-Hunter Payne and Joy Giovanni just posted a podcast on their final thoughts before the huge 6 man tag match on Shove It-


Payne: Hello everyone to the 5th installment of The Payne and Joy Podcast. I am of course the one and only Hunter Payne.


Joy: And that would make me Joy Giovanni.


Payne: And the topic of today is in regards to my match in less than 24 hours, If you've been living under a rock the last week. There is a 6 man tag match I am involved in. With pretty big implications actually, care to explain them Joy?


Joy: It's a 6 man tag, but just the man; not the team, just the man who scores the winning pinfall or submission will be the number one contender for ANY championship he chooses.


Payne: And if you were to expect a certain amount of great stars in a match like this...... well then you would be totally wrong! I mean you have me, the only one who actually deserves to be in a high stakes match like this... But then it goes downhill in a hurry. Let us pick apart these... these.... you know what I've honestly ran out of negative adjectives to describe these guys. Joy, who's the first on the list.


Joy: Let's start with Sean 'Old Man' Falcon.


Payne: Ahh the old-timer that I haven't heard from in so long I thought he died, or just fell and couldn't get up, It's ok, He's alive everybody. For now. But he actually had some words for me when he wasn't busy breathing from his oxygen tank. Joy have you written down what this senile motherfucker said?


Joy: Yeah I got it right here. He starts by saying; and I quote "Hunter Payne is a stupid spic Mexican that I wouldn't even trust well enough to hire to do my landscaping. He shoots this interview with Steve Sayors, right? Just like every other moron without brain cells and has this big reveal letting us all know that Joy Giovanni is his sex slave or something like that."


Payne: 'Stupid spic Mexican I wouldn't hire to do my landscaping' sounds like something an old white racist would say, so grandpa isn't exactly helping his case. And what is this guy's problem with Steve Sayors, like being interviewed by him is the worst thing you can do? It seems like every time I see a Old Millennium Falcon promo he's harping on how bad Steve Sayors is. It's not Steve's fault your an asshole and nobody likes you.


Joy: Hahaha. Millennium Falcon! It's funny cause he is old, and it's a Star Wars reference. And Mr. Falcon, You old pervert! What me and Hunter Payne do behind closed doors is none of your business!


Payne: What else did he say?


Joy: "Hunter Payne, that wasn't what you revealed. Your big reveal was showing the entire world what a filthy, unintelligent, moronic, classless loser you really are.""I could beat you in under two minutes without so much as breaking a sweat. Of course, I enjoy kicking ass, so I'll savor every moment I have in that ring with you as I tear you up from pillar to post." "Not bad for an 'old man' huh?"


Payne: Well he is right about the classless part. Because I will fuck an old man up!... With his own cane!... I don't give a fuck! How can you beat me in two minutes, when it fucking takes you ten minutes just to make it to the fucking ring?! You know at your old age, you should savor EVERY moment, because there's a really good chance these moments will in fact be your last. Pillar to post??? What the fuck does that even mean?! Did you use that to intimidate guys like Gorilla Monsoon back in the day? Cause now it just sounds stupid. And to answer that question. Well you tried your best gramps, and that's all we can ask for. What else did he say?


Joy: Hmmm let me wrap it up, "I said I'd have an easy time winning this match and I have to admit I was wrong. I was wrong because not only is it going to be easy, it's going to be a walk in the fucking park. A stroll on the fucking beach. "I could single handedly beat all three of those jokes without a partner. In fact, I'll do you one better. I could beat my opponents, and my partners, one arm tied behind my back, blindfolded and my legs shackled. "They're all going to find that out. This 'old man' loves to make statements and that's exactly what I'm going to do tomorrow night. I'm going to make a statement and I will walk out the victor over five inglorious idiots that couldn't lace my fucking boots. "Hunter Payne is trying too hard to convince everybody he's something he's not - entertaining. Using jokes from twenty years ago to illustrate the fact that I'm 33 years old. I might be 33, Hunter, but I'm also just getting warmed up."Tomorrow night, Payne, is all you're going to feel. The pain of defeat. The pain of knowing that no matter how many wins you achieve and no matter how many stupid jokes you try to put out to the world, and no matter how funny you try - and fail - to be..." "I'm still better than you. Get used to it, Payne. After I win, maybe... just maybe, I'll give you a crack at the title I end up with. "Not likely. But, maybe."


Payne: Hahahahahaha!!! I just find it hilarious he actually said it's going to be a 'walk in the park' and 'a stroll on the beach'! Because that's what old people like to do!!! Hahahahaha! Then that 'I can beat them without any of my 5 senses or limbs' bullshit that Fucking EVERYBODY says! Then that ' I'm going to make a statement by beating up everybody in my way' bullshit that also EVERYBODY says! Alright, I'd be surprised if your old arthritis-having ass can lace up your own damn boots!


Joy: And for not being "entertaining", We sure did get your attention didn't we? We entertained you sooo much, that despite having Alzheimer's, you managed to remember our names! And unlike the other competitors. Your entire promo only consisted of talking about yourself or talking about us. Which means you didn't really care what any of your partners or other opponents said about you. And that means a certain podcast you watched was entertaining enough to have you take time out of your busy pill-popping schedule and respond.


Payne: And if your 33 and JUST BARELY starting to warm-up, you should fucking quit! Nobody has time to wait that long for you! At this rate maybe you'll be a great World champion one day... In the year 2089, competing for the Hulk Hogan's Wrestling Federation for old men that don't know when to call it quits... If your still alive you old fucking dirt-bag.


Joy: I love how everybody you bury in these podcast still knows your going to be a star. They don't even deny it. They always say they will be better, but they never deny it. Just like this guy. They all talk shit about the podcast, then you, then sometimes me, and everywhere in between they talk about how great they are. It's kind of a formula. I think we've spent too much time on a guy who has a good chance of dying of old age before he makes it to the damn ring!


Payne: Alright, I'll close the old man conversation with this: Sean Falcon, You are NOT Mickey Rourke! This is NOT The Wrestler! But, much like the movie, If you step in the ring with me, there is good chance you won't make it out breathing!


Joy: Ok. Are we out of time for today?


Payne: Normally yes. But we aren't done yet. We are extending this Podcast. Because fuck it, we're getting to all of these guys. Who's next on your list?


Joy: Matt Lennox accompanied by his Tarzan-monkey looking thing.


Payne: I think we insulted these two Canadian jackasses enough on The Payne and Joy Podcast #2. Available in our archive section. But we did happen to see the video of the flamboyant couple beating up a viewer of our Podcast. Let me say you guys will both pay severely for that! Nobody attacks our Podcast fans and gets away with it!


Joy: We promise...


Payne: But, I was just wondering, and Lennox please get back to me when you get the chance. But what kind of Cactus Jack-ass wannabe packs a barbed wire bat with him? and how the hell did you get past airport security with that thing? and how the fuck did that come up when you were packing for the show? -mocks Lennox's voice- "Aye, I'm all packed, I got my change of Canadian clothes, my Canadian deodorant, my Canadian wrestling gear, but something is missing Aye... Oh I almost forgot aboot my Canadian barbed wire bat Aye. Can't wrestle without packing that Aye."


Joy: Nevertheless, You can have a barbed wire bat, an angry boyfriend ape, and the whole pathetic Canadian army backing you up, you still aren't going to beat Hunter Payne. Sorry.


Payne: Who's next?


Joy: Mr. Radio.


Payne: He's gone mentally, and MIA physically. I wouldn't be surprised if his not in the fucking arena for the show. Next?


Joy: Rick Jones? Can't really say something about somebody you've never heard of.


Payne: Yep. He is on the same boat as Mr. Radio. Next?


Joy: John Black... I got something to say to this guy.


Payne: Go for it.


Joy: "I can always make Joy tap out on any occasion." I did some research on you, You fucking rapist! I don't care if it was in your old company. No means No! You sick bastard! Even though you and Hunter have to be on the same team, you better not fucking touch me, or even look at me! Why aren't you in prison right now?! Ewww! I hope one day justice prevails and men in prison rape you on EVERY occasion!


Payne: Well, that's everybody. On a final note, I will be victorious tomorrow night. And become number one contender for whoever I choose. ME! Not the old fuck, Not the stupid Canadian, Not the AWOL robot-alien, Not the guy nobody has heard from, and especially not the rapist!


Joy: This was our extended 5th Podcast, and I think it might have been our best yet?


Payne: Yeah. But we'll let the viewers decide. This has been The Payne and Joy Podcast. I am Hunter Payne, she is Joy Giovanni saying...


Joy: I bet Sean 'the old guy' Falcon and John 'the Rapist' Black hangout on their free time.


Payne: Probably Joy, I wouldn't doubt it. But can you sign us off?


Joy: Yes of course. Payne and Joy out! ;)


-Podcast ends-