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Cadryn Tiberius · **02-13-2017, 09:57 AM**

Here I am, balls deep again..

It's apparent that Cadryn has had one too many Banana Hammocks. I mean, at this point, he admitted to considering sucking dick. That pretty much goes against everything he's claimed about himself thus far.

Claiming to not be gay and then considering sucking dick is contradictory.

Cadryn: JEFF, YOU ASSHOLE. STOP TELLING PEOPLE I'M GAY. IN FACT QUIT WRITING GAY STORYLINES.

I'd love to, pending you stop ending up in such gay situations. It's getting uncomfortable.

Cadryn: I hate you, Jeff.

I can't blame you, honestly.

Anyways, Cadryn is drunk. And now he's arguing with Jeff. Which seems like a bad idea considering Jeff can just write him getting plowed by mark.

Cadryn: YOU’D BETTER NOT!

It seems as though, even in his drunken state, the only man on his mind, in a room full of gay men, mind you, is Michael Graves. Cadryn takes out his Michael Graves trading card and begins staring blankly at it. Ironically, the song “Baby Come Back” begins playing on the jukebox and multiple gay men begin dancing and groping each other relentlessly. A tear begins to descend Cadryn's soft cheek, as he clutches the card closer to his heart. Being without a phone, Cadryn makes a drunken dash toward the payphone in the corner. Cadryn deposits $.75 and begins dialing his own number frantically. The line rings a few times before finally being picked up on the other end.

Graves: I'm a little busy here, Cadryn. What do you want?

Cadryn: YOU SON OF A BITCH. I TRUSTED YOU. I GAVE YOU MY CAR, MY PHONE, AND MY HEART. AND YOU BROKE TWO OF THEM. YOU DEMONIC, DIABOLICAL, DOUCHECANOE. I CAN'T BELIEVE I TRUSTED YOU.

Graves notices Cadryn is slurring his words and being overly hostile in comparison to his normal self.

Graves: Cadryn? A...are you drunk?

Cadryn: FUCK DRUNK I'M YEAH. I'M GONNA BEAT THAT DEMONIC ASS. GET OVER HERE AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN. I'M INSIDE OF NINE INCH MALES.

Graves: I'm not going to fight you. You just need to calm down.

Cadryn: YOU ARE GOING TO FIGHT ME. I'M NOT GIVING YOU AN OPTION. YOU'VE BROKEN MY HEART FOR THE LAST TIME. THE FRUITY DEVILS ARE NO MORE.

Graves: Cadryn listen, I'm sorry that I stole your car, and all of the other shit that I've put you through…

Cadryn quickly cuts him off.

Cadryn: LISTEN SATAN GRAVY..

Cadryn pauses for a moment realizing that he is actually speaking to Michael himself and not his possessed counterpart.

Cadryn: Gravy..Is that really you?

Graves: Yeah it's me. Long story, but Satan Gravy is gone for good.

Cadryn: REALLY?! So no more attempting to kill me, stealing my things, and overall hurting every feeling I have left?

Graves: No no, none of that.

There is a short pause between the two if them.

Graves: Listen, I'm with Jesus right now. Tell me where you're at and we can swing by and pick you up.

Cadryn pulls the phone away from his ear and faintly says to himself “Jesus”? Baffled and irritated at the thought of being replaced, he places the phone back to his ear and continues the conversation.

Cadryn: I thought you hated Mexicans? How could you replace me with a Mexican friend?! And how do I know you're not just Satan Gravy? I'm not sure I can trust you anymore..

Micheal pulls the phone from his ear and whispers something to Jesus. Jesus nods in agreement, and in the blink of an eye the DeLorean is transformed into a black sedan once again, and Cadryn is teleported into the backseat. Graves looks back to the baffled Cadryn with a slick smile on his face.

Graves: Satisfied?

Cadryn: I..Uh..I..

Suddenly, due to being overly intoxicated and the sudden separation of his molecules, Cadryn projectile vomits all over the back of Jesus head..

Jesus: Dude, not fucking cool!

Jesus snaps his fingers and the mess of vomit disappears like it never even happened.

Graves: Sorry about that, I didn't realize that he was that drunk.

Jesus: I think that I've more than made up for my previous douchebaggery. Take care Micheal, and get that boy some coffee.

Jesus snaps his fingers once more, and both Graves and Cadryn are transported to a booth at the waffle House. Cadryn is still intoxicated though, and one has to wonder why Jesus didn't just sober him up?

Waitress: Do you fellas know whatcha want?

Micheal looks up to the heaviest woman who is impatiently waiting for their orders. Cadryn on the other hand just drunkenly fell over, slamming his head off of the table. Micheal looks to him, then back to the waitress.

Graves: Two coffees will be fine.

The waitress walks away to fill the order while Graves struggles to wake poor drunk Cadryn up.

Graves: Hey buddy, you good?

Cadryn: DO I LOOK LIKE IM OK?! My entire life has been in shambles lately. NO SCRATCH THAT! My entire life has been in shambles ever since my mother wrapped her sausage like fingers around my manhood the first time, but things haven't been for the better lately! First I narrowly missed out on winning the Television Championship from Jim Caedus! Then I get slammed right into a hospital bed trying to save you from Robbie Bourbons fat ass! Then the next week on Savage, Chris Chaos caves in my skull with a steel chair, all because you decided to run your mouth to him! Finally, when I think things might just make a turn for the better, everyone in my life decides to be dicks at the same time! You steal my car, Caedus and Robbie keep busting my ass at every turn, and Killjoy… Don't even get me started on Killjoy!

When Killjoy was drawn as my random partner for the first round of Lethal Lottery, I was excited! I thought to myself, here's a guy that used to be a World Champion, a guy that Graves speaks of with the utmost respect. I thought for sure that my run of bad luck had come to an end, and that together, Killjoy and I would face down the golden boys of the XWF, and send them home losers in the first round. I should have known better though, I never win at anything, so why should that change now? Killjoy huh? Yeah I'd say that you've done a damn fine job of killing my joy. I've spent the last week doing my best to combat the awful vile things that Robbie and Jim have been saying. I've tried to play mind games, and throw them off. None if it has proven to be successful, but at least I tried. Where has my dear partner been this entire time? At the fucking tailors getting a mask made!

That's fine, it's fine, this is fine, I'm fine. You know what? I'm still going to go out there and do everything in my power to bust that ass! I know in a one on one environment that I can beat Jim Caedus! I know that I can do it because I have done it! If it weren't for a 15 minute time limit, I had Him dead to rights. If you were to put us in the ring again, and not have his 15 minute safety net, I'd prove that Jim Caedus isn't everything that he claims to be! That's not trolling either, that's a fact!

Now admittedly, I was a little worried about big Robbie Bourbon going into this match. Just look what he did to Gravy and myself a couple of weeks ago. I've never faced someone as strong as him, with the sick desire to break bodies that he seems to possess, but why worry about that when I have a “bonafide legend” as my partner. At least that's what Killjoy told me going into this. He said that I should focus on Caedus, because he could take Robbie Bourbon head on! Well I've yet to see it. All I see is poor Cadryn getting fucked on by everybody around him.

Cadryn crosses his arms on the table and buries his head in-between them. Micheal feels awkward listening to him drunkenly sob. Luckily it's about this time that the waitress returns with their coffees. She cuts Cadryn a look of disgust as she sits the mugs down and walks away.

THAT'S IT CADRYN! I'M JUST GOING TO WRITE CADRYN DIES!

Cadryn: No, don't kill me! I can do this!

Graves raises an eyebrow and quickly surveys the room, confused about who Cadryn is talking too.

Graves: Who are you talking to?

Cadryn, wiping the tears from his eyes.

Cadryn: Nobody, that's just my handler.

Cadryns answer does nothing but confuse Micheal even more.

Graves: Handler?

Cadryn: Don't worry about it Gravy, you wouldn't understand...

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode I swear to drunk, I'm not God..
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