The X-Tron flickers on, a glare flashes against the screen and reveals nothing but bright light for a few seconds. The camera goes in and out of focus, trying to get rid of the obvious glare whilst the sound of birds chirping and kids playing can be heard through the speakers. After a few more seconds of adjustment, during which an awkward silence falls upon the crowd, the scene clears out on the screen.
The X-Tron reveals a quaint city park, where exactly this is, is yet to be clear. The camera closes in on a table along a running path, a faded checker board painted on its top. A mixture of checker pieces and bottle caps can be scene sprayed out onto the board, a game clearly ongoing. On one side is a flabbergasted old lady, somewhere between the ages of 70 and 120. She looks on at the man across from her, a look of mixed anger and surprise, comical really. Across from her a well-built individual, olive skin shining in the sun, towering over the lady whilst remaining seated. On his face is a carefree grin, painted with strokes of ridicule.
What has gotten the old lady flustered soon becomes obvious as the camera pans to the other side of the man. His hand can be seen sticking out, muscles tensed and bulging, clearly flexing. He has his palm pressed into the back of an older man, definitely as old as or older than the aforementioned lady. He looks to have been pushed to the ground and held there by our olive-skinned friend, it can be deduced that he has been sufficiently de-throned from his game of checkers.
The camera pans back to the muscled man, as he turns to look straight into the lens, ignoring both the cries of the fallen man and his female companion.
Danny Imperial “Oh well hello there! You seem to have caught me in quite an awkward time, I must say. Clearly I’m trying to destroy this wonderfully beautiful lady at a hard-fought game of checkers.”
He lets out a practiced laughed, a sharp “ha, ha” as he continues on his tirade.
Danny Imperial “Betsy here fights a hard game, taking my pieces left and right, distracting me with her ancient beauty but I’m no Carl. I’ve never quite been able to say no to woman of her disposition and charm though.”
Danny clicks his tongue once before licking his lips. He glances over at “Betsy”, giving her an exaggerated wink before repeating the gesture towards the camera.
Danny Imperial “Let me just show her who’s boss here…”
Danny picks up a bottle cap, very exaggeratedly jumping some of “Betsy’s” pieces. He taps his chin, looking like he’s thinking for a second. Suddenly, he swipes a hand across the whole board, showering “Betsy” with the pieces as he stands up onto his feet. He releases the old gentleman from his position on the floor without a glance.
Danny Imperial “Well! I’ve had quite enough of that, it was clear that I’d won anyways! Betsy here will have to up her game if she’s planning on seducing this man. Ha, ha I ain’t no Carl, no! Mr. Camera-Man, play a song for me? Oh wait a minute… That doesn’t sound quite right. Never mind! Play a song for me anyways; I’m sure I’ll love it.”
Danny begins walking towards the camera, the camera instinctively moving back as he walks forward.
Danny Imperial “Well, I just wanted to speak to you for a second to tell you about how great I was. Wouldn’t want to pop up in the ring one day and take you lot by surprise would I? No no, that simply won’t do. You’ll most definitely have a heart attack, all you Betsys and Carls out there. So, I thought I’d give you a little taste of Danny boy, Mr. Imperial, the Crowned Heart Breaker, Betsy Destroyer and Carl Whooper!
That’s me, that’s right. My name’s Danny Imperial, but you Carls and Betsys can call me Mr. Imperial until we get good and frisky.
(In his best ring announcer voice) Weighing in at 215 pounds, hailing from New York City, New York, he is the epitome of the desire of your hearts, he is what makes your panties drop and what makes your husband seem like a sad little pickle, he is what makes you have to wash your sheets in the morning, he is why your husband doesn’t trust you, he most definitely is what makes your man cry at night, he is Danny Impeeeeeeeeeeeeerial!
Aaahhh, the crowd claps wildly here, Betsys go wild and take their shirts off for me and Carls look down as they re-evaluate their significance to this life.
Just remember one thing boys and girls, you think you can do that for me? My name is Danny Imperial, and I will be the best thing that you’ve ever seen.”
Danny grins to the camera, his face warping from his gleeful grin to a darker, more demented smile for a split second. The look quickly leaves his face as he puckers his lips and blows a kiss to the camera. He spreads his arms to either side, his unbuttoned shirt parting down the middle to reveal his muscled body. A three pronged crown is tattooed onto his bare chest, the words “Imperius Rex” clearly scribed under them in cursive. This X-Tron slowly darkens before a bright yellow image is plastered onto it. In vibrant pink writing the words “I’M COMING FOR YA BETSYS” is written across it.
After cutting his promo Danny leans away from the camera lens, dusting his hands as he looks at the cameraman expectedly.
Danny Imperial
"Yes? Hello there… Can I help you?"
An impish, awkward smile spreads across Danny’s face. He looks from left to right and back to the cameraman, not a drop of recognition present on his face.
Danny Imperial (In a mock posh English accent)"Shoo now, run along, you’re making me a little uncomfortable Carl. Don’t you know it’s a little weird to walk around with a hyuuuuge camera like that? Let alone actually point it somebody you don’t even know. Awfully rude I might add. It’s just not righ’, my friend, just not righ’ ah all. Where’d you learn your manners friend, off you go now."
The cameraman stares confusedly at Danny before lowering the camera, looking from side to side himself and scratching his head. He turns to look back at Danny, who’s still giving him a patronizing look of discomfort. The two maintained eye contact for no longer than five seconds before a sense of unease washes over our poor cameraman. He darts his eyes to the ground, packs up his things and walks away. Still with no clue as to what just happened, he slips a hand into his pocket and whips out his phone. He frantically calls a number and his words over the line drifts on to Danny’s ears.
Cameraman
"Dave, that you? I… I don’t know where to even beg- Yes, I interviewed the new kid, ye-yes I made it to the park right when he wanted us to, yes yes yes, it’s all done but-.. WILL YOU LET ME GOD DAMN TELL YOU WHAT I WANT TO TELL YOU. Jesus. He’s the weirdest sonnuva bitch I’ve ever recorded. Like at least the weird ones usually look weird, or are obviously off their rockers, this boy just..- What? Yes, I know I’ve gotta cover the LL segments- Oh for crying out loud, I’ll see you in five."
The cameraman hangs up on whoever was on the line, turning back to look at Danny one last time before hurrying off to his vehicle. The whole time, Danny stands completely straight, legs together and fingers interlocked in front of him just smiling back at him.
Bullet Club 4 4 4 4 4 Life
Danny reaches for his cellphone as “Shot’Em” starts playing from his pant leg. Danny raises the flip phone to the side of his face, flicking the device open as he speaks into it.
Danny Imperial
"Mr Impeeerial speaking, whatcha got for me? Hm… Yes… Oh? Yes… Of course… You certain? Done and dusted? I’m getting how much? Starters match huh… Hmph. You really should’ve done some better Alfred. Hm? Whaddya mean your name isn’t Alfred. Of course it is silly. Anyways, bye bye now."
Danny flicks the phone closed as you can still here the man on the other line speaking. Danny takes a few steps towards the old lady, who was playing checkers but is now trying to make sure her male companion is alright, leaping into the air and clicking his heels. As he begins to rattle off to her, she stares back at him with a mixture of fear and anger.
Danny Imperial
"Didcha hear that Betsy?! Danny boy has a match for Lethal Lotto! Yes, you heard right, it is only a starter match and nothing fancy like the main event like we both know I deserve but, it’s something! It’s against this yellow-toothed, grinder-mouth pommy fuck. Oops, I’ll have to mind my language about him won’t I. I guess I am borrowing this language from his people… They might not take kindly to my using it to be mean to him. Oh dearie me! What if he says I’m not allowed to speak it anymore and takes it away from me? What if Danny Imperial isn’t allowed to speak this beautiful language anymore! He can do that can’t he, damnit, fucking Tommy Atkins. It’s okay Danny, everything’s going to be alright, just go and apologize to the pathetic Downton Abbey Brummie and you’ll be fine."
Danny glances up just then, looking over to the Betsy he was talking to and scrunching up his face.
Danny Imperial
"What’re you looking at, toots."
Danny turns on his heel and walks off, scratching at the side of his head as he mutters to himself.
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