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Archie Lawson · (03-05-2014)

Swagmire and Aldous walked into a National Coney Island and sat down at a booth. The duo sat in silence for a while as they looked over the menu. The server came over, and took their orders before removing the menus and shuffling back to the kitchen. They laughed and talked about a many things that would bring the pair closer together. They discussed politics, they both thought that Romney was a closet homosexual who liked to rape his male Gardner Pastulio, and they also agreed that Michelle Obama was not as hot as Hilary Clinton. They were quickly becoming best friends.

"So, Carlton, we've been talking about a lot of things, but here's something you never commented on. Where do you stand on the issue of Margarine vs Butter?"

Swagmire sat in silence for a minute while he picked his words carfully. Surely the wrong answer would cost him a friend, but which was wrong? There was only one way to tell for sure. He gulped before answering.

"Butter is that way to go. The only people who use Margarine are the people who will sit in their underpants on a sunday morning watching Benny Hinn claiming to be at church. The bottom feeders of society. There is nothing about them worth saving. When I was a cop if I'd respond to a vic's house and see Margarine I'd turn around and leave. Face it, those people disgust me."

There was a look on Aldous' face that was hard to place, it was a look of mild anger filled with joy. What could he possibly be thinking? Swagmire was starting to panic. Maybe his new friend would take offense and leave. Swagmire needed a friend, he didn't have anyone since he was removed from the police force.

"Carlton. I don't know what to say. I'm a little shocked."

Swaggy began to noticeably sweat.

"Al, I'm sorry. I didn't know..."

"I hate Margarine. It's the worst goddamn substance on the planet. There's nothing redeeming about it. We should ban it in the United States. Let the Canadians eat it, like the filth they are. Us normal humans can stick to eating proper butter. Fuck the Canadians. Bunch of war dodging Nancy boys."[b]

The server happened to have walked over during Aldous' comments, and just stared at the pair for a minute before managing to speak.

[b]"I hope you know I'm from Canada, you judgmental prick. I'm going to have to ask you to pay your tab and leave, you're both not welcome in this establishment anymore."

Aldous stood up, he stared directly into her eyes, locking them, and not blinking. He began to speak, his voice very strong, steady, and unwavering. Had he been running for office Swagmire would have voted for him in this instant. Didn't matter what he was promising, his voice conveyed such a conviction it made Christoper Lee sound like a scared infant in the night.

"Lady, I don't care if you are the queen of Canada. I am not leaving this facility unless someone makes me. You're not powerful enough to make me leave. And I don't think anyone here will. This is America, we hate Canadians."

As Aldous spoke his words became more and more patriotic and powerful. His voice never broke once. The entire restaraunt was on the feet clapping their hands in support. Everyone in the restaraunt except one man. One very large man walking from the back. He came in at about 6'7" and 300 pounds. This man was not a friendly looking man. He placed his hand directly on Aldous' shoulder. Before speaking in a very angry tone.

"Sir, I am the owner of this establishment. I am not a fan of the way you've been speaking to my employees. I am going to have to ask you to leave, do not worry about the tab. It was only $25, it's worth that and more to not ever see you again. I, myself, am a Canadian, and do not find your attitude to be quite rude."

As the owner finished his speech he grabbed Aldous by the back of his shirt and began to drag Aldous from the restaurant before literally throwing him out on the street, through the front door. Swagmire was walking right behind Aldous.

"Come on man, let's get out of here. We'll go hit up a movie or something."

"Swagmire, I Radio love you."

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