"Hippocratic Hack"

Darkness.

Darkness because I'm a weak-ass punk motherfucker who believes House of a 1000 Corpses and absence of light scare a real man.

Chains.

Chains because I'm a gimp-ass gay grandpa who exists as a slave to cliché metaphor.

A bathroom.

A bathroom because I'm fulla shit and I've gotta unload.

Cadryn.

Cadryn 'cause I'm clearly in need o' comedy to break up all the baseless boring bullshit.

Cadryn in a bathroom with me.

Cadryn in a bathroom with me due to the fact that I'm a who possesses a creepy connection to a cum-guzzlin' cowboy already reverting back to his historical days of loserdom with a cock-puppet.

Cadryn inexplicably speaking in my voice.

Cadryn inexplicably speaking in my voice because I think I'm bein' clever but in actuality I'm running some sorta stupidass shenanigan no one will end up givin' a shit about when I decide to reveal what the fuck is goin' on. Does anyone care what this M. Knight Shyamalan shit will twist out to?

Probably not but they'll applaud anyway. I need people to worship me. I'm that fuckin' arrogant.

::The lights flicker on::

I appear standing before an XWF camera crew in the ring setup for Savage to kick off about 48 hours from now.

A ring, not a bathroom.

A ring and not a bathroom because I'm Jim fucking Caedus and I ain't about bullshit, I'm about owning opponents.

I raise my hands to reveal my index fingers clasped in place by Chinese fingercuffs. I mock struggle to free myself before I execute the easy solution and slip out.

"Oooooh shit...better watch your ass Doc, Raven. I've just been unleashed. That WAS what you were goin' for, right Dic? Douchebag...

Doc, three words come to mind- rather, _linger_ since your dickless deadline bombing this past Friday prior to Savage:

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That's all there is to it.

Pussy. What you lack in balls, however, you cover in brains. At least brains enough to realize should you let me, I'll flip that famous Doc D'Ville donnybrookin' around better than you ever could, force you to your knees and make you suck my dick like it's one o' those cigars upon which you're so phallically fixated, . You're afraid o' me...and your inevitable denial o' that fact don't make it any less factual, it just makes you pathetic. Do _I_ sound afraid o' _you_? Hell no...I came at your CARE.com client cuck self without fear o' reprisal before...but this time, I'll wait 'til you have the courage to fire first for your team. It ain't like Chaos didn't provide you with enough to talk shit on with that suspiciously purposefully weak wind-up and softball pitch.

Just who the fuck are you to cast aspersions on a professional/platonic tag partner relationship, ya ever raising hairline hack hypocrite? Correct me if I'm wrong, weren't you tenderly luggin' around the dead body o' Unknown Soldier before The Kings arrived you Ed Gein gayrod geek? Yeah, shut the fuck up, Dic, before I backhand bicuspids out your teabag bullseye, bitch.

Did I hear you claim you'd be the one to "throw me in my place eventually"? Doc, any fuckin' time you wanna get down one on one, I'll levy a lesson even a sap so stricken with Alzheimer's like YOU wouldn't ever forget. You know goddamn well I'm good enough ta annihilate your ancient ass just as I'm aware o' the flipside. Still, witnessin' your team needin' Chaos to pull the victory made you look weak...yet you think you'll be puttin' me in my place? Fat chance, chump. When we finally, TRULY, collide, I'll kick your curmudgeonly cock-cozy colon from pulverizin' pillar to paralyzin' post.

I've a question, Doc...do you drink to work up the courage to promo? You make an awful lotta mistakes, not sure if you're aware o' that. Again, as THE Doc, we all expect much more from you than the type o' botchin' bitchin' you provide in piss-poor style. For example, you let slip you believed Graves still held the Unified Xtreme Championship. Dumbfuck. You lack the pride, devotion and demand for quality to go back and edit your own footage, instead settlin' for semantic stupidity. You actually put your own credibility on the line for laziness and lack of honor. Combine that with your inability to tackle the concept o' the word "neither" bein' specifically related to two, not three, thick dimwit, and your inexplicably inferior-for-a-man-held-in-such-high-IQ-esteem "eloquence" in linguistic ability and we can all see "Doctor" Louis D'Ville holds that obviously HONORARY PhD in Special Ed; but more like a lame-ass participation award than an actual degree.

"Graves must not of thought you as one of the top players..."

Graves must not _of_? Fuckin' fool, how the hell are you a doctor, you don't know the difference between "of" and "have", hackneyed horse's ass? Doc...poof your mumblin' magic ass back into a fuckin' first grade class and hit the Phonics, , or STOP hittin' the sauce, ya soused surly simpleton. Second thought, take one more sip, stupid, just one more sip. You're a shot 'n an 8ball away from Jake the Snake feudin' with his dumpy dyke daughter...2 buck chuck inches from ME crownin' YOU the King o' Katabasis, "eventually" slammin' you into YOUR place and at your age, ain't no hope for you crawlin' back up to the summit. Even if you DO manage to John Wraith your ass up top again, I'll be there to catch you mid-teleport and snap your spine like Sabretooth. For now, I'll hafta settle for splittin' your corpse with Chaos...or, if he's simply seekin' to add heat to a feud he keeps pushin' to feel important and relevant, I'd be more than happy to make this a one thrashin' three scenario.

Oh, hey, Dic? Hows about you start whinin' over me gettin' specific with this shit. Nothin' makes a legend look tougher than cryin' on how hardcore his opponent goes about knockin' 'im around. Old maid. If you got a problem with how I do business don't make it so fuckin' easy. You're sloppy...and I don't give a shit who sees it or how successful you've been in the ring, that's my bread 'n butter, buttfucker; I target mistakes in 'n outta the squared circle and serve up defeat. And uh, as a reminder in light o' your deteriorating memory, the closer you and I get to a straight solo bout, without others to complicate matters, the closer you come to a crushin' courtesy o' Caedus. Tick tock, Dic Doc...though I'm sure Chaos and I will have plenty o' fun fuckin' you and the fowl up as a team.

Doc, doesn't it suck when you try your hardest to denigrate how I promo, criticising me with, and I quote-

"Do you even realize what you say sometimes? Or do you lack that filter between your asshole and the rest of the UNIVERSE and just let the first thing that comes around out."

Gee, I-D-K, D-I-C, do you feel like a when I point out your ELEMENTARY mistakes? Do you wonder if, in fact, YOU lack the filter that'd normally have a so-called learned man catch his own fuck-ups before he uploads 'em for the rest o' the UNIVERSE to laugh and point at? Beyond being presented semantically as a question without the upward questioning tone of voice at the end represented by a question mark in written form for example, what the fuck was that "filter between (my) asshole and the rest of the universe" line s'posed to do by the way, draw pity from the roster, brass and fans via discovery that Doc D'Ville sucks at insults? I could feel you strain and break a hip to fart that fucker out, practically smell the perspiration drizzlin' down your dullard's cro-mag brow. Do us all a favor...next time you think you've got somethin' witty to retort with, guess again, bite the bullet then load said bullet up and blow your brains out. I bet your expiring gurgle'd bubble out a helluva lot more entertainin'. Probably a bit more coherent too, ya dizzy drunk dipshit. F-Y-I, when you and your clever lil' pack o' rats try to get me to sabotage my own team through baitin' me to get rule-breakin' with it, and cram your ignorant act before you spout denial, dickhead...don't get all butthurt when you fail and I skull-fuck you all in response. Don't come at me with the innocent "Huh? What? I don't know what you're talkin' about, you're crazy!" cocksuckery, it's fuckin' pathetic. That's what bitches of both genders do, Doc, liars. Liars that lie knowin' full well no one's fallin' for it. I hate people like that. Hate 'em. If it's a man doin' it to me, I revel in hittin' 'em repeatedly so goddamn hard in the head they lose their memory. Bit of a _lobotomy_ as it were, woman. I suppose now would be a good time to let fly that a group of such "illustrious" icons stoopin' to such shady shit shows how truly frightened of THE STAR KILLER you all are.

You do a great job of actin' tough in your latest promo anyway, assface. You really do think I'm afraid of you, don't you dipshit? There's a big difference between realizing I've got my work cut out for me with a FUTURE UNIVERSAL TITLE MATCH facin' one of two big names and fear of those names. You compliment me on bein' honest yet you lack the same honesty to declare the threat I represent. Doc, get this through your thick head, beyond bein' a man I'm essentially via hype SUPPOSED to be "fearful" o' facin'-

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to me but a man who refuses to admit he knows I'm heavy competition for 'im and how much I affect 'is game. You didn't think everyone saw you last week KISSIN' MY ASS with your passive panty-waste penny arcade trash talk then get all flustered and pissed off in your second, the deadline bomb? You inaccurately continue to claim Theo's FURTHER innacurate words had any effect on me AFTER I clearly laughed 'em the fuck off like you ain't shootin' the blanks you say I'm bringin'. Oh, you mentioned my dead family.

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Wayta get creative and original with it, ineffectual fuck-stick. That avenue works so well against me solo, why not fling it every chance you get in team format when I'm gettin' shafted as if it's a successful slab o' sass, ass? Wow, Doc D'Ville looks a lot like Hannibal Lecter.

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Sweet! The Doc poofs from here to there, unlike a cool superhero possessing several super powers but very much like a less inspiring, gayer Genie from Aladdin.

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You talk about ME losin' focus while you feebly flail around obsessing over Ax3 for a match in which Ax3 is ultimately irrelevant.

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Before I shimmy and swing from the hips with my driver and shatter your fuckin' skull linguistically, limpdick.

Let's talk about those rankings you seem so fit to futilely flounder with fisticuffs. If I'd have been continuin' to compete on cards back to back, if I'd not allowed myself to get distracted durin' my match with TRAX, if CHRIS CHAOS hadn't FUCKED Ax3 over last week on Savage, you wouldn't be number 1 right now. I'm number two, twat, after ALL those shortcomings...I'M number two. You can thank me and Chris Chaos for that, not yourself. Christ almighty you're a deluded dumb fuckin' four-flushin' flimsy fightin' , aren'tcha? It sickens me that you think you're so superior in comparison to me when you've done NOTHING yourself to prove it. It's pathetic you claim that abortion last weekend displays your prowess over me when it only exhibited how inept and helpless you and your clique are without interference...for the SECOND TIME against Ax3. Don't get too excited about takin' me on in a solo contest, cocksucker, I'll fuck you up and everyone damn well knows it.

My days are numbered alright...we're ALL countin' down to the day you and I face off fairly and I add your name to the Caedus tally sheet under the win column. Yes, yes, I know...I have "nothing to come at (you) with", right? I haven't embarrassed and lambasted your bitchass already. I haven't revealed just how mistake prone the not-so-good Doctor is donnybrookin'...because you're a bitch clingin' desperately to a larger than life persona you can NO LONGER live up to when I'M flayin' the façade from your form. Denial and dishonesty don't become you, Dic. A healthy heapin' helpin' o' stompin' the truth into your dome suits you much better. Allow me to enact said stompage on Savage. Not like you've got a choice in the matter. See, Dic, I don't care if I've been cornered into a glorified enhancement talent position with Chaos phonin' it in as my tag partner against two men NO ONE can afford to fuck up against. I'm gonna kick your ass anyway, take whatever outcome, move on to the next either screwjob or straight bout and continue to do what I do best: win.

Can we all expect you, Dic, to do what YOU do best from this point on and SAVE UP all this what-YOU-think-is ammo for another one or pair of deadline bombs tomorrow night? Point in fact, I don't care. I've seen all I need to that you don't have what it takes to take me on WITHOUT help. Should you and Raven take this match I won't be surprised. I've a got a guy who's been deflatin' since droppin' the ball against Reno, a sabotagin' sumbitch who I wouldn't put it past to cost the both of us the match to fuck with me as my tag partner. You, you've got a consummate "professional" ridin' the wake of his archaic accomplishments as yours.

Speakin' o' Raven...yeah, I saw you finally posted as well, pussy. How shocking you're makin' everyone sully themselves on a NON XWF site to suffer through your words.

Fuck an already traitorous to the roster holier than thou trouser snake suckin' sack o' beaked shit, fuck Doc D'Ville and for that matter, fuck Chris Chaos if he ain't gonna bring it. I'm the Big Dick Daddy. The Star Killer. The XWF UNIVERSAL CHAMPION. You can try waterin' down my ongoin' success story all you want, it'll just make it all the sweeter when I make Doc eat crow Raven in the ring."
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