I really wanted that popcorn, dude.

Doc, you got me all wrong, man! How could you think those things about me?

I don’t think there’s anything WRONG with the briefcase cash-ins… I mean, without them, guys like Steve Davids and Theo Pryce would never get to have a moment in the sun, right? We wouldn’t have been able to watch that whole Shades trainwreck without the existence of the cases. So no, I don’t mind them, I just see them for what they are. Shortcuts. I don’t need shortcuts and I don’t need charity, I earn what I get the hard way. Like a champion. Like a megastar.

I went through everyone to get where I am, dude. I took out the best of the best, and now it’s my time to shine. You think you’re making some point about my career being in a holding pattern, but you’ve gotten as many Universal Championship matches as I have – and trust me, dude, your career is way closer to over than mine is. No Doc, the sun’s just rising on my day. You slept in until noon and now you’re racing against dusk.

I expected a little more from you than to toss out the star of the month rhetoric, too. As if I need to remind you of the controversy around your having been given that moniker over me. No hard feelings, of course, you don’t have to give me the crown, baby, just call me the king. Just remember, after the month is done, there’s still one bright, hot megastar in the sky.

As for the briefcase? Well, I mean, let’s just say I doubt you’re the first member of your family to make a living on his back, dude. Some tendencies are just hard wired into the DNA, I guess. Que sera, sera.

So… back to the eye. Just admit it, someone skull-banged you didn’t they? You can admit it, man, that sort of shit is getting more and more legal every day. You want some dude’s ramrod tickling your brain, who am I to judge? At least it didn’t prevent you from talking… heaven knows that would break your congested heart.

Look, Doc, you’re making it awfully difficult for me to go easy on you here. I have a heart after all and I don’t like to remind people of the traumas they may have suffered. Whatever happened between you and your many, many stepfathers back in the 40s is totally none of my business, man, but how about we take a little bit of time and talk about it, so that you can finally get it off of your drooping chest? Here, have a seat on this couch…

Loverboy kicks out, again, and gestures to a comfortable couch for the Doc to sit on while Loverboy himself picks up a bad and pen and takes a seat close by. Finding his therapeutic, anatomically correct Maverick doll with kung-fu grip vagina, he hands it to the Doc and asks him to show exactly where his uncles had touched him.