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~~Sweet Cheapshots~~ · (03-27-2013)

{Episode 005}"The one in which our hero bails his little buddy out of jail."

"Hello there, stranger. If you've been paying attention you may have noticed that our story has zigged when it should have zagged. It's nothing out of the ordinary you see. It always takes me aback to see how drastically Indian classical dance often sets up an apparent dichotomy. That bit was about angles and meters, this bit here you see is about character, emotion and story. So I hope you're paying attention as I wouldn't want you to miss anything. Please, have a seat and enjoy the show. The story... as you know... is already... in... progress..."

Sweet Cheapshots Fun Fact #11:
Sweet Cheapshots has fought the law... and won.

The location: Minneapolis Police Station Time: 11:32am CT

We track at floor level, moving through a sea of people, as the hive of conversation is in full effect. We find Sweet Cheapshots, dressed in jeans, a blazer with a bright pink v-neck, chatting it up with the girl working reception at the front desk. She's blonde, perky, great white smile.

Sweet Cheapshots: "Seriously, Becky. You've got to be the most attractive girl I've seen in Minnesota since I got here."

Receptionist: "I'm actually from Oregon."

Sweet Cheapshots: "That explains it."

Receptionist: "You look really familiar. Where do I know you from?"

Sweet Cheapshots: "I have been known to appear on TV from time to time."

Receptionist: "Are you on one of those reality shows? You got a famous looking jawline."

Sweet Cheapshots: "Nope, I actually do a bit of wrestling. Maybe you've seen me doing that."

Receptionist: "Hmm. I don't really watch that. It's a little too corny for me. Maybe I've seen you on E! Network..."

Sweet Cheapshots: "No, Becky I just told you that I'm a wrestler."

Receptionist: "Don't tell me! I'll figure it out eventually."

Sweets frowns and looks down the corridor where he sees Natalie approaching.

Sweet Cheapshots: "I gotta go. Nice to meet you. Try not to let anymore of Minnesota seep into your brain."

Sweets mouths, "Idiot" as he strolls away from the receptionist's desk. He meets up with Natalie halfway down the corridor.

Sweet Cheapshots: "What's the deal?"

Natalie Foxx: "Well, they're letting him go on bail. He'll have to appear in court, obviously. Probably pay a decent fine too."

Sweet Cheapshots: "What happened?"

Natalie rolls her eyes.

Natalie Foxx: "I'll let him tell you. He wants to see you."

Sweet Cheapshots: "Why?"

Natalie Foxx: "Beats the hell out of me. For some reason the poor kid likes you."

Sweets shrugs and heads down the hallway where Billy sits on a bench, looking tired and sad in his arm cast and neck brace. Sweets takes a seat down next to him.

Sweet Cheapshots: "How you doing, kid?"

Billy Williams: "Alright I guess."

Sweet Cheapshots: "You want to talk about what happened?"

Billy winces. The memory too painful.

Sweet Cheapshots: "You can tell me. I won't judge you. Well, I will. But much, much later."

Billy Williams: "I was... at a bar near the hotel last night. And this girl was there next to me and... well, one thing lead to another. Next thing I know I'm paying for sex."

Sweet Cheapshots: "Wait. A girl *actually* let you talk to her? I mean, looking like that?"

Billy Williams: "I didn't know she was an undercover cop, Sweets. I thought she just was lonely."

Sweet Cheapshots: "You do this kind of thing often?"

Billy Williams: "Not always. I have an addictive personality. I thought things would get better once I stopped being a furry."

Sweet Cheapshots: "Uh, wow. I don't even know how to --"

Billy Williams: "Then I went through a nipple clamp phase and --"

Sweet Cheapshots: "Okay, look Billy. We're going to head back to the hotel. Why don't you take the rest of the afternoon for yourself?"

Billy Williams: "You sure? I didn't get to iron your boxers the way you like them with the crisp folds.""

Sweet Cheapshots: "You know, I think I can let this slide. Just... take some time."

Billy Williams: "Aw thanks, Sweets. I don't care what Natalie says, you're a swell guy."

Sweets tries to downplay this and taps Billy on the shoulder.

Sweet Cheapshots: "See you back at the hotel, Billy."

Sweets stands and head back toward the way of the reception. Once there the blonde receptionist calls out again.

Receptionist: "I think I know where you're from now. You're Ryan Seacrest!"

Sweet Cheapshots: "Wow. That is... 100% correct. Good job. How many times did you take ninth grade over?"

Receptionist: "Huh?"

Sweet Cheapshots: "Alrighty, take care now."

Sweets gives her that lazy cat grin of his and pushes his way out the doors of the police station.

Sweet Cheapshots Fun Fact #39:
Sweet Cheapshots builds tree houses with finished basements.

The location: Sweet Cheapshots hotel room Time: 4:17pm CT

Sweets lays peacefully on a table getting a massage from short, chubby Asian masseuse.

Sweet Cheapshots: "Yes, work those little Keebler elf hands. That's it..."

There's a knock on the door and Sweets yells for the owner of that knock to come in. It belongs to Natalie who looks none too pleased to see Sweets relaxing.

Natalie Foxx: "What the hell are you doing?"

Sweet Cheapshots: "What's it look like, Nat? I'm getting a message."

Natalie Foxx: "I can see that. What are we supposed to be doing?"

Sweet Cheapshots: "Uh... not having an erection right now? Sorry, Glenda."

The Asian masseuse lets out a tired sigh.

Natalie Foxx: "You're supposed to be watching the promos I sent over for Crane and KnightMask."

Sweet Cheapshots: "Knight Rider, just call him what he is, Nat."

Natalie Foxx: "That's not the point."

Sweet Cheapshots:"I watched them alright."

Natalie shoots him a cold look to dare him to keep lying.

Sweet Cheapshots: "Alright, alright. I skimmed them. Who has time to listen to them anyway?"

Natalie Foxx: "You! You moron. You have a match tomorrow night in case you forgot."

Sweet Cheapshots: "Seriously, Nat. Did you watch them? I'd rather watch Schindler's List, well the really sad parts of Schindler's List, then have to watch more KnightMask. Though, I was impressed he used the word treachery. I don't know, sounds cool to say."

Natalie Foxx: "Well, what about Crane's promo?"

Sweet Cheapshots: "Who's Crane? A little lower on the neck, Glenda..."

Natalie Foxx: "Um, your other opponent?"

Sweet Cheapshots: "Oh, right the guy who looks like someone's emasculated stepdad. Yeah, I got kinda bored when he started to ramble about a Spider-man Jesus or something. So I decided to watch Cannonball Run instead. How awesome is Dom DeLuise in that? Anyway, when I flipped back he was carrying a mason jar where he puts his balls or his diary entries. It's all I could gather since it said Douche-bag on the front."

Natalie Foxx: "Why do I even bother?"

Sweet Cheapshots: "Say, have you seen Dikembe?"

Natalie Foxx: "I figured he'd be with you."

Sweet Cheapshots: "He didn't stay in your room last night?"

Natalie Foxx: "Why would he stay in my room? He's YOUR spiritual advisor."

Sweet Cheapshots: "Huh, weird. Last I saw of him I thought I saw him wearing your underwear..."

Natalie Foxx: "WHAT?!"

Sweet Cheapshots: "That's the spot, Glenda."

Suddenly, a loud commotion can be heard out in the hallway. Someone is shouting to stop and heavy footsteps are heard approaching hard and fast!

Sweet Cheapshots: "That's probably him now."

Sweets gets off the massage table and throws his robe on. He walks over to the door with Natalie behind him. Just as he opens the door Dikembe runs by in a blur. A black, nude blur that is. Two overweight security guards are in slow pursuit behind him begging for him to stop. Sweets watches Dikembe disappear down the hallway.

::Due to the family nature of the show an icon of Wallace Witsick's head (for scale purposes) has been used to cover Dikembe's ass. Witasick fatheads now available in the XWF Fan Store. Order now!::

Sweet Cheapshots: "Maybe I was wrong about the underwear."

To be continued...

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