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Scorpio · (05-04-2014)

All we see is darkness, darkness darker than John Black walking down the street at midnight wearing all black after laying in a tanning bed for an hour. You can't see a mother fucking thing is basically what it boils down to, well unless the scene smiles because just like John Black walking around at night, the teeth will give it away. However the scene doesn't smile because fuck you and stop telling the scene how to live its life. With no teeth showing to give the scene away we sit there with a screen full of darkness and probably lose some of the viewers with ADHD *cough* The Gladiator *cough* who suddenly get distracted by squirrels, butterflies, flaccid penises flopping in the wind, and whatever else people in severe need of Ritalin get distracted by. Finally after starring at a dark screen for what seems like longer than Peter Gilmour has been trying to convince people people that he's the king of darkness, the scene opens with Scorpio asleep in a hospital bed surrounded by men in white lab coats. Suddenly one of the men reaches over and slaps him across the face, an enraged Scorpio tries to jump up and choke the man but soon realizes that he's handcuffed to the bed.

Scorpio: Da fuck is this?

Scorpio tries to jerk his arms free while looking at the cuffs.

Scorpio: Please, please, please, tell me that I didn't get drunk and bump uglies with Christine Nash because this is exactly what I imagine happening the day after you bang that freak. Hold on, why am I in a hospital? She didn't bite my nips off did she?

Scorpio looks down his shirt.

Scorpio: Nope, all nips present and accounted for. Wait, I'm handcuffed, I didn't bite her nips off did I?

Scorpio stares at the men in lab coats with a concerned look on his face. After a brief silence one man speaks up.

Lab Coat Man: Oh were you done with all of your crazy talk?

Scorpio: What crawled up your vagina?

Lab Coat Man: YOU DID!

Scorpio raises his eyebrows.

Lab Coat Man: That's not what I meant you giant pervert! Look, you didn't bump uglies with anybody and nobody got their nips bitten off. You can call me Dr.Z, I work for the United States government and have been researching the event where your son sent you into another world. In spite of having your son's full cooperation we have not been able to fully duplicate his initial results. You see sending people into that world is no problem, however....

Scorpio: However?

Dr.Z claps his hands and the rest of the lab coat wearing men move to the side as nurses push in three very old men.

Dr. Z: All of these men were in their twenties when we sent them in but when we pulled them out, this is what we got.

Scorpio: Poke-meth, not even once.

Dr.Z: Actually they were not sent into what you dubbed Pokemon world, in fact you were not even sent into just Pokemon world. The world you were sent into is vast and still mostly unexplored, it just so happens that the small part of that world you were in had to do with Pokemon. Each of these men landed in separate parts of the world and were able to relay vital information to us however as you can tell they were affected by the massive time difference between our world and that world. Yet for some reason you were not affected by that time difference. I ran test after test after test however the only difference between what your son did when he sent you into that world and what we did when we sent these men into that world is you Mr. Scorpio. That's why we had your son drug you so that we could easily bring you here to figure out what makes you different.

Scorpio: That kid is grounded for life, plus ten years. He's going to be floating around as a ghost who can't do shit because he's grounded god damn it! As for the difference between me and them, well that's easy brah. I'm fucking awesome that's why.

Dr. Z: No, this is why....

Dr.Z pulls a needle from his pocket and momentarily jams it in Scorpio's hand. Afterwards Scorpio tries to kill Dr.Z again but is thwarted by the handcuffs once more.

Scorpio: I hope you get raped by an escaped elephant from the zoo..

Dr. Z: Sorry, it was the best way that I could show you the difference between you and them. Look at your hand.

Scorpio looks down at his hand only to notice that his blood is an odd shade of red and the texture of it is off as well.

Scorpio: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO ME BRAH!?!?!?

Dr. Z: What did I do to you? Oh no, no, no, Mr. Scorpio. All I did was run some tests on you to find out what made you different from these men and I found my answer, it's your blood or should I say your lack of blood. You see Mr. Scorpio your blood is made up of about 30% actual blood and 70% grease, Wendy's grease to be exact.

Scorpio: Oh, that's a relief, so basically what you're saying is that I'm perfectly fine.

Dr. Z: Not really, according to every medical textbook ever written, you shouldn't be alive right now.

Scorpio: Well bees shouldn't be able to fly but they do brah.

Dr. Z: That's actually a myth that people repeat as fact, bees are perfectly capable of flight but the human heart isn't capable of pumping as much grease through a circulatory system as yours does. To be completely honest with you, your heart should have exploded long ago yet it continues to beat. Having all of that grease in your system also seems to be the reason that you weren't affected by the time difference between worlds while all of these men were. I don't quite understand it Mr. Scorpio but those are the facts and that's exactly why we need you to travel into the other world for us once again. You're literally the only person capable of doing it safely. So what do you say Mr. Scorpio, will you help us?

Scorpio: Will Caliban ever win a match in the XWF?

Dr.Z: No?

Scorpio: You're god damn right now let me out of here.

Dr.Z: Yeah, we thought you might say that. ALEX, BRING IT IN!

Scorpio's son Alex now enters the room carrying a clip board.

Scorpio: Oh hey there lil grounded for life plus ten years brah, is that the keys to these cuffs you're bringing in? Because it doesn't look like the keys to these cuffs.

Alex tosses the clipboard onto Scorpio's lap.

Alex: It's actually the deed to your very own Wendy's.

Scorpio: DON'T JOKE ABOUT SUCH THINGS LIL BRAH!

Alex: Read it for yourself.

Scorpio begins to read through the papers on the clipboard and frantically flip through the pages.

Scorpio: This isn't a deed to just any Wendy's, this is a deed to one of the ones with the tvs, the fireplaces, and unmeasurable awesomeness!

Alex: Yep.

Scorpio points to Alex.

Scorpio: You're undergrounded effective immediately, and I'll buy you something nice. You want a hooker?

Alex: Ugh, no?

Scorpio: You sure, I'll find you one that looks like Mandii Rider. You know what, just think it over, you don't have to answer me now.

Dr.Z holds a pen out towards Scorpio.

Dr.Z: I take it you'll be needing this?

Scorpio: No pen needed brah.

Scorpio flips to the signature page and smears the blood from his hand on it.

Dr.Z: Uh Mr. Scorpio, you'll actually still need to sign it.

Scorpio: Oh....

Scorpio grabs the pen and signs the deed with a huge smile on his face as the cameras fade to stack.

[Image: 04_Secret_Menu_Items.jpg]

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