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Shawn Warstein · (07-13-2020)

*Buzz*

*Buzz*

*Buzz*

*Buzz*

What the fuck. Who wants what from me now? All I want to do is sleep. Is that too much to ask for?

A cracking fire in the fireplace is the only thing illuminating the room, as I reach for my phone and flip open the messages.

Unknown Number: Shawn. Hey why don’t you come out and release some of that stress I know you have? Meet us at Djoon….

Shawn: New number who dis?

Unknown Number:
[Image: icMSwwQ.gif]

Shawn: How did you get this number?

Atara: Noah. He said something about you getting a new phone.

Shawn: Well I appreciate the offer, but I’m good.

Atara: Your loss

Shawn: Just be careful.

Atara: Whatever…

What does she expect from me? That I would be excited to see her? That I would just jump when she said how high? Everything I did for her, for us just to be cast aside. I’m done. I don’t want to deal with the drama anymore. She forced me to go it along…. and that’s what I’m going to do.

I glance over to the bourbon bottle sitting on the table. My right hand begins to tremble as I grab ahold of it with my left to steady it. I shake my head and get up to turn on the lights. I become lightheaded very quickly as I approach the couch and stumble onto it.

Deep breaths Shawn… You don’t have to do that… There is another way.

The trembling continues as I reach for the bottle. I sigh and take a deep breath. As the bottle reaches my lips, and the liquid goes down the trembling stops.

If only for a moment.

I know what will get rid of this, but even though I made a promise it would be the easy way out. Plus who would know? It’s not like she cares anymore. What Noah doesn’t know won’t kill him. Jacob probably expects this.

I stand up from the couch and walk over to my bag. As I bring it back to the couch and set it down the rattling of pill bottles sets the ambiance in the room. It gets heavy and as I begin to set each bottle down on the table, the trembling becomes worse. I take another drink from the bottle, and they subside.

If only for a moment.

Come on Shawn! Think about everything you’ve done! All the hard work to get here, and now you’re going to throw it all away? I knew you were a coward, but I didn’t think you were an idiot.

*Buzz*

*Buzz*

My phone buzzes on the table. I check the time and about an hour has passed. I take yet another drink from the bottle and pick it up.

Sloane: I DID IT SHAWN!!!! I WON!!!

Shawn: That’s absolutely incredible! I’m so happy for you!

Sloane: I’m really sore, but I can’t wait to celebrate!

Shawn: Just don’t get into too much trouble.

Sloane: You know me… #StayInTroubleGang!!!!

Shawn: Enjoy it.

I’m happy for Sloane. She worked her ass off to get to where she is, and now she’s seeing the benefit of all of her hard work. I guess there are still some people who don’t know the whole truth.

I toss the phone aside and pick up one of the pill bottles. I rattle it around for a moment before setting it down. Collapsing my head into my hands.

FUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKK!!!!

The internal scream is just as loud on the outside as it is on the inside. I throw the nearest pill bottle clear across the room. As it smacks against the wall, the lid pops off and pills scatter around the floor of the room.

Figures, that’s my luck. The cap can keep Noah out, but a wall is apparently its weakness.

I lean my head back on the couch and stare at the skyline of Paris.

All alone. Just me and my thoughts. That’s a dangerous combination. It’s why I brought Noah along with me. He keeps me occupied. That kid goes a mile a minute and never slows down. He brings the balance to my already over in flared ego.

*Buzz*

*Buzz*

Once again my phone lights up on the table.

Lissie: Well hello there stranger.

Shawn: Congrats on your win.

Lissie: Aww thanks hun, but I’m ready to celebrate… if you catch my drift.. you can even keep your socks on.

Shawn: I do. And I’m flattered. But….

Lissie: But what?

Shawn: It’s not going to happen. You’re awesome and everything but, that’s not what I’m looking for. I hope you find what you want, but you’re not going to get it from me.

Man my phone just won't stop blowing up. Sure Lissie is cool and all, but it’s just not going to happen. I’m not in the right mindset for something like that.

My bag sits open on the table as I once again reach inside. I fumble around for a moment. I slide the box, letter and brick to the right, and place this object on the left. As my hands move away a hypodermic needle and a small baggie with a white substance is sitting there.

Story of my life huh? Just another fucking junkie trying to get his high? Anything to stop the feeling. That feeling of emptiness. Any feeling for that fact. Just one and everything goes away. I’ll be in nothing but pure bliss.

My hand reaches over for the needle.

*Buzz*

*Buzz*

What the hell.

I ignore the buzzing but it keeps happening, forcing myself to pick up the phone.

Atara:

Atara: You sure?

Shawn: Yes I’m sure.

Atara: You’re no fun.

Shawn: Just be careful.

Just like that the trembling in my hand disappeared.

What the fuck? What just happened? I know that she’s been drinking but that was eerily timed.

I glance at the table and push the needle to the side and bring the ‘gifts’ front and center.

Maybe I should just give her these? What’s the worst that can happen…. that?

I look over at the needle.

I know what road that leads to, but this one…. this one intrigues me.

*Buzz*

*Buzz*

What now!

Adi: Hey homeslice…

Shawn: To what do I owe the pleasure?

Adi: Have you checked out Eurovision? It’s on Netflix.

Shawn: I have not, I’ll add it to my list.

Adi: Good, you better! Until then friend I’ve got some scripts to write

Fucking Vin. I can’t even have a friend who just so happens to be a girl without him jumping to conclusions. I knew he was a fucking moron, but hey that’s what happens when you party your way through the 80’s.

————PAUSE————

“The following promo is brought to you in part by Afterthought Incorporated. You may not like what we have to say, but you’re going to listen anyways.”

“Right now is when I would talk about how bad Mastermind is, and how he’s a toddler. And no matter how long he’s been here I was here first. All of his accomplishments, I’ve surpassed tenfold.”

“No instead I’ll just say one thing and one thing alone.”

“You are no longer worthy of my time.”

“Just remember…”

“A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh”

————UnPause————

Another few hours passed and my phone was finally silent and I put it in my pocket. I let out a deep sigh and gathered up all the pill bottles, the needle and white substance. As I stomp off into the bathroom. I lay them all out on the counter and stare in the mirror.

You’re better than this. You don’t need to do this anymore.

I hang my head as I grab the closest pill bottle. I quickly pop off the cap and pour all the pills in my hand.

It would be just so easy. No one would or even care. If I died right now in this room what would the story be? Current wrestling champion dies days before defense? No it would be Drug Addict Wrestler, Obviously OD’s in his Hotel room. Hell it would be in the news for a day, and then I’d be forgotten. So much for all the hard work, dedication and time I put into this craft.

I stare at the pills and begin to play with them in the palm of my hand. I grab one pill with my other hand and hold it up. The white pill is smooth to the touch and perfectly round. I open my mouth and as I get closer to my tongue.

*Buzz*

*Buzz*

Jesus Christ! What now! Can’t I just wallow in pity without my phone blowing up!?

Atara: Hey are you up?

Shawn: Unfortunately.

Atara: Well….

Shawn: What?

Atara: I’m just a few floors down….
[Image: JZBtGBk.gif]

Shawn: Atara… you’re drunk… just go to sleep.

Atara: Nope, I’m awake, you’re awake. I’m coming up…

Stubborn to the end.

I look over the counter and stare once again into the mirror. A small smile comes over my face.

Yeah I am too.

One by one I open up the lid on the different pill bottles and dump them in the toilet. Slowly they begin to dissolve turning the water a foggy white color. I grab the bag of white powder and pour that in there as well. A quick press of the plunger and it’s all gone. I grab the needle and toss it in the garbage. Turning on the faucet I splash some water in my face and dry off.

*Knock*

*Knock*

The knocks echo in the room. I glance over at the table and see the three items still sitting there.

....fuck….

As I walk over to the door and peek through the peephole there she is, as beautiful as the day is long. She’s a little wobbly but still the picture of elegance. She reaches her hand back to knock on the door again, but before she can knock I open the door. She stumbles into the room as I catch her before she falls to the ground.

“I gotcha.” As I hold her up and help her regain her balance. She smiles and walks right into the room.

“See you’re still living the high life huh?” Atara kicks her heels off as she walks into the living area. Her gaze falls to the pills laying on the ground. “Extra emphasis on high I guess…”

Why did I answer the door? Why did I open it? Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

She rolls her eyes and sits down on the couch. The three items sitting there in the middle of the table.

“What’s with the trash?” She uses her foot to slide them off to the side. “Have you become a hoarder?”

“No Atara, I haven’t. Just had to pick a few things up while I was here.” The way the scoff that exuded from her was heavy.

“Don’t call me that…not you.” Right I forgot about that. Oh well. “So are you going to offer me a drink?”

Like she needs any more to drink tonight.

“Atara would you like a beverage?” I said in the most overly sarcastic tone I could muster. She whips her body towards me and leans over the couch. Modesty isn’t a strong suit of hers.

“I’ll take a glass of wine if you have it.” A smile and a kiss blown my way.

“How bout a bottle of water.” Her shoulders drop as she turns around in a huff.

“Whatever killjoy. Just wanted to keep the party going.” She crossed her arms infront of herself as I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and brought it back to her and sit down. She tosses the bottle to the side and quickly straddles me. Both of her arm on either side of my neck as she leans in.

“You’ve missed this haven’t you?” The heat from her voice sends shivers down my spine, as the scent of ivory and roses fill the air. She leans back and as her soft lips touch mine I was no longer in control. I was once again caught in Aphrodite’s glare.

I grab her and pull her closer, our bodies once again entangled as we roll horizontally on the couch. We were one. She suddenly sits up and I brush the hair out of her face. A smile from her.

“Let’s take this to the bedroom…”

I sit up and pull her tightly. Her legs wrapped around my waist and her arms draped over my shoulders. She kisses the inner part of my neck. I stop and kiss her back as we enter the bedroom. Carrying her to the bed I set her down gently, and run my hand over her face.

“So what’s the hold up?”

Don’t be stupid Shawn.

“I forgot something…” I said before kissing her on the forehead. “I’ll be right back.” I turn to walk out when one of her feet catches me in the leg and slowly begins to ride up.

“Don’t take too long.” A small giggle as she rolls over on the bed.

Don’t be stupid Shawn.

“I won’t be but a minute.”

She smiles at me as I walk out and shut the door behind me. I lean up against the door and close my eyes.

“Not like this. No more drunken mistakes.”

I walk to the living area and sit down on the couch. I stare at the three items on the table and grab the bottle of bourbon.

She’s going to hate me in the morning either way.

But I can’t do that to her, or myself.

I’ll just have to deal with that tomorrow.

I look at the bottle of bourbon and set it aside. A couch cushion is a makeshift pillow as I roll over with my back to the skyline of Paris.

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