We hear a replayed tape recorder of the new champ...

Quote:Well, that happened. The only way Tommy Wish gets any XWF camera time is by quietly standing near exciting things happening. Like a movie extra except sometimes people notice or pay attention to movie extras.

Quote:Tommy Wish's first match in the XWF involved Mike Mayhem, a man who had never won a match before or since that night, waiting patiently for Tommy to show up.

Quote:In order to collect a paycheck from XWF, Tommy Wish had to change his legal name to 'JANITORIAL STAFF BUDGET'.

Oh man oh man, you know me so fucking well huh Korean fuck... you know too much about my own past to worry about what Kim Jung ill has done to your family... I mean I hear that man can suck so much that he has issues with being the one to rule the earth and shit... and you are the one who suck his dick like a poor hooker you are...you might have pinned the american D-Bag Gunn and taken away his title at ease...well Korean fuckboy you are going to end up dealing with me...becaouse you kept on running your mouth like Ophellia's usages of auto plays...well it ends today fuckboy!


Then we see Tommy grabbing War Criminal's AK-47 and blunts the butt of the gun into the head of the champ rendering him unconscious for the three count.

Quote:you know too much about my own past to worry about what Kim Jung ill has done to your family... I mean I hear that man can suck so much that he has issues with being the one to rule the earth and shit

"...Wow.

Incredible parlor trick, Tommy.

I've never someone shit the bed using only their mouth before.

And yet, Classic Tommy Wish.

As I've made clear, I watched your early matches with disgusted fascination.

Everything you do reeks of 'underwhelming illogic'. Every word that drips out of your mouth is nigh unintelligible gibberish.

Between the two of us, how are you the one speaking broken English? I'd blame your lackluster, failing American schools, but I can't imagine you're allowed within 500 feet of one.

I don't know how someone whose average performance in the XWF is a disappointment... manages to disappoint like you do.

People expect failure and somehow, when the pressure's on, you hit just below that mark. Failing to meet Below Average Expectations.

Do you not understand the exponentially increasing level of failure that requires?

Here's what's crazy:

I knew you'd attack.

I knew you'd ramble on about nothing for a minute and then strike.

These events came to pass just as I predicted.

And yet here I am, disappointed by you.

I expected to be disappointed, but here I am even more disappointed than I expected.

WHICH IS DISAPPOINTING.

A tragic, endless circular chasm that only produces disappointment.

Just like Mrs. Wish's birth-canal.

Quote:becaouse you kept on running your mouth like Ophellia's usages of auto plays

Quote:and you are the one who suck his dick like a poor hooker you are

Tommy Wish uses analogies like a toddler uses the contents of his father's unlocked gun cabinet: to his own detriment and with hilarious end results.

In the Democratic People's Republic of True Korea, our children don't shoot themselves because by the age of three, they are conscripted into the Glorious Korean People's Army. There, they learn proper gun handling, maintenance, target practice and reverse target practice.

Other countries use bags of rice or soil piles for target practice...

Two things we don't have to spare in the Democratic People's Republic of True Korea.

Hence, why we use an efficient replenishable resource like children.

Unlike the capitalist dog country, the USA, True Korea has its sights set on utilizing renewable resources and not destroying our planet with carbon emissions.

Which is why our Nuclear Arms construction facilities are all powered by water wheels and children running on treadmills.

Tommy, stick to writing poetry and stalking women and give your mouth a rest.

You're garbage and you can't talk trash. The ultimate paradox.

Quote:well Korean fuckboy you are going to end up dealing with me

If my first threat for my NorthKoreanWarCriminalweight championship is Tommy Wish, my reign will last a thousand years.

Glory to the NorthKoreanWarCriminalweight championship

Glory to True Korea."

At the very last moment, NKWC forces a shoulder into the air! KICKOUT!

Quote:Tommy, stick to writing poetry and stalking women and give your mouth a rest.

War Crimes riddled in bullshit

You just a man who thinks he special

Coming here thinking you up on one

You're down to two more fucks

Once again I shall say fuckboy

Fuck what you be reppin

Fuck what you be naming this belt

Fuck all your future seeds with no food

While you get fucked by Kim with no Vaseline

While you be thinking your going reiging supreme

I be coming up to end your supreme reign

War Criminal your a subliminal

I hope you learn how in AmerKKKa we are fucked

But at least you have your ruler you fuck in high noon

Then we see Tommy doing a School Boy roll up pin grabbing the mans waist HARD as he goes for the cover again...

“…America is, to use your own limited, profane American verbiage…

Fucked.

How can anyone deny I am the greatest warrior to ever grace the XWF?

When I am literally making miracles happen.

How incredible am I that for the first time in his three years within the XWF.

I managed to make Tommy Wish say something logical.

I mean, before and after that one line, it was like a mentally challenged chimp screeching for attention from its handlers.

But, that one sentence clicked.

A new personal best for Tommy Wish.

If you’re upset because The XWF NorthKoreanWarCriminalweight championship has been renamed to reach a greater glory than has ever been reached by a lowly American XWF title.

Start the XWF TommyWishweight championship.

Then people can compete to see who can vomit out the least intelligible stream of half-words.

Or who can disgust the largest number of female XWF superstars?

Of course, if the Tommywishweight belt were anything like its namesake, the championship would be completely ignored, never once appear on XWF programming and would give nightmares to the fool who tried to look at it under a blacklight.

The only thing Tommy Wish is more frequently bathed in than reproductive fluid is demands that he stop writing poetry.

In the People’s Democratic Republic of North Korea, any citizen caught writing poetry is shot on sight. Or if they're whistling. Or if any point, it seems like that person might try saying a word that rhymes with any word they’ve said in their last two sentences.

And after that god awful attempt at verse you just presented, our decision seems humanitarian.

I'm a North Korean War Criminal, and even I agree with the UN that the XWF allowing Tommy Wish to present his poetry and/or be alive is a violation of the Geneva Conventions.

Your bigotry against the NorthKoreanWarCriminalweight championship is only dwarfed by, as you say yourself, the inherent bigotry within the inferior, self-aggrandizing United States of America.

And I would like to remind the XWF that action must be taken to recognize the glory of True Korea.

My original decision was merely to change the belt’s name to the XWF NorthKoreanWarCriminalweight championship.

A reasonable demand, we all can and should agree.

However, because of your silence, we must additionally demand alterations to the XWF’s Top 50 list.

For your list to truly reflect the most powerful warrior to ever grace this world. You must include at #2, myself: North Korean War Criminal.

And at #1, the honorable Supreme Leader of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, Kim Jong-Un.

You have until my next title defense to reply, at which point, my requests will expand until I feel the XWF truly appreciates the weight and importance of the XWF NorthKoreanWarCriminalweight championship.

Glory to Kim Jong-Un, the Greatest Warrior the XWF could ever imagine.

Death to Raymond Hatcher.

Glory to True Korea."

NKWC rolls through the roll-up. He clings to a nearby table leg, trying to block future pins...

Quote:If you’re upset because The XWF NorthKoreanWarCriminalweight championship has been renamed to reach a greater glory than has ever been reached by a lowly American XWF title.

You do know that this belt is just all bullshit right? I mean, only you can be the one to rename it to a pointless name that people could care less about ja know Warhead?

Quote:Then people can compete to see who can vomit out the least intelligible stream of half-words.

난 당신이 얘야 보다 더 나은 문장 을 , 그래서개 거시기를 먹을 수있다

Quote:Your bigotry against the NorthKoreanWarCriminalweight championship is only dwarfed by, as you say yourself, the inherent bigotry within the inferior, self-aggrandizing United States of America.

Bigot Bigot Bigot... is that what you got inside that tounge of yours?


I mean to be honest with you Warhead, you need to understand that you are nothing more than a piece of shit inside a shithole like Korea. Everytime you speak, millions upon millions of your members of your family are either in some camps or dying out for no reason. I want you to learn that you should have been dead just like the rest of your family so you could really know how much of Kim Jung Ill or Un or whatever his name is dick...but nope, you can keep on reciting your stance on a country built on sucking dick just like you are.


He drags him AWAY from said table leg and lifts his legs up and does the Cesaro Swing © until Tommy tosses his 90 lbs body onto the nearby carcass of dead Koreans. Then he drags him out of the dead bodies, and pins this mutafucka again.

“You are correct.

Before I reclaimed this belt in the Name of True Korea... It was, as you say with your unintelligent, American profanity,

'Bullshit’.

After all, if Tommy Wish held it, how could it be anything but bullshit?

Hence, that belt, its name, and its history have been stricken from the record books.

And then for safety, the books that held those stricken records were set on fire.

And then that fire was in turn stricken from records.

We now enter a new age of enlightenment, wisdom and behind-closed-doors torture of dissenters.

The world watches in awe as the XWF NorthKoreanWarCriminalweight championship rises to greater heights than any lowly American belt could ever previously imagine.

We have successfully begun our campaign to seize the X-Treme championship and soon every belt in the XWF shall be held within the NorthKoreanWarCriminalweight championship-empire.

Is this hard for you to understand?

Someone caring about the words you say or the actions you take? That's never been a problem for you.

The last time someone cared about you, it was the federal judge deciding over your Public Nudity trial.

And he didn’t 'care', so much as he 'knew he had to stop you at all costs'.

For the sake of those children.

They once thought the world was inherently good, and a man’s penis couldn’t carry more than five strains of gonorrhea.

Those children were proven wrong on both counts that day.

Quote:난 당신이 얘야 보다 더 나은 문장 을 , 그래서개 거시기를 먹을 수있다

Shouldn’t you try to learn how to speak one language before you start butchering another?

Let me start by saying Korean is a much more elegant and robust language than English so direct translation is near impossible.

That said, the above translates most closely to:

“The guy who ordered this English-to-Korean translation tried to pay me in nickels and tears.”

"His nickels were wooden but his tears were delicious."

I need to understand, Tommy?

You need to understand.

You are the lint between filthy, unwashed, obese American toes.

The evidence that proves the body is festering. In need of cleansing.

Reeking, rotting fungus.

Corroding, spreading disease and bacteria with your very presence.

Every moment you remain, your mere existence guarantees the slow, gradual decay and death of your host organism.

The XWF.

If we are to reach True Korea's glory.

We must excise disease in all forms.

Glory to True Korea.

Glory to the XWF.”

As Tommy tries to dive into a cover, NKWC counters with a gentleman's attack! VALIANT COURAGEOUS WARRIOR'S BRASS-KNUCKLE SHOT!

Tommy, not being able to put on the brakes, dives into the punch!

He collapses in a heap onto NKWC, who quickly shoves his unconscious, malodorous body to the floor.

NKWC turns to the popcorn-wielding Gladiator.

"Shouldn't the mercy rule have kicked in? Or are you just really into seeing this Korean War re-enactment?

Spoiler Alert: America loses, leaves tail betwixt its legs and North Korea keeps what's ours."

Girard walks in and shakes his head at Gladiator for eating on the job. Girard then notices the prone Tommy Wish, and decides to end his suffering.

Winner and STILL FederNorthKoreanWarCriminalweight Champion: North Korean War Criminal!