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Guppy Parsh · (08-04-2017)

~Act IV~

"Hi Drew's mom!"

"Good afternoon, Sean. You know you can call me Sandy."

"Right, I forgot," in all his fantasies she was just Drew's mom, "Sandy, do you want to have sex?"

"How dare you ask me that! I'm a lady with a vagina! You can't just ask a lady with a vagina that!" she bites her lip.

Sean shrugs, "It was worth a try I guess," he says to himself before pulling the net out of his pocket.

"I'll be upstairs waiting for you."

"I'll be right there," says Sean, returning the net to his pocket for later use. Unsure of how long he should wait before following her, Sean starts fiddling with junk on the coffee table and finds a brick. "This could make a great prank," thinks Sean as he creaks the front door open slightly and places the brick on top of the ajar door. Satisfied with his trap he rushes upstairs.

VSSHHHHHERRRRMMMM!

What the fuck was that? "It sounds like a jet just landed outside," says Sandy as Sean enters.

Sean looks out the window, and frowns when he sees the BatJet. That's his least favorite jet.

"Come on, Scully, I might need your help to break the door down."

"brakin' dors is meanie weenie!"

"Fine, I'll go check it first."

Sean, thinking fast shines his laser pointer out the window to get Scully's attention. Scully's eyes light up at the sight of the little red dot and before he can even process a thought finds himself chasing it up and down the BatJet and around the front yard.

Meanwhile, Guppy pushes the slightly ajar front door open and

SMACK!

ends up with the last thing you'd want before a wrestling match! A concussion! Now he'll have to run the ropes like a rookie! His back might hurt as a result! The cowl offers very little protection as the brick lands on his head and knocks him unconscious.

"Hey Sandy, can you play laser pointer with Scully for a few minutes? Think of it as foreplay. Something came up."

Sandy plot agrees to do that, yes really, and Sean goes downstairs. Sean grabs Guppy's utility belt from his person, fastens it around his own waist, picks up his chainsaw, and fireman carries the unconscious Guppy next door.

~Act V~

[Drew's Apartment That Is Next Door To His Mom's House Somehow]

The scene opens to Drew staring at a wall while waiting to be involved in the plot. He turns and looks at the camera then shakes his head. He never gave permission to be in this promo or any promo for that matter. He sighs. The door flies open and Sean enters carrying an unconscious man in a Batsuit over his shoulder and holding a chainsaw in his other hand.

"Guess who interrupted me before I could fuck your mom?" Then Sean gestures to his waist, "Do you like my belt?"

"It's perfect, I've been meaning to speak with him; I even prepared that wall over there for the occasion." Drew points to some shackles and chains. As Sean passes him, Drew takes the chainsaw.

Sean chains Batman to the wall with relative ease, then looks back at Drew, "I'm going to go grab Scully now, have fun with the Bat," Sean leaves the way he came.

"I won't have nearly as much fun as you would have," says Drew once Sean is out of earshot.

Drew grabs a bucket, goes to his sink and fills the bucket with cold water. Moments later he returns and empties the bucket on Batman's face.

Guppy's eyes flicker open and meet Drew's cold stare.

"You know, Batman, we're not so different you and I."

"Who are you?"

"It's me, Drew. You know from your promos, whenever I do anything of note it ends up in your promo somehow."

"Right! What did you say? We're not different?"

"That's what I said alright."

"Pfft. I'm nothing like you."

"Really? Nothing?"

"I can't think of a single thing we have in common. I guess we're both white. We're both dudes."

"That's true, but our similarities go beyond the privileges we've shared since birth."

"No they don't."

"They don't? Well, I've watched your promos since this little tag team tournament began, and I've noticed things. I was surprised at first to see how often I appeared. I learned some things about that fucking

Sean that I'll never forgive or forget. Then I learned about you most of all.

You've stolen a plot device from your friend, you've lied to a judge, and you've coerced your tag partner into injecting drugs he didn't want. Plot drugs that didn't even do what you told him they'd do. You even forced the needle into his arm a bit ago, didn't you? All because you were so fixated on cheating to win this tournament.

We will both do anything outside of raping to fulfill our goals. Isn't that right?"

"I didn't do any of that f-."

"It's on tape."

"Drew, you're attributing a motive I didn't have. I didn't do any of that for that reason. I didn't steal the plot serum from Nixon; he said he was willing to help in any way he could. That includes me taking things that will help me without his knowledge. The plot device was just to make Scully feel better. I had no idea he'd turn into an awesome wrestler!"

"It sounds like you justified theft the same way Sean justified rape."

"Well, that's not fair! Rape is way worse than theft!"

"Until very recently theft was rape."

"Oh whatever!"

"I'm sure you have a billion ways to justify what you did. 'I wasn't trying to make him a better wrestler artificially, I just knew

Scully would help me track down Sean' that's just fantasy.

Scully is good for nothing. You poke him with your plot syringe and he becomes a meathead who thinks you're so cool. It's just one big ego stroke for you, isn't it?"

"It makes him less capable of killing himself! That's good! Right?"

"You're asking me? The bottom line is, only a

is capable of respecting you. You know that and I know that, and that's something we don't have in common, Guppy. We both want the same things. You're

, so maybe you can't understand that."

"You're right, I don't. You want to kill the mentally disadvantaged and I kill rapists. We're different."

"Rapists and

have quite the overlap, Batman. We can work together. You can kill that

Sean. I'll take care of Scully. I'll replace him Jack Cain style as a member of the newly formed Team Kill

. We win the tournament. We win the XWF Tag Team Championships. Then we kill all the rapists and

who stand in our way. It's exactly what you've wanted."

"I don't know. You just said that I am

, so doesn't that mean you have to kill me?"

"No, I meant slang

; you're not actually

] lies Drew.
[color=#FFFFE0]
"Okay...well I still don't know."

Drew revs Guppy's chainsaw. "You really don't have a choice."

"You can't kill me if I'm not

]

[color=#32CD32]"Join me, or I'll kill you. You'd have to be

to choose not to join me."

"That's not how it works!"

"Of course that's how it works. I am the arbiter of what's

! I was chosen to make this distinction! I call the shots around here!"

"Murder is bad, unless you're killing a rapist. You won't get away with this!"

"I will get away with it.....because someone else told me to do it."

"Who?"

CRASH!

The wall to Guppy's left crumbles and a nightmarish red evil hovers over the rubble.

[Image: sun750.jpg]

"Behold! The great and powerful

. He's quite the blast from your past, isn't he Guppy?"

"And the present too! I see the sun everyday!"

"I am not the sun, though I am a star. I am the God that haunted you before you got that dumb costume. Do you remember? I cursed you." the voice's questions burned answers in the bluest skies.

"Um...no, there was a different voice and that was the one that cursed me. If you're going to ruin my promo by referencing three year old promos, the least you could do is get your facts straight! That curse was bogus anyway. I die or my 'life drains out until I'm nothing' if I'm pinned. Whatever was supposed to happen didn't; even though I was pinned twice it didn't do anything. Your curse was fake news."

"Fake?" the voice was always authentic, "Your humanity has been fading ever since. Remember when you cured Stevil and he died anyway?"

"Dude, that was before I was pinned. I know this is some really dumb, forced, and uninteresting stuff, but you were directly involved apparently, so get it straight."

"That's right, Stevil's death had nothing to do with my curse. Everyone and their mom claiming to be Stevil all long did though!" the voice's machinations were unspeakably evil.

"Okay? Well that was just annoying. So that's it? Your curse just made a few of my promos harder to keep track of? This is dumb. No one cares. You're costing me the artistic high ground here! It may have been over three years ago, but I still remember how to destroy you. Why don't you just give me an order so I can refuse to do it, and you die the same way you did before? This is exhausting."

"You think that actually worked? All it did was wound me until I found a new host," the voice was a dog whistle to ableists.

"Oh, okay then. Drew, when he gives you an order just refuse to do it. This character served their purpose already. We don't need him anymore. It only has power over you if you let it."

"That's where you're wrong Guppy. He may have served your purpose, but he hasn't finished helping me kill all the

yet."

"Right, that must be why he talks normal now? If he expresses himself naturally you'll kill him? Hardly a working relationship."

"Like you don't do the same thing. Rapists are doing what their brains tell them to do and you kill them for it. That is what we are all about. Rapists act like animals as do

. The true humans, you and me, need to put down these dogs."

"Rape is a choice!

are born that way!"

"So that's where our difference lies. You're one of those

that still believes in free will. No one has a choice, Batman. Everyone does what their brain chemistry and surroundings tells them to do. I'm not very good at explaining it, because I didn't come up with that, but it's the truth!"

Guppy leans forward as much as his chains will allow him and licks Drew's nose, "Did my brain chemistry and surroundings tell me to do that?"

"Um...yes...your brain chemistry and surroundings made you a smart ass."

"Oh, well I mean I can't disprove that...but I still don't believe it! What were even talking about? I feel like we've gone off topic."

"I was offering you a chance to join me before I killed you."

"Right, um no? Kill me I guess? My brain chemistry and surroundings say I'd never agree to do that!"

"Well, I guess you chose poorly, didn't you?"

"No, my brain chemistry and surroundings did!"

"If your brain is wrong it must die!" Drew revs the chainsaw again.

VROOM!

CRASH!

The opposite wall is also reduced to rubble as Scully appears in his nice shirt holding Sean by the neck.

"Leaf me fwend baitmen alon!"

Scully chucks Sean at the bad guys; Drew just smirks and cuts him out of the air slicing his heart in two. Sean cries out in horror, as Drew looms over him.

"Did you honestly think I wouldn't find out, Sean? Only

men and women think dudes are hot.

die in my world! Keep screaming! Keep dying,

!"

"Yes, kill!" the voice admired the sweet bleeding release and the pain in Sean's eyes. "Die

]

Scully wastes no time, grabs the talking red fireball and holds it above his head.

"Balls iz hawt hawt owie!"

[color=#800000]"Let me down!" the voice wasn't afraid of heights it just didn't like being held.

Scully drops the red ball and punts it out of the room as Drew yanks the chainsaw out of Sean's bleeding future corpse. Drew holds the chainsaw over his head and tries to swing down at Scully, but Scully grabs him by the elbow and throws him backward, knocking the chainsaw into one of Guppy's shackles, and breaking his right arm free. Guppy gets his free arm around Drew's neck and Scully kicks Drew right in the dick. Drew drops the chainsaw to hold his hurt balls, Guppy lets go of his neck, and Drew scurries off in the direction the smaller sun was punted.

Scully grabs the remaining chain and snaps it in his hands. Once free, Batman immediately reaches for his utility belt, but there is nothing there, so he grabs the chainsaw and throws it in Drew's direction. Drew is able to close a door behind him just in time to block the chainsaw. It falls to the ground and breaks into several pieces.

Guppy looks back at Scully who is looking down at Sean's bleeding messy corpse, "Scoot back a little Scully, the blood will ruin your shoes and your nice shirt."

"Izzie gon be oky k? brig boo boo!"

Guppy spots his utility belt around Sean's waist, and bends down to grab it. "He'll be fine. We'll just leave him lying here and he'll be back to normal in a few minutes." Batman fastens his utility belt around his waist.

"R U sur? he lok ded"

"He's just playing, the ketchup will stain though."

Scully grabs a broken plank of wood and pokes the body with it and starts laughing.

"Sen izunt mooove aal all he funy!"

"Silly Sean!" Batman presses a button on his belt and his BatJet parks itself outside the apartment complex. "Come on Scully, the sooner we get to Universal Studios the sooner I can buy you a big cookie!"

Scully runs off to the BatJet leaving funny Sean to lie in his blood. Guppy looks down at the body with dissatisfaction on his face. If only he got to do it himself.

Guppy fin.

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