Thunder Knuckles is sitting on his busted ass couch in his busted ass trailer without a front door. He has his XBUX Championship draped on his shoulder looking unimpressed.


Who saw this shit coming? God knows I didn’t. Now I have to defend this beautiful Championship against Tommy Wish in a Lucille special match… I had to ask all over the goddamned internet what the fuck a Lucille special match is even. Turns out the winner has to beat their opponent into verbal submission with a barbed wire wooden baseball bat.


Thunder Knuckles looks dumbfounded.


How the fuck do you verbally beat someone with a barbed wire baseball bat? Fuck! I can beat a man to death with a barbed wire baseball bat, but how does one verbally beat someone with a barbed wire bat?


Thunder Knuckles cell phone rings and he picks it out of his pocket and puts it on speakerphone, It’s Jimmy.


What's up to mother fucker?

Why haven't you done a promo for Tommy Wish yet?

It’s mostly because I don't give a fuck about Tommy Wish, as confident as he is. If I can't beat Tommy Wish, I’m going nowhere, am I? If I can’t hit him with the Thunder Strike and knock him clean the fuck out what use am I? He’s a dog shit rassler from parts unknown. He’s useless if you ask me. For fuck sakes, I beat him for my first XBUX Championship. He can say he gave me the win if he wants, but he couldn't hang in there with me. Which is why he dropped the belt on the ground and walked away. He got two cross-eyes, he should be in a disabled rasslers home instead of in a rassling ring with ‘Ol Thunder Knuckles. It’s hard to get motivated with a dog shit rassler like Tommy Wish. I’m sure he’ll put out a couple steaming piles of shit he’ll call promos. Talking about how he’s gonna meet me on Savage and beat me. It’ll be crap, boring, with no real substance.

Well, you should still put out a promo for him.

Jimmy, it’s hard tearing a guy to pieces with words when he can't really understand you. I could probably look right at him and tell him that he’s a fucking idiot and a loser, and he’ll just stare back at me with his big dumb eyes and say. “Hey man.” “You're a good man.” It’s fucking hard Jimmy. Just fucking hard.


Jimmy fell silent on the phone for a moment as Thunder Knuckles picks his teeth with a toothpick.


All I’m saying is I’m not motivated for a guy like Tommy Wish. I've paid no interest to him for the build-up to our fight. I tried to watch his last match and examine what he does well, on youtube. Do you know what I found out, Jimmy?

What?

He does nothing extremely well. I spend about thirty fucking seconds, thirty fucking seconds I can’t get back, by the way. Then I turned it right the fuck off. You know why?


Jimmy at this point becomes restless and you can tell by the way he says…


Why?

Because I turned it right off because he’s shit-


Jimmy cuts off Thunder Knuckles.


Well, I got some news for you, Thunder Knuckles.

What's the news?

Turns out Vinnie Lane somehow pulled some strings with the city government of Pittsburgh and he’s got a restaurant opened up just for you, me, and the media to show up to try and promote this fight.


Thunder Knuckles looks visibly upset that Vinnie Lane somehow bribed local health officials during a pandemic.


That's not safe. That's not safe at fucking all, Jimmy!

Doesn’t matter if it’s safe, Thunder Knuckles, you have to do it. You're considered essential personnel.

Which is also horse shit-

Well, it’s tomorrow night at Alla Famiglia. It’s an Italian restaurant.

I fucking hate pasta. I’m sure Vinnie knows that too.

Just don’t be late.

Fine.


The scene fades to black to open back up to Thunder Knuckles the next day at Alla Famiglia. The media is all sitting far enough back from Thunder Knuckles to practice good social distancing and are spaced out from each other enough to do the same. Thunder Knuckles orders some food while the media watches. Thunder Knuckles also notices another empty table 7 feet away from where he’s sitting. The Media starts to ask questions to Thunder Knuckles when Tommy Wish sits at the next table.


First question. Do you feel that XWF does appropriate drug testing?

Look at this shit people. Vinnie Lane set this all up like a fucking press conference. Also to answer your fucking question. Fuck no, In fact, I want Tommy Wish to take a drug test. Because in order to step in the fucking ring with ‘Ol Thunder Knuckles you have to be on fucking drugs. Next question.


Thunder Knuckles points to another reporter.





How many xbux can, Tommy Wish, pay to get the XBUX Championship from you in this match


The reporter said facetiously. Thunder KNuckles looks annoyed because he hasn’t let anyone pay for a win since January 8th, 2020. Which so happened to be the Queen of XWF, Madison Dyson.


No amount of xbux will save Tommy Wish from the beating I'm going to place on him April 18th, 2020. He will be leaving a bloody fucking mess because I want him to. Watch and see. Tommy, I say watch and see because within the first three minutes of our match you're going to be concussed and won't remember the end of the match. So make sure you watch from your fucking hospital bed on April 19th, 2020 because on the 18th of April your getting knocked the fuck out. Oh and Tommy, You can say whatever you want because you rassle the same way you talk. Like shit. It’s my time to shine and your getting knocked the fuck out. You fucking has been, my bad never was. I already saw it in your fucking eyes when I walked past you backstage. Don’t posture for the fans in your goddamned promos because you're only going to let them down white trash America by doing so. By the way, nice new hair cut ya fucking jackass. A new haircut and clothes don’t mean a new fucking you.


Thunder Knuckles points to yet another member of the media.


Go ahead.

Many feel like Tommy Wish is going to use his experience to bully you around the ring. Do you have any comments on that?

Sure that's pretty easy. What happens to bullies when you stand up to them?


The reporters don't say anything and wait for Thunder Knuckles to continue.


The fuck, are you guys dense? They fold. So what I'm going to do to combat his “experience” is constantly moving forward on his bitch ass. If I get slammed. I’ll get back up and move forward. This fucking Jackass hasn't seen anything like me when I'm on a fucking mission. Oh, and the mission hasn’t fucking changed. I might have the most prestigious championship, in this ass crack of a company, the XBUX Championship but my mission hasn’t changed. I WILL get back everything I'm fucking owed.



Thunder Knuckles points to the first reporter.


We can all tell the tension between you two-


Thunder Knuckles cuts off the reporter.


Trust me motherfuckers, when I step in that rassling ring you’ll be able to cut the tension in the area with a fucking knife. Why?


Thunder Knuckles waits a good few minutes before another reporter answers.


Why?

Because I don’t like Tommy Wish. He’s a propped up shit house rassler whose achievements are overrated, at best. How many times has Tommy Wish beaten ‘Ol Thunder Knuckles?... Well?


The reporters refused to answer.


Fucking assclowns, the answer is NONE!… Now, how many times has ‘Ol Thunder Knuckles beaten Tommy Wish?


The reporters still refuse to answer.


Once… That’s not going to change on Savage except for the fact that ‘Ol Thunder Knuckles will have TWO wins over Tommy Wish. I’m fucking done with this bullshit press conference.


Thunder Knuckles stands up and as soon as he does you hear members of the media clamor for a face-off. Thunder Knuckles smiles like a cocky dickhead.


You’ll have to excuse me. I’m not willing to do a face-off at this time. As, Tommy Wish, fucking scares me when Tommy Wish looks at me.


Thunder Knuckles say sarcastically with that same cocky dickhead smile on his face.


Maybe another time and date. I don’t really want to do a face-off. I don’t want Tommy Wish to see the fear in my eyes.


Thunder Knuckles still being a sarcastic prick puts on the coolest pair of shades any human being has ever seen. The members of the media laugh.


That's why I'm wearing these fucking sunglasses.


Thunder Knuckles still cheesing from his comments puts both of his hands up like blinders as to cover the side of his face that Tommy Wish can see. While the reporters can still see Thunder Knuckles' face with his prick-ish smile.


I better do this too. So, Tommy, can’t see how fucking scared I am of him.


Thunder Knuckles still smiling behind his hand blinders. He walks away from the press conference but not before a female member of the media asks as Thunder Knuckles is walking away.


Honestly, What do you really think of Tommy Wish?


Thunder Knuckles looks annoyed and stops dead in his tracks because he was just trying to entertain the XWF fans around the world.


FINE! The truth. I don't give a fuck about Tommy Wish or ten fucking more men like him. If he wanted to fight then he’d have done it right here and now when I fucking clowned him. When that set up of a fucking face-off was brought up by you guys, the fucking media members. Which I'm sure was set up by Vinnie Lane's bitch ass. He isn't a fucking fighter just a pushed up puppet. I don’t give a fuck about Tommy Wish. I can beat him inside the ring, or outside the ring, under the ring, or in the crowd. However, the fuck he goddamn wants it. Because I'm here for one fucking reason and that reason is to get back what's mine. Management can out whoever the fuck they want up against me for the XBUX Championship and one by one they will fall. I will fight and beat every fucking one of them. Now piss off! I was only here to fulfill my obligations to XWF and get back what’s mine! You can talk now, Tommy, because talking is all you're going to do.


Thunder Knuckles leaves the press conference once and for all as the scene fades to black for the final time without a Drezdin/Knuckles 2020 campaign ad or a plug for Steven P. Coolie’s law office because frankly, it's not needed.