The camera opens up to a computer screen, with the following front and center--



B/R: Hello Ophelia, and may I say congrats on your first win in the Xtreme Wresting Federation!

OM: Yeah, yeah, as if it's really that big of a deal. After Alice pulled me down to her level and caused me to lose five LEGIT matches, I get saddled with a wannabe like Drez. Of COURSE I won, were you expecting anything less?

B/R: Well, I suppose not. Moving on-- Ophelia, people have been deriding you ever since you stepped foot into the XWF, they've been bad-mouthing you, putting you down... how do you maintain this air of confidence after all the things people have said about you?

OM: Haters. WWE's Enzo Amore said it best this past Monday on Raw; "Hate ain't nothing but love disguised as jealousy". Losses, contrary to popular belief, DO mean a hell of a lot. The thing is, contrary to what some such as Rebel Star would say... Losses are learning experiences. And since I came here, I've learned that procrastination, laziness, ego and pride will KILL the key to success; Focus. Sure, ego is fine. Everyone should be confident when setting out to achieve their dreams, confidence is key. And the same goes for pride. But there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Alice had me coming in here believing I was everything this company was missing. Then Ann came along. She showed me the truth. Frodo and Hero fail to see something-- there's a REASON Ann said I was 'boring'. Because as soon as she did? I switched things up. That fire was unleashed and the flames of hell burned in my eyes. Annie... thank you. Thank you for willingly being the Martyr that you forced Alice to become. Yes, Frodo took your life, but in turn, he did indeed make you stronger.

OM: And now? You've made me unbreakable with claws sharpened and fangs bared.

B/R: So basically, you blame your first five losses on Alice. But what about the fact that YOU were in the ring, not her? She cheered you on, she--

OM: SHE dragged me down by covering me with praise and adulation when I had accomplished nothing. The version of Ann that now resides in th XWF is as hard edged as a person can be. She is my general, and I am her one man army. Believe me, every single one of you, from the fans to the wrestlers to people at XWF HQ-- Change has come. There will be no more going 'SAWFT', there will be no more sucking up to some invisible fucking cult following. I have no fans. I don't need fans. Fans like Alice pull a man down and force them to worry about the outside world. The only people on the face of the planet I care about are myself and my girl. Fuck Frodo, Fuck Hero, Fuck Trax, Fuck Vinnie, Fuck Peter, Fuck Shane, Madison, Gladiator, Rebel, Nico, and somewhere up there, FUCK Alice right in her pointy fucking ear. I don't live for adulation. in this business? I live for celebration. Celebrating my greatness, my skill, MY talent and ability. Celebrating each win as they come easier than Frodo staring at Rosie O'Donnel's fat hairy ass.

B/R: ...Wow, ok. So... on the flipside, you attribute this change to the Risen Ann-Thraxx?

OM: I attribute everything now and in the future to the edge that Ann has brought me. I used to be what they say I am. A weak, frail, pansy-ass bitch with a Panic at the Disco shirt on my back and a razor in my hand. Weaker than Frodo's son's limp dick. Weaker than Katie's Meg Griffin impression. Weaker than Frodo's ability to competently run WarFare without flooding the ring with shit, semen, and old Yanni records. The man that you fear is here. I have my eyes set square on the 24/7 title, and I WILL win. No if's about it.

B/R: So, hypothetically speaking, when you do win the title, what will you do as champion?

OM: I'll go to DisneyLand. No, fuck that, I'll come home, take Ann to our bedroom, and fuck for eight straight hours, till we're both so full of cum we'll shoot our loads all over the Xtreme Title and then take a shit in Rebel Star's luggage.

B/R: ........really?

OM: No, I'm taking a page from Frodo with a dash of Maverick. You wanna know what I'll do? Well, Frodo wanted an apology. So I'll give the whole XWF fanbase one. Sorry that a champ like Austin had to lose to a sawed of piece of Hobbit shit like Fredwardo Smackins. And sorry that it took till now to take that sorry muddafukka down like the bitch he is, make him lick my boot, kiss my ass, and shove his fucking head in a ton of shit to show him, first hand, just how poor of an excuse of a champion he is. He is a tool. A massive fucking power tool surpassed only by the likes of Glad and Girard. Oh, and not to mention the Union, which reminds me-- Trax? Tear that fuddamukka a new ass hole, not just for me, but for legendary XWF stars like Archie Lawson and Casey Jones. Hit him in the gabah, m8.

B/R: I dunno what that means, but I'm sure Casey would agree 100%

OM: These kids are ruining the good name of British wrestlers everywhere. Dave Taylor, Davey Boy Smith and Fit Finlay would have a FIELD day with these punks. I don't have much to say about 'em, but I've watched a small smattering of their promo work and they literally have NO respect for anyone. I may not give a damn about what others think of me, but I DAMNED sure know and respect the people that paved the way for me. They claim to represent the U.K.? The only people they truly represent are the three of themselves, and I wouldn't be surprised to see them explode at eachother in a month, tops.

OM: They don't have respect for the past, they don't have respect for the business, they don't even have respect for themselves and I can guaran-goddamn-tee you that if I, Trax and Lane stepped into the ring with the three of them, they'd be too afraid to be seen in the company again after the royal smackdown we would lay down on their Limey, Crepe scarfing, shit stained asses with a fist to their faces for good measure. They've gotta have, what, four teeth between them? Taking into account how abysmally poor the Brits are with dental health after all? I mean, I'm not the one expressing an unwavering dedication to the United Kingdom. They are. But I digress ;)

B/R: Back to Frodo as well as Hero Extreme 7.9. Do you have anything else to say about this big battle?

OM: It's not much of a match, now is it? It's me, Frodo and Hero in a big vat of shit. Forgetting the fact that my victory is a foregone conclusion, it's a match in a fucking vat of shit. Human feces. Man waste. What's Fro gonna pull out of his bag of tricks next, a viagra on a pole match? Seriously, it's like he's scraping the bottom of the barrel for ideas that even Vince F'n Russo was too embarrassed to put on screen. Maybe he should surround the ring with a bullet-proof shield, just so the competitors don't get shot by angry, bored to tears fans, and mount dildos around the top rim, you know, bent dildos, and then filter in a vomit-inducing mixture of his own gasses, then fill the ring with shit, used condoms and his son's semen, then throw Vinnie Lane in there with Peter Gilmour, and just let them destroy eachother. Call it a Shitty Tundra match. It'd be BIG RAY-TINS, BAY-BEE. Ya sure Russo isn't from New Yawk?

B/R: Well, Shane may very well have had it with the GM, seeing as Frodo along with the aforementioned Thomas Girard and Gladiator all three attacked our Chairman.

OM: The guy's lost it, referring to . He's lost control of his own company, and I don't see things changing till he's been pulled from office. There's only so much a federation can take. We've all invested ourselves into this place, and it'd be a shame if it went under due to the incompetency of those at the top, with their suits and ties and placards. Frodo's misconduct as General Manager is the final straw, and if I could break him down to the point where he's so far out of it that he can't return to work, well... that'd be a boost for the XWF. And I'm more than happy to oblige.

B/R: Finally, you seem to be developing a bit of a feud with Rebel Star. She's locked horns with you verbally since you first stepped into the promotion. Anything brewing there?

OM: I'm looking forward to facing her again down the line. She's a helluva competitor, and is more than deserving of the crown she now carries. She's kinda new here, but she's talented. Sad thing is, she's spewed the same drivel so many others here have, and I know she can't help but hate me as they do. But let's face facts here. She WISHES she was Ann. She wishes she could lay beside me every night and run her hands over my chest, she WISHES she could kiss me long into the night. But like Frodo put it, she ain't hard. She's S.A.W.F.T. And there's no saving her from what the future holds. Sleep peacefully, my dear. A new day approaches....

B/R: Well, it's been wonderful getting a few words with you, Mr. McVeigh. Good luck on your battle with Frodo, and here's to your future in the XWF.

OM: Thanks, Tad. But luck is for losers. Save that for people like Alice McGee. All I need is my drive, passion, and unparalleled ability. Hope you'll be watching WarFare. It's set to be a game-changer... Believe me.

|truth|