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Guppy Parsh · (08-18-2017)

~Act VIII~

It was time for Alfie and Scully to take little Aston home. It had been a fun and entertaining day that's for sure. On the way back, both father and son slept in the back of the car. When they arrived at Natalie's house and Alfie pulled in the drive, Aston woke up by himself. After turning the engine off, Alfie had to wake Skull up by nudging him a few times. Scully was back to his normal self, the diary sat on his lap with the pen. Skull notices Natalie's mothers car, also on the drive.

"Did we have a fun day?"

"Didn't think I'd ever see the

you again but can't say it wasn't fun."

"I wasn't too bad was I?"

"Quite funny actually."

Scully undoes his seatbelt and gets out of the car. He walks round to the other side and gets out Aston after undoing his belt too. Skull picks Aston and carries him in his arms, picks up the Thomas bag, closing the door behind them. Skull walks to the front door and rings the doorbell.

Natalie's mum, Anna answers the door.

"Hi Mike."

"Hi. He's a little tired but he did just have a nap. He's eaten too."

"That's Okay. Thanks."

Aston gives Scully a big squeeze and a kiss.

"I love ya mate."

Scully passes Alfie to Anna and hands over the bag.

"Natalie not here?"

"No.... She's gone on a date?"

"A date? With who?"

"Just some guy called Charles. You ruined your relationship."

"Thanks for reminding me. It was my fault... Anyway I'm gonna go. Bye Anna.
Bye mate."

"Okay bye."

Scully gives Aston a kiss on the forehead and walks back to the car. He enters this passenger door this time and takes a seat.

"Thanks for today mate."

"No problem...."

All of sudden Batman pops forward from the backseat and sticks his head in between Alfie and Scully.

"Hey Scully! Don't ask why I'm here I have no idea. Oh! Hi guy from Scully's promos! What's up? What are we doing? Why am I here? Who's promo is this? What day is it? It's Sunday isn't it? Are we in London? If we aren't in London we need to get there!"

I guess aimlessly asking stupid questions that you should know the answer to is what passes for comedy now. Excuse me while I blow my fucking brains out.

Wow what a surprise, Guppy just got into the back of the car and no one noticed. How did he do that?

Scully turns his head and greets his Tag-Team partner.

"Hey Gupster, great way to make an entrance, pal."

Scully approves the way Guppy showed up and gives him the thumbs up.

Alfie looks at Scully then turns to look at Guppy.

"So you're Guppy? The guy who injected my good pal to make him goofy again?"

"Come on, don't call me that!"

"Yeah, I'm really glad that stuff seems to have no long term effects or anything. It's very convenient."

"So that makes it okay does it? Cuz I'm telling you now if it does effect him permanently, I won't be happy!"

"Don't be like that, Alf. Guppies cool."

"I'm just looking out for my friend, Skull."

Alfie seems a bit agitated by the whole

thing.

"Plus, if we didn't have a plot device to make Scully act funny, then we'd just be lying when we call ourselves Team

. Lying is bad. The only drawback to this whole thing is that it did put us on the radar of an evil hate group, but they seem pretty harmless. They're more afraid of us than we are of them."

"Lying to who? What are we meant to be lying about? I'm confused."

"You can't just make-up a cool tag team name and then not actually be that thing at all. That's like calling yourself a king but in reality you just won a wrestling match against someone, or saying you're a dragon when you're just a guy who is good at Kung Fu and can't breathe fire."

"He has a point, Alfie. It's like you, you're gay, openly gay and if you said you were straight then you would defeat the object of calling yourself gay."

"Are you being

again? Being gay isn't a choice!"

"Calm down, it was just a joke. Sometimes you can act like a diva."

Guppy nods, all he knew was that homosexuality was an unfortunate affliction, then suddenly some of his wife's earlier cunty-ness seeps out of his mouth by mistake, "Are we there yet? Is the car even moving?"

Another intelligent question from Guppy Parsh! He's full of them today.

The car is at a stand still; it isn't even running. Anna, Natalie's mum looks out the window and then walks back in.

"Come on Alf, let's get outta here."

"Before we go anywhere, curiosity killed the cat. But how did you even get here, Guppy?"

"I flew here to spend the night in this car because my wife got her hands on more divert from the plot serum. It's just supposed to be plot juice but apparently when used on women it just makes them more useless, instead of useful like it does on Scully." Guppy wonders if Alfie had any and if that explains this fiasco, gays are like women. He notes to himself to test the plot serum on gay rapists. "I knew the plot wouldn't move forward if I stayed at home with her; that's for sure."

Alfie starts the car and begins driving whilst Guppy explains the situation and how he got there. Alfie raises his eyebrows.

"Oh Okay?! Sorry but you can't stay in my car...."

"Cuz you can stay at mine instead ya daft nelly. Even though I should leave you to sleep on the streets considering I wonder why a

Scully is more useful than me right now? I think better, speak better, I am totally better."

"You're right, Scully, I probably shouldn't assume normal Scully would have left me to die two weeks ago. In fact I wouldn't have got into that mess in the first place if I listened to normal Scully." Guppy considers something he didn't think of before. "You're actually onto something. Let's put ourselves first today. If we hear about a rape happening then I'm completely fine with ignoring it until after our match and seeing how that goes. I'm not employed by Google, so I am allowed to be a man of science after all. I won't say mean things like that anymore either, it's rude."

A smile emerges on Scully's face, there was going to be NO rape hunting bullshit, just the number one contenders for the tag titles, hanging out.

"Wow, that's a relief. We have a tag-team title match ya know? I don't even know why we're still in Miami?!

"Who have you spent all day with even being

and all?"

"You unfortunately. Me joke, me joke. Seeing my son of course."

"Exactly Skull. Ya both know that Miami to London is about a 10 hour non stop flight?

Pushing it a bit don't ya think? Unless ya got some kind of BatJet or something?!"

Alfie begins to laugh, he finds it amusing.

"Oh! I have a BatJet! It flies very fast. Wow, the conflict of our promo was averted just like that! I didn't even need this!" Guppy carelessly tosses his chainsaw out the car window.

"I'll like to have a go in this BatJet sometime?"

Alfie pulls up outside Scullys flat.

"Here we are!"

"Cool! Thanks Alfie and Scully for the ride!" the world's greatest detective gets out of the car. "I'm ready to fly us to London whenever you're ready, Scully!"

"Lets go in my flat, then we can decide when to go."

Scully looks at Alfie, "You gonna come in?"

"No thanks. I'm gonna go home, me and Jamie are going out for dinner."

"Okay have a nice time and tell Jay I said hello. Thanks for today."

"No problem mate. I'll see ya later."

Scully gets out of the car and closes the door behind him. Alfie opens the passenger window, "Nice to meet you Gup."

"Likewise! Sorry if I was a bit crabby earlier. I get cranky when I wake up in unfamiliar places! Have a nice day." Batman follows after Scully.

Alfie beeps the horn as he drives off. Skull puts his key in the communal door and they enter the hall way. They walk up to Skull's flat and he uses another key to open it. Guppy follows Scully and they walk into the small living room area.

"So Gupster, want a drink?"

"Yes please! Do you have any milk?"

"Yeah sure mate, let me get you some."

Scully goes into the kitchen, then into the cupboard and grabs out a glass, placing on the side. He opens the fridge, takes the lid off and pours Guppy a glass of milk. He then takes the glass of milk into the living room and hands it over.

"Thanks Scully!" shouts Guppy before gulping half the glass; his milk-mustache resistant cowl is in full effect today leaving no milk facial hair of any kind. "Did you know milk helps build strong bones?"

"Talk about milking it...

Guppy did you know that in one promo, Theo Pryce spent the entire time, complaining that I spoke about my past? He kept saying that all I did was give the people a history lesson? I mean come on, talk about having no material when you need to bitch about that?! He said nothing else, so if I gave a history lesson the entire time then he just as bad for speaking about 'The History Lesson' the entire time he rambled on. Then in another promo he explained to everyone what was happening in my promo... I know sometimes I'm

but my promos don't have viewers discretion to

only. Like they didn't understand what was happening so he has to explain it because his promos are boring."

"Theo you are a wasted talent. Your qualities are endless. Wrestling part time, disappearing from XWF, returning and just trying to take over as soon as you're back. Gifting yourself championships cuz you can't actually win one...
Not only are you a self proclaimed King, King of sucking cock. You are exceptional at narrating other people's promos. Your CV must be 20 pages long...."

Guppy finishes his milk and stands there awkwardly with an empty glass. Scully takes the glass from him and sets it in the sink.

"I'm not Theo, why did you tell me all that?"

"Let's just go."

"Okay!" Guppy runs out the door, then steps back inside and opens a window. "It'll be easier if we just jump into the plane from here."

"Of course it will," Scully grabs a gym bag filled with the essentials then follows Guppy out the window closing it behind him.

[Meanwhile...somewhere else in Miami...]
[August 19th: The Future]

Ring!

Charles: "Hello?"

Drew: "This plan is fucking terrible! How am I suppose to kill someone with this thing? I can't even figure out how to cock the damn thing!

Charles: "Cock it? The fuck does that mean? That sounds gay."

Drew: "It's a gun term so it can't be gay. It's that thing you do before you can shoot it, you know, you pull on the shaft?"

Charles: "Now you're sounding gay on purpose. You're the American you know more about guns than me, look it up or something."

Drew: "Right, just because Hitler was right about guns that doesn't men I can't look up how to use them...um can I get a status report on Natalie?"

Charles: "She's bound and tied in the trunk or whatever we Brits call that."

Drew: "The boot?"

Charles: "That's right, thanks."

Drew: "Jeez, you spend half a week in 'Merica and you're already forgetting your funny words, talk about cultural domination."

Charles: "Shut ya cunt flap mate. Are we done here?"

Drew: "Ye-," Charles immediately hangs it. Drew wastes no time and phones Ted and Dave.

Ted: "Hey mate it's Ted."

Dave: "And Dave, we're chatting on the same phone we are."

Drew: "Do you have your special outfits on?"

Ted and Dave look down; Ted is wearing a sweet Batman hoodie and Dave is wearing a very nice shirt, wow he's almost as stylish as Scully.

Ted: "Do we ever!"

Dave: "Lookin' slick matey!"

Ted: "Arrrgh!"

Drew: "Wow, you Brits seem like parodies of yourselves tonight. I hope it doesn't affect the plan. It's bad juju...maybe we should reschedule? I mean if the jokes are this bad already there's no way you'd be able to pull of impersonating Team

2.0."

Ted as Grand Moff Tarkin: "Evacuate? In our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances."

Drew: "That's a great impression Ted, but we all know what happened to Tarkin right after he said that."

Dave: "Oh right! BOOM!"

Ted: "KABLAMO!"

Dave: "Explosion!"

Drew: "He died a

death. We don't want that to happen to us."

Ted: "It won't boss!"

Dave: "Aye yi captain!"

Classic Ted and Dave! Pretending to be pirates! Funny guys! Drew hangs up and calls the member of the team with saggy bags on their chest.

Betsy: "Hey sugar."

Drew: "'Sup dime nipples, we probably won't need you on fucking duty. Scully just released a promo today where he was

. Is the candy trail in order?"

Betsy: "It's just how you left it."

Drew: "Perfect! What are you wearing?"

Betsy: "It's a surprise."

Drew: "I love that, Scully's one lucky

]
[color=#DAA520]
Betsy: "Or he'll think he is."

Drew: "Hey...when the mission is over what do you say about surprising me?"

....

Drew: "Hello?"

.....

Drew: "Betsy?"

......

Drew: "She must've cut out, that's definitely it. It wasn't something I said."

Drew hangs up.

[Meanwhile...elsewhere in Miami..]

Charlies stares down at his phone, gets his voice changer ready, dials Scully's number, and listens to it ring.

[Somewhere in between Miami and London]

Scully is riding in the BatJet twiddling his thumbs and listening to the BatRadio.

[Scully's Flat]

RING!

RING!

RING!

RING!

[Meanwhile...somewhere else in Miami...]

Charles: "Pick up asshole! Fuck! Voice mail! I hate leaving messages!"

BEEP!

Charles: "Hey Skull it's an old enemy of yours. I have your ex tied up. Come get her and risk forfeiting your title match or I'll rape her! MUHAHAHA

ACK ACK

Charles coughs into the receiver. Charles: "I'm getting l-l-aid ahem laid! And I'm in Miami! Not Hawaii! Get it? Those flower necklace things! Kind of an American pun, so it's weird that I'm making it to you of all people, but there it is! Not that I'm necessarily from the UK as well! My identity is a secret!"

Charles hangs up satisfied with his threatening message.

Charles parks the car in the brand new Kill

To Unionize warehouse, and gets Drew as fast as he can.

Drew: "Did you call him?"

Charles: "Yep."

Drew: "What did he say?"

Charles: "I left a message."

Drew: "Oh...That means they could be coming for us at literally any time. Shit! You were suppose to keep calling until you got a live person, so we'd have some way of knowing when they got the message, right?"

Charles: "My bad I forgot."

Drew: "What if Scully doesn't ever check his phone?"

Charles: "Well then he wouldn't fall into our trap!"

Drew: "Crap, do we have a plan B?"

Charles: "I thought the hoe was plan B?"

Drew: "Forget her..."

Charles: "Ted and Dave are at the arena, maybe they can pretend the arena was called and deliver a message for them?"

Drew starts hammering the buttons on his phone.

Drew as Princess Leia: "Help me Ted and Dave, you're my only hope."

Ted as Luke Skywalker: "She's beautiful."

Dave as Obi-Wan and Yoda: "That's your sister! Moron!"

Ted: "The dick wants what the dick wants."

Drew: "Shut up Ted, we're done with the incest jokes. I killed the guy responsible for them."

Dave: "Good, that's nasty."

Ted: "G'day mate."

Drew: "I thought you were from the UK, not Australia?"

Dave: "Put another shrimp on the barbie mate!"

Ted: "The dingo ate your baby!"

Drew: "I'll just get to it then...Charles and I need you guys to tell Team

2.0 that Scully's ex wife has been kidnapped when they get there. Make sure to find them and tell them she could be raped. This is very important. I won't get to bone Brooke Baldwin if you fuck this up."

Ted: "Whatever you say boss."

Dave: "They're in for trouble!"

Ted: "Make it double!"

Drew: "Go get 'em!"

Ted and Dave hang up their phone, turn around, and immediately walk into a dessert kart.

Ted: "Cookies are cool!"

Dave: "Brownies, man."

Well, there went that plan. Ted and Dave spent the next few hours stuffing their faces with sweets allowing Guppy Parsh and Scully to show up on time, wrestle their match and win the XWF Tag Team Championships.

Ted: "Eh! Scully! Pasta pizza! It's a me Tedio!"

Dave whacks Ted on the head.

Dave: "We were supposed to tell him something, right?"

Ted: "We think you suck now!"

Dave: "Yeah!"

Scully ignores them and goes off to do something important.

Ted: "You ain't bad! You ain't nothing! You ain't nothing!"

"Hi guys! Did you guys like your dessert?"

Dave: "It's was so good we forgot our orders!"

Ted: "Orders? Are we waiters?"

"I don't think so. Waiters don't wear hoodies or shirts that nice!"

Ted and Dave look down and both meet their palms with their faces.

"Do you guys like my new belt?"

Ted: "Wow! It's shiny, but we just remembered our orders!"

Dave: "Tell Scully his ex wife got kidnapped back in Miami!"

"No can do, that's out of my jurisdiction."

Ted: "Out of your juris-what?"

Dave: "They might rape her, Batman!"

Guppy steps back in horror, "Why didn't you say so?" Batman runs to Scully as the scene fades away.

Guppy fin.

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