06-01-2019, 01:38 PM
Sarah Lacklan, the QUEEN of Anarchy, crouches in a corner and pulls on a piece of twine, inch by inch.
Know what is REALLY lame about Tommy Wish? Well, I mean besides the fact that he's, like, SUPER smelly...and gross...and disgusting...and everything else? The totes lame thing is how whenever he busts out his amazeballs promo skills, if you can even categorize them as "skills," is that whenever he opens that mouthful of broken yellow teeth of his, he just throws together random curse words and hopes that the boys in the back giggle and slap him on the back. Seriously, I just say him trade barbs with John Whyte, right? And it was literally just "Dude...yer like...a gay and stuff?" and everyone was ready to slap their hands to their cheeks and do that "OOOOOOOHHHHHHH!" thing like the gif with all the black kids freaking out. And like, totes sers, all it did was make me roll my eyes, because even KUDA does better than that, and I'm PRETTY sure that his IQ keeps him out of regular schools, ya know?
Now, I KNOW that everyone is all happy with Tommy lately. I mean, why not, right? The dude has two of the titles in the fed! But I’m PRETTY sure that the ONLY reason he HAS those is because he was able to catch people napping...like myself. Here I was, enjoying a personal day with my Beloved after a shitty situation, and BLAM! I’m KO’d by his body odor and I have to temporarily relinquish my title. But! Oh holy hell BUT! I’m no LONGER on that personal day! Hell, I’ve even ADDED to my undefeated in-ring record her in the XWF by piling up ANOTHER win! And what has TOMMY done in that time? Same thing he always does, the only thing he is even GOOD for, which is lowering the overall sanitation level by being around. Hell, when WAS the last time he washed that rat’s nest he has atop his greasy head? Back when his fashion statement was formed? Seriously, a tied-off flanel?! If his SMELL didn’t KO me, having to look at his CLOTHES would have done it!
But all of that is going to change right now. Because while the boys DO laugh about how utterly useless Tommy is...literally hasn’t won a match in five freakin’ months...they are going to cry in JOY when I take my title back right now. Because UNlike Tommy, I am the shining diamond. I’m the person who makes him look like a toddler just by standing next to him. I’m the person who writes life-altering haiku whole he cries while writing Cure lyrics onto a napkin. I’m the person who puts butts in seats, sells out arenas, and pisses EVERYONE off so much that they try their BEST to beat? And Tommy? Just the dude we forget about until he slimes his way into a minor achievement. But that’s about to end right...about...NOW!
With one final tug of the twine, a glittering green shoe bounces in front of her, the twine wrapped around the bow on the front of those show.. Tommy Wish bounds around the corner, spittle wetting his chin as he continues to chase after the shoe, and Sarah sneaks behind him and rolls him up with a schoolgirl.
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