink accompanied by Atara's voice saying the same over the arena PA right before her theme hits the speakers. The crowd goes pops like crazy. Arena lights start to pulse in time with the music and multiple vertical streams of pyro erupt across the front of stage as Atara appears from backstage in a full grunge walk to centerstage right before the ramp. Posing for the camera, she blows a kiss before throwing off a silk robe to reveal her attire for the night.

She full on grungewalks to the ringsteps and stops at the top to posture once more for the fans before going to the middle of the apron where she blows yet another kiss to the camera before entering the ring very Stacy Kiebler-ish and awaits the start of the match.

The crowd roars as the Anarchy Champion makes her way from the back, making sure to hit a few signature superhero poses on the way. She holds the Anarchy Title overhead as the waves to the fans and even stops for a few selfies with some lucky folks before entering the ring and climbing the corner right at the RUBYRUBYRUBYRUBAYYYY refrain of her theme music.

Ruby hands off her title belt and gives Atara a friendly smile before standing in her corner and waiting for the match to begin.


Vinnie Lane: “Well, now that we’ve got Atara and Ruby in the ring, we need to get our dodgeball-jacks out here! Let’s make it happen!”



From the back, a dozen or more members of the XWF roster emerge carrying dodgeballs.

We see newcomers like Charlie Nickles (with a ball wrapped in barbed wire) along with veterans such as John Black. Popular fan favorites like Centurion as well as others that literally nobody wants to ever see, like Greggo.

Someone wheels out a TV set on a cart, just like they used to do in school. They insert a VHS tape and turn on the TV, and then Mercy crawls out of the screen like a Japanese revenge spirit. She’s also got a dodgeball but it’s a spooky one. The tech who wheeled out the TV dies.

Members of BOB as well as friends of Ruby such as Tula Keali’i, Boris, and even Kenzi Grey, carrying her brand new 30 Seconds Title, arrive at ringside, all getting reactions from the crowd. We even see Vinnie Lane’s fiance and the head of XWF’s Shooting Star division, Roxy Cotton, arrive with a bedazzled dodgeball of her own

Then an engine revs.

The crowd goes NUTS as the 1994 Subaru Impreza WRX squeals and Tokyo drifts its way down the entrance ramp with Noah Jackson and Shawn Warstein inside. The pair zip down to ringside and do some donuts right in front of the ring, tossing dodgeballs at fans from a large bin of them in the back seat.


Vinnie Lane: “Okay, looks like that’s everyone…”

EYES



ON



ME!

Vinnie Lane: “Oh man, come on! Todd! I told you not to let her bully you!”

The lights drop and we hear the quiet opening tones of the Moonlight Sonata. The entire thing. The whole sonata plays as ballet dancers flit out from the backstage area and do little pirouettes or whatever. I don’t really know ballet.

After the sonata finishes, two stoic soldiers dressed similarly to the Vatican’s Swiss Guard walk slowly down the ramp while unfurling a long red carpet. They kneel as they reach the ring and gold-tinted spotlights shine a path from the back down the carpet giving it an ethereal heavenly glow. We catch a glimpse of Kenzi with her face in her hand as if she’s a tad embarrassed by all the pomp and circumstance, and then also a shot of Greggo in full tears of overwhelming beauty and joy.

Finally, at the top of the ramp, the XWF Universal Champion Sarah Lacklan appears, carried out on a jewel-encrusted rickshaw pulled by a greased, muscular Lacklanlander. She carries what appears to be a dodgeball made by Faberge.

Once Sarah slowly makes her way to the ring, the lights come back up and things go back to normal.


Vinnie Lane: “Dude what was that? Thirty minutes? Cripes!”

DING! DING! DING!

Right off the bat someone zings a ball into the ring and splits Atara’s mouth open with it. Themis falls down hard and we see Shawn Warstein outside the ring pretending he doesn’t really care, but we all know he does. Who threw that ball anyway?

Ah, it was JB! Should have known because of how similar in size the dodgeballs are to basketballs, and, well, we all know John Black is the king of hoops in the XWF! For his trouble, Noah Jackson “accidentally” lets his foot off the brake and the Subaru flattens JB!

In the ring, Ruby rolls Atara up and goes for a quick cover, but the Shooting Star Champion won’t let anyone beat her but herself! She kicks out!

It looks like a few people are taking more notice of Sarah Lacklan than the match itself. Maybe they see a way to make a name for themselves? Regardless, it’s Big D. It’s always Big D, isn’t it? He had a Big D-odgeball and winds up like Harry Coveleski, tossing that thing right at Lacklan’s face!


“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”


Greggo screams, while leaping in front of Lacklan somehow in slow motion, just like in the movies! Big D’s Big Ball hits Greggo right in his wet scrotum! Greggo collapses and curls up into a little ball where he whimpers and mewls, even vomiting a little from the pain of that ball to the balls. Sarah just continues to ignore him.

Big D makes faces at Lacklan now that he-s ball-less, but Sarah doesn’t seem willing to part with her Faberge Dodgeball just yet. Luckily she doesn’t have to! Here comes MeFisto!


Vinnie Lane: “IS HE CARRYING THE MOON!?!?”

***EDITOR’S NOTE - MeFisto is carrying a rather large ball, but it is definitely NOT the moon. Vinnie isn’t great with spatial awareness and genuinely has no clue how big heavenly bodies are. How would the moon even fit in a building? Come on, Vinnie.***

MeFisto runs down the ramp at top speed and spins before throwing his huge MeDodgeBall (with a big POWERADE logo on it) at Big D like he was doing a hammer toss at the Highland Games. D is sent flying as the gigantic ball hits him in the Big Abs, and he crashes into the front quarter panel of the Subaru, setting off its alarm.

“Oh, Christ, where’s the damn key fob…”

Noah fumbles in his pockets while everyone in the arena holds their hands over their ears and glares at him.

“Hold your damn horses, cunts, I’ve got it, just hold on…”

The alarm blares on while the world watches Noah dig around in his pockets for what feels like hours. He pulls out WAY more candy wrappers than anyone should realistically have in their pockets at any given time, but doesn’t find the key.

“Pop, you got it?”

“What? No! You’ve drove, Noah!”

“There’s a spare under the back seat!”

Atara yells from the ring, standing up on top of the corner to holler out to Noah.

“How does she know what’s in the back seat of the Subaru, DAD? How does she know that, hmm???”

“Just get the damn fob, we’ll talk about it later…”

“You disgust me and you are 100% paying for a rug shampoo, cunt!”

Noah opens the back door of the car and does indeed find a replacement key fob. He presses the alarm button and that familiar HONKHONK sound of an alarm turning off is heard, followed by sweet silence. Everyone lets out a deep breath, happy that the noisy alarm is finished.

Then Charlie Nickles’ barbed wire ball hits Atara in the back of her head, and she collapses from the top turnbuckle, falling forward and crashing through the windshield of the Subaru.

“Atara!”

“Subey!”

Noah sobs and falls to his knees, caressing the Subaru’s sick paint job and trying to scoop up what broken glass he can into his hands while Warstein checks on Atara.

In the ring, Graves, Fury, and EDWARD enter and surround Ruby! They all have dodgeballs, although Graves’ looks an AWFUL lot like a giant potato. Ruby has her head on a swivel, and she manages to duck under a wild throw from EDWARD that istead strikes Graves right in the dadbod. Graves goes down to a knee and his potato ball rolls away! His eyes grow wide with terror and he dives on top of it… and when he sits up, his face is once again obliterated by Sarah Lacklan as she shatters her Faberge Ball on top is his head. Graves is a bloody mess, as per usual, and he slumps down to the mat. Ruby, though, is still trapped in a corner by Miss Fury… who has produced a lighter and set her dodgeball on fire!


Vinnie Lane: “Dude I had no idea this game was so dangerous! It was FUN when I was a kid!”


MeFisto makes his way to the announce booth and plops down a contract demand that has so many zeroes they actually go all the way onto the back of the paper.


Vinnie Lane: “Are you insane?”


“Hey! If you pay him you better pay me too!”

Thunder Knuckles approaches the booth, dodgeball in hand. He looks at the document MeFisto delivered.

“What the hell?”

TK shoves the document in Vinnie’s face, then rears back and slams his dodgeball right into him! Vinnie flies backward, ass over teakettle, and leaves behind nothing but a spinning office chair. Thunder Knuckles slinks off, hoping none of the dozens of camera around him captured shots of him hitting his boss.

Oh, I forgot about the flaming dodgeball!

Yeah, so, Fury has a dodgeball that’s all on fire and stuff. She rears back after trapping Ruby in a corner, and hurls the fireball overhead with both hands! But Ruby ducks! The ball hits the top turnbuckles and rebounds right into Miss Fury’s face! Miss Fury screeches as her hair and mask catch fire, and EDWARD screams in fear.

“FIRE BAD!!! FIRE BAD!!!”

EDWARD then tries to kill the fire by repeatedly slamming Miss Fury face first into the corner until the fire is snuffed out. EDWARD seems pleased. Fury seems unconscious. EDWARD scurries out of the ring and soon finds himself surrounded by Centurion, Boris, and Tula Keali’i! They’ve all got their dodgeballs ready and they don’t waste any time beating him senseless with them as he covers up on the floor with his hands between his legs to protect his own personal shinny.

Warstein has managed to free Atara from the wreckage of the Subaru, and he’s helped her back into the ring… unfortunately, she’s in no shape to defend herself. Ruby easily controls her with simple catch as catch can wrestling maneuvers, and has things firmly in control right up until a shiny dodgeball explodes in Ruby’s face, spraying her eyes and nose with glitter.

“Oops. I should have said ‘fore.’ Sorry bb!”


Roxy Cotton smirks as Ruby finds herself on her knees in the ring, and Atara finally has an opening! Not like that, sicko, I didn’t mean it that way.

Themi stands over Ruby, and it looks like she has her opponent right where she wants her. Atara pulls Ruby to her knees while she’s still blinded, dragging her to a corner and pulling her up to set up for her impressive top rope “From A Dove” powerslam… but what’s this? Mercy is in the ring, and that ain’t a dodgeball!

~SHUCK~

MERCY JUST LOPPED OFF HALF OF ATARA’S GORGEOUS LONG HAIR!!!


Mercy drags Atara off of the top buckle and shoves a handful of her own disembodied hair right back into her face and mouth! Atara struggles and chokes, but her eyes really grow wide when she sees the gleaming meat cleaver in Mercy’s hand.

‘hELLo.”

Atara screams, and she tries to run away but crashes right into Ruby, who’s still staggering around trying to find her way while not being able to see. Ruby reacts instinctively… RUBY CUTTER!!!

Atara goes down, and Ruby drops down on top of her with a pinning combination!





1!




























2!!
































3!!!

Winner by Pinfall - Ruby

After the bell rings, Vinnie Lane crawls from behind his announce booth with the dodgeball that TK hit him in the dome with. He’s got Kenzi Grey and the title she won from him earlier in his sights!

Vinnie wins up and hurls the ball, but Kenzi ducks… AND THE BALL SLAMS RIGHT INTO SARAH LACKLAN’S FACE!

Sarah crumples to the ground and Kenzi quickly rushes to check on her, and Anarchy fades to black with the XWF Universal Champion knocked out on the floor.

SPECIAL THANKS: Big D Greggo Kenzi Grey John Black Centurion And a HUGE shoutout to all the bonus promo writers!

Barbwire ball! Great main event.

But I was definitely rooting for the Hawaiian-Slovakian connection in that tag match.

Oswald is seen getting ready to leave, making sure to grab his Billion Dollar Title from one of his shadowy servants before making his way to join the rest of B. O. B. and giving Fury a slap on the back and then to Graves

"Good job. Another win for the bad guys!"

He says as he makes his way out of the arena, to board his private jet and leave to go home.

(08-15-2020, 07:45 PM)Charlie Nickles Said: Barbwire ball! Great main event.

But I was definitely rooting for the Hawaiian-Slovakian connection in that tag match.

I want you - and only you - to judge Boris' matches from now on.

2x Anarchy Champion
1x and current XWF Micronesian Champion
XWF Star Of The Month - October 2020

Great show guys!!