A whirlwind of jerky camera shots. Flashes of towering trees, glistening lakes, and gorgeous springs. As the images whiz past, we pick up a song interjecting itself into the mix;





The camera's shakiness slowly steadies, and we find a face.





He, as in Reeve, brushes his thumb against the side of his nose, stretches his arms back a bit, and then escapes into, as Foley would put it, 'PromoLand'.


"Cyrax. I'm gonna call ya Cyrax. Cuz Mortal Kombat is the shiz-nitch bitch, whoop whoop! Now, Young Cyrax, you have something that I want. A date with TJ Wallace. All the ladies know it's all about the BBC, and hun? So do the gentlemen, if you catch my drift." Reeve giggles to himself, before continuing. "You two were making such beautiful music together, I just didn't want it to end, it was like sitting front row at a five-star Broadway musical. You both have a knack for saying the words 'dick', '' and 'period blood' 37 times in a row, I mean, ohmigawd, it's like a gift ya know?

"But on to the topic at hand. You are just the most adorable, cute little furball I ever did see, and if this wasn't for a title, I'd totally hit you up for your number. But this isn't Fuckbook and you're not a fake profile created to jip desperate dudes into giving up tons of cash for pictures of 'red hot girls near you' that actually live in Sweden or some shit. No, you're a fake wrestler who's coasting on his 15 minutes of fame with the Federweight title. The only reason I'm in your neck of the woods is because I've nothing better to do, and I'd like to add another trinket to my Ark strap.

"You may be cute, but you're as dumb as a bag of rocks that Peter dug up somewhere outside a van by the river. Which river? Beats the fuck outta me, next question. You've gotta be, what, 18 right? I love the pants, I'm gonna have to find a pair of my own, but srsly cutie, this happens to be a belt that heads from waist to waist quicker than Clay Aiken's career went from decent to deceased. I suppose what I'm trying to say is... would you be my China Girl?"

Reeve winks at the camera before blowing it a kiss, lifting up the heart symbol, and flipping off Cymbal and pinning him.