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John Samuels · **10-02-2014, 07:23 PM**

"Hey there Vinnie boy! I just wanted to say that I'm admiring what you're doing. Huge fan. I mean, to leave your house every day looking like a glitter-sprinkled, Pat Benatar bowel movement takes some serious courage. Bravo, bra-vo.

But we've got just the teensiest, tiniest little problem, hombre.

Ya see, a little birdy told me that you named your penis after me. At first I couldn't believe it, but then I dared to look through some old Vinnie Lane promo footage and sure enough, you called your unit 'The Senator.' Thankfully you did it fairly early in your promo, because my God you're about as insightful as a Special Olympics debate team. No offense.

You seeing where I'm heading with this? It's really flattering that you'd want to use my name and considerable clout to mask that little underwhelmer of yours, but I'm gonna go ahead and say it's time you cut that shit out. I understand that you need some kind of gimmick to get these syphallitic soccer moms to experience the "Vinnie Lane Half Minute of Pain," but you're really just not relevant enough to be using my name. How about calling it 'The Arzegotti' instead?

I'm already anticipating some snarky, barely intelligible response from you so why don't we just skip the part where you make yourself look like an idiot and just have a match? I'm slightly busy fighting McBride and whoever the fuck Maverick is this week, and leading Team Whoever-Gets-The-First-Pick to victory at War Games next week. But afterwards, I would greatly appreciate it if you gave me the opportunity to boot your manhood so hard you'll have to name it 'Sweet Cherry Pie.'

Oh, and careful Vinnie Boy. I've got some magic tricks of my own."

Samuels reaches towards the camera and pulls back a closed fist, a small flesh-colored object poking out between his index and middle fingers. He holds it in front of the camera for a moment before opening his hand and pointing to his thumb.

"Just joshin' ya, your nose is still there. It was actually my thumb the whole time! Ya silly bitch."

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Vinnie, we need to talk.
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