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Neville Sinclair · (07-03-2017)

The camera pans into Neville’s study. Neville sits at his desk and smiles once the camera turns on to him. Behind him sits a number of balloons, and on his desk sits a cake. Neville’s newly won Television Title sits on a special stand to his right. Ravel’s “Daphnis & Chloe” plays in the background.

I told you, you all doubted me, but I told you all that I was here to take over. I’ve now won my first title in the XWF and I look forward to winning as many as I can. Jack Cain, nothing brought me more joy than to see you bruised up and lying there. I look forward to doing the same thing to you. But… I’ll speak more on Jack Cain another time.

Neville cuts a piece of cake and begins eating it

Today, I want to get together with all of you and celebrate Matty Courage’s wonderful career. I’ve now had the pleasure of being against him twice, so he really does hold a special place for me. I’ve composed a highlight reel of his best moments. Watch this with me, will you?

A video plays showing Courage in a bar for a few seconds and Neville beating Courage during last week’s show. The video ends abruptly.

That’s it? Seriously, that’s all we could find? He comes out once to try and call me out, gets beaten and goes MIA after? Congratulations on a career of mediocrity. Honestly, the reason I enjoy getting to meet you again this week is because it makes a much better trivia question for years down the road. Who did Neville beat in his first match? Matty Courage! Who did Neville beat in his third match? Matty Courage again! How great is it that all Courage will be remembered for is a stepping path for me to win championships? He’s a footnote, a trivia answer, someone no one will remember come August. But, I get to show him that, I get to be the one to beat him and then destroy him. I get to end his career.

Neville pops the balloons and looks at his belt

So today, Matty, I want to celebrate you. Not because you’ve achieved anything, but because I think it’s time to put your career to rest. This is your retirement celebration Matty Courage. If you don’t have the balls to show up this week, I can’t imagine you ever doing anything of any circumstance in this federation. I mean look at your legacy, you show up in this federation, go to a bar, and that’s about it. I think I’m going to enjoy this week. So Matty, to celebrate your illustrious career, I’ve decided to get you three gifts. I know, I know, I’m a generous guy. But I figure, if I’m going to be the guy who cuts your career short, I might as well be a little generous. So I’d bet you’re wondering what your first gift is, aren’t you? I think you’ll really like this one. Come with me.

Neville ushers the camera into a side room. On a big screen tv, the clips of Matty Courage plays over and over again to an audience of three people. Two men who are obviously homeless, sit at a table with a pint in each hand. A woman in a dirty night dress sits half sleeping in the corner, the only time she moves is when she needs to move her oversized spaghetti strap over her barely covered breasts.

You know what this is Matty? We’ve found your biggest fans! We wanted to hold a viewing party for the biggest Matty Courage fans we could find, so we took to social media. Of course, we couldn’t find any there, so we hired anyone we could find on the street so you don’t feel bad about yourself.

Neville turns to the tiny crowd in the room

So can we get a cheer for Matty Courage then? Come on, it’s all he’ll ever get in terms of cheers from an audience, let’s hear it for Matty!

Fuck Off

When we getting paid?

Soon mate, soon.

Neville turns to the camera and whispers

If this doesn’t excite you, I think you may be able to get a quick shag from Old Lucy over there. I hear either 20 quid or three Guinness will get you 20 minutes in heaven. I’ll even put up the cost if it helps you show up to our match this week. Right Lucy?

Lucy stays asleep nodding off even further, the strap slips completely off exposing her breast to the camera.

That's a bit much isn't it? Let's move on. It’s time for my second gift

Neville moves back into his study where a change of name certificate sits on his desk

This is something I think you need to move on with your life. I don’t usually make fun of names, but what grown man in his right mind allows himself to be named Matty? It sounds like a pet name your mother calls you when she packs your lunch. How do you ever expect to get taken seriously when you’ve called yourself Matty Courage? Here’s a piece of life advice for you, change your name! I don’t know where you’re going in life but I know it’s not to the top of this wrestling federation. So do yourself a favour, achieve some respectability, change your name to Matthew, Matt, or something along those lines. Just do something, because “Matty Courage” sounds like a toddler who’s trying to come up with an exotic dancer name.

Neville sits down and pours himself a shot of Scotch. The good stuff. It’s a 12 year old Singleton of Dufftown.

So you’re probably wondering what your last gift is, aren’t you Courage? Well I’ll leave you guessing no more. It’s me. I’m giving you the opportunity to face me one more time. You get the pleasure of being able to stand toe to toe with greatness and say you did. One day, everyone will know my name, I’ll be the champion everyone knows and remembers. The gift I’m giving you is that people will be able to use your name and my name in the same sentence because of our two matches. That’s a damn gift Matty. You can’t put a good value on that. But don’t think you even stand half a chance. I’m not going to take it easy on you. I’m not going to give you a chance to win. I want to absolutely destroy you on Wednesday night. I want to beat you to within an inch of your life and make you an example.

Neville looks up at his title once more and takes his shot

People will be looking for me to make an example of you Matty. I have to use this match to prove myself. Jack Cain will be watching too. Matty, the reason I feel I have to be nice to you know is because you don’t know what’s coming in the ring on Wednesday. Now that I have gold around my waist, people are coming for me. If I don’t put in a performance that would put doubt in anyone’s mind, I’m defeating myself. So be warned Matty Courage, you’re the squash match I need to prove to the XWF that I’m a worthy champion.

Neville opens the top drawer and pulls out a wrapped gift

Oh yeah, and I got you a damn watch. Learn how to show up on time, asshole.

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