Pest: The Pest grows tired of the incessant rattlings of those with fewer brain cells than shoes in their closet. It is tiresome and dreary. The Pest is old, the Pest is tired, and the Pest is weak from fighting for the last Sixty Years. Yes, he is only sixty years old, but he has been fighting since the day he was born. No, not in the cliched sense, nor in the sense that he was a weak and fragile creature. No, you see, the Pest was fighting because he was not born like most men. He was born from cruelty and abandonment. He was born from a drunken sailor taking advantage of a young girl, and that girl was filled with a self hatred since. And yet, in the world he has gotten no reprieve of the cruelty and the reckless abandon with which he was created. It continued for his life, until he took charge and started to do the same to the world around him. In Vietnam. In Virginia. When he took the life of the girl and left her corpse for the neighbor to find, and be blamed for. When he burned forests in search of something to end his boredom.

The world has now changed, and the Pest has become its darkest aspect. The side of humanity that we wish to hide, or label as fiction. The side of the world that you want to pretend only happens in countries without your god to keep you safe. Well, the Pest is here, in the United States. He is a Veteran of the United States Marine Corps. So, where is the shift in blame to the Arabs for the Pest's behavior? Where is the cry that it could never happen because we have God on our side? Tell the Pest these things, Brian and Two. Tell the Pest where the blame is to fall for him. Tell him where to go to so that he might find worthy competition, because it truly is not in you. Perhaps he will find the competition in Austin Fernando and Luca Arzegotti, but he feels that will not be the case. No, the Pest fears he may find no such comfort in the world anymore. And enter Robert Bourbon, the man who was destined to replenish the Pest's desire to continue down this path in his life.

And see forth the feast that was laid down at our feet. The plentiful bounty that we shall share with the world. The feast of Two and Brian Lance. Two slackjawed knuckle draggers who have decided that it in their best interest to step foot in the ring across from either Robert or The Pest. Yes, I realize the card was booked by management, and the two of you had nothing to do with it. But, the Pest did issue a clear warning. The warning explicitly stated that if you valued your lives you would steer clear of the Pest. What does Ardin do? Ardin address the Pest, and Robert in some rather dismissive ways. His mistake. This mistake appears to be a generational mistake. People from their age group mistake the Pest, because he is old. They mistake him for a weakling, like Sebastian Duke or Ghost Tank, and attempt to belittle The Pest. Then when the Pest has to crush their spirits and bones, they decide it is a perfect opportunity to cry about how unfair the world is. These are the same people who live in their mother's basements and require assistance in attaining food, so they rely on Government Assistance while trying to downplay the Elderly, like Pest, who still have a job and work hard. This generation sickens the Pest, and must be cleansed of their weakness. Pest will assist Ardin in his mission of climbing to number one, by severing his spinal column, thus allowing Ardin to be the number one luckiest bastard to cross paths with the Pest. Normally the Pest would fuck a bitch like you until she was pregnant, and then crucify you to the wall in Shane 's office, just to send a warning. The Pest will allow you to die peacefully.

This is not a luxury that many others can say they will receive. Think of it as a consolation prize. You could have walked out of the arena with your life, and the full use of your limbs, but you decided to ignore the writing on the wall, ignore the warnings ahead. The Pest wonders something, Ardin. Were you the brave fool who tried to toss a toaster in the bathtub to test the GFCI plug in the bathroom. It worked, and you are alive, is that not correct? Well, the Pest tires of you, and your entire generation of beggars and fools.

---

Robbie Bourbon and Morbid Angel are strolling through the Target that Pest manages. In their hands are Wendy's cups in hand, and a bag in Robbie's left. A random Red Shirt comes up to them, her name tag reads "Karen Trainer". She addresses them.

Karen: We don't allow outside food or drinks in the store. You'll have to get rid of your cups.

Sorry, toots. We're here to find your manager, James. He came with us, but then vanished. This is his food.

Karen: Oh. James is in the back meeting with his daughter, Jenny. I'll take this to him.

Daughter? The teenage girl with the brown hair?

Karen: Yeah. Her.

She takes the food and runs off to the back office while Robbier and Morbid look at each other and shrug. They walk towards the cafe, and while Morbid is ordering some popcorn, Robbie sees on of the team members in the cafe preparing to give a woman a free sample cup of the popcorn. He charges forward and slams his fist down on the counter, before the associate can pass the cup along. She looks at him for a second before turning her gaze back to the guest wanting the sample cup.

Don't you dare give that to her for free. Don't you fucking dare.

Confused Team Member: Excuse me? Who are you?

Robbie growls and rips his shirt off in a most glorious fashion to reveal another shirt exactly like the one he just ripped off, except this one is adorned with a sash that says "Unofficial Store Detective" in plain lettering. The guest looks at this spectacle and leaves before getting her popcorn.

Confused Team Member: Who are you, and why did you do that?

Doing that, giving away free food like that? That cuts into the Store's bottom dollar, which in turns cuts into the money they can spend on dearly needed upgrades, remodels, and hours. You're hurting your own pocket by giving away free food. Don't hurt your own pocket. Be stingy, and then when you're getting 40 hours a week, and making more money, thank me; Robbie Mother Fucking Bourbon.

Confused Team Member: I hate this job. Our store manager is a pedophile, and he makes me feel uncomfortable all the time. I'm leaving in a month.

I know your manager, that is a fair assessment.

Robbie and Morbid walk away while the Team Members look on in confusion. Mostly at the giant man who is currently carrying two Target bags of Popcorn, each containing 3 individual bags of popcorn. The pair pass by a group of teenagers standing around in their Pentatonix shirts, looking at One Direction and Pentatonix albums. Robbie storms over to them, and slaps a cd out of the hands of one of the men in the group. Morbid is looking on with apathy, as he slaps more popcorn into his mouth.

Teen 1: What the hell, man?

I'm saving you. You kids today with your hoverboards and your Pentatonix, and your Taco Bell apps on your phone. What is that? No, Slick. You're too young to remember the days when Ke$ha was new, and people were still shocked by Lady Gaga. Get Lucky hadn't even come out yet, and all the weird Techno Kids were forced to listen to their music on headphones in their basements to avoid looking like freaks listening to the dial up sounds from a 56K modem.Taylor Swift was still making country music, and the world wasn't even aware of that Justin Bieber really existed. Katy Perry had just kissed a girl. No, stud this stuff is bad for your health. Don't be Brian Lance. Just don't. Thank me later.


Robbie pulls a copy of Adele's 21 and slaps it in the kid's hands before he and Morbid walk away. Feeling accomplished, they move on to walk around while waiting for Pest, or James as they call him here so they can go back to the Dojo. Morbid wants to do a super set, and Pest saw a young girl hanging around the arcades. A rumble is heard, and Robbie looks over to see a television set starting to shake on the shelf as a fat kid is throwing a temper tantrum by the Xbox games. He wants his Call of Duty, and his mother isn't sure a game that graphic is good for her son. As the fat tub of lard jumps up and down, screaming at her, the tv begins to wobble off the shelf. Robbie runs over and grabs it so it doesn't hit the floor. He sets it down gently and walks over to the fat kid and his mother.

Hey, Tiny, listen. Jumping around and throwing a hissy fit isn't cool. In fact, it could affect the store's Shrinkage, which then affects the prices in the store. If you want them to have to charge more money, then by all means, jump around like you're at a Blink 182 concert, but if you want to be economical then stop your stampede. Don't be like 2. That guy sucks.

Pest And Jenny walk up to the duo as Robbie finishes his lecture. Jenny is adjusting her shirt, which is incredibly uneven. Robbie looks at Pest disgusted.

You're disgusting.

Pest: You are just jealous.

Jenny Smith: I have to pee. I'll be back. Teehee

Jenny bops off to go pee, as she still works on her shirt. Robbie is sickened by Pest violating a teenage girl like that. But, he knows it keeps Pest from doing worse.

Did you even get tested for AIDs after Lane attacked you?

Pest: That test is too expensive. I figure, if I have it, I have it. If not then why worry?

Kinda deep. Come on, let's go. I got stuff I need to do.

Robbie reaches his hand into Morbid's bag of popcorn only to have his hand slapped away by a growling Morbid.

If you wanted Popcorn, you should have fucking ordered it. JEW!