"Is this shit on?"


Theo reaches forward and taps the side of the camera before sitting back down on the metal chair situated a few feet from the camera.


"Jimmy used to set this shit up for me but he had to be a selfish prick and go and get himself killed. Asshole."

"I'm going to be real honest with you all right now. I know it's common place for people to spend at least part of their week leading up to their upcoming match or matches bad mouthing their opponents. Hell I've been known to do it from time to time. With some pretty good results but this week? I have no fucking clue who 95% of the people involved in this weeks Madness are."

"Seriously. What the fuck is a Jet Frost? Is that ice that forms on jet engines? We have space aliens and trannies and tables and cats and robots, why not a frosty jet engine? Or maybe this guy is related to that Frost asshole who showed up a few months back. Looked like a cross between a Vampire and kid working at Hot Topic on the weekends. Or is there a difference?"

"His partner is a member of some new upstart faction filled with a bunch of whiny bitches who feel like they've been slighted by management. Nevermind none of these fuckers save for Pamela and I suppose Knight have really earned a God damn thing. What's that? Did someone say something about entitlement? Then I guess it should come as no surprise that a guy like TJ Wallace is in the group. Wallace is of course a black guy who likes to play the race card like he's Al Sharpton. No wonder blacks are getting taken out by cops left and right, who the fuck wants to hear these guys? We get it. You guys were fucked over back in a day when you were chained up, forced to pick cotton and be rape bait for your white owners who in public acted like blacks were second class citizens. News flash the first slave traders were black. It's your own God damn fault."

"Who else do we have?"

"The team of Scotty Anderson and Tommy Wish. Who the fuck are these guys? Tommy Wish I think is the only guy on the roster with the balls to try and stand up to the nWo. And let me emphasis try because that's all he did. He talked a lot about how much he didn't like them and what they were doing but when push came to shove and words should have translated to action his sphincter tightened up like Frodo was lurking around. And Scott Anderson? Apparently these two guys are friends. That's cool. It's cool to have friends. I have friends. You may have heard of them. John Samuels and John Madison. See the difference between them and say Tommy Wish and Scott Anderson? Besides the fact that my friends aren't total wastes of space? My friends have actually achieved a thing or two as wrestlers. These two assholes? Not so much."

"Duncan B. Deadly and Maverick? Is this a fucking joke? Seriously? Fucking Iceman? That guy is desperate to show that he belongs. You would think that he would have run away and hidden in a closet after the beating my boy Samuels just gave him but no one ever mistook Maverick for being an educated man. Or maybe that was his doppelganger? He still trying to play that card? Fucking scab. And Duncan B. Deadly. Is he trying to be cute with that name or did his parents actually hate him? I'm betting it's the latter. His parents really hated this kid. He was probably born and they thought to themselves, "How can we fuck this kid up for life? I have an idea let's give him a name that even two wouldn't be dumb enough to name their kid." Poor bastard. "

"Azrael Erebus and Jaws? A fucking alien shark and an alien. Fitting actually. If there is anyone in this tournament besides Samuels and I that are capable of carrying a tag team it's Azrael. One of the few people in this place as accomplished if not more so than I am. Unfortunately for Azrael he put his faith in Jaws. A mother fucking shark. I mean, seriously? A shark? It's not bad enough that this place allows for tables, and robots sent back in time to help Gilmour not lose matches but now we have a massive shark? You ever wake up and think to yourself, "where the fuck did I go wrong that I ended up in a place like this?" Well I am having that feeling right now when I think about the fact that I have to face a massive shark in the ring on Monday. Potentially. Hopefully one of the other three teams on that side of the bracket will solve that little internal dilemma for me."

"Adrian Storms? The only good thing this cat's ever done was pick a two time X-treme champion to be his partner. Unfortunately for him, of all the two time X-treme champions that he could have picked he happened to pick the worst one of them all. Bobby Zi. You want to talk about a guy who has cornered the market on being in the right place at the right time? Look no further than Bobby Zi. Guy won the X-treme title before ever stepping foot in an XWF ring, which just goes to show you how much of a joke that title is. Well that and it's the only singles title Peter Gilmour has won. And then Bobby managed to get a second reign with that title after he beat Mastermind, another XWF heavy weight. I kid I kid. Mastermind blows. Hey Peter, how does it feel knowing that since I've been here Bobby Zi and Mastermind for that matter have won your precious X title more than you have?"

"Bum."

"Ethan Donovan? Where do you get your clothes? I like your style son. Hit me up sometime I'll give you the name of my tailor. He does an amazing job. He's not cheap but he's worth every penny. Which I assume is the case for Hunter's girl otherwise I can't think of one single reason that class A asshat would keep her around. Speaking of sticking around. I wonder how long Payne will last this time? A month? A week? Will he even show up for Madfare? Your guess is as good as mine."

"And last but not least a lesbian who I've already bested once before. Terminal Velocity in case anyone forgot. It was at that event that I won my briefcase while parading around as Enigma. It is what lead to my Universal Title reign and Eli getting embarrassed yet again. Diaz had a chance to win but she didn't. Guppy may have eliminated her but I did most of the work to get her to that point and then I took out Guppy. And as for her partner? How can you hate that face? Oh wait, nevermind. I confused her with Kendall Sawyer. All those skinny hipster white bitches look the same. Or damn close to it. Anyway from what I understand Iris seems like a pretty sweet person. Hopefully she doesn't get too jaded hanging out with that nonstop malcontent Jessie. Just some free advice."


"Alright well that's all I got. This event is as much of a sure thing as Gilmour losing a title match in which he doesn't have a partner to carry him to victory. Guess I should turn my attention to the tag team champs since that's who I'll be facing next week. Pest, JACK, I'll see you soon."