(01-30-2013, 04:02 PM)Brock Fucking Lesnar Said: John Black is seen at a small gathering of XWF superstars for a meet and greet autograph session. John Black has just finished signing all of the autographs in his line - about 6 people - and now a 7th person walks up. The man drops his massive hand down on the table, slapPINg a photo of John Black in his prime right down for John to sign.

Black: Brock Lesnar? Are yo-

BLAST!! Before John can even finish, his blood is sent spurting out of his own face after that shot from Lesnar. Some of the blood lands on the superstar next to John Black but nobody even cares who it landed on, because now Brock has John by the throat and is pulling him over the table.

Lesnar: You see that picture of you I just slapped down on that table? I want you to take a good, long, hard look at it -- you were in your prime for that shot.

Brock takes the photo and holds it up in front of the dazed John Black, who can't even seem to focus clearly after how hard he had his face busted open from one shot. Brock continues to speak in his disturbingly calm, almost monotone voice-

Lesnar: Take a long look because you're never going to look like that again.. and how are you a champ here? You're the only so-called chamP I Never saw actually land an effective blow, so let me show y-

BLAST!! Brock jacks John hard in the face before even finishing his own sentence, and opens John's wound further before easily hoisting him up -- almost throwing him up, actually -- and then catching John on across his shoulders into an immediate F-5 that sends John smashing through the very table he was signing autographs at. Fans run screaming in fear and Brock shoves a few people out of the way as he pulls John's carcass out from the shattered remnants of that table and places his boot over his chest for the easiest pin in history.

Brock Lesnar gets up without a problem. Kind of like that time Taz got powerbombed and just sprung back up and flipped off the crowd.

That was rad.

John probably should have picked a faster wrestler to save him since in between the time it took for that large crimson machination to break up the pin attempt, North Korean War Criminal noticed the pin,

left to go grab a snack,

waited in line at the hot dog stand,

got to the front of the line at the hot dog stand,

complained how only in a capitalist dystopia like America would a pig like the hot dog vendor DARE sell such low-quality hot dogs for such an outrageous price,

pay for and eat his hot dog,

came back to re-check that the pin was happening,

measure the width by which Black's shoulder was off the ground to determine that, yes, this was an official pin.

And count.

1...

2...

THREE!

NEW HEAVYMETALWEIGHT CHAMPION: BROCK LESNAR!!!!!