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Mr. XWF · (06-21-2014)

Master THIS, ya MiniCocked bastahd!
THAT'S RIGHT I SAID BASTAHD wit da AHHH!
Now open wide!

Steve Sayors: Hello, my name is Steve Sayors and I know who the fuck you are nigga!

Mr. XWF wastes no time getting right down to the nitty gritty. Who needs a lavish scene or any expensive promo effects when all you're dealing with in an opponent is a creepy looking dude who talks about mastering minds?............whatever that means.

Steve Sayors: Whoa, I really liked how you just combined your words with my own and then combined your words with the omnipotent narrator.

"Mr. XWF" Stellar Von Stella: Omnipotent narrator? What's that even mean?

Steve Sayors: It doesn't matter, really. What you should be focused on today is your big match. How do you feel going into this title defense against these five hungry challengers?

Mr. XWF has his golden locks flowing and his eyeliner is perfect. He takes a few hard sucks of his triple thick chocolate milk shake and stares Steve in the eyes while he sucks.

Steve Sayors: Ok, well I guess go ahead and finish your shake. It's not like we're on a time limit here.

After some hard swallows that remind us all of Rose Smith's "Best of the Worst" blowjobs video, Mr. XWF responds.

"Mr. XWF" Stellar Von Stella: Did you just say I'm heading into a match with five hungry challengers?

Looking around behind him and then off to the side as if he lost something important.

"Mr. XWF" Stellar Von Stella: Where's my contract for Leap of Faith? Did something change that I'm unaware of?

Steve Sayors: I'm not sure what you mean.

"Mr. XWF" Stellar Von Stella: Well what I mean is I originally was booked, against my will, into a match with dudes like Alley Callaway and JJ Zilla BUT NOW YOU'RE SAYING I GOT PUT INTO A MATCH WITH HUNGRY CHALLENGERS?

FUCK! So you mean they took out the jobbers and replaced them with guys like Eli James, Fat Gilmour and Barney Grizzeen? THIS IS MUDDA FUCKIN BULLLLL SHEEEEEYIT! I was expecting to walk all over tiny men like MiniMind and Slurp Can O'males! THIS IS NOT RIGHT! I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO BE SWITCHED INTO A MATCH WITH REAL COMPETITION AT THE LAST MINUTE WHEN I THOUGHT ALL WEEK THAT I HAD A WALK IN THE PARK!

Steve Sayors: I think you're misunderstanding what I mean. You're still in the original match. It's you defending your title against Mastermind, JJ Zilla, Soupcan O' Malley, Alexandra Callaway and last but not least, Joey Hawkins.

Taking the lid off of his chocolate shake and dumping some into his mouth from about a foot over his head, the chunks and lumps that are flowing down into Mr. XWF's mouth seem to make Steve want to hurl.

Steve Sayors: My goodness, that's disgusting. Why are there so many chunks in that shake?

"Mr. XWF" Stellar Von Stella: I'm a wrestler, bizzitch! I NEED TO KEEP IN SHAPE! THIS AIN'T NO REGULAR SHAKE, NO NO NO NO AND THE DOCTOR MEANS NO! This right here? This is a meatball chocolate shake! I'm getting some delicious chocolate to help get my cock feelin right and I'm also getting my meat all in one! It's like stuffing your nuts deep into somebody's ass instead of wasting time with all the foreplay.

Steve Sayors: Um, riiiiight. Ok.........anyway, did you have any comments about today's match? Like I said, you're up against

"Mr. XWF" Stellar Von Stella: I KNOW WHO I'M UP AGAINST! YA JUST SAID IT A SECOND AGO! And yes it's a relief to hear I'm still booked into my easy win over a bunch of jobbers because I hardly even prepared at all this week. Have you seen me in a gym? Have you seen me practicing in a ring? Have you even seen me and Pretty Princey wrasslin each other in the mud, naked, all hopped up on viagra and angel dust and shrooms?

Steve Sayors: I didn't see any of those things.

"Mr. XWF" Stellar Von Stella: Exactly! And why would you? Those things would only take place if I were in a real match this weekend instead of a joke opening match that was designed solely for the purpose of KEEPING DR. VALIDITY OUT OF THE TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH! I'll tell ya right now MiniMind is lucky I am even taking the time to add protein into my chocolate shakes this week! I almost didn't even do that much because it's not like I need any muscle or energy to overcome a silly little twink like him! He wastes all week talking about TIME and then talking about people's minds he thinks he mastered!

I watched a few of his promos again and finally figured out that when he gets lucky enough to beat somebody in the ring, he then goes and talks about those people in his later promos and says he mastered their minds. WHAT DA FUCK? So by his logic, somebody beating another person means that the victor of the match has mastered the mind of the loser? Da hell's dat boy on? Obama Care?

Steve Sayors: Well what are your thoughts on that? Do you think after today we will see a Mastermind promo in which he states he has mastered your

"Mr. XWF" Stellar Von Stella: Cock? Mastered my cock? NO! I don't think that will happen, AND DON'T YOU EVEN DARE SUGGEST THAT GOOF COULD MASTER THIS MIND! BIZZITCH, THIS MIZZIND OF MINE IS UN-MASTERABLE! I DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF YOU STROKE MY MIND WITH 50 GALLONS OF LUBE AND TURN ON LESBO PORN ON 100 DIFFERENT TELEVISIONS IN THE ROOM AROUND ME! I WILL NOT HAVE MY MIND MASTERED BY THAT YOUNG BLOWHARD MINIMIND!

Steve Sayors: That young.........blowhard?

"Mr. XWF" Stellar Von Stella: Ya heard The People's Cock! But going back to the point I was getting at here; WHAT HAPPENS WHEN MINIMIND LOSES? If his brain allows him to think he's mastering the minds of those he defeats, then what da fuck goes on in his brain after he loses? I'm sorry but I'm tired of hearing whose minds he thinks he mastered! It's easy to sit there and make up funny ass lines about the people you won matches again, WHAT I WANNA HEAR ABOUT IS HOW HE COPES WITH ALL HIS LOSSES! He tells me I should stop reminding him about how he lost to Waylon but maybe he needs to be reminded even more? Maybe he needs to come to terms with the fact that it was Waylon who mastered HIS mind? Think of that! A smelly, broke ass hillbilly like Waylon has mastered MiniMind's mind! How did he do that? Uh, by beating MiniMind in a match, of course!

Steve Sayors: I suppose you do bring up an interesting point, but

"Mr. XWF" Stellar Von Stella: No buts! NO! THE PEOPLE'S COCK IS LONG FROM DONE! Now as I was saying, if we start looking at this "mastering of the minds" thing as an ongoing and transferable direction, doesn't that mean anybody who defeats MiniMind also in effect has mastered ALL THE MINDS OF THE PEOPLE MINIMIND BEAT? So we've got a case where somebody I beat.....that'd be Waylon for those who are slow on the uptake....... we got a nigga named Waylon running around who has basically mastered the mind of MiniMind AND ALL THE PEOPLE MINIMIND BEAT! And since none of that makes sense to begin with, we have to continue thinking of this process like we're , and that means the direction of "mind mastering" can move BOTH WAYS!

Steve Sayors: I don't think I follow.

"Mr. XWF" Stellar Von Stella: Of course ya don't! I'm saying if MiniMind beating somebody means he mastered their mind, and if Waylon beating MiniMind means HE mastered all the minds of the people MiniMind beat.....THEN THAT MEANS IF MINIMIND BEATS ME TONIGHT, WAYLON JUST MASTERED MY MIND! Because even though it happened before today, AND EVEN THOUGH MINIMIND LITERALLY ASKED ME IN HIS PROMO TO STOP REMINDING HIM, the fact of the matter is that Waylon has beaten and mastered the mind of MiniMind! IT DOESN'T MATTER if that shit happened before today! Remember, logic in play! If I lose to MiniMind today, it means I also just lost to and had my mind raped by Waylon! FUUUUUCK! THAT'S SO WHACK!

Steve Sayors: I'm not so sure it would work that way.

"Mr. XWF" Stellar Von Stella: Why not? How do you know? Have you asked MiniMind about the criteria he uses to determine who has mastered whose mind? How do you know it doesn't get applied retroactively? HOW? DR. VALIDITY NEEDS TO KNOW HOW YOU KNOW IT DOESN'T APPLY RETROACTIVELY!

Grabbing Steve's shirt collar and just shaking him like a rag doll, screaming in his face.

"Mr. XWF" Stellar Von Stella: I'M WORRIED! WHAT IF I LOSE! IT MEANS I NO LONGER DEFEATED WAYLON IN THE PAST! MINIMIND IS ABOUT TO CHANGE MY ENTIRE HISTORY AND TIMELINE! DAT SHIT AIN'T COOL!

Slapping Mr. XWF's hands away, Steve gets flustered.

Steve Sayors: Ok, look, I think you're getting a little carried away here.

"Mr. XWF" Stellar Von Stella: And somebody claiming to have mastered somebody's mind just because they beat their BODY.........let me repeat that...........BODY in a match, is not getting carried away? THAT'S SOMEHOW OK? I'M THE WEIRDO HERE? ME? ME? ME? REALLY?

Clearly freaking out now, he rushes over to a bottle of pills and twists off the cap. He downs a scary amount of pills and washes them down with more thickety thick milk shake.

"Mr. XWF" Stellar Von Stella: Ugh! Oh god! Ok ok ok, I'm calm now. Can you see my dilemma though? If I start hearing Waylon go around talking about mastering my mind by way of MiniMind defeating me after Waylon defeated him, I MIGHT AS WELL STRAIGHT UP KILL MYSELF! I'd have no reason to live if I became that big of a fuckin joke, nigga!

Steve Sayors: So you're legitimately worried about losing this match today? In your previous promos you sounded fairly confident that you'd be victorious even if you claimed the championship you're defending is somewhat of a gag.

"Mr. XWF" Stellar Von Stella: Of course I'm worried, Steve! That was just me talking like how a wrestler is supposed to talk in his promos! What was I supposed to come out all week and talk about how I'll probably lose my joke title to a joke wrestler and we can all have sex and jokes afterwards? NO! I COME OUT LOOKING LIKE I WANT TO WIN AND THEN I LAY THE COCK DOWN ON A NIGGA! But on the real, Steve, I'm just a man. I may have the largest cock in the world BUT I AM JUST ANOTHER MAN! There are five other men in this match if you count Callaway.

Steve Sayors: You mean you really don't count her being a woman? You actually are counting her as one of the men?

"Mr. XWF" Stellar Von Stella: Wrong, Steve! I'm having trouble even being convinced to count her IN THE MATCH AT ALL! It's fuckin obvious she ain't a female, bruh! I'm saying man, woman, animal, plant or robot THAT BIZZITCH DOESN'T EVEN COUNT WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO THE MATCH ITSELF! So yes, IF YOU COUNT HerSlashIts as actually being IN this match it means I've got FIVE MEN all coming at me for this belt! AND I SAY BELT BECAUSE THAT'S ALL IT IS! So back to me being worried; YES OF COURSE I AM WORRIED! With that many variables in one match anything can happen, and that means there's a chance I can walk out as one of the losers! Fuck for all I know, JJ Zilla might get a lucky pin right at the end of the 20 minute mark and that would mean he's the winner! It would also mean he mastered all our minds! Just ask MiniMind!

Steve Sayors: I have to say I don't really think Mastermind would count that as any minds being mastered. I get what you're saying about that, but I think it only applies when it's him winning because he himself is Mastermind.

"Mr. XWF" Stellar Von Stella: Oh shut da fuck up and stop trying to make him sound like he makes any damn sense! If he can spend a whole week NOT MAKING SENSE in his promos, it's not your job to come onto my airtime and help dat nigga's cause!

Steve Sayors: Alright, I apologize. We're actually running out of time here so did you want to directly address anything that any of your opponents have said as of late?

"Mr. XWF" Stellar Von Stella: Oh did more of them speak up finally? Or was it just more fuckin bullshit from MiniMind the master of the papoosey pussy?

Steve Sayors: I don't think I get the joke. Anyway, yes there have been more comments from Mastermind. You and he are the only ones airing promos for this match on a regular basis.

"Mr. XWF" Stellar Von Stella: So you're telling me nobody other than him has even spoken up?

Steve Sayors: Well, Joey Hawkins has had a few comments but let me double check on the others real quick.

Steve pulls out his iPad and Mr. XWF slaps it out of his hands with his dick.

"Mr. XWF" Stellar Von Stella: DROP THAT SHIZZIT! Nigga if you have to "check" if anybody has said anything then that right there tells me it doesn't even matter because if they said anything worth while YOU'D ALREADY KNOW IT! If somebody asked you if I dropped promos this week, you'd already know it's a YES because when I lay this cock down, the sound resonates for miles and miles and you just DO NOT HAVE THE OPTION OF IGNORING IT! So basically the only person besides MiniMind I need to concern myself with is Joey Hawkins?

Let me go ahead and kill Joey's promos right here, right now.

Joey, you're a piece of shit who I'm gonna dick slap like you were a crack whore begging to suck me off for a dolla so you can buy a 5th of a rock!

DONE!

HE GONE!

Oh and if that's not enough, MiniMind already took the time out of his day to directly quote and address shit Joey has said so by me crushing MiniMind all week it automatically means I've also crushed Joey. Right? Isn't that how it works, Steve?

Steve Sayors: Um, well......not really but

"Mr. XWF" Stellar Von Stella: Shut your buts! If the DOCTOR says it works that way THEN YOU BEST BET YOUR ASS IT WORKS THAT WAY!

So with that said, let's take a look at some funny quotes from MiniMind without me even having to say a thing about them.

Steve Sayors: You mean you're going to air quotes from him just for the sake of airing his words? You aren't even going to respond?

"Mr. XWF" Stellar Von Stella: Pretty sure that's what I just said, ya fuckin idiot! LET'S DO THIS!

Mini Mind the special needs child Said:I can pull quotes out of my arse at any time.

Mini Mind the special needs child Said:I am against 5 other people, with me that's 6. I repeat that again, this is a 6 person match.

Mini Mind the special needs child Said:That's 5 others, count them 5 others.

Mastermind holds up 1 finger of his other hand.

And me makes 6.

Mini Mind the special needs child Said:I say again, and me makes 6.

Mini Mind the special needs child Said:(speaking solely to Mr. XWF) Again, let me remind you. In the Ark of the Covenant Match there's you.

Mastermind holds up 1 finger.

And five others.

Steve Sayors who is still sitting next to Mr. XWF watching all these, begins to look around uncomfortably. Mr. XWF nudges him and whispers to him....

"Mr. XWF" Stellar Von Stella: You know we're only into his second promo of the week right now on these quotes. I'm not even making this up.

Steve Sayors: I thought you weren't going to comment on these quotes?

"Mr. XWF" Stellar Von Stella: Nigga I'm just letting ya know how far along we are when we've heard him count how many people are in the match 987 times now.

Steve Sayors: Fair enough.

"Mr. XWF" Stellar Von Stella: Fuck off. On with the quotage!

Mini Mind the special needs child Said:I love roasted marsh mellows.

Mini Mind the special needs child Said:Then Mr XWF who is Tane Mahuta (God of the Forest), he can use his arms to whip us like branches.

Mr. XWF leans in and quickly whispers to Steve.

"Mr. XWF" Stellar Von Stella: He means cock. Not arms. Boy has cock envy up in this bitch.

Mini Mind the special needs child Said:this match will start with all 6 of us in the ring

Mini Mind the special needs child Said:all 6 personalities will be different

Mini Mind the special needs child Said:6

Mini Mind the special needs child Said:Yup I lost to Waylon

Mini Mind the special needs child Said:I'm not a possible obstacle Joey, I'm the one and only obstacle.

Mini Mind the special needs child Said:You will be no where near my level, or Mr XWF's. It'll be between me and him.

Mini Mind the special needs child Said:I'm not a possible obstacle Joey, I'm the one and only obstacle.

Mini Mind the special needs child Said:I'm sorry Joey, but you're not in my league, the only person in my league is Mr XWF

Mini Mind the special needs child Said:I'm not a possible obstacle Joey, I'm the one and only obstacle.

Mini Mind the special needs child Said:See you all tomorrow, I won't wish you luck, because you all don't deserve it. Maybe Mr XWF, but apart from him no one else.

Mr. XWF is laughing so hard he can't stop himself. Steve just looks around with that goofy look on his kisser.

Steve Sayors: I take it you're trying to point out that Mastermind

"Mr. XWF" Stellar Von Stella: IS A COMPLETE FUCKIN IDIOT! YES! YES STEVE! THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M POINTING OUT!

Imagine being poor little Joey right about now? Holy fuckin shizzit! If poor Joey sat there watching all of MiniMind's promos this week he's probably confused as fuck! Hot wax on a scolding helping of damn! MiniMind has LOST IT! He's lost his mizzind! He doesn't know if he thinks of himself as the only threat in this match or if he wants to kiss The People's Cock's Ass! WHAT A DOUBLE DIPPING TWAT SCRUBBER! This boy don't know if he's coming or going!

Steve Sayors: We really are out of time.

"Mr. XWF" Stellar Von Stella: Yeah yeah yeah. Not like there's much more to say about this homo anyway! All we got to do now is sit back, wait for him to air one last promo today and seal his own fate by gently stepping inside of his own coffin and sealing it shut with super glue from the inside so we don't even have to nail that shit dizzown! That's what I LOVE about facing a person who is on that low of a level......NIGGA DOES THE WORK FOR ME!

Thanks, MiniMind! You sure mastered me! NOW BEND OVER AND MASTER YOUR RIGHTFUL POSITION AS MY BITCH!

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Str8 shooting with that Steve Sayors boy: Nice knowing ya, MiniMind! PLACKOWWWW!
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