Shove It Into Space
Saturday, March 9th
Live from the Starship Enterprise!
BONUS FEATURES:
1 - If you get shot out of the air lock and launched into outer space... you DIE.
2 - If you get tossed onto the transporter and beamed to some random location on Earth, you're pretty much stuck there and have to RP your way back home following the event! (the person who attacks/beams you gets to CHOOSE where you end up!!! If you successfully COUNTER a transporter attempt, YOU get to choose where the thwarted attacker gets beamed!)
Josh Woodrum
- vs -
Crimson Dong
- vs -
"The X-tremist" Bryce
Bloody Underwear Match, Triple Threat Elimination
In order to win you must strip your opponents to their underwear and make them get soaked with their own blood. Crimson Dong starts all his matches in his underwear already so Bryce and Josh have a big advantage here if they show up in proper clothing!
J.P. Corino
- vs -
JC Styles
- vs -
Stagger Jones
Standard Triple Threat, 1 Fall
Agony
- vs -
Martin O'Connor
Standard Match
GUEST REF: Commander Riker
Alex shawn
- vs -
Neil Capra
Standard Match
Lexi Sheckler
- vs -
Danny Devia
Standard Match
If Devia wins he gets a shot at ANY title he chooses!
Unknown Soldier
& Tyler Decker
- vs -
Ronnie "The Deportation Man" Wilkins
& Gabriel Harding
2 on 2 All In, No Tagging, 1 Fall
GUEST REF: Lieutenant Worf
Nathaniel Adolph Zachary Idenhaus
- vs -
Big Bad Leroy
- vs -
Mister Mystery 17 31707 1 (no XWF contract)
Standard Triple Threat, 1 Fall
NOTE: If Mystery wins he gets a new XWF contract, but if he does not win he is banned from Shove It Saturday Night for 2 weeks!
MAIN EVENT
North Korean Championship
Donathan Alphonse Francois De Sade
& Mr. Satellite
- vs -
Cyren
& Hickster
2 on 2 All In, No Tagging, 1 Fall
GUEST REF: Commander Data
NOTE: If De Sade gets pinned or submits he loses the NK Title to the person, even if it's a betrayal by his own partner attacking him!
|
"On screen."
The voice of Captain Picard causes the scene to open onto the bridge of the Enterprise as we are set for "Shove It Into Space!"
We see a clean shaven Commander Riker along with lovely Counselor Troi sitting on each side of Captain Picard, along with some of the other familiar crew members. Lieutenant Natasha Yar is even seen in the background as an unexpected surprise!
Picard: Welcome to , ehem, "Shove It" Into Space. I am Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the U.S.S. Enterprise and I will be your official guest host for the evening. Some of you may be disappointed to know that your usual host, Shane
, will not be present this evening. I give you my word that I will do my best to captain this show and live up to all your expectations.
Commander Data's head jerks to the right and then to the left as he processes information in his mechanical mind before adding...
Data: I believe it may be accurate to say that a significant portion of our audience would find it preferable that Mr.
will not be present. I calculate a 92% possibility that if he were to walk out onto the bridge and join us this very moment, he would even be booed by everyone watching.
Worf realizes Data is right and adds his own thought in his deep, aggressive tone.
Worf: Then it's a GOOD thing that man isn't with us today. He certainly hasn't demonstrated any honorable tactics that would have me welcome him aboard.
Picard and Riker both share a silent glance toward one another and then turn their attention forward once again.
Picard: While
may not be the most popular of the XWF, he is the reason we're all here so I would like to take this moment to thank him for this opportunity to make history. Now with that said, we have a show to put on.
Riker: Shall we take this to the Holodeck and get our first match underway?
Picard: Make it so.
We fade out from the bridge and are about to have our very first XWF match in space!
Captain Picard and company make their way toward the Holodeck but before they get to it, they turn a corner and are greeted by...
THE CRIMSON DONG!
Dong: I'm looking to mingle. Heyyyy Counselor Troi you're lookin pretty sexxxy. Can I...
He steps toward Troi but Worf and Riker both step in front of her to stop him. He backs up and begins to run the other way when he ends up running right into Josh Woodrum and "The X-tremist" Bryce!
Picard: It looks like our first match is about to start before we even get to the Holodeck.
Counselor Troi seems very concerned about this upcoming match up and turns to her crew members.
Troi: I am sensing that all three of these men are sexually frustrated and may need to be subdued if things get out of hand. Please be on your guard.
Josh Woodrum
- vs -
Crimson Dong
- vs -
"The X-tremist" Bryce
Bloody Underwear Match, Triple Threat Elimination
In order to win you must strip your opponents to their underwear and make them get soaked with their own blood.
This bizarre match up begins with Crimson Dong, Josh Woodrum and "The X-tremist" Bryce all eyeing each other ready to rip each others clothes off and cause some blood induced mayhem! The stipulation decrees that you must strip your opponents down to their underwear and make them get soaked with their own blood.
Crimson Dong is in his underwear already, so he seems like the logical man to go for first. However instead of doing that "The X-tremist" Bryce seems to have teamed up with Crimson Dong and they're going after Josh Woodrum. "The X-tremist" Bryce and Crimson Dong seem to both be wielding spike covered, tennis rackets. Crimson Dong runs up on one side of Josh Woodrum but Josh Woodrum flees from Crimson Dong as Crimson Dong seems to have a massive erection protruding. Josh Woodrum turns right into a Spear from "The X-tremist" Bryce that sends Josh Woodrum flying. Flying right into the line of fire of Crimson Dong to strike him with his spike covered tennis racket. Josh Woodrum propels from the hit from the spike covered, tennis racket. That's when it's noticed these rackets are made of cast iron! "The X-tremist" Bryce hits Josh Woodrum with his cast iron, spike covered, tennis racket and this soon becomes a strange game of tennis between Crimson Dong and "The X-tremist" Bryce.
Finally tired and bloody from getting hit, Josh Woodrum hits the mat and both Crimson Dong and "The X-tremist" Bryce get to work stripping him of his clothes. From there they both pummel Josh Woodrum with their spike covered, cast iron, tennis rackets till Josh Woodrum is just pouring blood everywhere.
This eliminates Josh Woodrum from the match!
"The X-tremist" Bryce turns to Crimson Dong after that and immediately hits him with a boot to the midsection and a Spear! "The X-tremist" Bryce grins mischievously as we all know this means, it's time the team that wailed on Josh Woodrum breaks up! Crimson Dong goes flying and lands in a heap. "The X-tremist" Bryce picks up the cast iron, spike covered, tennis racket Crimson Dong had dropped! "The X-tremist" Bryce now has two cast iron, spike covered, tennis rackets! "The X-tremist" Bryce dives for Crimson Dong and begins to rapid fire slam both cast iron, spike covered, tennis rackets into Crimson Dong.
Blood and gore begins to fly everywhere!
The bell sounds and Crimson Dong is rendered a bloody mess!
Picard and crew look around wondering where the bell sound is coming from, but suddenly they see who is ringing it!
Voice: I had a feeling snapping my fingers and making a bell sound would grab your attention...
It's Q! He looks at the crew and then over at the competitors of this match and actually seems speechless for a few moments while observing the bloodied up, nearly naked Dong... Q then looks back at the crew.
Q: Should I even ask, Picard?
Captain Picard is caught off guard and quickly tries to explain.
Picard: This most assuredly wasn't my idea. These are competitors from the wrestling organization called the X-treme Wrestling Federation and...
Picard's attention is drawn over to what is going on between Bryce and Dong. Bryce is still beating on the Dong! HE WON'T STOP BEATING THE DONG! Oh the humanity! "The X-tremist" Bryce doesn't stop even with Picard yelling to him that the match is over! He keeps striking Crimson Dong over and over again! Finally Worf comes running toward him and has to yank "The X-tremist" Bryce away from Crimson Dong! "The X-tremist" Bryce just cackles a maniacal laugh as he's dragged away by Worf! Crimson Dong just lays in a pool of increasing blood as Doctor Beverly Crusher runs to his aid.
Crusher: He's suffered severe damage to his, well... dong. I think he's going to be ok though.
Q continues observing and then just gives Picard and company a look of shame as he shakes his head. Before anyone can say another word, Q snaps his fingers and disappears...
BUT CRIMSON DONG DISAPPEARS TOO! Q HAS TAKEN CRIMSON DONG WITH HIM!
Winner: "The X-tremist" Bryce
Captain Picard and crew continue onward toward the location of the Holodeck when they turn a corner and see a man who seems to be arguing... with himself?
It's Neil Capra! He's standing outside of the guest quarters that Alex Shawn resides in and he's talking to himself... or is he? Counselor Troi looks on closely and then speaks to him.
Troi: What is she telling you to do, Neil?
Neil Capra turns toward the crew members in shock and isn't quite sure how to answer Troi's question.
Troi: Kim wants you to surprises Alex Shawn and take him out early, doesn't she?
Just then Alex Shawn walks out of his quarters...
Shawn: What's going on out here? What the...
BAM!!!
Neil Capra headbutts Alex Shawn and sends him stumbling back into his guest quarters!
Data: It would appear we have an impromptu early start to the Neil Capra - Alex Shawn match up.
Riker: If they're this determined to get at each other's throats early, I say we let them have their fun. Seems like the right call if we're running a wrestling program tonight.
Captain Picard turns to his first commanding officer and nods.
Picard: Agreed, Number 1.
Alex shawn
- vs -
Neil Capra
Standard Match
This crew enters the guest quarters where they see Neil Capra and Alex Shawn locking up, both struggling to gain the upper hand. Neil Capra breaks the lock up and hits Alex Shawn with a knee to the midsection and a DropKick to the head. Alex Shawn hits the floor but is quick to his feet, striking Neil Capra with a few punches to the face and chest. From there Alex Shawn knocks Neil Capra off his feet with a Russian Leg Sweep. Neil Capra goes down and Alex Shawn climbs on top Neil Capra landing a few mounted punches. Neil Capra then thrusts his body up tossing Alex Shawn off. Both wrestler climb to their feet at the same time but Neil Capra takes Alex Shawn down with a Clothesline following it up with a Leg Drop. Neil Capra covers for the pin.
...1
...2
Kickout by Alex Shawn! Alex Shawn tosses Neil Capra off and climbs to his feet. Alex Shawn and Neil Capra then begin to trade blows back and forth both equally hitting each other. Alex Shawn puts an end to that by hitting Neil Capra with a Sit Out Gourdbuster followed by a falling knee to Neil Capra's face. Neil Capra grabs his face and surges in pain. Alex Shawn then goes behind Neil Capra and quickly places him in a Sleeper Hold. Alex Shawn wrenches the hold tight and Neil Capra slowly begins to fade. Neil Capra's eyes begin to droop.....but WAIT! Neil Capra arms twitch and shake! With a quick surge of adrenaline Neil Capra maneuvers to break the hold with a belly to back suplex!
Neil Capra climbs to his feet as he shakes his head appearing groggy after what just happened. Alex Shawn is quick to move as he flies at Neil Capra with a Spear. Neil Capra jumps out of the way just in time though and Alex Shawn smashes into Commander Data!
Oh my god!
You could hear that collision all the way down the halls of the Enterprise!
Worf returns to the scene and sees Data down. He goes to check on him but Data calmly responds in his usual monotone, robot voice.
Data: I am still functional.
Data gets back up as Capra and Shawn continue to go at it. Neil Capra dives into action getting Alex Shawn with a Tilt-A-Whirl DDT. Both wrestlers surprisingly, rise to their feet at the same time after that! Alex Shawn charges for Neil Capra landing a Enzuigri followed by a Double Leg Drop. Alex Shawn covers for the pin.
...1
...2
Kickout by Neil Capra! Neil Capra pushes Alex Shawn off and rises to his feet. Alex Shawn goes for a Dropkick but Neil Capra moves out of the way. Alex Shawn hits the mat but still manages to get to his feet. Alex Shawn turns just in time to see Neil Capra coming straight for him! Neil Capra climbs onto the table in the middle of the guest quarters and he hits Alex Shawn with a Missile Dropkick followed by a DDT. Neil Capra pulls Alex Shawn to his feet and delivers the Mind Breaker!!! (Flip Piledriver) Neil Capra covers for the pin!
...1
...2
THREE!
Winner: Neil Capra
The crew part as Neil gets up and hurriedly rushes through them and right back out of Alex Shawn's guest quarters. As he makes his way down the hall he can be heard saying something to himself or to the voices in his head.
Troi: Looks like her plan worked.
Data tilts his head in curious fashion.
Data: Whose plan? Was Neil Capra a female?
Troi: No, Data, but one of the voices that travels with him inside of his mind is. She often is the reason he does things he otherwise might not do...
Data processes this information but before he can comment on it, Alex Shawn starts to recover and as he gets up he looks toward Captain Picard and company.
Shawn: You guys know I wasn't even ready right? Did this even count as a match?
Picard: I'm afraid so, Mr. Shawn. I believe the XWF's slogan is "the action never slows down" which suggests to me... always be ready for anything. Doctor Crusher is available to check you over if you feel you may have suffered any serious injuries.
Alex Shawn is groggy but shakes his head, clearing out the cobwebs.
Shawn: I don't think that'll be necessary Captain.
The scene fades out as we take a brief break from the action that never slows down.
The scene opens up to Steve Sayors somewhere in the halls of the Enterprise, somewhere apart from where Captain Picard and company currently are located.
Sayors: I am here on the Starship Enterprise with the always exciting J.C. Styles. J.C. you have a match tonight with Stagger Jones and J.P. Corino. How do you feel about this match?
Styles: Well Sayors. I will do what I always...
From out of nowhere J.P. Corino flies in and assaults Styles throwing him to the ground and pushing Sayors out of the way. Corino climbs on top of Styles and begins to reign down right hand after right hand. A few red shirts try to break it up. J.P. stands up and shoves them away as Styles jumps on his back and puts him in a rear naked choke. J.P. stands all the way up, reaches over his head grabbing Styles and throws him over his head and onto the ground. Corino then wraps both of his hands around Styles neck and shouts.
Corino: KNOW YOUR PLACE BOY!
J.P. lifts Styles onto his shoulders and executes a sickening Greetings From Calgary (Airplane Spin Tombstone Piledriver) onto the concrete. Styles lays motionless on the ground. Corino stands over him and drags him to the open door of the Turbolift and throws him down the elevator like shaft to an unknown fate!
Meanwhile Captain Picard has been informed of the disturbance and has fetched Stagger Jones.
Stagger Jones comes running toward Corino as Captain Picard officially starts the match!
J.P. Corino
- vs -
JC Styles
- vs -
Stagger Jones
Standard Triple Threat Match, 1 Fall
Jones tackles Corino to the ground and begins pounding on him with lefts and rights! Corino slides out from underneath him as the two stand and lock up. Corino tosses Jones into the backstage interview display. He stalks over Jones who kicks him in the groin causing Corino to fall to his knees in pain. Jones stands and steps forward grabbing J.P. by both wrists and it looks like he is going for the Greet The Feet. J.P. snaps back and hoists Jones onto his shoulders and powerbombs him through a nearby table. He then picks him up and throws him face first into a wall leaving a blood stain where Jones' head hit. Captain Picard goes to check on Jones but Corino shoves passed him and continues his attack. He grabs a chair from nearby and sets it up and then grabs Jones and executes a BRAINBUSTAAAAA onto the open chair. Jones lying in a pool of blood begins to slowly get up. He leans against a wall and out of NOWHERE Corino hits the Kryptonite Clothesline on Jones into the wall. He stands over Jones' lifeless body and grabs him by the back of the head.
Corino: I TOLD YOU NOT TO FUCK WITH ME!
He then shoves his head into the ground with a loud thud and looks at Captain Picard.
Corino: Count this mother fucker out!
Then Corino just walks away as Captain Picard has no choice put to start the 10 count on Jones.
1....2....3....4....5....6....7....8....9....10!
Doctor Crusher comes running in and wants to take Jones to sick bay, but Captain Picard tells her that Jones must be transported back to earth and to a hospital immediately.
Winner: J.P. Corino
Will Picard and crew ever make it to the Holodeck where there is supposedly an actual ring? Will anything that takes place tonight even remotely resemble an actual wrestling show???
To be continued!!!
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