In a dark and evil tower overlooking a dystopian landscape of winding metal and pillars of vile, black smoke; a young damsel finds herself trapped. The blonde vixen, Roxy Cotton, finds her hourglass figure tied to a chair in a drab throne room; she struggles in her bindings as a large, egg-shaped man lets out a cartoonishly villainous laugh.

“Muhahahaha!!! Vhy do you struggle so, Mizz Cotton?” He hisses the words with a sharp tongue, drawing closer to her as he swirls a glass of blood red wine. “Do you not see how you are a part of greatness? A part of our… GLORIOUS REVOLUTION!”

With a final twist of her shoulder Roxy lets out a sigh and looks at him dead in the eyes.

“I was trying to pull the thong out of my ass, actually. I’m used to being tied up like this, it’s kinda comforting, like being back in the womb.”

The Baron takes a sip of his wine as he looks down at her.

“I see… Vell, get comfy, you vill be here a long time until my demands are met by your… Loverboy!”

Roxy scoffs.

“I doubt Vinnie will play ball with you, he’s too busy fixing the XWF back into the vision he has  for it. Actually, he might still be trying to get that elephant out of the elevator. Anyway, he’s most likely sent someone here to kick your ass and get me home by now. I just hope it isn’t someone terrible.”

“HA!” The Baron shakes his head. “In this land I control, no man can enter or leave vithout my say so! It is extra-dimensional! Somevhere not to be found on any map! To even enter my realm you vould have to have certain knowledge and power, you would have to be some kind of-”

“Game Girl!”

Our blue-haired heroine snaps her head to the voice calling her. Within the walls of Princess’ Castle, bathed in an aurora of color from the stained glass windows; Game Boy rushes over.

“Ready to go?”

She smiles back with a nod adjusting the bag over her shoulder.

“Yep! Got my hammer and a few supplies, ready to make the trip to Mt. Final Boss as soon as you all are!”

“Awesome! You excited to kick some butt!?”

“Heck yeah!”

GB smiles, giving her a light punch in the shoulder.

“It’ll be just like old times. Do you mind grabbing my sword from the armory? I’m gonna help Pepe saddle the horses.”

“Yeah sure! Here.” GG hands GB her satchel as she goes to move on. “Can you put that on one of the horses for me?”

“Yes, ma’am!!” He cracks a smile as GG chuckles. “I’ll see you outside.”

He gives a nod and leaves, GG waves goodbye, hanging her hand in the air as he leaves. Game Girl curls and flexes her fingers as she turns down the hall and heads to the armory. As she opens the heavy wooden door; the room she wants isn’t there. Instead, replaced with a cracked landscape of maroon dirt and a sky of charcoal clouds masking the sunlight. She turns back and the halls of the castle are gone. Beyond the myriad landscape of rolling jagged hills past fog so thick it feels like it's going to smother her, lays a city of pointed metal. As if it was expelled from the ground rather than built. GG’s eyes fall on the city, and her expression drops along with her shoulders as she breathes a defeated sigh.

“Where the fuck am I?”

Game Girl lets out a scream at the voice beside her as she jumps back clutching her heart. A tall, grizzled old man looks down at her through wrinkled eyes. He clenches his calloused fists, a noise expelling from his hands like he was working with leather.

“The hell are you, girl? You one of them animes the kids love so damn much?”

GG, kneeled over, extends her robotic arm and lifts her pointer finger as she catches her breath and halts the heart attack. She straightens herself and her jaw drops before she cracks a gigantic smile.

“OHMYGOSHYOU’RESCOOPSMcGEE!!!!”

She lets out an excited squeal accompanied by happy feet as Scoops grimaces.

“S’what they call me, and now you care to answer my questions?”

“Oh! Right, sorry!” GG takes a deep breath and composes herself. “I’m just a huge fan! Sorry! My name is Game Girl!”

“That’s a ridiculous name.”

“You are absolutely right, Mister Scoops McGee, sir! You can call me Paige if you like, that’s what my name was before I became the “Hero of Narfinex.” Dumb title, I know!”

“Naw-fin-ex?” Scoops looks around with a squint. “Is that where we are right now, then?”

“I don’t believe so…” GG tilts her head to the sky and back down to her surroundings. “This place feels… Wrong. I got whoosed here like you did.”

Scoops lets out a long sigh as he rubs his rough palm along his forehead and down his face. With a sniff up, he places his hands on his hips and chews his gums.

“Doctors told me… They told me and I ignored them. One more concussion, Terry, one more wrong move and ya brain will be mushier than pig shit…”

GG squints with a quizzical eyebrow.

“A doctor actually said that to you?”

Scoops shakes his head ignoring her.

“Never thought it’d actually happen though…” He claps his hands together and rubs them, GG flinches at the noise; as if two sheets of sandpaper chafed against one another. “Right then, young lady, since ya some kind of figment of my imagination, you mind tellin’ me how the fuck I get my head on straight so I can go back to tilling my soil?”

GG gives a kind smile with a shrug.

“I wish I knew, sir, but I’m as lost as you are right now.”

Just then, as if by cosmic interference, a small note flutters from the sky and lands at their feet. They both look down to it, then to each other, then finally back to the note. GG crouches down and picks it up, reading it out loud.


Game Girl drops her arms to her side and looks very frustrated.

“You gotta be kidding me.”

“Lemme see that!”

GG lifts the parchment so Scoops can snatch it, he holds the letter, mouthing the words. Upon finishing he growls, crushing the paper into a ball.

“That rotten son of a bitch! Who the hell does he think he is, huh!?” He hurls the ball far from him. “Sendin’ me to this damned place to save HIS wife!? Yella bellied beatnik!”

Scoops kicks the dirt in anger as GG rubs the back of her neck.

“Hey! Scoops, I’m annoyed too, but Lane obviously cares about his wife. So much so he somehow used inter-dimensional travel. We’re both good guys, let’s just save Roxy and get back home.”

Scoops sighs but reluctantly nods.

“Yer right. And the first thing I’m gonna do when I’m home is break Vinnie’s goddamned nose!”


The Baron looks exhausted as he sits in his skull-covered throne, which Roxy is chained to by her neck. From his sunken demeanor, it seems likely that Roxy has been talking a LOT.

”HONESTLY, this whole ‘revolution’ thing you keep going on about is serious Tiny Dick Energy. Like, it’s definitely giving incel vibes. Only people who have to pay for pussy try to take over the world.”

The Baron grabs a massive scepter off of the wall of his chamber, waving it menacingly in Roxy’s direction.

”ZILENCE you harpy! Your voice is like daggers!”

He waves the scepter around again, wildly, and Roxy giggles.

”See what I mean? Who in the world needs a scepter that big? Overcompensating people, that’s who. That’s the Ford F-450 on oversized tires with a pair of truck nuts on its trailer hitch of scepters. It’s the ‘spooky trifecta of pro wrestlers trying to sound scary after an entire career of being mid’ of scepters. Hey, you know it might look even BIGGER if you shave the hair around your balls. Like my GOD I feel like I’m going to end up seeing that thing in my Twitter DMs as 47 poorly framed unsolicited scepter pics.”

The Baron is trembling with anger as he snaps the scepter over his knee and sends the two fractured halves clattering across the stone floor.

”I DON’T NEED A BIG SCEPTER! My scepter is perfectly adequate! Bezides, everyone knows it is ze motion of ze ocean that matters!”

”Right. Keep telling yourself that, babymeat. I’m sure you’ll get a reply on OkCupid someday.”

With a roar, the Baron unclasps the chain from the arm of his throne and throws it up high, arcing it over a wooden beam in the ceiling above. As the chain snakes downward, he grabs it in both hands and yanks on it until it pulls Roxy Cotton up by her throat - first to her feet, and then off of them.

Roxy dangles a full meter off of the floor as her face turns a shade of crimson. She sputters and kicks her feet, and starts hissing something in a guttural, choking voice that the Baron can’t quite make out. He moves in closer with a grin, leaning his ear towards Roxy’s mouth.

”Care to repeat yourzelf, little victim? You might have enough air to apologize for your inzolence!”

Roxy, her eyes bugging slightly, purses her lips and finds the strength to raise her volume just enough.

”I said… at least… one of us… is hung… now.”

Enraged, the Baron lets go of the chain and Roxy crashes to the floor. He shrieks in rage as Roxy coughs and spits onto the stone floor. And then she laughs.

”Aw… can’t keep it up, either? That’s a shame. Probably a blessing for the girls of Craigslist, at least. See bb, these ‘revolutions’ always come falling down faster than a pair of prom night panties. They can’t support their own weight. Too much ego, not enough substance. You’re just working together to reach common goals… probably already plotting exactly which two vertebrae to jam the knife between once  you’ve got what you want from each other. Revolutions are funny like that… usually just a bunch of angry young boys with shitty tattoos who got nursed for too long when they were toddlers. That’s what I think is going on here, Mister Scepter Swinger. You and your compatriots are just a bunch of full grown titty babies. I hope you have some fresh tighty whities on, bb, you’ll need a flag to wave when my cavalry arrives. As long as, of course, they aren’t a pair of weird nerds… but there’s no way that’s gonna happen.”


Within a ghost town of tearing metal, the tower stood imposingly before our two brave heroes, casting a shadow of doom and despair along the land. The front door was sealed shut, the sounds of laughter and movement alike could be faintly heard from afar amidst the gusts of wind.

“Guess we can’t just go and knock on the front door, huh?”

Scoops scowled, tightening his headband as he straightened himself out. “This is like some goddamn play-pretend set, I’ll tell you what.” He furrowed his brows together, turning to Game Girl. “And I’m gonna just assume you got a better plan?”

“Well…” Game Girl hummed a response, craning her eyes across the tower. “I know a thing or two about sneaking into big, evil bases like this. If we can’t go in through the front…”

Bingo. Game Girl snapped her fingers together, pointing along the side to an open crevice that served as a window. “...then we sneak in through the side!” Without even a second wasted, Game Girl quickly rushed along, leaving Scoops behind to try and jog to catch up while grumbling. As he caught up, Game Girl was already busy measuring the distance.

“We should be able to climb inside. Oh, uh… would you mind giving me a boost, sir?”

“No need to be so formal, girlie. You just call me Scoops.” GG vibrates with glee as Scoops extends his hands over, cupping them together and letting her get a good footstool. Scoops shot GG up with ease, watching dumbfounded as she skyrocketed with a super jump right to the crevice! “What in the goddamn… ‘ey, young lady, how are you so goddamn light?! You need to eat a burger or somethin’?”

Game Girl bit back the laugh on her lips so as to not be heard, instead trying to speak down as quietly as she could. “Don’t worry about it! Just grab on!” She reached her hand out, waiting…

Scoops released a haggard breath, trying to stretch himself out slightly. “The old bones are gonna hate me after this bullshit is over…” He jumped once- twice- just managed to grab Game Girl’s hand on the third attempt! Game Girl clasped Scoops’ hand tightly, managing to pull through and bring himself up to the crevice as they looked within.

The interior was clearly of a gaudy design, with elaborate paintings hanging along the walls and staring within, joined with hanging, crystalline lights that dangled off the sides of the circular staircase. But things aren’t quite as they’re used to - the floor was a mess, with tools and trinkets strewn about this way and that. A banner hung along the side of the stairwell, reading, “Down with the system!”

“Quick, join together!” one of the soldiers down below said to a band of his colleagues. “Have ve heard vord of ze pompous dogs from ze land of Xtreme?”

“Nay!” came the quick response.

“If ve see anyone from there not named Lord Vincent, arrest zhem and bring them to ze baron! Ve’ll use zhem to send a message!”

“The fuck, are these Communists tryna’ play dress-up?” Scoops guffawed. “I say we jump down and smash their damn skulls in.”

“Hold it, cowboy.” GG reached out, trying to stop Scoops in his tracks. “Remember how I said I know a thing or two about coming into these big evil lairs? Well, I’d be willing to bet that they’re holding Roxy up at the top…”

Game Girl pointed aaaaaaaaaall the way to the tippy-top of the tower for reference as Scoops craned his head to look up that far. “If we jump down now, they’ll probably hear and do something to Roxy before we can get up there. I say we sneak around this ledge here to try and get to the stairwell before it’s too late.”

Scoops scrunched his nose, looking at the slim wooden ledge being afforded to them. “I can barely even follow a goddamn lick of words that you’re sayin’. Does this shit happen in that anime land Naw-fin-ex often?” The two quickly shuffled onto the ledge, trying to circle around. GG lets out a sigh.

“Not as often, anymore…”

Scoops turns his head with a cocked eyebrow and is about to speak but his foot slips from the ledge and he falls, GG throws her body forward and extends her robotic arm which Scoops grabs and halts his grunt as he dangles above the recruits below.

“Did you hear zomething?” One of the guards asks as he looks around the room.

Another unsheathes his baton. “Prepare, brothers, ve may have company!”

Game Girl struggles to hold Scoops weight on the thin ledge, she reluctantly lets her hand go from the wall and grabs Scoops’ arm and begins to pull him back up to the ledge as McGee kicks his feet up against the wall until he’s back on the ledge with GG. Both of them breathe a sigh of relief and Scoops claps Game Girl on the back in appreciation.

CRACK!

The wood beneath the two breaks from under them and our heroes fall several feet crashing onto a table below, breaking it in half as the guards below ready themselves. GG and Scoops lift their heads up with a groan of pain. Scoops growls as bones crack while he sits up; Game Girl gulps as the batons the guards wield become electrified with a sizzle.

A masked guard on the stairs peers over the rails as the pair fall and sprints upwards. He pants tirelessly as he reaches the top and rushes the large wooden doors manned by two well-armed knights, pushing his shoulder into the doors he barges through into the throne room. The Baron and Roxy turn to him as he forces the words out through hurried breaths.

“My lord!” he wheezes. “Intruders!!!”

“HA!” Roxy guffaws. “Told you, bitch-tits! Vinnie’s got a goddamn army with him! Bet it’s Tommy Gunn and his elite security team! You’re so fucked!”

The Baron lets out a deep, bestial growl as he squints looking down at Roxy before turning his fierce gaze at the guard dripping in sweat.

“How many are there?”

“Two, my lord!” The guard stands to attention as Roxy’s smile drops. “A strange-looking small girl and an old man, possibly a farmer.”

“OH, YOU ARE SHITTING ME!?!!?”

A smirk creeps onto The Baron’s face as he laughs at Cotton’s despair.

“Not who you vere expecting, Mizz Cotton?” With more confidence, The Baron places his hands behind his back with a tall stature and turns back to the guard. “Alert my comrades that we have unvanted guests. Dispatch them without mercy.”

The guard shoves his fist over his heart and bows. “At once, my lord!” He takes his leave with haste as the knights closes the doors to the throne room and take guard once more.

“So, Mizz Cotton, do vou still feel superior? Do vou still wish to taunt me?”

Roxy thinks for a moment, her eyes avoiding The Baron’s gaze before she smiles and turns back to him.

“You really are stupid aren’t you?”

The Baron tilts his head up with a curious eyebrow.

“It’s a distraction! You honestly think someone would send two nobodies to save the only woman in his life that matters? Your brain must be smaller than your shrimp-dick if you actually think that! No wonder this revolution of yours is so idiotic coming from the empty space between your fucking ears, you dumb cunt!”

The Baron’s eyes blink rapidly as he turns away and he mutters to himself.

“Who vould marry such a cruel woman?”

“Vinnie Lane!” Scoops bellows with disgust as he places his hands in the air to the guards. “That no good, rotten son of a bitch sent us.”

“And how did you get here?” One of the guards questions as he raises his baton to Scoops’ chin.

“We jumped!” Game Girl says with a smile before it quickly fades with her chuckle. “Then we fell.”

“What she said,” Scoops grumbled with a small shrug. A particularly loud crack made itself heard as he tried to stand, and he quickly had to hold his side through gritted teeth. “Gah- my fuckin’ hip!”

The guards stared at the two in disgust, aiming their weapons forward once more. The baton was pressed right into Scoops’ skin, while Game Girl watched as a sword was brought right to her neck.

“Hey, uh… we don’t have to do this like this, you know?” Game Girl offered, a small, nervous smile creeping up along her face. “You know, uh… we… we’re negotiators, see?”

“Vat?!” the guard holding the sword said, blinking while dumbfounded. “Negotiator, you zay?”

There were small rumblings of disbelief from the crowd of soldiers, while Scoops looked at Game Girl as if she had three heads. After a small moment, he grumbled under his breath, shifting himself within the rubble and nodding along.

“Uh, yeah… that’s right…”   Scoops managed to mumble out, before taking a deep breath. “We were sent to, uh… learn about your revolution, and… go talk to you fellers to see if, y’know… we could have peace at all?”

“They vant peace?” “They vant peace!” “But vhy?” “B-Break… the zyztem…!”

The guards’ mutterings come a mile a minute, and Scoops could practically feel his head starting to spin keeping up with them all. Finally, Game Girl clears her throat and tries her best to come to the rescue.

“That’s RIGHT!” Game Girl exclaimed as she cleared her throat. “So, before we go talk with your boss, why don’t you tell us what it is you’ve been doing here?”

The guards look at one another, a moment of hesitation as their hands shake ever so slightly, one by one they lower their weapons.

“Vell…” One of them perks up. “Ve lived under the tyrannical rule of ze former monarch and her family. Ve were forced to vork tirelessly! Hard hours, like slaves!”

The guards nod, the two with weapons near our heroes take a small step back allowing them to take a breath of relief. Game Girl sits down cross-legged as Scoops kneels, his hand firmly planted on his hip. He spits on the ground.

“Damn royalty, amiright? What they make you do?”

The guard speaking sighs heavily. “Ve needed to get jobs to earn a living; working grueling hours such as nine-to-five. Klaus here even worked evenings and weekends.”

He throws his hand to his nodding comrade. “I vas a manager at a pizza parlour. Truly harrowing.”

Scoops and GG squint at the men before giving each other a glancing side-eye.

“Vhen ZE BARON! Overthrew those tyrants and told us to be our own, free men!”

In unison the guards throw out a salute. “Glory to ZE BARON!”

“K…” Game Girl thinks for a moment. “So, you guys didn’t want to work normal jobs so you helped take over. Was this because of the state of the city? All this jutting metal and spookiness?”

“Nay!” Replies one of the guards. “This was what Ze Baron made us do, to show his power and strength through our great city!”

“Zat is not vhy ve created zis tower, you imbecile!” Says another with a dismissive hand. “We did this to show our revolution’s determination on creating a better future!”

“The fuck kinda sense does that make?” Scoops mutters under his breath towards GG who stifles a giggle. He speaks up to the group “So, y’all went from living normal lives to gettin’ swept up in this ‘revolution’ and workin’ grueling hours to create a tower and city… And ya don’t even know why you made it?”

Scoops stumps the guards briefly before one throws up a palm. “Ve know exactly vhy we did this, old man. It vas to stick it to the machine!”

The other guards look at the other, his fist raised in the air in some kind of triumph.

“Vhat machine, Klaus? Are you stupid?”

“Do not call me stupid, Alexei! YOU are the stupid one! Determination on creating a better future!? BAH! Ridiculous talk!”

“Comrades! Let us not bicker in front of ze negotiators, you are making us look bad.” The third steps between the others with raised palms before turning to Scoops and GG. “You simply don’t know of our plight-”

“WE don’t know of your plight!?” Scoops bellows in disbelief. “YOU don’t know of your plight, you buncha jackasses!”

Game Girl breaks out in a snicker, her cheeks full of air as she hides her face and cracks up. McGee, slack-jawed, looks at all three guards.

“We got the exact same shit happening over at our job! Buncha idjits forming “Revolutions” over literally nothing! Mad that they gotta work, mad that some other guys are doin’ better than them! I’ll tell you what, I didn’t work my ass off for years to listen to some whiney fools cry about how bad they got it when they’re in the best position they’ve been in in years. I’ve left pools of blood in school gymnasiums, I’ve torn my flesh in front of an audience of a dozen, you can still smell my hair burning as I went through flaming tables in half the states of my country!”

“And these crybabies started a cause because Mommy and Daddy showed ‘em too much love and told ‘em they’re special. When the sad truth is they’re just sacks of meat to be kicked around like the rest of us.”

Scoops stops his tirade before looking at Game Girl briefly.

“No offense, little lady.”

“None taken, I’m just happy to be included :)”

Scoops looks back at the three in front of him.

“Y’all’re stupid. You had a fine thing going for yourselves and because you’re workshy ya fucked it up! Just like the idiots back home. We ain’t special! We work, we retire and we die. That’s life an’ if you don’t like it you can fuck off, stop making it more difficult for the rest of us.”

The returning fourth guard, nervous, apprehensive and sweating steps down the staircase hearing Scoops’ verbal rampage echo through the empty halls, dared to speak up while stammering. “A-Ah… but M-Mizter Negotiator… how could you retire vhen you are of the… old age?”

One of the guards whisper-shouted “Boris!” at the nervous man, but another one seized the opportunity given to him.

“He’s right!” the guard proclaimed, smashing a fist into an open palm. “How can you claim that ze zyztem is of use to us all when you work yourself to ze bone?!”

“‘Cause I like what the Hell I do, even if I break my bones and my body out there! Otherwise, I wouldn’t be out there doin’ it!” Scoops shouted back before nodding.

“Maybe if you guys had some passion and some good tender, love ‘n’ care in your lives, maybe you wouldn’t feel like you’d have to waste away in this stupid heckhole,” Game Girl smirked as she chimed right back in. “Besides, how much are they actually paying you to go along with this stupid… well, I can’t really even call this a plan, but like…”

Game Girl’s voice trailed off as she noticed the guards staring blankly ahead at them, trying to comprehend what she just said. “Did I… say something wrong…?”

“Paid?” the guard in front whispered. “You mean to tell me… you people get paid from this?”

Game Girl’s face fell as she looked back at Scoops, disbelief in her eyes as she silently tried to make sure she actually just heard that right. Scoops met her eye, before grumbling back. “I’m takin’ it… that’s a no, huh? Everyone from ‘round our parts always gets their pay from a hard day’s work.” He then added underneath his breath, “Even if sometimes their boss is a goddamn jackass…”

GG lets out a snort of laughter as the cogs in the guards' heads churn.

“Zat can’t be right!” another guard protested. “Ze Baron… ze Baron would not lie to us! Right?!” Game Girl and Scoops simultaneously shrugged, watching the scene unfold as the guards began to question themselves.

“I had to give up my home to travel out here!” “My parents think I’ve gone off for a better job…” “I have nothing left!”

Game Girl exhaled slightly, before speaking up once again. “Listen, uh… we can’t really tell you what to do and all when it comes to this stuff, but like… maybe you should try and find someone who respects you for what you do?” Her face lit up as she came forward. “Hey! Maybe you could-”

Loud, tumbling metallic footsteps down the spiral stairway captured the attention of all on the ground floor. As they craned their heads over to see the source, two imposing men in suits of armor stood tall, casting shadows over the rest of the soldiers. A small bark from a chihuahua at their feet soon joined them, practically commanding the soldiers. The soldiers realized themselves, and quickly saluted.

“G-General Chasm! Major Bob Whisky! And… uhm… my goodness, Bark Flynn!” the nervous guard addressed. “How… how may ve-”

“Ruff!” The dog yapped in a “fierce” and “commanding” manner.

“Zat’s Field Marshall Bark Flynn to you,” the more rotund of the two snapped, before reaching down to pet the chihuahua.

“Awww he’s so cute! And Field Marshall!” GG’s voice changes to a widdle baby as she addresses Bark Flynn. That’s a very high rank for such a good boy! Yes it is! Yes it i-”

Bark snaps its jaws at Game Girl and lets out a low, beastly snarl. GG straightens her posture with an “Oh :(“ retracting her hand.

“Ze Baron wants to zee these two,” the taller man confirmed. “Ve vill take zem from here.”

“So what’s this?” Scoops bellowed from the wreckage of the table he and Game Girl were still within. “Ole’ Dumb and Dumber decided they wanna come down? And they’re takin’ little Jackass to come be a little ankle-biter? Your dumbass overlord wants us, he can come take us ourselves!”

The armored men scoffed, before drawing their swords and marching over to our two heroes! The rotund Bob Whisky reaches for Scoops, only for Scoops to pull out a broken table leg and clobbers Bob right over the skull with that! He drops to his knees immediately! The taller Chasm takes notice and tries to rush in, but then it’s Game Girl who rushes in-


POWER-UP PUNCH! Game Girl clobbers Chasm right in the chest as he gets knocked back into the crowd of soldiers! Both he and Bob Whisky try to get their bearings back, but it’s the soldiers who join in on the beating, driving the butts of their weapons to clobber the two officers!

“Vat are you people DOING?!” Bob Whisky roared. “Zink of ze revolution!”

“Ztrength in numberz!” Chasm complained as he brought his arms up to defend himself. “Ve are so close, brothers!”

“We’re sticking it to the man!” the soldiers cried back in unison.

Bark Flynn rushed down from the stairs, tongue dangling and trying to bite at both Scoops and Game Girl to bring some order back, but Boris the nervous recruit snatches Bark into his arms and forcibly closes his mouth! Bark tries pushing and prying his way out, but it’s no use!

The soldiers toss Bob and Chasm back to Scoops and Game Girl, who see their opening! Scoops manages to push himself on his feet and cracks his back out, while Game Girl begins to wag her finger in front of the two!


Game Girl used Metronome and pulled Scoops’ thoughts into her own brain! Scoops takes Bob and Game Girl takes Chasm, the two looking at each other and lifting into a Scoop Slam Piledriver! DOUBLE BIG SCOOP TO BOB AND CHASM ON THE WRECKAGE OF THE TABLE!

As the chaos of the moment fades and the soldiers look at Scoops and Game Girl nervously, Scoops triumphantly raises his hand into the air as he shouts.

“Alright, boys!” Scoops’ bellowing voice echoed across the keep. “If y’all wanna make somethin’ of your lives before it’s too late, then you better follow me and the little lady here!”

“HURRAH!” the soldiers shouted, and with Scoops and Game Girl leading the pack, everyone rushed up the stairs as they went to go save the fair ‘maiden’ in distress at the top of the tower! Floor after floor the group climbed, the wind breezing through their hair as they ran! Their shouts reached the tippy top, heralding their arrival as Game Girl broke through the door!

“Alright, Baron!” Game Girl shouted as she pointed forward. “IT’S-”

What everyone found was a ridiculous sight. The portly Baron, once regal and proud in his devilishness, was reduced to a crying mess on all fours as he pounded against the floor in protest.

“MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!” he wailed in horror.

“...stop?” Game Girl blinked, staring as she drank in the scene. “What even happened here?”

“I happened, actually,” chimed a familiar voice from across the room. Still tied to her chair, Roxy shook her luxurious golden hair out of her eyes before nodding to the two heroes. “Poor boy here just didn’t know how to handle a real woman. All it took was a few minutes of me telling it how it really was to him, before… well…” Roxy gestured with her head back, letting the Baron do the talking for her.

“I AM SORRY! VERY SORRY!” the Baron continued to blubber out as he raised himself onto his knees and brought his fists to his hair. “I vill end it all! Ze Revolution, ze captures! I can’t handle it - HER - anymore! Please, t-take her and GO!”

The Baron breaks down into a sob as he curls into the fetal position, GG frowns looking up at Scoops with a shrug and stepping over to The Baron.

“Don’t need to tell me twice,” Scoops grumbled under his breath, shaking his head and quickly scooting over towards Roxy’s chair to free her from her rope prison. Roxy rubs her wrists with a sigh and looks to Scoops.

“Thanks, handsome.” Her attention snaps to the guards behind Scoops. “You degenerates got any smokes? Always need one after a dommy-mommy session.”

One of them stammers and is pushed forward by another as they produce a pack of cigarettes out and offer one to Roxy who takes it, sticking it between her pillowy lips and awaits a light. McGee rubs his eyes with a long, tired groan and looks around the throne room before glancing at GG.

“Video Game Girl!?” GG snaps her head to Scoops as she kneels beside The Baron rubbing his shoulder as a small comfort. “You know how to get us out of here?”

“Erm… Maybe? Just give me a moment.”

Scoops gives a nod as Roxy clicks her tongue rolling her hand with the cigarette sending smoke spiralling into the air.

“Sure! I can wait longer, not like I’ve been stuck here for hours!”

“Let the girl work,” Scoops says as he takes a seat on the throne and rubs his leg muscles. “Ain’t like yer’ gonna be waitin’ long.”

“Mr. Baron.” She whispers as The Baron sniffles looking up at her. “Do you have a portal or something to get us home?”

“Y-yes, over there-” The Baron points to a large, leather tome resting on a pedestal. “I vas going to use it to spread my message! Our glorious revolution! I had zo many planz!”

The Baron breaks down once more as GG shushes him while patting his head.

“There, there. You’ll be okay and for what it's worth, your whole thing seemed really stupid and not thought out at all.”

With a final pat GG stands and thumbs over to the tome as The Baron weakly cries.

“... I know.”

The party follows GG to the book and with a few shuffles of the pages and reading strange runes, a violet portal opens up back to Earth.

“Ugh, finally!” Roxy struts towards the portal, her high heels clacking off the marble floor. She turns back to Scoops and GG. “Thanks, I’ll make sure Vinnie gives you a bonus.”

“I don’t want no damn bonus,” Scoops grumbles as he cracks his neck out one last time. “What I wanna do is punch Vinnie in the face for havin’ us do his dirty work..”

“Yeah, I don’t do this for the money.” She looks up to Scoops with a smile. “I do it because I love my work.”

Scoops gives a short, cough of a laugh as Roxy eyeballs the pair.

“... Whatever.”

Roxy leaves through the portal. Scoops goes to follow but stops himself turning back to the guards.

“Y’all remember what I told you people? Go make somethin’ of yourselves instead of gawkin’ at us.”

And with that he steps to the portal, GG following beside him, and before leaving she smiles and asks.

“You need any help tilling your soil when we get back?”