“Ats' right ya' sissy fuckers! Pour yer' Hart Champ-yon ah' nudder' shot of that there jungle juice and break out tha' bang-bang!â€
...Loud music...
...A series of laughter…
...And general party house chattering...
“Scully bring yer lilly English ass over here and do this line of blow of this fat bitch's cooter! Don't be ah' feared of it or I'mma' have Mr. Pest slap ya' with his cock!â€
“MUD-DY! MUD-DY! MUD-DY!â€
“DAMN STRAIGHT! I'MMA†PLOW THIS FAT WHORE AND FUNNEL AT FIFTH AT THA' SAME TIME!!!â€
Friday, May 1st, 2015
Some Strange Arena
??????
His head throbbing like a seventeen year old virgin’s cooter at a Justin Beiber concert, Muddy begins to come to, knocking away the cobwebs from a several day long drug and alcohol induced blackout. All this partying, random sex and drug abuse coupled with the damaging wrestling bumps he's took lately has been really taking it's toll on Muddy.
Muddy looks around, his whereabouts are extremely unfamiliar, and with his vision blurred he begins feeling around his leather jacket, reaching his shaking hand into his coat pocket and pulls out a hot pint of Ol' Grand Dad and a broken cigarette.
Alcoholic instincts taking command, he cracks open the pint with he broken cigarette dangling from his lip, Muddy removes the cigarette and chugs down nearly the entire bottle… his vision is now restored, the shaking slowly subsiding. A sigh of intoxicating relief ensues as he fixes the broken cigarette by squeezing out the tobacco from the butt, and carefully wedging the remaining cigarette onto the filter…
Muddy sparks up, takes a drag, then jumps at the sound of a loudly applauding crowd. In front of him, on the main stage of this unknown auditorium, a heavyset little Asian boy wearing a tux and sporting a bowl haircut takes center stage. As the crowd calms, a goofy looking keyboard player in the corner of the stage begins playing a familiar tune…
'My Heart Will Go On'... by that ol' Canadian bitch.
The Asian boy begins beautifully belting out the lyrics, sounding almost as he may be a eunuch… Muddy begins to slouch down in his seat, as if he's hiding or something as he looks around noticing that most of the crowd is also Asian. Muddy's face twists with disgust as the wretched stench of devil worshiping communism molests his nostrils, and is damn near to the brink of exploding into a patriotic rage at the sheer fear and confusion of how and why he'd gotten to this pit of kitten eaters, then all of a sudden…
SMACK!
“Drinking alcohol and smoking is for fags Muddy.â€
Muddy jumps and shouts like skinny boy in a Penn State shower room as a big white hand grasps onto his knee. His bewildered, bloodshot eyes look up to his right and sitting next to him is Morbid Angel…
Morbid sits there unfazed, his eyes fixated on the stage and the chunky Asian vocalist. Muddy jerks his head over at the seat to his left, where he sees Scully who's also staring at the stage, the beautiful music causing a tear to flow from his eye… drool hanging from his crooked lip. Muddy looks back at Morbid who's still grasping the Mudster's knee, and whispers,
“Morbid… ya' knowd' there's ah' bunch gooks in here? Where tha' hell are we? Is that there Jimmy Kong Young singing?â€
“...No Muddy. We're in Toronto.â€
There must be a large… and rather strange Asian community in Toronto. Muddy looks even more confused then he did before, as he starts to worm his knee away from Morbid's hand, but before he's freed for even a moment Morbid's hand almost unconsciously locks back down onto him…
But an even scarier realization to Muddy that Morbid may or may not be groping him, is that he doesn't see Pest or his daughter Dolly anywhere. Muddy sensed something strange about Pest, and eventhough he was greatful to be working for him, he shuttered at the thought of his 10 yearold daughter being left alone with him. Frantically he looks up at Morbid and asks,
“Where tha' hell Pest and Dolly be?!?â€
Leaning forward in the seat next to Morbid is Dolly, she goofily smiles and waves at her dad, then goes back to watching the show. Muddy sits back in his seat relived that Dolly is with him, how in the hell would he explain to Nadine that she ran off with a decaying old man who looked like Walter Cronkite's turd?
“You know that belt is just a replica Muddy, you're not really the Hart Champion.â€
Muddy looks down to find the replica Hart Title that Pest gave him sitting by his feet.
“Muddy knowd' that Morbid, but Mr. Pest done told me that he was gunna'...
“Pest just wants to make sure that the Hart Title comes over to the Black Hand, but he doesn't need to worry. I'm going to kick Lane's teeth down his throat on Monday and bring the title to The Black Hand myself.
You fought gallantly against Lane, and sure, maybe that ref was as blind as Kristy Brinkley when she married Billy Joel, but you lost… that’s what the record books will always show.
“Yer' right Morbid… Muddy aint gotta, lug some phony title ta'...â€
â€Sh, Shhhh! Wait for it… wait for it...â€
Morbid, with a finger over his own mouth, gesturing Muddy to be quiet, removes his left hand from Muddy's knee and covers Muddy's mouth. As the Asian boy begins singing the final climatic verse, Morbid proudly stands, totally into it and sings along, gesturing his arm out like a fatso male opera lead…
“YOU'RE HEREEEEE!!!! THERE'S NOOOOOTHING I FEARRRRR!â€
Oddly enough, it was actually quite good. Muddy wasn't really paying attention now though, he looked down at his smiling daughter… how could she or anyone else for that matter ever respect Muddy if he were some phony champion? Muddy wanted to earn his moment, not have it handed to him… that moment, he knows, is coming sooner or later.
He lifts the title up looking at it, then back up at the stage… he knows what must be done, the Hart will go on without him.
Sunday, May 3rd, 2015
Muddy's Hotel Room
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
...In front of an XWF Camera live streaming on the World Wide Web...
“Muddy's gunna' cut this here shorter than ah' obese Italian's lifespan...
Well Sally… here it is, tha' dawn of yer' fifteen seconds of fame gainst' Muddy Waters on Monday Night and still nadda' peep out of ya'? Muddy's ah guessin' this here fat sack of Italian crap must be too damn busy smugglin' cannolis cross' tha' boarder up his ass.
Muddy'll bet ya' ah' bundle ol' Fatty Magoo done got her ass hung up there in customs fer' ah' weight discreptant-cy, and is ah' waitin' fer' her daddy Sean Falcon ta' provide birth certification, that he really did push ol' Sal out of his anal canal all them years ago.
Guess there is ah' perk ta' bein' Falcon's bitch ass bodyguard aside from keepin' his cock clean... ya' get ta' be ah' fat lazy fuck, who gets booked in matches against real workin' men like Muddy Waters, then not say or do damn thing all week.
Muddy seen yer' silly ass bio get upper-loaded on tha' X-dubya'-F website Friday night, at least yer' pitiful ass got round' ta' doin' that, but Muddy aint needed ta' read it ta' know that yer' ah' stupid fuck. Only thing entertainin' bout' it was this here picture of ya' Muddy found…
So yer' ah' nice guy huh Sal? Well let Muddy put it to ya' nice like then, when ya' roll at' saggy ass of yer's down to tha' ring on Monday, be perpared fer' tha' shit stompin' of ah' lifetime. Ya' better hope that Kirk will find it somewhere in his hairless nutsack ta' call tha' damn match, and use yer' shit covered undies as tha' biggest white flag ever thrown in X-dubya'-F history.
Poor fuck, if only yer' dumbass woulda' knowd' not ta' use them there Hydroxycut pills as ah' suppository, then ya' might of gotten in ring shape fer' Muddy Waters, and never got addicted ta' stuffin' yer' bunghole full of foreign objects.
It's ah' real shame that you were too damn sissy-fied ta' even show yer' face this week aside from that there bio, but in reality Muddy does appreciate ya' doin' us all ah' favor, cause at' grill ya' got would make even tha' nastiest maggot yack. Maybe yer' fat ass won't even show, and we won't be ah' hearin' “Back N' Fat†cue up over them speakers… at least ol' Kirk will be in tha' ring wit' Muddy, surly he'd oblidge ta' takin' yer' ass whippin' fer ya'.â€
The scene fades...
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