The purr of a bike rings out through streets of El Paso as the drone shot captures a reasonably large man in a trench coat weaving through the streets. The coat floats in the air, the dark black leather matching the black and purple hue of the bike.
The bike weaves down the I-10 West from the El Paso International Airport, down Airport Road. The street is very much alive, vibrant with the heartbeat only a town on the border could beat with: Tex-Mex food trucks, kids juggling footballs and the crackhead or two belting our Shakira’s latest. You even catch a kid grinning through LSM face paint.
The purr carries the bike all the way to the back entrance of the Sun Bowl Stadium… In all it’s glory? Rattling to a stop, our rider leans the beautiful Ducati Panigale on it’s stand and removes his matching black and purple helmet to reveal the still-bruised up face of Isaiah King. The man has a wry smile on his face as he glances up at the stadium, arriving at a show… He’s not booked at.
His trench coat is unbuttoned, a torso that’s still taped up from weeks of brutal fights on live television, his eyes still showing signs of capillary damage. The back of his coat reveals an embossed crown as he walks into the stadium.
”Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Weekend Warfare, The Elite Eight!”
He turns around to face the floating drone, giving it a wink before the feed cuts to black.
HHL: EL Paso Texas, are you ready for a jam-packed episode of Warfare? We have jam packed one on this the go home show before March Madness. Four March Madness tournament matches, two tv title matches and and a fantastic opening triple threat.
"Monster Mash" by Bobby Pickett plays
"Monster Mash" by Bobby Pickett plays and out comes Jacki O'Lantern from behind the curtain to thunderous cheers from the crowd. She walks down the ramp and looks toward the crowd, noticing some signs in support of her, as she points to them and gives them a nod before ascending up the stairs and underneath the bottom rope where she enters the ring. She taunts the crowd, which generates more of a reaction from them before focusing her eyes on the stage as her music dies and her opponent(s) music begins to play next.
"Realize" by AC/DC plays
"Realize" By AC/DC starts to play as the fans start booing. Out walks Barney Green, dressed in his garbage man uniform. He slowly walks out and starts arguing back with the fans. He reveals his trash can and dumps a bunch of trash out of it onto the fans. He slowly enters the ring as fans start throwing garbage back at him. He waits in the corner as the music fades.
"Young Men Dead" by the Black Angels plays
The lights in the arena go deep blue as smoke fills the air. Pink and silver laser lights cut through the smoke and it looks fucking rad.
As Young Men Dead blares throughout the arena, slowly walking out onto the entrance ramp is Bobby Bourbon. He stops, surveys the whole of the arena, raises his fists at 45 degree angles, and continues his deliberate plod towards the ring. Bobby climbs the steps, then climbs the nearest ring post half way and raises his fists at 45 degree angles. The lights go back to normal and the music stops. The XWF Universe in attendance, becoming hooligans, all chant in unison.
*FUCK 'EM UP, BOBBY, FUCK 'EM UP!*
JACKI O'LANTERN
- vs -
BARNEY GREEN
- vs -
BOBBY BOURBON Standard Triple Threat Match
1rp/2k
As the bell sounds, the three competitors all look around at each other, waiting to see who will make the first move. Green, making a decision, moves towards Bourbon, but he's looking like he wants an alliance. He signals to Jacki, saying that they can both take her out as a duo. Bourbon raises an eyebrow, not looking impressed with that plan in the slightest. But Barney says they should do it, pointing over at Jacki, who looks ready to fight.
Bourbon shrugs, then reaches over, giving Green an eye rake!! Green stumbles away, shocked, but he goes the wrong direction, as Jacki immediately lashes out with a spinning backfist, sending him staggering back the other way. Bourbon greets him with a powerful right hand of his own, with Green spun around again. Jacki then grabs him, delivering a rapid-fire DDT, spiking him off the mat!! Green rolls to the side, out of it, as Jacki gets up... and is immediately clotheslined by Bourbon!
HHL: Barney Green came in with a strategy that immediately backfired there.
PIP: Bobby Bourbon has no intention of teaming with anyone who's not a member of BOB at this point, and he showed it right there.
Bourbon has Jacki up now, grabbing her arm and whipping her hard into the corner. He then runs in on Jacki, landing a corner avalanche splash! Jacki sags there, as Bourbon gets up and looks to the other side, where Green is unfortunately pulling himself up in the opposite corner. Bourbon races that way, landing another corner avalanche splash, crushing Green! Bourbon, pleased, smacks Green in the face one more time, before turning and running back towards Jacki... who moves out of the way, causing Bourbon to hit the turnbuckle!
As Bourbon leans on the turnbuckle, hurting, Jacki jumps up, grabbing his head and yanking him hard to the mat with a cutter!! Bourbon rolls away, as Jacki pops back to her feet. Green, trying to pull himself up, staggers towards her, but Jacki's ready, taking Green down with a modified headscissor takedown! She rolls through it, holding Green in position for the first pin of the match...
1!
2!
And Bourbon's there in plenty of time, kicking Jacki off the pin!
HHL: We're seeing a lot of fire early in this one from Jacki O'Lantern!
PIP: She's looking to put the DPI behind her with a huge victory tonight! If she can get a victory over Bourbon by pinning Green, it's something to brag about for the rest of her career!
HHL: Or she could pin Bourbon himself...
PIP: Well, of course, if you want to up the difficulty level...
Bobby has Jackie up now, shooting her towards the ropes. Jacki can't stop her momentum in time, as Bourbon catches her and delivers the Dinosaur Extinction!! Jacki's down, as Bourbon makes the cover...
1!
2!
And Jacki shoots her shoulder off the mat! Bourbon, suitably impressed, goes to pull her up... only for Barney Green to grab him from behind, rolling him up!!!
1!
After only a 1 count, Bourbon quickly gets free, popping back up angrily. As Green pulls himself up as well, Bourbon turns towards him and takes his head off (figuratively) with the SHORYUKIN!!! Green flops to the mat, not moving, as Bourbon starts to lean over him. but Jacki comes running back in, dropkicking Bourbon in the side of the head!!! Bourbon topples to the other side, stunned, while Jacki slips onto Green, applying The Darkest Hour submission to Green!!!
HHL: Barney's going to have to tap out!!
PIP: There's no escape once the Darkest Hour is locked in!
Green is in agony, struggling to get free, as Jacki tries to make him tell the ref he quits. Green is struggling, desperate, when Bourbon comes back in, stomping on Jacki's back to break it up!!! Jacki fights back to her feet, but Bourbon turns, launching Jacki quickly over the top rope!! Green, seeing this, starts to get up, as if to thank Bourbon, but Bourbon immediately turns to him and gives him a kick, before lifting Green up and delivering the Bobbybomb!!!! Bourbon makes the pin, looking outside the ring as the count is made...
1!
2!
Jacki O'Lantern desperately slides back in, diving forward, but...
3!
WINNER VIA PINFALL - BOBBY BOURBON!
HHL: What a match from the returning Bobby Bourbon, one of the most beloved stars in the history of the XWF!
PIP: Yep, the Grand Poo-B.o.B. is one of the most decorated stars in the XWF… Record-setting tag champ, former Uni champ, King of the XWF!
Bobby stays in the center of the ring basking in the warm adulation of a capacity crowd as the arena chants his name.
BOBBY BOURBON! *clap clap clap*
BOBBY BOURBON *cl-
All of a sudden, the arena full of love turns to boos… Bobby turns to face toward the ramp as who should burst through the curtain…
But the Universal Champion, Mark Flynn
PIP: The GREATEST UNIVERSAL CHAMPION OF ALL-TIME!
HHL: Pretty sure that comment needs a fact-checking…
In a pinstripe suit, an infomercial style headset mic wrapped around his skull, Flynn strolls down the ramp with a big smile on his face as above and below his head, it says in flashing letters…
1-800-OPTIMAL
DON’T DELAY! CALL TODAY
Flynn comes down to the ring with vim and vigor, the Beatles echoing throughout the arena dramatically. Mark stops ringside as Bobby glares down at him, arms folded across his chest, the face of a lion a hundred paces away menacing at Flynn. Flynn smiles back, pointing at Bobby. The music dies down finally as Bobby is backed away by the referee, allowing Mark Flynn into the ring.
The Simp Section, in the first row, is holding up signs that say things like ‘AND STILL UNIVERSAL CHAMPION’, ‘FLYNN WINS’ and a sign with rotating numbers, displaying that Flynn’s reign is on day 167…
The fans continue to boo and Mark again points and grins at Bobby. Bourbon takes a deep breath, his eyes laser focused on Mark Flynn. Mark goes to speak, but the crowd in El Paso won’t quit.
Flynn lowers the microphone and jaws at the crowd, pointing at the Universal Championship belt around his waist. The crowd begins another chant. The Simp Section tries to start a ‘Let’s Go Flynn’ chant… But the crowd immediately overtakes them with Bourbon’s Fun chant.
*FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN*
Bobby hasn’t changed his expression whatsoever. Flynn, infuriated at first, runs his hand over his face… He points to Bobby and smiles again.
Flynn spins toward the ropes, bending his face over them, screaming at the capacity crowd in El Paso.
MF: SHUT YOUR MOUTHS, YOU FECKLESS SWINE.
HHL: …Feckless?
…Flynn inhales, a snarl on his face… And grins.
MF: You know why you non-believing losers… why you OPTIMAL PATH DOUBTERS… celebrate when Mark Flynn tastes a *rare*... RAAAAAARE loss… My first XWF loss in nearly SIX MONTHS?
Flynn spits vitriol and acid down on the lucky front row.
MF: Because YOU can’t succeed on your own. Because YOUR dreams died in your late 20s. Because YOU settled on a life of mediocrity instead of excellence and YOU gave up. Because YOU hate your job, YOU hate your wife, YOU hate your kids, you hate your life.
Flynn leans over the top rope, sneering down at a crowd, that’s trying to boo so loud that the microphone can’t pick up his voice. But Flynn just chokes the mic at the end of the headset closer to his face…
MF: And you see a man like me. WHO FOUGHT THROUGH CEASELESS SHIT… Who climbed against a MONSOON OF CONSPIRATORS. WHO REFUSED TO ACCEPT ANYTHING LESS THAN MY RIGHTFUL PLACE.
MF: AS THE MOUNTAINTOP.
Flynn shakes his head, smiling.
[orange]MF: You see me, succeeding at a level that YOU couldn’t attain. That no one in your entire BLOODLINE WILL EVER ACHIEVE. All you have in this world is HATING MARK FLYNN. And if I was gone, YOU WOULD HAVE NOOOOOOOOTHING.
The crowd just keeps booing louder and louder… But Flynn finally spins toward Bobby.
MF: BOB! Boberino! Rrrrrrrroberto!
Flynn’s salesman grin and ease are back on his face, as he adjusts the headset.
[orange{MF: Great performance last week! The Bourbon-Flynn match at Warfare did what I promised it would do…[/orabge]
Flynn sticks a finger in the air.
MF: Achieve RECORD PROFITS™, BAY-BEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Bourbon looks unimpressed as the crowd continues to boo.
MF: What a match, huh? The SPECTACLE. Just like the OPTIMAL PATH match… The Chess Wrestling Match was such an exxxxxxTRAVAGANZA, that these fucking BUFFOONS had to BUY BUY BUY BUY BUY BUY BUY BUY!
Flynn cackles, aping Bobby’s trademark fun chant.
MF: But still…
Flynn points to the sign in the Simp Section that reads ‘And Still’...
MF: MARK FLYNN is your Universal Champion.
Flynn points to the Universal Championship belt and the fans boo like mad again. Bobby steps out of the corner and two officials and a referee step between he and Mark.
Flynn takes a step back defensively, but seeing that Bobby isn’t charging him… yet, he grins a crooked grin and steps forward.
MF: MARK FLYNN has BEEN your Universal Champion for ONE-HUNDRED-AND-SIXTY-SEVEN CONSECUTIVE DAYS!
Flynn shoves a finger in Bobby’s direction.
MF: Because of YOUR failure, Bob. Because YOU couldn’t get the job done… MARK FLYNN is now the FIFTH-LONGEST REIGNING UNIVERSAL CHAMPION IN COMPANY HISTORY.
…Flynn smiles.
MF: I can take a setback, Bob. In fact, it’s better for THE BRAND. It builds *INTRIGUE* when an opponent picks up a BULLSHIT DQ win over me. All of a sudden, the LOSERS and DOUBTERS buy up the PPV. They drive for DAYS to sit in the NOSEBLEED SECTION… Because they want to be there when HISTORY IS MADE. They want to be in the arena when MARK FLYNN JUST MIGHT LOSE.
The crowd pops at the idea of Flynn dropping the belt.
…
MF: But then he doesn’t. FLYNN WINS. AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN.
Flynn shakes his head.
MF: And you, Bob? You’re just the latest meat on the assembly line, designed to trick our crowds. Gravy? Atty Raven? Peter Vaughn? They’re all BRAND X. Designed to stand next to me and LOOK INFERIOR.
…
MF: And you can wave your FALSE win in my face all-day… But, if you really beat me, Bob?
Flynn lifts the belt up to Bourbon’s face.
MF: You’d have the gold to show for it.
Bobby scratches his jaw. Someone from ringside hands him his signature microphone, the microphone of a Sith Lord. He holds it up.
BB: Shut up.
The crowd goes bananas.
HHL: It’s time somebody said it.
PIP: That is the Universal Champion, Heather, show the man respect!
BB: Now, I know you said what you just said, but if you can’t listen, there are a couple thousand people here in El Paso who disagree with you. Now, the way I see it, as of right now, you had options. You could have gone your way, I gone mine, left it all out there in San Antonio, but instead you went berserk and attacked a shit ton of nine-feet tall Christmas decorations I got on wholesale and wired up with puppet controls. You could have claimed conspiracy when they only bullshit happening is your cheating and low-down bullshit, from last Warfare all the way back to Leap of Faith where you threw a fucking cinder block just to stop me from earning a briefcase, not even win. Your bullshit you pulled with War Criminal, Bastard Father rest his soul in eternal anger, just to catch a cheap thrill here and there. You want to say the world is against you, Mark, when you’ve got quite a gripe with me, finding some way to cheat your way through another match. Shit, Mark, you could have stayed home tonight! You could have popped up some tasty popcorn, grabbed an ice cold beverage, put on your Snuggie and your Crocs, and watched the XWF like a fucking documentarian which sounds like the most basic, boring, bullshit way to watch wrestling. I mean, like ever, but week in, week out, you fucking lie through your teeth to prove some way you don’t even fucking follow and justify being so obsessive with the XWF you just want to look at it by the numbers. Mark, I don’t know if you can hear it, but I have a number, like a couple thousand here in El Paso who want to see me do something tonight.
Mark looks around as Bobby waves his arms, conducting the crowd. They start to sound off, and eventually the entire stadium is chanting in unison.
Bobby bellows into his microphone as the crowd goes wild.
BB: Look, Mark, I have one job. It’s not a tough one, man, but it’s one you don’t understand whatsoever through whatever neuroses you got pinging around inside your melon, but it’s one I take seriously, and one I feel like I do kind of well, and one that I get paid Xtremely well to do. My job, Mark, is to come out into this ring…
Bobby holds his left hand out and points at the ring, emphasizing his statement.
BB: Grab some asshat standing in it…
Bobby raises his finger, pointing at Flynn.
BB: And, well, entertain the masses by throwing you around and making the ring fucking quake using you as a fucking hammer.
Flynn leans back into a corner looking at the referee, who seems swayed by Bourbon’s words. Flynn holds up the Universal Championship as the people boo.
BB: That’s mine and you know damn well as they do.
The fans in El Paso roar. Mark Flynn lowers the belt as Bobby Bourbon looks at Flynn with all the regard of a drive-through menu.
BB: Now the ways I see it, the way you walked out, we gotta just end it now, and you’re hoping and praying for a miracle, but I am the miracle around here, from out of nowhere, undefined and glorious, still fighting for no goddamn reason, Bobby Bourbon. That said, I could destroy you. Right now. Thing is, you’d just say it’s why I’m not 1800HOGWASH like 1800OPTIMAL. Seriously, by the numbers, as a statistic, 1-800-OPTIMAL is a phone line you can call to talk to hot singles and masturbate, eventually paying to whack off, at which point, life is over. Never pay to masturbate. It is not even anything like the Optimal Way. It’s the least optimal way. Masturbation should be as free as woods porn, or just some porn you find in the woods. For free. Porn should be free like the internet and why the porn should be free is why the internet should be free, yes and absolutely correct! However, since this is an XWF show, and Mark Flynn doesn’t have a hacked Switch, I left my hacked Nintendo Switch in the locker room, and talking about hacked Nintendo Switch consoles and making them work harshes our sponsorship with Nintendo, buy a fucking Switch for fuck’s sake. Look, I show up, record prophets. Anywho, Flynn sucked up to that shit like a wrinkle on a nutsack, so Mark, how about I iron that shit out or is an adult about to arrive to save your ass?
Theo Pryce: Sup fellas.
Flynn gasps and spins! Theo Pryce is in the corner behind them.
MF: AHHHH! WIZARD! WIIIIIITCHCRAFT!
PIP: Where the hell did he come from?
HHL: Does it really matter? He’s here now.
Theo ignores Flynn’s accusation of sorcery and stands between the two competitors.
Theo Pryce: So it seems to me like you two guys have some unfinished business and while I have no love lost for both of you and would actually take some pleasure in watching the two of you beat each other’s brains in for funsies, we really need to get the ball rolling. So, how about this[/the] Theo says as he points towards Flynn. [theo]It just so happens that I have an open booking for your Universal Title match at March Madness. So how about we run it back yeah? The fans want it. Bobby clearly wants it and you, I don’t think you do which makes me really want it.
Flynn’s surprised face melts into a furious scowl… It’s obvious that he reeeeeeeally doesn’t want it.
And, Flynn, since you went and got yourself accidentally on purpose DQ’d last time in a match where you got to name the stips…
HHL: True! Flynn got himself DQ’d in his own chess-wrestling match!
I think we’re gonna change it up a little bit and let Bobby here name the stipulations for the match. Wouldn’t be the first time Bobby got to enter a match as a challenger and name the stips for the champion? Remember a few months back when Jenny Myst fucked up her own stipulations? Good times. Good times. So yeah that’s really all I came out here to say. If you guys wanna go and beat on each other go for it but try and at least leave a little something for the PPV ok?
HHL: Oh man! Bourbon is being given the chance to pick the match stipulation!
PIP: He could pick anything?!? How is that fair?
HHL: I mean, it’s about as fair as anything Flynn’s done in his entire career.
Bobby scratches his nose. He looks up, and around throughout the arena, gazing. All the fans. The people of the XWF Universe, all paying good money to come to the wildest show the XWF has EVER produced, and it sinks in for him. He looks back at Flynn, and looks almost placid, until his eyes open, his sharp eyebrows forming horns themselves at the edges of his creased brows, knowing damn well himself he was nobody’s white knight. He pauses, and looks at Theo Pryce. A smile curves across his lips as he realizes exactly where and when everyone here was at the moment.
Alright, fuckers, here’s how it’s fucking going down, pardon my fucking candor. So, these people want to see a real goddamned fight they never saw anywhere else before. They also wanna see it get so vulgar and downright nasty they don’t dare change the channel lest they think their internet provider cut off the feed! We, and I mean all of us here tonight, are the combined, undisputed, undefeated, undeniable, complete Xtreme Wrestling Federation. Look, I’m done with the “look, I’m back, ain’t I cute” bullshit, time for me to actually get out there and get a damn thing done, and Mark, all the shit you’ve caused? You are fucking done. That’s why, when I think of the most Xtreme stipulation on Earth, in this Solar System, and across the known expanse of the XWF Universe. Well there’s really only one golden, true, sport of kings across the cosmos, as any shooting star careening through the Milky Way could say. That’s nothing less than miniature golf! That’s why, Flynn, I’m chosing the Mini-Golf Master’s Meyhem stipulation for our XWF Universal Championship at March Madness! Eighteen holes, Mark, the only holes associated with anything that’s eighteen the entire rest of your life, and you get absolutely destroyed by a man with the knowledge of how to stroke while you putt-putz around with a shaft in your hands and no idea what to do with it! We’ll go through corners, tunnels, banks, and yes, a fucking windmill, through the nearest civic miniature golf center, as all metropolitan areas have. Now, I don’t know how that relates to a wrestling match besides me Bobbybombing you sometime and, well, winning, since I piss excellence and shit victory. Mark, you are going down in the mini-golf wrestling match that, again, I can not even fathom but sounds fun as fuck, and I’m going to run on as the Universal Champion, and all those shitheads you wanted to flex on me that you beat will fucking get beat the fuck again when they swoop on back thinking they got pickin’s on someone who ain’t you; frankly you’re a bitch Mark and I have scraped better dog shit off my shoes.
The crowd pops at the sheer fucking absurdity of what’s going on here...
HHL: You heard it here first, folks! Bourbon is challenging for Mark Flynn’s Universal Title in Mini-Golf Masters MAYHEM!
PIP: MY GOD!
Flynn, enraged at every aspect of what’s going on, (how little attention is being paid to him, how loudly the crowd is cheering for Bourbon, Theo being fucking magic)... tosses off his headset mic and CHARGES AT BOURBON!
Bourbon effortlessly tugs down the top rope… AND FLYNN FLIES OVER THE TOP, ASS OVER TEAKETTLE, landing flat on his back!
The crowd points and laughs at Flynn! The Simp Section, which usually provides a passionate counter to the whims of the XWF Universe is powerless.
Flynn gathers himself to his knees, looking angry to appear so buffoonish.
You know, Mark… Theo calls over the rope, down to Flynn…
That really is the… Optimal Path out of the ring…
”OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” The entire crowd calls out.
HHL: DEVASTATING burn from the usually-reserved and utterly-neutral Theo Pryce!
Flynn huffs and puffs like a cartoon wolf, muttering to himself like Yosemite Sam as he marches up the ramp. He keeps turning around like he’s about to say a comeback!
…Then, walks a few more feet up the ramp.
The crowd cheers Theo and Bobby, who… while they don’t see eye-to-eye, both seem to be united for the moment in being delighted at how dumb Flynn looks.
HHL: Wow, folks! March Madness! Mini-Golf Masters Mayhem! Can Flynn keep his record-setting Universal Title Reign alive? Or is tonight a portent of things to come? Does Bobby Bourbon have Flynn’s number? We’ll find out at March Madness!
"Legend" by the Score plays
"Legend" hits the P.A. system and the lights dim, save for a lone, golden spotlight centered on the stage. A thin layer of fog floats across the stage, and Jay Omega struts out to the top of the ramp. Omega stands on the stage for a moment with his arms spread and a cocky smirk on his face, then casually makes his way down the ramp, crossing back and forth to slap hands with fans. At ringside Jay hops up onto the apron, then vaults over the ropes before crossing the ring and climbing up to the second turnbuckle. Omega poses for the crowd amidst a flickering strobe effect from thousands of cameraphone flashbulbs, then backflips off the turnbuckle and casually leans back into the corner to await the bell.
"Suffocate" by Cold plays
“Suffocate” by Cold begins to play as the lights dim all through the arena. Fog rolls through the entranceway as a bright light shines from behind it. A shadowy figure is projected through the fog, the sexy figure grinding to the beat of the music. Sidney Grey emerges and surveys the crowd as they boo her loudly. She smirks as she flips off the crowd and moves in time to the beat, going into yet another seductive grind, which ends in a tremendous eruption of pyrotechnics as she runs her hands all along her body, tosses her hair back, and heads to the ring with a laugh. Sid walks slowly down to the ring as she arrogantly taunts the crowd, blowing kisses to some and threatening to slap others all the while with a condescending smile on her face. Sid slides underneath the bottom rope and goes to the far corner of the ring as she stands on the turnbuckle and continues to taunt the crowd, while smiling sadistically as she waits for the match to begin. Sid will typically take the microphone from the ring announcer in order to berate her opponent as well as the town and the fans.
JAY OMEGA
- vs -
SIDNEY GREY
Standard Singles Match
2rps/2k
As the bell rings, we see Sidney Grey and Jay Omega both come out of their respective corners, meeting near the middle of the ring. They're already arguing, with Omega pointing to his wrist, while Grey is signaling about a title belt that's not around her waist. The two both seem to be adamant about what they want, with Omega shaking his head in annoyance. That's when Grey decides to strike, catching Omega in the side of the head with a right hand!
Omega shakes it off, then blocks Grey's next attempt, firing back at her, driving her backwards towards the corner. He gets her there, with Grey quickly leaning through the ropes, with the referee immediately ordering Omega to back off. He takes a step back, looking at the referee and shrugging him off. Meanwhile, though, Grey quickly grabs hold of the ropes on either side of her and boosts herself forward, catching Omega off-guard with a high-impact clothesline!! Omega's down, as Grey makes a quick cover, hanging on tightly.
1!
And Omega powers out of it, shoving Grey off of him even as the two count lands!
HHL: Both of these wrestlers have a lot going on currently. Omega has someone trying to steal his futuristic tech, while Grey's Anarchy Title WAS stole by Tommy Wish. But both have to put that behind them tonight, as this is all about who makes the Final Four!
PIP: Looking at the brackets, I don't think there are many who would have predicted these two facing off in the Elite Eight, but that's why they call it March Madness!
Grey pulls Omega up, seemingly getting into releasing some of her anger at recent events onto her opponent. She strikes away at him a few times, then grabs Omega by the head, working to lift him up for a brainbuster. But Omega is able to reverse it in mid-air, coming down behind Grey and landing a float-over DDT variation!! He then gets on Grey, swinging away with elbow strikes, as Grey tries to cover up. Omega then gets up, pulling Grey up with him.
Grey tries to swing again, with Omega ducking under it. He then grabs Grey's arm and swings her around, sending her shooting into the ropes. As Grey comes back, she tries another clothesline, but Omega is just too quick, avoiding it. He turns, and as Grey rebounds, Omega is right there, catching her and delivering a Scrapbuster Slam!! Grey's had the wind knocked out of her, so Omega drops on top, making the cover and hanging onto the leg...
1!
2!
And Grey kicks out, escaping the pin!
HHL: You can tell Omega is really wanting this victory tonight.
PIP: He survived Bobby Bourbon and Astra to get here, a hell of a winning streak. If he takes down Grey tonight, he's definitely the dark horse of the Final Four!
HHL: True, but you could almost say the same thing about Sidney Grey...
PIP: Bite your tongue! Grey's a champion! She deserves to be here!
As Omega gets up, dragging Grey along with him, he points towards the turnbuckle, planning something big. He starts to take her over there... but Grey reaches up, raking her fingers across Omega's eyes!! Omega releases her, staggering back, as Grey ignores the admonishment from the referee. She instead runs forward, grabbing the blinded Omega by the head and getting a swinging neckbreaker!
With Omega down, the referee moves into position, but Grey's not done yet. She gets up, readjusting her knee brace, before going to the ropes and coming back for some momentum. She jumps up, lining things up perfectly, before bringing down the Sid-Knee Drop right onto her opponent!! Omega groans and tries to instinctively roll aside, but Grey won't let him, quickly yanking him back over in order to make the cover...
1!
2!
No! Omega kicks free, avoiding the loss, as Grey angrily smacks the mat next to the referee.
HHL: Grey's done some severe damage in this tournament, beating down two major stars in Oz and Dolly Waters to get here. Now, if she puts away Omega, she locks herself into at least two matches at the PPV, with the chance to reach the finals in front of her.
PIP: Double duty's never easy, but if anyone can pull it off, it's Sidney Grey!
Omega struggles to get to his knees, shaking off the cobwebs from that brace shot. Grey waits behind him, clutching her hands, interested in ending this one right here, right now. As Omega stands up, Grey grabs him from behind, looking to apply the Cougar Clutch!! But Omega, sensing the danger almost immediately, shoves both wrestlers backwards, with the referee having to dive out of the way to avoid getting crushed! Both fly into the corner, with Omega shaking Grey off before she can lock anything in, smashing her into the turnbuckle.
As Grey staggers out of the corner, Omega is waiting for her, twisting her into a butterfly backbreaker!! Grey's down, her back arching in agony on the canvas, as Omega clears his head for a moment before heading over to the turnbuckle. He climbs up relatively quickly, bringing himself into position, as Grey appears to have rolled further away, perhaps feeling what might be coming. She didn't go far enough, though, as Omega still leaps... scoring a five star frog splash!!! The crowd pops for the move, as Omega grabs the legs and hangs on...
1!
2!
NO! At the last moment, Grey's able to escape, getting a shoulder a few inches off the canvas!
HHL: Omega's high-flying talents nearly ended this one right there!
PIP: Hey, you think he practices in low gravity? Or zero G's? Can you perform a frog splash in space?
HHL: That'll have to be one for our rocket scientist fans to answer for us, Pip.
With Grey struggling to get up, Omega backs off for a moment, watching her. He's ready as Grey gets to her feet, coming in and surprising her with Bring The Thunder!!! The kick lands true, as Grey goes down hard. Omega, sensing that the end could be near, makes his way over to the turnbuckle once again. He goes up top, dragging himself to a standing position, watching as Grey once again valiantly fights her way up to her feet. Omega then leaps off, going for Over The Top!!!
But Grey grabs the ref, using him to pull herself out of the way!!!
Omega, unable to reverse his momentum in time, hits the mat and rolls, then tries to get up quickly. But Grey comes flying into him with a loud yell, smashing him with the Reality Check!!! Omega stumbles into the ropes, then comes back forward, with Grey kicking his legs out from under him. Grey then locks him in, posing for the fans for only a second or two before taking Omega down with the Cradle Robber!!! The roll-up follows, locking Omega into a tight position, as the referee, recovered, slides back in...
1!
2!
3!!!!
WINNER VIA PINFALL AND ADVANCING TO THE FINAL FOUR SIDNEY GREY
HHL: Grey pulls off another victory, after a questionable usage of the referee!
PIP: Hey, the ref didn't DQ her, so he must have been okay with it. Probably enjoyed himself, really.
HHL: I doubt it. He was just doing his job. Omega put on a hell of a performance, but Sidney Grey is the one headed to the Final Four at our March Madness PPV!
PIP: While likely defending her Anarchy Championship as well... if she can find it!
We see Grey hanging on the ropes, looking like she just spent a lot of fuel on that last fury. The referee raises her arm up, with Grey glancing over at him, saying something about how he's grabbing her. Omega, meanwhile, is already out of the ring, headed towards the back, disappointed.
Sidney Grey’s body was beaten and battered after her war with Jay Omega. She had poured a great deal of her considerable anger into the match and now there was barely anything left. All she wanted to do was crawl into the shower and curl into a tiny ball while the scalding hot water washed over her.
BAM BAM BAM The thunderous pounding on her door startled and annoyed her. She was so close to the post match relief she craved, but it would have to wait. Sid straightened herself, her body protesting against it as she gestured for Dani Chow, her Executive Personal Assistant to answer it. Dani pulled open the door and before she could speak, Jay Omega barreled past her, making a beeline for Sid. Jay Omega: Look, you threw out a challenge and I countered it, but trashing my room and trying to steal my tech was low down Grey! You have no clue what you’re dealing with here! I already told you, there is no way in hell that I am giving you my W.E.I.R.D.! Sid stared at him blankly for a moment, then shook her head. Sidney Grey: First things first, I didn’t do anything to your room! Maybe you missed it, but I was out there in the ring with you idiot! Jay turned to Dani. Jay Omega: What about her? Dani’s eyes grew wide behind her magnified spectacles. Dani Chow: Why always blame Chinese people everything?! Catch Bird Flu, you say Chinese! Cat end up in egg roll, you say Chinese! Totally not Spy Balloon fly over U.S., you say Chinese! This time it was Jay’s turn to stare blankly before slowly looking the woman up and down. Jay Omega: YOU’RE NOT EVEN ASIAN! Sid stepped between them. Sidney Grey: ENOUGH! No one here went into your goddamn room! I don’t give two shits about your “tech” or whatever, I just want to get my fucking title back from Tommy Wish! These two nerds told me that they could tell me where he’s been stashing it if I got them your dumb bracelet! Jay Qmega: Dumb bracelet?! I’ll have you know that… Jay paused, his anger turning to curiosity. Jay Omega: Two nerds…one of them with a helmet covering his face? Sidney Grey: Yeah, black van with a… Jay Omega: Star Wars mural painted on the side…SON OF A BITCH! Jay turned and punched the door. Sidney Grey: Look, I don’t know what’s going on between you and those two guys, but… Jay Omega: They aren’t guys. They aren’t even human. Sid rolled her eyes. Sidney Grey: All I want is my title back! If I give them your…thingy, they will tell me what I need to know. Jay Omega: Well, obviously they weren’t going to stick to the plan, but…maybe we can still help each other out. You help me catch those assholes and I help you with your problem.
Sidney Grey: And why would you help me? What makes you think I even need your help?
Jay Omega: You need my help because I know who and what we're dealing with. And I'm willing to help, because I know how it feels to have your championship belt stolen. I may not like you, but you ARE the Anarchy Champion, and you deserve to hold the title you've earned. I'll have my people call your people. Sid looked at Dani as Jay pushed the door closed to discuss the plan away from prying eyes.
"You know my name" by Chris Cornell plays
The arena flashes white as spotlights from around the venue converge at the entrance room as "You Know My Name" begins playing bombastically. As the lyrics start, Ned Kaye stands at the point where the spotlights merge to thunderous applause. He lifts his fist up in the air, awaiting the crowd to do the same before rushing down to the ring, serenaded by blue hues that light up the ramp following his steps. The lights above the stadium darken in their blue color as Ned gets closer to the ring, little bits of ember adorning the X-Tron and ramp, orange breaking up the blue. He leaps over the ropes into the ring before looking down, breathing the moment in, and pointing out at the crowd, ready to fight just with their energy alone. Jumping a bit from the adrenaline, he makes his way to his corner as he prepares for the bell.
"Leaving Dionysus" by XWFO$ plays
The lights dim as multiple spotlights rotate throughout the arena. As "Leaving Dionysus" begins to play, the spotlights all point to the stage, illuminating a velvet red curtain. At the moment the guitars begin to play, the curtain is drawn open, revealing the imposing figure of Dionysus, holding a Thyrsus in his right hand and a shield on his left arm. He clashes the staff against his shield to rouse the crowd to clap with him, then roars, raising the Thyrsus above his head.
NED KAYE
- vs -
DIONYSUS
Standard Singles Match
2rps/2k
DING! DING! DING!
Ned and Dionysus quickly lock eyes from across the ring, no love lost between them in the slightest. The will to win blazes in each of their beings, determined not to back down. The two share a nod, before circling around the ring.
HHL: Certainly a ‘must-win’ situation here for both Ned and Dion here, only one step away from the bright stage of March Madness standing before them…
Pip: These guys can’t afford to count their chickens before they hatch here! If they wanna go into March Madness with all the momentum in their corner and a marquee match with their name on it, they have to win here.
Ned looks to snake in for a quick elbow-and-collar lock-up, but Dion uses his superior frame and sheer strength to quickly almost throw Ned off of him, shoving him right to the ground. Ned sucks in air through his teeth, shaking out the pain for a moment, before going right back to it.
HHL: Not even a mention of how they could possibly become the new King of the XWF?
Pip: Why bother? They won’t beat Peter!
Ned nods his head at Dion before trying again, this time trying for a quick legsweep to allow him to target the legs himself and cut off the larger Dion’s base of power. But Dion proves too quick on the draw! He quickly steps back as Ned’s leg slides down underneath! He comes back in as Ned stands up, taken off-guard, as-
WHAM! A quick and clubbing forearm to the skull staggers Ned back, trying to shake out the cobwebs. Dion follows it up with another! And another! And another! Ned is forced back to the ropes as Dion grabs him by the wrist - Irish Whip!
Ned on the rebound now as Dion looks for a Big Boot! But Ned manages to slide underneath smoothly, the Lord of the Vine’s attack unfortunately whiffing. He turns around to face Ned, but eats a dropkick right to the chin for his trouble! That sends Dion staggering back, cradling his jaw as the boots strike firm! Ned doesn’t let off the gas, quickly managing to fell Dionysus with an equally quick step-up enzuigiri!
HHL: Ned not letting the larger size of his opponent get in his way here. He started off slow, but he’s looking to quickly get back in control now…
Ned tries to keep Dionysus down now, nodding to himself and feeding off of the crowd’s energy as he darts off the ropes, quick as a cat, looking for a swift knee drop to the skull… but Dionysus rolls out of the way at the last second! Ned winces as knees hit canvas, hurriedly bringing himself up to his feet but only to eat a BIG lariat from Dion!
Pip: He had control for a brief moment. Had, of course, being the operative word here. Let’s see if Ned manages to choke this opportunity away fully…
Ned doesn’t stay down for long, managing to push himself back onto one knee as he coughs and sputters for air. Dionysus gets himself ready, sizing up Ned as he brings his hand back…
CHOOOOOOOOOOP!
MASSIVE knife-edge chop lights up Ned’s body! He winces, bringing himself back to the corner to try and regroup, and Dion is right on top of him! More chops come raining down, drawing winces from the fans as Ned’s chest looks like a Christmas tree! The referee looks to try and check on Ned, which Dion allows, but as soon as Ned indicates that he’s still good to go, Dion manages to get an Irish Whip going to the other corner!
But wait! Ned manages to come back to life, hopping over the ropes to get onto the apron and stop himself! Dion comes rushing at him with a full head of steam, but the second step-up enzuigiri through this match manages to catch Dion off-guard! He staggers back, looking woozy… and allowing Ned to springboard off the top rope and catch him with a knee strike to the temple!
HHL: Wow! Ned bringing as much speed as he can muster here! It’s like David and Goliath are having a see-saw match right now, Pip! Ned’s trying his all to really make sure he can make it to March Madness and have a shot at becoming this company’s next King!
Pip: He’s got a long way to go before he’s worthy of calling himself that, Heather, but I’ll give him props in at least making the slow rise entertaining to watch and fail on the way up.
Dionysus collapses onto all fours, a thin trickle of blood beginning to stream its way down his body as he takes a deep breath. Sweat mixes with the crimson substance, tainting the mat beneath him as Ned senses the opportunity. He picks Dion up, giving him an Irish Whip to the nearby set of ropes as Ned runs off the other set! As the two meet in the center of the ring, Ned leaps into the air for a flying crossbody!
HHL: Airborne Annihilator! Ned treating us to a blast from the past here tonight!
However, the fans in the arena soon hold their breath as…
…Dionysus manages to catch Ned in midair.
HHL: Uh-oh.
Pip: Ned got way too cocky, trying to pull that out of nowhere…
Dionysus tries to set up for a move, but Ned is squirming! A hard elbow rocks the open wound on Dion’s temple, staggering him! And now it’s Ned’s turn to throw some hard shots to stun his opponent as another one comes out! And another! And another! Dion staggers back to the ropes as he’s forced to let go of Ned, but Ned sees the golden opportunity before him! He grabs Dionysus in a front facelock, before jumping off the ropes and hitting a Tornado DDT!
HHL: But he made up for it in spades with that Trooper’s Tribute, shades of Steven Cooper! That was the same exact move he used last Warfare to knock Angie Vaughn out of the tournament!
Ned hooks the leg, looking for this to be the end!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!
TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
KICKOOOOOOOOOOOOUT!
Dionysus gets an emphatic shoulder up, still having more in the tank as Ned curses underneath his breath. The seesaw continues to sway back-and-forth between these two competitors, not letting up for even an inch now. Ned gets to his feet, clapping for the crowd to follow along and lend support. Eyeing up the nearby turnbuckle, Ned begins to climb to the top, having his target in sight.
HHL: Dionysus proved resilient there, but Ned’s looking for the Ego Crusher, surely now. If he hits this, this match has to be as good as won now.
Pip: He thought the match was as good as won with that DDT, right? Maybe Dionysus just wants it more at this rate.
HHL: Somehow, Pip, I doubt that any of these men want it more than the other.
Dionysus manages to stagger back to his feet, which allows Ned to take flight and go for a flying Hurricanrana! It’s the first step of the Ego Crusher!
ONLY FOR NED TO GET CAUGHT INTO AN STO BACKBREAKER ON THE WAY DOWN!
HHL: NO! DIONYSUS TELLING NED TO FALL ON YOUR SHIELD THERE! What an absolutely vicious fall there from Ned!
Pip: Looked like he was about to spasm from that impact, sheesh! It’s like Dionysus’ own body is a weapon of mass destruction at this rate!
The Lord of the Vine wipes off the flowing blood on his temple, shaking out the cobwebs as a smile stretches across his face. He’s now got Ned right here he wants him. He’s starting to recover, sure, but this is the chance he needs if he wants to put Ned away once and for all. He picks Ned up-
ONLY FOR NED TO RESPOND WITH A BICYCLE KNEE!
HHL: NOTORIOUS KNEE! NED’S TRYING TO TAKE DIONYSUS’ HEAD OFF OUT OF NOWHERE!
Pip: Look at how damn groggy he is though, Heather! Ned looks like he could slump down at any moment after that backbreaker!
AND DIONYSUS DOESN’T FALL! HE STAGGERS BACK, THE CUT ON HIS FACE OPENING FURTHER, JUST AS GROGGY BUT NOT FALTERING FOR A SECOND! NED’S FACE IS THAT OF DESPERATION, BUT HE BRINGS HIMSELF TO RUN FOR IT!
GOING OFF THE ROPES NOW, ONE MORE TIME-!
DIONYSUS SLIPS BEHIND! WAIST LOCK! WRIST CONTROL!
HHL: Dionysus now looking to end it with the Grapevine!
HE TURNS NED AROUND, GOING FOR THE RAINMAKER!
BUT NOW IT’S NED’S TURN TO SLIP UNDERNEATH! NED HOLDS ONTO THE WRIST NOW AS HE’S BEHIND DIONYSUS, AND THE LORD OF THE VINE IS STUNNED! NED WHIPS HIM AROUND-
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!
HHL: RIPCORD NOTORIOUS KNEE! And that one FINALLY laid Dionysus out!
Pip: Talk about a sprint and a half there, jeez…
Ned collapses, unable to stand properly after the pain his back is in as he falls on top of Dionysus! The ref covers!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE!
TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
WINNER VIA PINFALL AND ADVANCING TO THE FINAL FOUR - NED KAYE
HHL: We are back from commercial with the first two members of the Final Four established. Ned Kaye and Sidney Grey will be facing each other in two weeks with the winner advancing to the finals. But before we get to the rest of the Elite Eight we have a tag team title match.
"Born To Be Wild" by Steppenwolf plays
The Honorable Mentions; Vagabond and Clyde Rover, make their way to the ring.
Everything is Awesome!" from the Lego Movie plays
Angie is her jumpy, happy self, interacting with fans and such, while Sarah remains her typically stoic. Angie is ever tying to get Sarah to join her in the energetic glee, but Sarah's too Elsa for Angie's Anna
Weekend Warfare returns from commercial, and we're just a few moments away from the Tag Team Title match, but wait! There's a dozen or so people in the ring and a lot happening all at once, so please bare with us as the referees and security personnel try to sort this out. Vagabond and Rover are in one corner, check. Angelica Vaughn is doing her best to restrain Sarah Lacklan in another corner, check. Joe Dohn is ordering security to remove their hands from his person, check. "Mean" Jolene, mouthing off to Sarah for the #JoleneIsADumbHoe comment she made recently, check. Jolene kicking the referee in the nuts for getting between her and Sarah, checkmate.
Everybody who isn't in the match is being ordered to evacuate the ring now. Joe Dohn agrees to leave peacefully if people would just quit touching his expensive jacket, it's 'worth more than they are.' Jolene can be heard yelling at Sarah Lacklan that if her husband doesn't get the job done, she will! Lacklan finds it funny and giggles in that devious way of hers. Jolene finally joins her brother at the top of the ramp, both of them still foaming at the mouth, spewing hate and discontent. Security forces them to keep heading backstage. Meanwhile, in the ring...
Vagabond and Angelica Vaughn agree to start the match as a new referee comes out. All formality has gone out the window, except Vagabond offering a handshake to Angie. She accepts and the fans go crazy! The bell rings and this Tag Team Title Match is underway!
HHL: And we are finally ready to go.
Vagabond and Angie circle each other around the ring, looking for openings. They lock up. Vagabond goes for a Headlock, but Vaughn slips away. Angie, running to the ropes, comes back with a Big Boot to Vagabond! He's rocked!
HHL: Angie Vaughn has a small frame but she packs a lot of power within it. That book has Vagabond stunned.
With a flurry of Muay Thai Knees, Palm Strikes and Elbow Jabs, Angie forces Vagabond toward a neutral corner and he stumbles into it after a Roundhouse Kick from The Vaughnemous One! The fans show their love for Angie as momentum starts off in favor of the Champions. Angie, of course, caters to the fans a wee bit as Vagabond pushes himself away from the turnbuckle. The Champion, waving to her adoring audience, turns around just in time to be face-to-beard with the Challenger in the middle of the ring. Vagabond nods his head and says something along the lines of 'good one.' They go back to circling the ring. Vagabond tags in Rover on his way by him. Angie tags in Sarah.
HHL: And now we get to see Clyde Rover making his XWF debut here.
PIP: I heard from a friend of mine that Clyde is a halfway decent tag team wrestler but not much in the singles department.
HHL: You heard that from a friend did ya?
PIP: Yeah Heather I have friends. What of it?
The much bigger Rover, who's just as fast as he is powerful, can't seem to get Sarah to stop reversing everything he throws at her. With a Drop Toe from Lacklan, Rover falls on his face. He gets back up quickly, going for a Clothesline on Sarah, but she puts him on the mat with an Arm Drag. Now she's got an Arm Lock on Rover! The Buff Dude, as Lacklan called him earlier in the week, is able to lift Lacklan up as he climbs to his feet. He's got her in the air hanging off his arm, Lacklan using her arms AND legs to hyperextend Rover's arm! Rover dives forward and slams Lacklan back first onto the mat, but she doesn't let go of the hold! Rover, with only one free hand available, rises again, lifting Sarah up. This time she lets go and hurriedly tags in Angelica, who enters the ring and immediately targets the same arm and shoulder Lacklan was working on with vicious knee strikes. Vagabond tags himself in when Rover gets close enough.
HHL: Veteran move by Vagabond there as he saw the tide turning in favor of the defending Champs.
Angie takes a step back to let Vagabond enter the ring. She ducks beneath a Clothesline from Vagabond, rebounds off the ropes and comes back with a Basement Dropkick, taking Vagabond's legs clean out from under him! Big pop from the audience as we head to commercial...
Coming back from commercial, Vagabond appears to be in control now. During the break, Vaughn was continuing to work the legs of her opponent, until Vagabond had had enough and tackled her to the mat, HARD, forcing the air out of Angie's lungs. He's showing a slight limp now, not just in one leg, but both. It doesn't stop him from delivering a series of three German Suplexes, each one taking a little more out of Angelica Vaughn.
HHL:The fans seem to have a mixed opinion of what's going on. The Champions are getting chants, but Rover gets a pop--no pun intended--from a monstrous Pop-Up Powerbomb on Sarah Lacklan when she comes in to help her partner!
PIP: He damn near yeeted her so high if they weren't in a Stadium she'd likely have hit her head on the roof!
Rover rolls out of the ring after Sarah. Vagabond rolls Vaughn onto her back and hooks a leg for a two count. Half of the audience is cheering 'Let's Go, Angie!' as the other half screams 'We Want THeM!'
Vagabond and Vaughn, still the two legal competitors, take a moment to catch their breath and let the noise of the crowd wash over them. Sarah's at ringside recovering from the Powerbomb, and Jolene's coming down to the ring with a gardening hoe.
HHL: WAIT A MINUTE, JOLENE'S COMING BACK DOWN! Watch out, Sarah!
The referee sees Jolene and he immediately exits the ring to get between her and Sarah Lacklan, who is now back on her feet. Words are shared between the two... ladies... that don't need to be repeated. Jolene says something about showing Sarah what a real hoe looks like before taking a wild swing! Sarah ducks, but the ref don't!
HHL: He's knocked out cold! Fortunately there's no sign of blood, but he's not moving any time soon, that's for sure!
Security men come running down before Jolene can turn her attention back to Sarah. They immediately separate the two. Vagabond and Angie are both looking at the scene unfold in front of them from inside the ring. Vagabond doesn't need to hear the announcement to know The Honorable Mentions are about to be disqualified. Vagabond gives Angie a quick handshake, congratulates her, and exits the ring to help security escort his irate wife out. Angie doesn't know what to make of everything, but she looks totes excited when the official announcement is made...
Ring Announcer: The winners of this match due to a disqualification are...THE COOL KIDS - Sarah Lacklan and Angie Vaughn!
HHL: Pretty sure no one wanted to see the match end this way.
PIP: I don't know H. The Cool Kids seem pretty ok with the ending.
Winner and STILL XWF TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS - SARAH LACKLAN & ANGIE VAUGHN
Rover doesn't know what the heck happened, so he just follows Vagabond towards the back as Sarah Lacklan returns to the ring and proceeds to celebrate with her sister.
"Lionheart" by NKWC plays
The announcers lay out as the Page SAGA countdown begins to play. The countdown transitions to 'Medal' as the crowd roars.
RA: From the Tribeca section of New York City. Weighing 2 hundred 17 pounds.
THE LIONNNHEARRRRT!
THADDEUUUSSSS DUUUUKE!
Thad enters the stage with his hood up. Standing on stage, Thad gives his messiah pose as a triple pyro shot from the top of the X-Tron toward the ring. When it bursts, it reveals a sparkling golden image of a roaring lion above the ring, bringing cheers from the XWF Universe.
After the pyro bursts, Thad in his custom white leather Lionheart jacket, throws his hood off as he begins down the ramp. At the bottom, he slaps a few hands before climbing the ring steps. At the top of the steps he pauses, looking over his shoulder toward the cheering Universe with his sweet smile.
Stepping to the apron, he slingshots himself over the top and into the ring before traveling to all four corners, climbing to the middle rope and sending out the ‘I Love You’ hand sign to the Universe.
"Sick Cunt" by Lil Sick plays
The crowd pop as Noah Jackson strolls lazily from the back and basks in the glow of sick cunt energy washing over him. He slowly puts his right foot forward and glides down the ramp on his heelies, rhythmically raising and lowering pointed fingers to the sky as the crowd chants.
"CUNT!"
"CUNT!"
"CUNT!"
Until he reaches the apron where he gracefully rolls under the bottom rope and goes straight to the corner continuing his motions and then chants until his music is rudely cut off.
THADDEUS DUKE
- vs -
NOAH JACKSON
Standard Singles Match
2rps/2k
OOC: Match writer ghosted us and rather than delay any further we are going to go with a summary for this match.
Match started out quick as both competitors were able to land some serious moves on each other. Noah Jackson had the early advantage thanks to a series of strikes focused on Thad's knee. After a few quick pins Thaddeus is able to turn the tides and get the upper hand thanks to a vicious DDT followed by a backbreaker. An long 2 fall sees Thaddeus almost pull out a win but once back to his feet Noah goes into full Sick Cunt mode as he lands a series of devastating moves in rapid succession such as the So Sick Kick, King Hit and then finally Down Thunder followed up by a pin and 3 count to see Noah Jackson advance to the semi finals of the tournament.
WINNER VIA PINFALL AND ADVANCING TO THE FINAL FOUR - NOAH JACKSON
The X-TRON flashes to live backstage, with Peter Vaughn awaiting for his iconic music to hit the stadium – focused. A couple of steps behind him, you catch the figure of a man with a mop in his hand and a heavily worn out forest green cap.
The lights in the arena go out, causing the usual hysteria from the crowd.
The man lifts his head to look straight into the camera, flashing an even darker smile and revealing himself to be none other than The Heir Apparent, Isaiah King.
After a few seconds, Peter-Vaughn’s face replaces the feed on the big tron, darkly smirking at the fans.
"This Time... It's Different."
"This time it's Different" by Evans Blue plays
After Vaughn finishes speaking, he begins to laugh. His laughter carries on as the Tron video overtakes his image, beginning with "This Time It's Different" by Evans Blue. Sparks begin to erupt around the stage, showering nearby fans who feel like they're a little too close to the action. As the fireworks die down, two figures appear through the smoke and haze. Peter Vaughn walks forward first, followed by Chronic Chris Page stays behind him, smiling at the reaction Vaughn is getting. They stop at the top of the ramp, surveying the hatred from the crowd. From Vaughn's reaction, you'd think they were chanting his name, as he walks down the aisle with a cocky smile, with Page right behind him. The two make their way into the ring, heading into a corner to discuss some last-minute strategy and await their opponent.
"Soldier Dream" by Root Five plays
The arena lights turn gold as the intro of “Soldier Dream” by ROOT FIVE hits the PA.
ANNOUNCER: “And now, standing tall at 6'0" and weighing in at 227 lbs., from Osaka, Japan, “The Lion”... RAIOOOOOOOOOOON… KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”
Raion Kido appears on stage, letting out a lion’s roar.
“Saint Seiyaaa! (Seiyaaa!)
Mezasu kiboo no iro wa
Kedakai hodo utsukushii…”
Raion spreads his arms and breaks into a bird run towards the ring, slapping the fans’ hands along the way. He slides into the ring on his belly and springs into his feet.
“Saint Seiyaaa! (Seiyaaa!)
Tsubasa wa ten wo kakeru
Erabareta moushigo no you niiiiiiiiiiiiiii!”
Facing the camera, Raion throws a one-two punch forward, his final pose as the music dies down.
PETER VAUGHN
- vs -
RAION KIDO Standard Singles Match
2rps/2k
The crowd are red hot before the bell rings as both competitors stare each other out.
HHL: Another outing with CCPE vs SAGA here as the mechanic, one of the most decorated men in wrestling right now versus the eclectic phenomenon known as Raion Kido, one of the hottest wrestlers to ever grace the ring, this has a HUGE main event feel.
PIP: You're not wrong, Heather, this would be top of the card in any other company but here at XWF, just another week in Warfare!
DING! DING! DING!
Both wrestlers start off blazing as the crowd roars in the first second and Vaughn and Kido sprint into the center trading shots into each other's domes before Peter Vaughn lands a nasty forearm to the throat of Kido and goes to take Kido's head off with a nasty clothesline but Kido drops to his back and kips up nailing a turning Vaughn in the head with a Pele Kick; Vaughn stumbles into the ropes as Kido gets to his feet and sprints into a shotgun dropkick which Peter dodges and Kido sails between the ropes and lands on the outside turning into a baseball slide from Peter Vaughn and Kido crashes into the barricade checking his nose for any sign of blood and holds himself up slightly dazed.
Peter Vaughn runs the ropes on the inside and flies through the ropes looking for a suicide dive but Kido spins around and lands a discus elbow onto the flying Vaugh in mid-air!
Peter collapses onto the ground clutching the top of his skull as Kido walks off the pain from his attack before Raion picks Vaughn up by the collar and waist and sends him back into the ring. Kido climbs the steps and scales the turnbuckle before leaping off and nailing Vaughn in the heart with a pinpoint flying elbow and transitions into a cover.
ONNNNNNNNNNNNE!
...
TWWWWWWWWWWWWWWO!
Kickout at 2!
Kido drops an elbow back down on Vaughn's neck and scrambles on the ground to try and lock in HEAVEN'S TREASURE! But Peter Vaughn refuses and flails out of the hold grabbing the bottom rope tightly and the ref forces Kido away who nods before gracefully stepping back to allow Peter Vaughn to stand and the two stare daggers at one another.
HHL: You can feel the tension here.
PIP: Oh yeah, Vaughn wants to murder Kido right now and Kido just wants to prove he's the better wrestler.
HHL: Easier said than done.
Vaughn circles Kido like a predator stalking his prey as Kido locks on, the pair assessing one another. The two rush at the same time getting into a collar and elbow and Vaughn gets the upper hand with a sucker punch to Kido's chin and follows up with a knee to the gut before throwing him shoulder first into the turnbuckle post. Vaughn sprints toward Kido and tries to boot Raion in the back but Kido spins out but Vaughn telegraphs it and gracefully leaps onto the second turnbuckle and leaps off with a big crossbody which catches Kido unaware and he crashes under Vaughn's weight; Peter rolls off Kido and presses Kido's face down into the mat rubbing it across the surface!
PIP: Vaughn adding insult to injury!
Vaughn then places his knee down on Kido's shoulder and gets nasty with some shots to the kidneys before the ref halts the abuse after some time and forces Peter Vaughn back who shouts abuse at Richard Wang; Kido rolls to the apron clutching his lower back.
The Mechanic throws Wang out of the way and pulls Kido into the center by the hair throwing his upper body up and nailing a sitout jawbreaker! Before going into a tight cover.
ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNE!
...
TWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWO!
KICKOUT!
At 2.5!
Vaughn slaps Kido's face as he steps up once more and paces the ring hurling insults at Kido before patiently waiting for him to stand to his feet and Vaughn grabs Kido's wrist looking for a ripcord DDT BUT Kido surprises Vaughn with a huge ROOOOOOARRR!!!
Vaughn is thrown into the air by the final punch and crashes onto the mat!
Raion Kido drops quickly for a cover!
The ref slides in for the count!
ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNE!
TWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWO!!!
THREEEEEEEEEEEEE-NO!!!!
PETER VAUGHN GETS A FINGERTIP ON THE ROPES AT 2.9!!!!
The crowd go wild!
Kido can't believe it physically falling back as he holds three fingers towards the ref questioning the decision before pulling a palm down his face as Vaughn crawls towards the apron shaking the cobwebs.
HHL: Unbelievable! Somehow, SOME WAY! Peter Vaughn managed to stay in this match!
PIP: If there is one thing you need to know about Peter Vaughn is that you can never count him out, the man is a monster!
Raion Kido steels himself and throws his palms at the mat before standing up and charging his ki with the crowd!
The crowd syncing with Kido as he feeds off their energy as he charges up in the ring with a mighty roar!
Peter Vaughn forces himself up, using the ropes as a crutch as he stumbles into a roaring Kido!
HHL: LIGHTNING BOLT!!!!
Raion charges in with his signature running heart punch!!!
PIP: COUNTERED!!!!!!
Peter Vaughn reaches forward and gets a hand on Kido's extended fist at the last possible second!
HHL: THE KEY HOLDER!!!!!
The Ripcord DDT lands!!!
Both men lay on the canvas as the crowd go fucking apeshit!
The ref checks on both men as they both suck air for what feels like an eternity before Peter Vaughn pushes himself off the ground and stands on weakened legs and gets to the corner climbing the turnbuckle!
The crowd reach a fever pitch!
Vaughn lines up on Raion Kido!
HHL: THE PLUUUUUNGE!!!!
Peter Vaughn flies through the air with the Shooting Star Leg Drop!
But...
PIP: KIDO ROLLS OUT THE WAY!!!
Peter Vaughn lands hard on his tailbone as Kido gets out of the way! Kido scrambles to his feet and rushes in for a running knee but Vaughn falls to his back and Peter Vaughn forces himself up to meet Kido! A kick to the leg from Vaughn and an attempted tilt-a-whirl DDT is powered out of by Kido as he throws Vaughn off and Vaughn gets into the corner!
Raion runs up and goes for a corner dropkick but Vaughn rolls early and Kido has just enough time to save himself and lands two feet on the second turnbuckle!
Vaughn sneaks in from behind and quickly rolls Raion Kido up into an O'Connor roll along with a handful of tights!
WINNER VIA PINFALL AND ADVANCING TO THE FINAL FOUR - PETER VAUGHN!
Peter releases the hold quickly and backs away raising his hand as his theme hits! Kido sits up wild-eyed and stunned, almost in shock that he lost.
HHL: That no-good cheat! Kido was this close to winning!
PIP: Peter Vaughn used a good head on his shoulders to get the job done! He outsmarted Kido! He outplayed him! And now he's one step closer to that crown!
HHL: And in a cruddy fashion! Kido must be heartbroken right now.
Warfare fades to commercial as Vaughn raises his arms in victory in the foreground as Kido shows a look at disgust to Vaughn's back.
HHL: Well, tonight’s Main Event is set to be brutal!
PIP: The Television Title is on the line!
"Ode to Joy" {Waters Version) by XWFO$ plays
The stadium spotlights rush up toward the ceiling and Waters appears under the XTron. She marches to the beat of Ode To Joy, the crowd roaring, her gaze set squarely on the squared circle. She climbs through the ropes and takes the center of the ring. Raising a single fist into the air.
HHL: Dolly Waters has just about done it all in the XWF, and around the world!
PIP: Tonight she’s got a huge battle against another woman who has done lots in the industry!
"The In-Between" by In This Moment plays
Jenny Myst walks out onto the stage and looks to her left, where we see a grave plot set up. There’s a massive piece of machinery holding what looks like a ton of dirt above a hole set up next to a blank headstone.
HHL: Buried Alive happens tonight on Warfare!
PIP: What a violent, nasty treat for our fans. This isn’t just some regular match, no, Heather, one of these ladies will be buried tonight while the other moves on as Television Champion!
Jenny enters the ring. As she does, the referee checks her for illegal objects on her person, which isn’t hard since she’s wearing less than a square yard of actual clothing like most wrestlers. The referee calls for the bell and this title match is underway! Jenny smirks and points up to the stage, where the burial plot waits, and the fans go wild! Dolly shakes her head, pointing up the ramp herself, and both women approach, their foreheads locked with one another, both intensely pushing against one another! Dolly with an open handed slap to Jenny, who rears back. She looks around, and throws a forearm to Dolly! Both grab the other’s head and hockey brawl punches get thrown as both get fierce! Dolly cracks Jenny with a huge forearm, sending her back, and Dolly lands a dropkick, sending Jenny back to the ropes! Dolly charges, but Jenny ducks, grabbing the top rope, sending Dolly to the outside! No! Dolly catches herself and lands on the apron, and both women turn to face each other! Jenny with a huge right, but Dolly ducks and throws a shoulder into Jenny’s midsection! Jenny steps back, and Dolly takes to the top rope, looking for a springboard dropkick! Jenny throws a dropkick of her own, and both women connect with each other!
HHL: They both kicked each other out of the sky!
Jenny is quicker to recover, and Dolly picks herself up and gets to a knee as Jenny is standing. Jenny with a shin kick to Dolly’s chest, then rebounds shooting off the opposite ropes! She comes back and leaps, hitting a meteora to the kneeling Dolly! Jenny looks up with a sneer.
HHL: Jenny looking confident here tonight!
Dolly swiftly kicks out but Jenny transitions to a reverse chinlock! Jenny cinches in the lock as Dolly holds an arm out, fighting through the hold, bringing herself to her feet as Jenny keeps the headlock in! Dolly hoists Jenny and plants her with a belly to back suplex! Jenny keeps the hold in place as she swivels the hips, and goes to hoist Jenny again, but Jenny rolls back further and lands on her feet behind Dolly, then puts in her own waistlock! Jenny picks Dolly up into a torture rack! Jenny goes for a reverse Samoan driver! Jenny lands on her feet, and looking at Dolly on her butt on the mat, hits a snap Running Waters to Jenny! Jenny lands flat on the mat as Dolly makes a pinfall! The referee looks at Dolly, then back up to the ramp, and reminds her this is a Buried Alive match! Dolly pulls Jenny up with a handful of her hair, pointing up to the top of the stage! Dolly pulls Jenny to her feet, but Jenny has none of it, hitting a back chop to Dolly! Dolly throws a shot back at Jenny! Jenny responds with a low blow! Dolly grabs her crotch, and looks frustratedly at Jenny, returning the favor with a kick to Jenny’s crotch! Both women look like they’re in pain over this, but neither dropping to the ground.
PIP: It looks like some offense won’t quite have the same impact here tonight, Heather!
HHL: We’re two exits on the highway past dick kick city tonight here!
Dolly takes the initiative and grabbing Jenny, goes to toss her over the top rope! Jenny catches herself on the apron, and standing, throws a forearm to Dolly! She hooks Dolly and goes to suplex her to the outside! Dolly counters and lands on her feet on the apron! Both competitors are standing on the apron exchanging shots! Dolly goes for a chop, but Jenny blocks! Jenny grabs the top rope, and leaps, hooking Dolly with a headscissors, and both women go backwards as Jenny lands a reverse headscissors takedown onto Dolly to the floor from the apron! The crowd goes nuts as they see this!
HHL: Huge offense by Jenny tonight!
PIP: Dolly Waters just got turned inside out and planted onto the concrete!
Jenny finds herself seated on the apron following the impressive maneuver, looking at Dolly who is heaped on the floor. Jenny once again points up the ramp to the burial plot, and hops down from the apron. She drags Dolly to her feet and starts to lead her up towards the burial plot! Dolly comes two midway up the ramp and fights back! Dolly with a kick to Jenny’s gut, and Dolly hooks Jenny hitting a snap suplex onto the entrance ramp! The unforgiving steel doesn’t even buckle at the impact, and Dolly slowly gets to her feet as Jenny writhes in pain. Dolly now picks Jenny up and starts to lead her up the entrance ramp! Both women are now near the XTron and where they both came out for their match, and Dolly rams Jenny’s skull into the video wall beside them! The wall flickers, and the video stops working properly from the impact! Dolly pulls Jenny’s head back again, but using all her might, Jenny elbows Dolly in the ribs! Jenny grabs the back of Dolly’s cranium and smashes it into the video wall, which flickers again back to life! Jenny pivots with a snap and lands a short arm clothesline, sending Dolly to the ground! As Dolly lays helpless on the floor, Jenny looks at the burial plot, then at the XTron itself! Jenny starts to climb the XTron!
HHL: What in the hell is the Television Champion thinking here?
PIP: I don’t know, Heather!
Dolly has recovered, and scrambles up the side of the XTron beside Jenny! Dolly with a shot to Jenny, and Jenny hits back, both escalating as they do! Dolly slams Jenny’s head into the metal framework of the XTron, going higher on the structure! Jenny throws an elbow into Dolly’s ribs, climbing higher! Dolly grabs Jenny’s leg and smashes her knee into the metal structure of the XTron!, climbing a bit higher! Jenny recovers, and tries to rip Dolly’s legs from under her, forcing Dolly to catch herself with her arms as Jenny gets higher! Both women are now at the top of the XTron, some fifty feet above the ground, and the fans are absolutely going wild! The referee stands haplessly on the entrance ramp, begging both competitors to come down! Three more officials come out and plead with Dolly and Jenny!
HHL: This, well, there’s no disqualification in a Buried Alive match, Pip!
PIP: Heather, those officials are looking out for the best interests of these competitors tonight! This is a Buried Alive match, sure, but we don’t need both competitors actually dead!
Atticus Gold is out now, looking up, and waving from the back for help! Dolly and Jenny balance themselves precariously atop the XTron! Jenny throws a huge right at Dolly, sending Dolly wobbling! More XWF security and officials run out onto the stage, some twenty people in suits and striped referee shirts all pointing up and looking worried for what is going to happen! Dolly throws a shot at Jenny, and the capacity crowd here in El Paso is going absolutely insane for the action here tonight! The fans are in a fervor as Jenny reels from the shot, Dolly looking around, wide eyed, as though the lights came on for her idea to come to fruition! Dolly grabs Jenny’s arm, and hops, grabbing her own headscissors, then spins, leading Jenny off the XTron as Dolly grabs the top of the structure supporting it with her hands! Jenny grabs ahold of the structure too countering the headscissors takedown! Both Jenny and Dolly are dangling in front of the top of the XTron, fifty feet high, as dozens of XWF officials swarm beneath them! Jenny, holding herself with her right hand, punches Dolly! Dolly, gripping with her left, slugs Jenny! Jenny grabs ahold of Dolly’s arm, and wrings it, but Dolly keeps her arm moving and winds up with a handful of Jenny’s hair! Both lock eyes, and Dolly grins as Jenny nods. Both women are wrenched from the top of the XTron, and careen to the floor, where they completely wipe out the twenty or so XWF officials below! The crowd in El Paso can’t hold back!
HHL: Dolly Waters and Jenny Myst killed each other tonight!
PIP: That was insane! Even with all those people to break the fall, everybody just got wiped out by Waters and Myst falling like they wanted to make everything extinct!
Atticus Gold is seen layed out, along with the task force of officials and whatnot that came out to help get Dolly and Jenny down. Dolly, ever so slowly, reaches to the sky, looking as though the lights are on but the rest of the system is rebooting. Jenny is lying in a heap, breathing slowly, looking lost. Both women, still in proximity, are near each other as Jenny pulls herself to her knees, pushing off of Dolly to do so. Dolly uses Jenny to prop herself up. Both women, utterly spent and shot from the insane violence only on XWF programming, look wearily at each other. Finally, both women slap each other simultaneously. Igniting a fire in each other, both women stand and throw another slap! They lock up in a collar and elbow tie up! Jenny gets a hammerlock, late in this match, and Dolly switches into a top wrist lock! Jenny transitions from the top wrist lock into an arm wrench!
HHL: After all that, Pip, these women are still giving it their all!
PIP: They’re actually chain wrestling, their hearts are in this!
Both women near the precipice of the burial plot, a tub of dirt suspended from heavy machinery nearby ready to drop onto the loser.
Dolly reaches out and grabs a chunk of Myst's hair which Jenny then returns the favor by doing the same thing. Both women are now ripping at each other's hair until both are pulled down to their knees. Dolly turns her head about 90 degrees and smiles at Jenny before throwing her head forward.
HHL: Holy hell! You could hear the smack of Dolly's forehead as it violently collided with Jenny's.
Jenny falls backwards at the waist, her forehead busted open from the violent strike delivered to her by Dolly. Smelling blood, literally and figuratively Dolly reaches down and grabs a chunk of Jenny's hair and pulls her towards the 6 foot hole in the ground. Dolly looks up at the metal bucket filled with dirt and then follows the chain down from the bucket to the machine a few feet to their right with a big red button attached to it.
HHL: Looks like Dolly Waters is ready to put this one to rest.
Dolly reaches down again to grab Jenny by the hair but this time Jenny was ready for her as Jenny had apparently grabbed a handful of dirt when no one was looking and just threw it in Dolly's face, temporarily blinding her. Jenny slowly gets to her feet, her blonde hair now a shade of crimson from the blood freely flowing from her cracked open forehead. Jenny reaches forward to grab Dolly but is unable to get a hold of her as Dolly starts wildly flailing her fits which sends Jenny stepping backwards laughing as she senses victory is within her grasp. Again Jenny takes a step forward and tries to grab Dolly but one of Dolly's wild fists manages to accidently on purpose connect with Jenny's nose which sends Jenny stumbling backwards right to the edge of the grave. As Jenny tries to regain her balance Dolly is able to remove the last bits of dirt from her eyes. Dolly reaches forward and instead of pushing Jenny backwards she instead grabs Jenny by the hair and violently yanks Jenny's head downward until it comes in contact with Dolly's knee. Dolly does it a second time and then a third for good measure before delivering a well placed kick to Jenny's mid section. Jenny bends over at the waist in obvious pain which is all Dolly needs to put an end to the match. Dolly grabs Jenny and with what little strength she has left tosses Jenny into the pit where the TV champ disappears.
HHL: And just like that we have a new TV champion.
PIP: Not yet Heather. Still one thing left to do.
Dolly looks over at the big red button and with an open palm smashes the button as hard as she can. The machine lets out a loud horn sound before the bucket above the grave tips over and releases a few cubic yards worth of dirt signaling the official end of the match.
WINNER AND NEW TELVISION CHAMPION - DOLLY WATERS!
HHL: Well folks that's it for this edition of Warfare. We have a new TV Champ and a final four heading into the March Madness Pay Per View. Noah Jackson, Ned Kaye, Peter Vaughn and Sidney Grey will battle it out to see who is this year's King or Queen of the XWF. Join me and PIP in two weeks from AT&T Stadium, home of the Dallas Cowboys for March Madness 2023.
Special Thanks to those of you who wrote matches and sent in segments:
Jonathan Barrows
Bobby Bourbon
Liam Desmond
Atticus Gold Charlie Nickles
Vagabond
Mark Flynn
Isiah King
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