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JonPlex · (05-14-2014)

When we last left our hero, Jon Plex, he was wrapping up a week of worry and resolve heading into his TLC match with Tony Santos. We have seen him search for strength. We have seen him have the need for speed. Hell we even watched him eat crab legs next to a stripper's brown eye pie. There wasn't much that Plex didn't expose us to this week. One thing, however, that could be said about Jon Plex is that he showed up. He always shows up. For some reason unbeknownst to logic, Tony Santos has finally decided to grace us all with his presence and must be sleep talking because he questions whether or not he will get a fight from Plex. Aside from the obvious stench of desperation filling the air from Tony Santos, I'm getting the scent of something foul and poisonous to the nostrils. No it's not Peter Gilmour's ball breath... it's....

Jon Plex
Dammit! That's H-O-R-S for me.

Joe Camel
You really suck at basketball. I hope you can wrestle better than you shoot. Tony Santos has been a customer of mine for many years and he's no pushover!

Yes, that's right ladies and gentlemen. Jon Plex is playing basketball with a walking, talking, cigarette peddling camel wearing a sweet ass pinstripe suit and a fedora. Normally we make fun of guys who wear fedoras, but somehow Joe manages to pull it off with style. That's one cool camel! The smell must be the audacious odor attributed to years of smoking. That's Joe's only downfall. He reeks like an ashtray. Plex looks at the camera and winks.

Jon Plex
Thanks for the idea Tony!

Joe Camel
It's your shot.

Jon Plex
Slow your roll Joe-Joe! I have to finish cutting this rebuttal promo. Santos finally decided to step out of the shadows, or a dream, or hell I don't really know what you would call it, but alas he's here making waves.

Joe Camel
Fine. If you must. You know where I'll be.

Joe busts out of all his clothes and gets down on all fours like your standard, run-of-the-mill camel. An Arabian man, who for lack of a better, non-racist description, looks like Aladdin comes running up and climbs up between his humps. The two then take off into the sky like a flying carpet, dropping cigarettes all over the city in a clever marketing stunt to keep smoking alive. That's an oxymoron when you really think about it.

Jon Plex
Tony Santos. Boy, where do I even begin? You see, normally I'd have my associate Todd Vincent here and we do our usual back-and-forth banter. Surrounded by a silly situation that adds a little element of humor and nonsense for the fans at home. That's just how I do things. My life is a roller coaster of entertainment. You, on the other hand, well you are a totally different breed of entertainer. I use that term loosely. You've somehow managed to convince yourself that people actually want to hear your scratchy ass throat go on for hours and hours about nothing. The generic squawking, the verbal pissing match, the age old last resort tactics of talking about all things past. One could speculate that the cancer that surely riddles your body has spread to your brain. You make no sense. You start off by reminding me about all my accomplishments since debuting. Is this a Tony Santos promo or a Jon Plex 30 for 30? If you wanted to do a documentary about my awesome rise to the top of this company, then you should have told me before hand. I could have gave you plenty more to follow up with. To be honest, that wasn't even the worst part of your rant. I rather enjoyed that stroll down memory lane. Tyrant EX... man he was something else. I use the word worst Tony, because if I am to remain honest, none of it was really worth a damn. Oh look, as I didn't see this coming, next you briefly mention how you got your start and namedrop some guy who I am to assume was "somebody" back in the day. So coy Tony, and yet so cliche. I suppose this is the part of our little dance where I am supposed to gravel at your feet for something you did while I, how did you put it..., was fresh like a baby's lungs? Or maybe I am supposed to walk into this poorly set trap and begin comparing careers with you, in which case you'll have the advantage because let's face it, it's not rocket science. You've been here longer. Stop the presses! On second though, nobody really gives a damn. Nobody gave a damn when Sebastian Duke tried to play the same card, and not much has changed since then.

Plex takes a second to try and rationalize some of the things that forced their way past Tony's smoke charred vocal chords. He is having a hard time....

Jon Plex
Vaudeville. I can live with that. You know what they say...variety is the spice of life. I apologize if my on-air antics and zany sense of humor do not appeal to you. Hell, most of the time it's difficult for me to deal with so I can only imagine what it's putting you through. Trust me, I would much rather deal with a series of pointless dreams than trying to play the peacekeeper between Poseidon and his son. The Surgeon General bit... well that was for both our benefits. In all seriousness you need to pay closer attention to your health. I'm sure somewhere out there, in a remote area perhaps, there is someone who wants to have Tony Santos around for a little while longer. I'm certain the XWF feels that way. How would they ever plug that gaping mid-card hole you'd leave behind? Stop being so selfish Tony. It's not always just about you! It's like MY grandfather used to say, "Hello. Have we met?" He had Alzheimer's, so that's all he ever said. Maybe not the most profound, eye-opening proverb, but I learned a lot from that. I am reality right now Tony. Have we met? See my other concern for you, besides the obvious cigarette addiction that not only destroys your lungs but your chances of defeating me, is your mental state. I think you may have crossed that dreaded line. You spend so much time away, escaped from reality in your dreams that you've lost the ability to tell the two apart. You can't distinguish what is real and what is a dream. Your life is spiraling out of control as I speak like the climax of "Inception." Tony Santos you are lost. Hope is not. You still have a chance to free yourself from the torment of confusion. If you could just make the decision, the conscious decision, to follow your own advice and simply "wake up." This isn't to say that things will ultimately change for you in regards to our match on Warfare, but baby steps Tony.

The day grows old and the sun begins to set, cascading a beautiful glow around the city of Lincoln. Plex knows he must be wrapping this verbal tell-all up soon.

Jon Plex
I have tried my best today Tony to meet you half way. To ditch all the shenanigans that makes me the most watched and beloved superstar of the XWF and sink to the depths of your work ethic. I abandoned my element and engaged in this "shootout" of the minds. I don't see how you can stand doing it. It's boring. I'm not admitting that it requires any advanced intellect or superior talent to pull off. It's just boring. All you do is talk and talk and talk. Where is the fun in all of this? Is this your idea of fun? Reflecting on all your accomplishments, using the advantage of time to try and label me the lesser? It would suit you better to ditch the "Yellow Brick Road" and put on some "Back Down Memory Lane" by Minnie Riperton. That would serve as a nice foreshadowing melody to accompany one of your moments on the screen. Yes you have probably done some incredible things here. Key word being "have." There is no room for "will" here Tony. At least not at my expense. Now if it gets you to sleep at night, no pun intended, to downplay what I have done in the little time I've been here then don't let me stand in your way. Hell I laughed at my competition as well. I think we're on the same page. They weren't anything to write home about. The irony of it all is neither are you. You mock the very thing that you have become. A stepping stone. In between all your dreamscapes and useless ranting you have lost sight of yourself. Who you really are. Mr. September 2013. Once a star, now starstruck. In all due time, this will start to sink in Tony. When you're laying down in the center of that ring at Warfare... tables, ladders, and chairs having left their marks on your body... it will not matter how hard you squeeze your eyes shut and open them. It won't be a dream Tony. Wake up? Come Warfare you're going to wish you never had.

Todd Vincent appears out of nowhere. That's kind of what we do here.

Todd Vincent
Are you done yet? Tony's had enough and we have to be at the arena by 7.

Jon Plex
I suppose. I tried to be civil with the walking, talking cancer cell. I gave him an inch and he hung himself with it.

Todd Vincent
You give the ladies an "inch" also!

Jon Plex
GOD DAMMIT TODD THIS WAS SUPPOSE TO BE MY SERIOUS PROMO!

The scene fades. Don't expect any flashy outro because Mr. Scene is hungover! Until we meet again, all hail Plex!

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