Our scene opens to shoddy police work, as our cameragirl still has her camera and is in the same holding cell as the man who keeps me employed (and not holding up a "Will narrate things sarcastically for food" sign,) Luca Arzegotti. Leaning against the back wall of the cell, he begins to chuckle. Drumming his fingers against the wall, he looks to be contemplating what to say first, before just thinking "fuck it" and winging it.

"Hey Gilly, as you can see, despite the fact that the time for our match is almost at hand, I'm in jail! I can only get there as fast as our good ole fucking legal system can get me out of here! If I was trying to intentionally duck you, do you think I would throw myself in jail? Are you really that fucking vain? You are, aren't you? You still think that after all of my thrashing of your accomplishments, that you still earned any victories, that you've done anything that actually threatens me, or makes me shake and quake with fear like you do when you accidentally piss off the anemic or the geriatric that prop your fat ass up on a damn pedestal? Allow me to answer that question, so your ego (the only thing fatter than your ass) doesn't jump to conclusions on me. No, squared. No to your allegations of me intentionally trying to duck you, and a huge no to any possibility of me being scared of you."

He begins to pace back and forth, the chuckle exploding into a full on hysterical laugh. Jeez, a few more seconds and we're going to hear him imitate those ridiculous evil laughs that movie villains normally have. God dammit Luca, start talking so we don't have to hear that!

"He doesn't care if I end up unable to make the show, but if I don't, I prove to him that I'm a pussy. Seems to me like you do care, a lot, to be exact. Why is that, Gilly? We both know the end result of you versus me. You getting humiliated in one way or another. Maybe I'll let Madison get the pin on you, to disprove that little theory that you ended his career. Speaking of ending his career and the possible match you could've had with him, nice job winning the-

Oh wait, you didn't win the Rumble, did you? That's what I thought, what I predicted, was it not? Hell, let's move onto another bit of contradictory word choice, shall we? Just moments after he said that gem, he also said something about my deadbeat father tucking me into bed. Holy shit, did you really just say that?"

With that, Luca begins to twitch, and falls to the floor as if he's having a seizure. He's even foaming at the mouth, did he just catch rabies from a comment? Wow, that escalated quickly.

"I think Gilmour almost stupided me to death right there."

He pushes himself up, off of the ground before continuing. Brushing the dirt off of his clothes, he continues to give the camera his big, goofy smile. Falling backward, his back hits the wall once more, which stops him from falling on his ass.

"Moving backwards, to the dark comment where my promo was apparently too boring for Gilly to even make sense of what I was saying. Am I going to repeat myself on something so moronic, that was clearly stated in my last promo? Do I look like Gilmour?

Aw, your dad was an alcoholic? That's cute, do I remind you of him? Is that why everything seems to be so personal, when I see you as nothing more than a colossal waste of space? You're the one talking about ending me and shit, where I just want to humiliate you, something I do to everyone. I'm truly honored that I could get under your skin so inadvertently! So please, snap like the twig that symbolizes your psyche so well. So easy to break, and I damn sure broke you.

I.

Broke.

Gilly.

Hey, camera chick! Gilly takes offense to the fact that you're clumsy, and that's why he wouldn't fuck you! I told you that you shouldn't have been on camera in the first place! Because, seriously Gilmour? The girl's not even legal, and that's the big hangup? Looks like I was so right in my assessment, Peter Gilmour is a fucking pedophile! I mean, if he wasn't, why would that be the only hangup, and why would he be so interested in our nonexistent sexual encounters?

Also, get it right, . I didn't call you a loner because you love the dark like some sixteen year old goth, I called you a loner because you brought up that 'peepolz r so afrayed of teh d4rklolololol' in saying that you loved it. A loner mentality, of course you yourself aren't a loner, you need other people to get you any wins!

Jesus, you take everything at fucking face value, don't you? Is that what's causing you to contradict yourself time and time again? Like how you don't care about what I say, but it still fuels your fire and makes you want to kill me? One or the fucking other, you fucking shit for brains! I'll guess the latter, because you are the most sensitive bitch in this company, aside from that fuck for brains JP Corino, whose ghost is still John Madison's training dummy.

Allow me to skip past the plucky underdog stuff, because I already made enough fun of that argument when I spoke of Heironeous at WCW, so you could really just place what I said there in this place, because the viewpoint hasn't changed. The best underdog loses to the worst favorite the second they embrace the title, just like you're doing.

However, you then go on state that you're so much better than me and use women as an example. You're right, I can't last five minutes with a woman, at least in a committed relationship, whereas the only reason you can last more than five minutes in bed is because all of that time is spent finding your dick in the folds of fat. Glass houses, diabetes breath.

All you need is one chance to prove that you aren't shit talking joke? They already know that Gilly. I mean, I'm the one who gets that distinction, which is why I could lose this match, and suffer no fucking mark on my actual reputation. You need to win this match in order to prove that you indeed don't suck as much as I say you do. All I need is one chance to make you look like the dong worshiping mental midget that you are under all of your layers.

Yeah, Mystica rammed your cock with a cattle prod. Deal with it. Second, Flynn was the first eliminated from the chamber match, you dense motherfucker. Third, why would there need to be a conspiracy to screw you of all people? You embarrassed yourself enough in that match without me having to lift a finger. Remember how it took me coming in to eliminate you? You think that if there really was a conspiracy, that Maddy would wait for me to come out, when he could easily pawn the responsibility off on someone like Heironeous or Nightmare? Oh right, you don't think rationally, you paranoid cuntsicle. Fourthly, our supposed sexual relations, which are false rumors and slander, is sick, but your pedophilia isn't? Hypocrisy, ladies and germs!

I also never said you had one fan, I said you had none. Get it right if you're going to rant about it, will ya?

However, here comes the best part of this promo. The most contradictory statements I have ever heard in my entire fucking life. Luca says he's better than me, but isn't. Luca says he's better than me, which is a valid point."

Luca begins bursting out in an uncontrollable fit of laughter.

"Wow, that gets funnier every single time I hear it. Well, that and 'I hate my dad for what he did to my mom, but I still love him.' Learn to speak, Gilmour. And hell, I've really said all I need to say about most of the rest of his promo, and how he's the biggest hypocrite here and still trying to defend himself from every single stupid claim he makes. So, let's go onto his little 'deal' for me, shall we?

If I tell the Congregation and Circle to stay the fuck out of this match, he'll guarantee that Duke and Griffy don't get involved. Being that he's such a lying, hypocritical meat sack, I don't buy it, and whatever way you look at it, he's in no position to really make those kinds of demands, because:

One, I'm not the one crying my head off about being screwed.

Two, I'm not the super duper hypocrite who can't make a point without contradicting myself.

And three, He's fucking fat.

So, here's how the offer should go.

If anyone gets involved on your behalf in this match, you get disqualified even though there aren't disqualifications, and there's no rule against anyone helping me. You are the one with something to prove, right?

But, you won't accept it, so here's a new offer.

Eat shit and die."

Luca clears his throat, and hums a note to make sure he's in the right key.

"I believe~

That Peter Gilmour is fucking mediocre~

And I believe~

That the Brotherhood is really handicapped with him in their ranks~

And I believe~

That no matter what, Peter Gilmour is still worse than me~

I am a Trash Talk Gilmourmon!

And a Trash Talk Gilmourmon just believes~

Well, except when it's a fact.

Like Gilmour sucking, and being a pedophile, and generally a fucking worthless sack of feces!"

End scene.