02-09-2015, 04:50 PM
"Loverboy" - In The Meantime -->
Hey Austin.
I keep hearing rumblings of you begging to hear from me and my buddy Johnny so you have some ammo to “rip us to shreds” or some other such bravado bullshit.
Well, here I am!
It was cool seeing you in the Rumble this past week, Austin. Seriously. I kept hearing your name getting tossed around like you were the second fucking coming, so it was interesting to see you up close and personal, you know? I gotta say, man… color me bright unimpressed.
Now, hold on, before you start chest thumping and trying to swing your little dick around like a big boy, can you blame me? I mean, let’s be realistic for just one moment, dude. No one in that ring looked better than yours truly.
I know what you’re going to say – “But, Loverboy, I eliminated you! I beat you!” First of all, stop that. Nobody likes it when some little bitch with shit stains on his tightie whities runs around claiming battle royal eliminations as victories. Ask Frodo how well that shit works out. You remember Frodo, right? The guy you slipped your hot dog to?
Secondly, no, Fernando, you actually didn’t. Well, not really, anyway. You’ll get credit for an elimination, that’s true enough, and hey, you did a pretty decent job in there for the most part. But you didn’t throw me out of the match. Here, look:
Quote:Lane is up top!
Frogsplash! Onto D’Ville and Scorpio!
Loverboy may have hurt himself in the process! It seems he has! D’Ville is up!
RUNNING ELBOW! Lane is over! He’s over!
He’s held on AGAIN!
Out of nowhere though!
It’s Austin with the roundhouse kick! Lane is out!
Vinnie Lane has been eliminated!
“Lane’s out! Vinnie Lane, fantastically, has lasted unbelievably long like a porn star!”
See? The hard part was already done for you, dude. Doc is a machine in these kinds of matches, so getting knocked for a loop by him is nothing to be ashamed of. You? You just put the cherry on top for him, man, you didn’t ice the cake. You want to see what a real megastar looks like when he eliminates someone? Here:
Quote:“OH MY! Look at the size of this man!”
Woeful slowly treads down the ramp! He is huge!
He slides in. Austin runs at him but Woeful simply shoulders him to the ground! He then takes down D’Ville with a clothesline! He grabs Lane and smacks him on the chest before lifting him up and scoop slamming him onto the ground!
Scorpio tries to take Woeful down from behind but Woeful grabs him by the throat and lifts him up… Chokeslam!!
Woeful roars but Vinnie Lane is up! What’s he doing!
Superkick! He kicks Woeful who bounces off of the ropes!
Lane then somehow picks Woeful up by the shoulder and the inside of the leg! It’s like Hogan Andre all over again! He picks Woeful up and slings him over the top rope! Slamming him down to the outside!
Woeful has been eliminated!
That’s pretty impressive, right? Woe weighs more than most cars. Or check this one out:
Quote:Vinnie then points at Barney Green! Making it clear that he wants to take him out! He goes right after Green, offloading a flurry of forearms before… oh no! What’s this!!
“There is no way he can lift Barney Green up to hit this move!”
THE HEARTBREAKER!!! (Styles Clash)
“OH MY GOD! What strength by Vinnie Lane!”
Lane then picks up what is basically dead weight in Barney green before throwing him over the top as well
Barney Green has been eliminated!
Yeah, Barney isn’t exactly lighting the world on fire in the ring these days, dude, but he’s a former World Champion… and lifting him up off the ground is basically guaranteeing my chiropractor’s kids get into a good school.
I can show you more, dude, trust me there are plenty of other examples. Fact is, I damn near took out half of the rumble on my own. I was in there longer than most celebrity marriages, man. And it wasn’t like I was hiding outside or in the corner either, you know? I was in the thick of it the whole time. Why? Because that’s what real champions do. That’s what real stars do. You may have eliminated me, Austin, but just like your mother’s twat the night you were conceived, 25 other guys wore me out first.
Don’t you get it, Fernando? I’m the reason these people come to see the XWF. You’re the reason they don’t come back.
Want proof of that, dude? Turn on the XWF Network. Who do you see? Me. I’m the highlight reel. When you log on to XWF.com, what do you see at the top of the page? Me. Are you anywhere to be found, Fernando? Don’t act like you don’t Google yourself, dude, I know you do. I used to when I was nobody, too. Now I have agents and publicists who do it for me.
You see, Austin Fernando, “Loverboy” Vinnie Lane is more than my name, man. It’s my brand. It’s the wave of the future. You? You’re just a guy. You think Heyman needs you? He doesn’t need you, dude. You need him. You’re like shit on his shoe, just along for the ride until he wipes you off. Me? The Underground is built on me. MacClay has what he has because of me. TJ Wallace and Xavier Swann are relevant because of me. Heyman has options, man. You’re just his new toy. Trust me, once you go out there next Monday and prove you’re a fraud by getting smeared across the canvas by me and the Knight, you’ll get tossed in the trash next to Kendall Sawyer’s extra-absorbent tampons.
Speaking of Sawyer… you know, you can always tell it’s February when the groundhog sticks its head out of the ground and sniffs around for a minute. Kendall, you have got to stop crawling out of your hole or you’ll just keep seeing your shadow.
See, every two or three months, feminism’s most embarrassing proponent pops up and decides she wants to try and matter. Last time anyone saw her, of course, she was getting her ass handed to her by Pest. What a legacy. What happened, sweetheart, you put on too much weight for Azrael to carry you anymore?
The XWF should be ashamed of itself for letting some chick who hasn’t shaved her legs since the Bush administration come anywhere near a championship, man. But, as they say, it ain’t who you know, it’s who you blow, right? Azrael always had a thing for boyish-looking women.
Oh, I know, I know, don’t get all offended man, I get that you’re some sort of social justice warrior out here decrying the fucking patriarchy and being as asexual as possible. How do you like that, Austin? Your partner is asexual and she still gets more pussy than you.
Of course, with her plumbing closed for business, her snatch has probably grown out a bigger bush than your average hedge maze. She could be hiding the fuckin’ Lorax down there by now, dude, and I’m willing to bet the smell isn’t leaving much to be desired either.
But hey, at least you’ll probably be able to borrow each other’s clothes like besties in the sorority house. It’s gonna be a real catfight out there next week with you two delicate flowers. At least you can’t pull my hair.
So there you go, Austin. My last favor for you this week. You got your few minutes of attention from me.
"Loverboy" - In The Meantime -->
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