From an unreleased tape of Ruby’s Go-Pro archives that Atara would probably love to get her hands on…
Ruby and Centurion were walking alongside each other on a Chicago sidewalk, hands clasped together, making their way towards the closest Dunkin’ Donuts from Centurion’s pad. Ruby cherished these morning walks with ‘her mans’, whenever possible. Both work and fate often pulled them from one end of the world to the other one, but it was reassuring to know that, in the end, they always ended up back together and were able to enjoy moments like these, where the most mundane thing imaginable was the purest moment of bliss conceivable.
At least, that’s what they both had in mind. But fate, once again, threw a wrench in the gears. The Banana-Lime Blur, clad in unusually dull colors for her doing, spotted a nearby man walking his dog. At first, she felt a pang of regret for not having her trusty sidekick Garnet with them… But Garnet was spending the week over at her parents’ house, where her father was allegedly going to train him to rescue very old ducks from drowning. She hadn’t argued with her father over the necessity of such a training course… she knew all too well by now that his enthusiasm would not, and could not, be stopped even if the asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs came around for its Greatest Hits Vol.2.
Rather than pining over her own dog, she threw a suspecting look at the Rottweiler whose boss clearly didn’t care about public health, safety and hygiene. The dog lifted its leg up, and well… What followed would only be elaborated on in a Shane
![](https://i.imgur.com/pUgtAVa.gif)
promotional video. Since we are in the land of good taste, reason and accountability, let’s all just assume you know that dogs do what they do to mark their territory, especially if they’re on a high fiber diet.
Ruby balled her hand into a fist, and Centurion noticed immediately. He put a gentle hand on his girlfriend’s shoulder, and leaned his head against hers.
Centurion: “Just let it go. You can’t right every wrong in the world. Some are simply too insignificant.”
Ruby knew he was right, and it was hard not to swoon from the way his words and his breath floated through her hair and into her ear, but she was also hard-wired to combat every sign of injustice and antisocial behavior wherever she saw it.
Ruby: “I know, my mans. But see, this is what happens when you let a wild animal just do what it wants. Zero regard for its environment. Zero thought about how it could discomfort others. No sustainability, and just an overall lack of respect! This is exactly the kind of behavior that puts people like Miss Fury, Dean Rose or Lord Raab in a position so succeed! They just do whatever they want, no matter how it impacts others, they get away with it, and in turn they feel validated.”
Centurion: “Still, let’s not make a scene here, babe. I’m still a bit sore from having to carry the entire UGWC roster to credibility at the Incursion PPV. I’d appreciate a quiet morning.”
Ruby grinned and she gave her boyfriend a playful pat on the hammies.
Ruby: “Fine! But only ‘cause it’s you, and you deserve a reward.”
Centurion: “I got all the reward I needed last night.”
Ruby: “I do make a mean cup of cocoa.”
Centurion: “Actually, I meant…”
Ruby: “Hut-hut-hut! No need to elaborate. Atty may have spy drones lurking round every corner. For some reason she is DYING to find out more about what we do in the privacy of our own bedroom. Anyway, if you won’t let me grab that irresponsible dog owner by the collar, at least hear me out on Lord Raab!”
Centurion: “The guy who beat your arch nemesis?”
Ruby: “Hey, Lack 2 da Snack had an off-day. Ish flippin’ happens. I’m sure she’ll be back soon-ish and prove why she’s one of the greatest competitors to ever draw breath. We all have off-days. I mean, I had one when I failed the XWF and hardly got a lick in on Donahue for that Multi-Universal title.”
Centurion: “Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
Ruby: “Eh! It’s true. I feel bad about it. Especially since I know Betsy was watching and she was soooo looking forward to getting that opportunity. I failed the company. I failed her. But I won’t fail Anarchy. THAT, I never will! The Green Disease German Monster wants to carry the title? You know what that sounds like? He sounds like a bowl of snot! Green, and wobbly, and disgusting. Full of bacteria! No, I won’t let him infect Anarchy with his mediocrity. Of all the people I’ve driven back from the top of the Anarchy mountain, Lord Raab might be the…”
Centurion: “Snottiest?”
Ruby: “No! Well, yeah, but also the…””
Centurion: “Most booger-like?”
Ruby chuckled and planted a harmless fist on Centurion’s shoulder.
Ruby: “Fine! Most booger-like. But the XWF better have a hanky ready, because I’m gonna blow him out of the water and purge Anarchy of yet another collective of harmful bacteria that thinks it’s going to reign supreme over the XWF’s A+ show!”
Centurion put his arm around Ruby and pulled her close.
Centurion: “You know, that just might be the weirdest and grossest comparison you’ve ever made.”
Ruby: “Well, I think the occasion lends itself to it. No chance in motherflippin’ heck is that potty-mouth walking away with the grandest prize in all of Anarchy! I know what he’s gonna say. He’ll insult me, he’ll insult my family, probably call be the B, or C, or D-word. But I’m just gonna call him the R-word!”
Centurion: “Whoa, babe. That’s… I mean, the “”R-Word””? You can’t say that!”
Ruby: “I meant Raab, you doe-eyed incredibly attractive dum-dum with fantastic hair! Because what more needs to be said than that?”
Nothing. Nothing at all.
End broadcast.