Having come out victorious in his first ever match, Jackie Peppers, one would think, should be ecstatic, having survived the wild stipulations surrounding the whole of it.


We see Jackie Peppers with a concerned look on his face. Still shaken from killing several people and having it covered up, followed by instruction to engage in binge drinking, Jackie seems like a neurotic wreck. He's seated next to Black Angus, his manager, and a third person. The new guy, speckled with freckles with a pair of wire framed spectacles, sits next to Black Angus, smiling blankly. The trio are seated on a run down love seat, all three squished together to fit.

A-Angus, I need to get out of here! Now they want me to go have a match with Glisten, who wants to touch my privates!

Aye, lad, the fella wishes to haf his wee wit ye. Aar ye gunna lit tha' happ'n?

N-No! I don't want my bathing suit parts messed with! Oooooh, I like girls!

I do to.

The mongoloid sitting next to Angus finally speaks.

Uh, Angus, I guess it's nice that you invited me to your house, but who's that guy?

Oh?

That's Bob Whiskey. Your new sparring partner.

Yes, the famous, or infamous, Bob Whiskey, former sparring partner to half of the XWF, sits next to Angus. He looks around on the filthy floor, which is littered with empty beer cans and Legos. He reaches down and picks up a Lego brick.

I like these.

Bob puts the Lego in his mouth.

Tha's not candy, ye git!

Angus, seated in the middle, his knees tightly shut so we can't see the wonders of what is up his kilt, mostly due to being squeezed in the middle on a tiny love seat, starts slapping Bob. Bob, oblivious to all of this, swallows the Lego.

Angus, why is that guy here! Why are we here?

Angus leers at Bob.

Trainin', lad, trainin'. Glisten willna' be an easy task fer ye.

He's a weird old pervert!

I'ma weird ole' pervert, too.

Yeah, but you...

I what, lad, I don't wanna tie ye up and have me way with ye?

I love candy.

Bob reaches down and picks up half of a crayon. He puts it in his mouth as Angus starts hitting him again.

Spet it out, ye beast. Stop eatin' me crayons!

Jackie stands up as Angus continues to occupy the space on the love seat dead center, pressed up against Bob Whiskey, who is currently chewing an Aquamarine Blue crayon with his mouth open. He stretches, and looks around what appears to be Angus's home. Except for the love seat against the wall, the room is empty save the random trash on the floor. The size of the interior screams that Angus lives in a trailer somewhere. Jackie walks a few steps into a kitchenette.

I'm hungry.

There's free candy everywhere.

I tole' ye, das not candy!

Bob reaches down and picks up a wrapper from a frozen burrito and puts it in his mouth. Jackie opens the door to a refridgerator. The camera comes around and shows the contents to be three half empty bottles of Catalina salad dressing and a single birkenstock. Jackie closes the fridge door.

Don't tik me birkenstock, its me last wun and da weekend is coming up.

Jackie looks back at Angus in dismay.

I need real food!

Order sumthin', ye gut paid!

Jackie reaches into his pocket and pulls out his cellphone. He fiddles around with it, probably going to Grubhub or some other website to get himself some chow. Bob picks up another Lego and eats it as Angus stands and walks into the kitchen. Angus opens a cupboard, which is full of identical full bottles of Johnny Walker, pulls a bottle out, and closes the cupboard. Angus opens the scotch, and points the bottle towards Jackie.

Have a nip, laddy, it'll help.

N-no! I almost didn't finish my last match.

Aye, but ye did, and in fine fashion. Ye even tussled in yer own vomit. Very Xtreme, laddy. Very Xtreme indeed.

Jackie reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a wallet. It's one of those fun ones you get from Spencers with a picture of Harley Quinn on it. He opens it and pulls out a plastic card. He begins to doddle on his phone while glancing at the card every so often. As he finishes, Bob approaches and picks up the credit card and puts it in his mouth.

Hey! That's not food!

Jackie snatches the card from Bob, who looks at Jackie blankly.

Sorry, I'm stupid.

Bob just stands there looking at Jackie as though all was explained and his stupid behavior was now excusable due to his knowing he's stupid, which is as brilliant as walking into a blizzard without a jacket and remarking "I'm cold" and just standing there instead of getting a jacket. Jackie goes to put his card away, but he sees Bob has picked his wallet up off the counter and already has it in his mouth.

Mmmm. Strawberry.

That's my wallet!

It's candy.

That's not candy!

Angus takes a slug of his scotch and steps towards Bob, swatting at him with an open hand.

Spet it out, ye mongrel! Dasna candy!

Bob stops and looks at both Jackie and Angus. His jaw clenches on the wallet as Angus grabs it, and both men play tug of war with Jackie's wallet.

Hey! You're going to ruin that! My aunt got it for me for Christmas!

Drop it!

Bob glares at Angus, both men maintaining eye contact as Angus tries to wrench Jackie's Harley Quinn wallet from Bob's maw.

Would you just, uh, put it down, please!

Drop it!

Bob takes a step backward and continues to try to win this particular tug of war using his mouth, and not his hands, as Angus sips his whiskey and Jackie looks forlorn over his favorite and probably only wallet. Jackie takes a step back, and his face explodes with a shocked look. Bob drops the wallet, which hits the counter and sprays slobber everywhere. Angus looks back at Jackie.

Wha's rung?

I stepped on a Lego!

CANDY!!!

Bob gets on his knees and picks the Lego brick out of Jackie's bare foot, putting it in his mouth. Angus tugs on the shoulder of Jackie's t-shirt.

C'mon, lad, lemme show yew sumthin'.

Angus leads Jackie down a hall beyond the kitchenette. He opens a door, and inside is a dresser, old and worn, with a broken tube television on top of it with an episode of Cheers playing, scrolling vertically, as though you're watching Sam, Cliff, Norm, Coach, Diane, and Carla on some infinite dumbwaiter. The camera pans to show where Angus sleeps.



The car bed, laden with a filthy, disgusting stain covered matress, sits in the corner. Angus pulls from his bottle then points at his disgusting car bed.

This'll be where ye be trainin'.

What? Angus, is that where you sleep?

Aye. The most luxurious wee ta slep in da worl', it is.

It was, in fact, not the most luxurious way to sleep in the world.

B-but, Angus, how am I supposed to train for my match in your car bed?

As Jackie says this, his eyes go wide. If his skeleton could jump from his body and run, it would. Behind him we see Bob Whiskey.

Peek-a-boo.

OH MY GOD HE'S PINCHING MY BUTT!

Glisten'll do same, boy. Best be ready fer it.

Bob then lies down in Angus's hepatitis den of a car bed. Angus pulls out a roll of duct tape and starts to tape Bob's right wrist to the plastic rear wing on the fender of the car bed.

Okay, now, Jackie, I'ma secure Bobby here to da bid, and ye can pructice havin' yer wee widdim.

Angus turns and sees Jackie is bolting from the room.