OOC: ANARCHY RULES is 1 RP with a 1K WORD LIMIT unless stated otherwise. Tag Team matches require one collab RP per team rather than two separate ones.
Hard deadline for Anarchy will be WEDNESDAY, 11-02-2022 at 11:59pm board time. Good luck!
CamBots show a single rocket flying across the evening sky until it pops into a red white and blue star pattern.
This sets off a chain reaction of dozen upon dozens of fireworks flying and exploding all over the night.
Fire and laser lights complete the effect and once again the Anarchy faithful are privy to the greatest pyrotechnic show money can buy… because that’s where Vinnie spends all the budget!
The drones whir around the 2300 Arena and then fly inside through a roof hatch, and then we see the crowd inside losing their minds because the Eagles are doing well and the Phillies are in the World Series and Gritty exists, I guess.
The bots find some fans with their own homemade signs:
WHERE’S CASHE?
DID HE GET
THE RUNS?
GIVE SAVANNAH
KNIGHTLEY A
SHOT!
CENTURION
VS.
GEORGE HACKENSCHMIDT
BEST MATCH OF 1905
MARK FLYNN
STOLE MY
TICKETS
Finally, the drones find XWF principal owner and Anarchy General Manager “Loverboy” Vinnie Lane sitting beside Bama T. and the adorable chihuahua Sassafras.
Vinnie Lane: Bama! Are you as excited as I am for tonight’s Anarchy? We are one step closer to determining the number one contender to the Anarchy gold, currently held by EDWARD, as the final four square off! Soldier versus HGH, and Centurion versus Ruby! His own girlfriend!"
Bama: "Last time ol’ Sneaky Centy took the strap off his woman… you know those two can set aside personal feelings for their careers! But what about Holland and Raab in a tables match? And the THUGs against those annoying as hell Bing Bongers?"
Vinnie Lane: "All of that PLUS the EDWARD family taking on the Misfits three on three! It’s gonna be a wild ride, and we are all set to get going now!"
Bama: “Let’s get to the dang ring!"
"THE" JESSICA ANDERSON
- vs -
GINA VAN ZYL
Vinnie Lane: "Radical! This show is about to start off right!"
Bama: "Gol’ darn it, Vin, if you say ‘with a debut’, I’m gon’ lo-"
Vinnie Lane: "WITH A DEBUT!"
Bama: “...Mercy Sakes Alive…"
"THE" JESSICA ANDERSON
- vs -
GINA VAN ZYL
As video feed shifts on the ring, “The” Jessica Anderson has got a pair of sunglasses on. She’s oozing with confidence. She’s jaw-jacking with the crowd like she’s ready to take on the world!
Bama: "Gol’ darn, Jess is out there looking like a brand new woman!"
Vinnie Lane: "Totes, Bama and for good reason! Last Anarchy, For the first time in her Anarcy career, Jessica Anderson DID NOT LOSE!"
Bama: "...Is that a ‘good reason’? That sounds like the worst reason to let success go to your head."
Vinnie Lane: "And yet, she has!"
Bama: "...Well, if the Optimal Path earned Jessica a draw, it’s got a lot of work to do tonight securing her another… not-loss."
Ladies and Gentlemen by Salvia plays as Gina Van Zyl steps though the curtain, she smirks as she walks down the ramp.
Vinnie Lane: "Dang, Bama! After a lot of social media smacktalking and mean words targeting Jess, Gina Van Zyl is looking ready to rock!"
Bama: "Gina had some barbs this week, calling ‘The’ Jess Anderson, ‘The Jobber’ Jess Anderson. But, let’s see if she’s as fiery in the ring as she is with a microphone!"
Van Zyl stops halfway and raises her hands above her head before running the rest of the way to the ring. She leaps up onto the apron, then leaps over the top rope.
Vinnie Lane: "Whoa! Mondo Athleticism!"
The official steps between Gina, who’s looking poised and ready to grapple. ‘The’ Jess Anderson, still thoroughly cocky, folds up her sunglasses and tucks them away.
The official rings the bell!
DING! DING! DING!!!
Jessica walks up to Gina Van Zyl, still running her mouth, getting in Gina’s face. Gina seems unbothered, giving it right back.
Vinnie Lane: "Jess Anderson, making her opinion clear that Gina shoulda may been nicer with her tweets. Words can hurt, yo!"
…Jessica smiles and lifts her left hand in the air. Gina looks at the hand bemusedly.
Bama: "Oho! Old-school opener! Startin’ off with a test of strength…"
Jessica twirls her fingers in the air invitingly, tilting her head at the hand, prompting Gina to take it.
…Gina shrugs and reaches for the lef-
SMACK! In one fell swoop, the moment Gina focused on Jessica’s left, Jessica SLAAAAAAAPPED Gina across the face with her right!
Jessica immediately walks over to the ropes and leans over them, giving a little more verbal pepper to the audience.
…Despite the volume of the smack, Gina has not left her feet.
…And looks pissed OFF.
Bama: "Words CAN hurt, Vin-Man! But not as much as a bearpaw straight to the cheek!"
After a few seconds of sass-talking, Jessica spins around.
AND IS GRABBED BY GINA VAN ZYL!
…Who heaves her straight into the air!
AND FLAT ON HER BACK! A HELLACIOUS BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEX!
Vinnie Lane: "Bodacious slam by Gina Van Zyl! As technically sound as it was devastating!"
Anderson looks like she just got the wind knocked out of her sails… She desperately tries to scoop herself into the corner…
But Van Zyl grabs her by the heel and drags her back to the center of the ring! Anderson desperately tries to scamper and crawl out of Van Zyl’s grip… But Van Zyl holds on tight, reeling her back by her boot, then her knee…
Bama: "Van Zyl looking like a big game fisher the way she’s reeling Anderson back into her grasp!"
Finally, Van Zyl has tugged Anderson backwards into a waistlock! Followed by a…
RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX! Anderson lands with a thud on her back and ends up flopping and rolling onto her front!
Vinnie Lane: "Bodacious slam by Gina Van Zyl! As technically sound as it was devastating!"
…Anderson is desperately pawing up the ropes near the turnbuckle, trying to get some wherewithal… Just as Gina bounces off the opposite corner and comes at Anderson with a full head of steam!
Anderson gets back her vertical base… JUST IN TIME FOR GINA TO CATCH HER WITH A RUNNING BIG BOOT TO THE JAW! Anderson rebounds, skull-backwards against the turnbuckle, then spins landing a few feet out from the corner!
Van Zyl meanwhile is climbing the turnbuckle… She gets to the top…
AND SHE LEAPS… INTO A FLAWLESSLY EXECUTED 450 SPLASH!
Vinnie Lane: "Beautiful splash by Van Zyl! She calls that ‘Savannah Winds’!"
Bama: "Ah, a Georgia girl! Bless her heart!"
Vinnie Lane: "Actually, Bama, she’s from South Africa."
Bama: "Well, we’re both still from the South. Camaraderie!"
Anderson is seeing stars… Van Zyl hooks the leg!
The official counts!
1!
2!!
3!!!
Winner by Pinfall - Gina Van Zyl
Van Zyl stands up… Resting a boot on top of Anderson’s chest to pose and posture her strength for the crowd.
Vinnie Lane: "Insane! Gina Van Zyl promised she would devastate Jess Anderson and she did exactly that! What a victory! What a debut!"
Bama: "And I guess this is the end of the ‘The’ Jess Anderson era.”
Vinnie Lane: "Actually, Bama, Jess took three whole moves this match! Still a net improvement for her!"
Bama: "...Shoot, you’re right, Vin! Anderson’s… very slow… very gradual climb to legitimacy continues!”
T.H.U.G.S.
TOMMY WISH & JOHN BLACK
- vs - Da Bing Bong Twinzz
MC C-MUNQQQUEE & LI'L CA$H-APP
Da Bing Bong Twinzz bust out that back stage bitch like WTF and perp slash pimp walk to the RANG. You feel me?
Vinnie Lane: "These dudes look ready to rock-n-roll tonight!"
Bama: "More like ready to GET rocked!"
Vinnie Lane: "Hey now...we're supposed to be impartial!"
We the X-Tron come to life with the words THUGS in red font, and smoke comes out of the stage and the camera see's Tommy coming out first trash talking to the camera, then JB follows behind as he raises his fist in the air as they walk down to the ring. At the ramp area, Tommy and JB smack talk some people, and they both climb to the ring and enter it and bask in the mixed reactions as their theme cuts off.
Bama: "Tommy Wish and John Black look ready to lay down the law in that ring tonight!"
Vinnie Lane: "Lay down the law? They're T.H.UG.S.! They don't respect any laws!"
DING! DING! DING!!!
The referee calls for the bell as Tommy Wish and Lil' Ca$h-App start off as the legal men inside that ring. Lil' Ca$h-App starts jawing pretty hard at Tommy from across the ring, saying all sorts of nasty things about his mother's feet. This pisses Tommy off, so the Wishmaster charges straight ahead into the Bing Bong Twinz corner, but Lil' Ca$h-App rolls out of the way just in time! Tommy slams into nothing but the turnbuckle pads, and he's quickly slapped on the back of the head by the other Bing Bong Twin for his trouble. Tommy Wish's face grows red as MC C-Munqqquee BathZaltzz and Lil' Ca$h-App Dolla Billyunnai$$e do weird Tiktok dances together, to celebrate Tommy's disappointing start to the match.
Bama: "Those idiots are flexxing and flossing on the THUGS! They're going to pay for this!"
Vinnie Lane: "I don't think they're flexing OR flossing, Bama, I think they're dabbing and Harlem shaking!"
MC C-Mun slaps Tommy on the back of the head as his little dance comes to an end. Looking hotter than a dog in a parked car, Tommy Wish lashes out with a wild uppercut that causes MC C-Mun to fall off the apron and onto the mat below! Lil' Ca$h-App objects to this treatment his tag partner, who isn't even the legal man, was forced to endure. Lil' Ca$h-App charges at Tommy Wish and attempts to knock him off balance, but it's the Bing Bong Twin who hits the mat after a bigboy shoulder check from Tommy Wish! Ca$h-App quickly pulls himself to his feet and bounces towards the ropes, only to come sprinting back at Tommy Wish before having to duck beneath another big clothesline!
Vinnie Lane: "He was smart enough to go under Tommy's arm the second time!"
Bama: "But what's he going to do with his next at-bat?!"
As Ca$h-App comes sprinting off the ropes, Tommy Wish stands tall and stoic, just waiting for him near the edge of the ring. As Ca$h-App nears Wish once more, Tommy lashes out at him with a closed fist- but the Bing Bong Twin sidesteps around the Thug, avoiding the punch while wrapping his arms around Tommy's waist and crotch. Then, Ca$h-App uses his momentum to pull Tomy Wish backwards onto his shoulders. The crowd gasps in shock as the referee starts counting the shocking roll-up pin!
Bama: "TOMMY NO! LOOK OUT!"
Vinnie Lane: "Da Bing Bong Twinzz could win this one early!"
The referee starts counting the pin, even as Ca$h-App grabs Tommy's trousers and places his feet on the ropes for extra momentum.
1!
2!!
3-NO! JB BREAKS UP THE PIN!
Bama: "That one was too close for comfort!"
Vinnie Lane: "The cheating almost put him over the edge, but Tommy's partner was there just in time to make the stop!"
The referee yells at JB to get out of the ring, and after delivering a couple kicks to Ca$h-App's back, JB reluctantly exits to the apron. Tommy gets up with fumes coming out of his ears, shaking his head in anger after almost costing his team the much. Ca$h-App gets up quickly as well, and Da Bing Bong Twin looks over to his corner before realizing his tag partner is still on the ground outside the ring. Ca$h-App sighs in dissapointment before looking back at an angry Tommy Wish.
Vinnie Lane: "No one's available to take the tag, so Ca$h-App is going to have to take it upon himself to keep the momentum up in this one!"
Da Bing Bong Twin charges right back at Tommy Wish, intent on carrying out their gameplan of aggressive agility, but they're knocked straight back to the mat when Tommy Wish forces Ca$h-App to eat a spinning elbow to the face! A bloody tooth goes flying into the crowd!
Vinnie Lane: "I didn't know Tommy had that move in his arsenal!"
Bama: "I don't think that Ding Dong boy knew either!"
As the Bing Bong Twin clutches his jaw in pain, Tommy Wish hops on top of him and covers him for the pin. The referee starts counting the attempt.
1!
2!!
KIKCOUT!
Vinnie Lane: "Lil' Ca$h-App gets the shoulder up!!"
Bama: "That just means he's in for more pain and punishment, baby!!"
Tommy Wish rolls his eyes at the kickout before he starts bruising the Bing Bong twin's face with relentless hammer fists. After about half a dozen, Tommy Wish picks the Bing Bong twin back up before putting him in position for a suplex. Tommy lifts the twin high up into the air before slamming him down on his back to the mat! Tommy quickly makes another pinfall attempt.
1!
2!!
KICKOUT!!!
Vinnie Lane: "Another kick out!"
Bama: "That's okay, because the THUGS are just warming up!"
Tommy slams the mat in mild frustration before rising to his feet and stomping on Lil' Ca$h-App's face. Tommy then picks up the twin by his culturally appropriative hair before flinging his body into the THUG's corner. John Black has a big smirk on his face as Tommy comes over and tags him in. JB hops between the ropes and him and Tommy take turns kicking Ca$h-App in the stomach until he falls forward, out of the corner, and into the arms of the THUG's. As Ca$h-App falls out of the corner the ThUGs catch him and slam his head to the mat with a double DDT! Then, Tommy Wish gives JB a pat on the back for good luck before he steps out onto the ringside apron. JB makes the cover and goes to pin to the twin.
1!
2!!
MC C-Munqqquee BathZaltzz BREAKS IT UP JUST IN TIME!
Vinnie Lane: "His twin came back just in time to save the day!"
Bama: "I still think that should've been a 3! I don't think he made the save in time!"
Tommy Wish hops into the ring to escort MC C-Mun back out of it, much to the chagrin of the referee. Tommy and C-Mun begin exchanging furious right hands as the referee screams at them and motions for them to exit the squared circle. The two illegal men are absolutely brutalizing each other with these trading punches, like something out of a deranged boxing match. John Black, meanwhile, is wiping a few beads of sweat off his forehead as he watches his tag partner duke it out. While this is all going on, the somewhat stumbly Ca$h-App slips out of the ring, still the legal man for his team.
Vinnie Lane: "It looks like one of Da Bing Bong Twinzz doesn't know where he is! He's leaving the ring!"
Bama: "I think he knows exactly where he's going, he's leaving the ring because he knows he can't beat John Black and Tommy Wish!"
Vinnie Lane: "Wait a second...he's grabbing something from fan in the stands..."
Da Bing Bong Twin is handed a half-empty beer bottle from one of his fans in the audience, and after filming a short TikTok with them, Ca$h-App is headed back into the ring, where the scene is extremely chaotic!
Vinnie Lane: "The ref is still trying to get the extra men out of the ring!"
Bama: "And that lowlife influencer is trying to get an extra weapon INSIDE the ring!"
As the referee steps between Tommy and MC to get them to stop duking it out, JB notices Ca$h-App sliding into the ring out of the corner of his eye. JB notices the beer bottle in his opponent's hand and he immediately starts shaking his head. As the referee is fully distracted by Tommy and MC, JB reaches into his trousers and pulls out a pair of brass knuckles that he slips onto his fingers!
Vinnie Lane: "JB came ready to play dirty!"
Bama: "Of course he did, he's a THUG! Da Bing Bong Twinzz uncorked a bottle of whine that they didn't want by bringing foreign objects into this match!"
Ca$h-App rises to his feet and charges at JB with the bottle, but he has no idea that JB has brass knuckles on his fists! As Ca$h-App swings out wildly with the beer bottle, JB cocks him right in the temple of his forehead with the brass knuckles, knocking him out cold! The bottle drops to the mat and shatters, spilling glass and alcohol all over the ring. With the referee still dealing with the illegal men, JB decides to charge over that way and just take care of the problem himself! Out of nowhere JB clotheslines C-Mun over the top rope.
Vinnie Lane: "And now it's 2-on-1!"
Bama: "Ca$h-App is in a world of trouble now!"
The referee tells Tommy to leave the ring, but the THUGs say they just need a few seconds. The two men walk over to Ca$h-App before Tommy Wish slaps him on the back of the head. Then, Tommy Picks the limp man up while JB hits the ropes and slams Ca$h-App to the glass covered mat with The Drive-Bye (The 3D)! Tommy Wish finally leaves the ring just as JB rolls the Bing Bong Twin over to make the cover.
1!
2!!
3!!!
Winners by Pinfall - Thr THUGs
Ca$h-App rolls out of the ring while moaning in pain, joining his twin outside the ring as the THUGs have their hands raised in victory back inside it. Ca$h-App's face is covered in glass shards and blood as the two Bing Bong Twinzz slowly stumble up the entrance ramp, cursing out the fans and the referee as the THUGs celebrate in the ring.
Vinnie Lane: "Now that was a screwy finish! Da Bing Bong Twinzz have every right to be upset about how that one ended!"
Bama: "Pfff no they don't! They started playing dirty, so the THUGS had to end it, and tonight John and Tommy are walking away winners! End of discussion!"
ERIK HOLLAND
- vs -
LORD RAAB Tables Match!!
Monster by Skillet plays over the sound system as Lord Raab comes out through the curtain wearing his green and black wrestling trousers with his nickname The Green Disease German Monster on the front of them with Monster Energy logos on the side of his trousers with black gloves on both of his hands and wears a black and green mask and ignores the fans as he goes up the stairs before going in-between the ropes and crouches down in the corner moving backwards and forwards, rubbing his hands and moving his neck around while looking at his opponent with anger in his eyes while waiting for the match to start.
Vinnie Lane: “Lord Raab absolutely hates newcomers! Holland is no rookie though, although he is pretty green to the XWF!”
Bama: “I see what you did there! Green!”
"Will you tell these fools I'm NOT CRAZY! Make them listen to me before it's too late!
...Listen to me. Please listen. If you don't, if you won't; if you fail to understand, then the same incredible terror that's menacing me will STRIKE AT YOU!"
Out of nowhere, Autonomous Combat System absolutely DETONATES over the loudspeaker, reducing the stage to a red-strobing mosh pit as Erik Holland shoves his way through the curtain, goggles shining in the inky red-ness, tugging at his hair, tugging at his beard as he staggers up and down the stage, imploring the raging crowd to cheer even louder; but at the same time almost looking like he's arguing with himself. Once the lyrics start, Erik ROARS and makes a beeline for the ring, pinballing off the fans to tag hands with them, let them slap his back, whatever it takes to whip the audience in attendance into a complete frenzy. Every now and then down the ramp he stops, turning around in a lazy circle, taking it all in before racing off again.
He dives under the ropes once he gets to ringside, crawling on his belly toward the hard camera. He pulls the lenses of the welding goggles off his eyes so we can see that demented gleam burning in those brown irises, then he mugs for the camera shouting indistinct threats--even chewing on the bottom rope--before he bursts to his feet and hits the opposite side ropes, THROWING his hands out and receiving flashbulbs in response. Holland whips his coat off, tossing it out into the first row and does the same with his goggles, staring out under that eye makeup and proud of how completely insane his fans are, before he settles into the corner, that eerie look of focus taking over. The lights finally come up.
Vinnie Lane: “Here comes Erik Holland... this guy has made a real name for himself with his violent tendencies all over the landscape of wrestling!”
Bama: “The man has more than a few screws loose, Vinnie, he's a danger to the XWF!”
DING! DING! DING!!!
Vinnie Lane: “Bama, have you ever wondered about what the peak of human strength looks like? Because something tells me we’re about to see it right now!”
Bama: “Oh, you ain’t wrong, baby! Two big men are about to slap some meat in the middle of that ring, and I’m gonna feel bad for the table that has to catch one of their falls here tonight!”
Vinnie Lane: “You said it dude, not me.”
The two stare at each other out of their corners for a while, sizing each other up… BEFORE RUNNING TO THE MIDDLE OF THE RING JUST TO THROW STRIKES WITH EACH OTHER! THE TWO ARE BRINGING IT TO EACH OTHER WITH EVERYTHING THEY’VE GOT AS THE FANS POP HUGE FOR THE EXPLOSIVE START!
Holland manages to get the quick upper hand here as he catches an incoming right hand from Raab and readies his own hand… so that he can rain down a HUUUUUUUUUUUGE knife-edge chop onto Raab’s chest!
CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!
Vinnie Lane: “Dude… I think I felt that from over here!”
Bama: “You can see that chest light up all red like a Christmas tree already!”
Raab clutches his chest, feeling the pain coursing through his body after that hard shot! But Holland manages to yank Raab’s arm away, and he goes to work again on the body!
CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!
Raab gets forced all the way back onto the ropes, and it’s clear those chops did a number on him as he’s still wincing from all those blows being rained down onto him! He tries shaking out the cobwebs as Erik takes one loooong look at him, and looks ringside to see one of the tables set up below… the fans are cheering support, egging him on to keep the pressure on!
Erik leaps off the ropes! He’s looking to put an end to this match early and tries kicking Raab’s skull off of his face with a BIG BOOT! BUT WAIT! Raab manages to pull the top rope down! Holland can’t stop himself in the nick of time, and he gets crotched on the top rope by Raab! The fans rain down boos, but he waves them off as he grabs the top rope with Holland still crotched… and begins to shake it up and down to have the rope rock into Holland’s groin again and again!
Vinnie Lane: “That’s what I call some testicular torsion right now! Erik’s Hollands have got to be feeling the burn! Those ropes are tied TIGHT, and it’s like repeatedly having a cable driven against your groin!”
Bama: “I don’t know if Holland’s got a woman, baby, but I can’t imagine she’s gonna be pleased after seeing all this damage being done to those crown jewels!”
Raab continues shaking the rope, taking delight in the struggle Holland is feeling on top of those ropes as every wrench of the rope is a unique howl of pain this monster gives off. It’s an entirely different look at these competitors than the XWF faithful are used to given the crafty tactics they need to use to survive, but… they’re still loving every second of it!
Raab then socks Holland in the jaw with a haymaker, trying to have Holland fall off the ring entirely and onto the table below! The shot manages to get him off of the ropes, but Holland has the veteran ring awareness needed to grab onto the top rope and prevent himself from falling to what might have proven to be his doom!
Bama: “Somethin’ tells me this ain’t gonna be pretty, baby…”
Vinnie Lane: “You and me both, Bama! The first row of fans might have to be ready to be in the splash zone when it comes to how those table shards can fly!”
Raab sees Holland’s persistence on the apron and resolves it upon themselves to quickly go to work! They go through the ropes, before managing to situate themselves behind Holland, and… RAAB’S TRYING TO GO FOR A GERMAN SUPLEX THROUGH THE TABLE! HE TRIES TO HOIST THE BIG MAN, AND THE FANS ARE GETTING RILED UP! WILL WE SEE AN EARLY END TO THIS MATCH?!
…
NO! Erik Holland manages to grab onto the top rope for dear life and has an iron grip on it! Raab grits his teeth, realizing he can’t just get rid of that grip by yanking from behind, so he tries to change tactics! He fires a clubbing blow right on the back of Holland’s neck, and it looks to stagger him! Raab tries to yank again -
ELBOW FROM HOLLAND! ELBOW! ELBOW! ELBOW! Raab has to let go of his grip here!
Vinnie Lane: “These guys really gotta be careful - one wrong step here means they might fall through that table below them!”
Bama: “This match really gonna end just as we gettin’ started?”
Holland is about to go for one last elbow onto Raab’s skull to send him back through that table… but Raab willingly hops off of the apron and down to the mats below! Holland didn’t expect that as he put a whole lot of force into that elbow, and it left him off-balance… perfect timing too as Raab grabs Holland by the ankles and just TUGS HIM DOWN! Holland lands hard on the apron, rolling off as Raab cackles in delight.
He then tries again to pick him up, this time trying to place Holland on the table, but- NO! More stiff strikes from Holland cut that option off from Raab, and the two are in a brief stalemate trying to untangle themselves that end with both competitors shoving off from each other and going to opposite sides of ringside while glaring at each other.
Bama: “All this big meat getting slapped… I can’t tell which of them is gonna be the first to fall!”
Holland goes to charge at Raab with a full head of steam under his belt!
Vinnie Lane: “Me neither, dude! It’s almost like we’re-”
But Raab manages to REDIRECT HOLLAND INTO THE RING POST!
Vinnie Lane: “…or, y’know, that can happen…”
Bama: “That boy’s head just bounced RIGHT off of that post!”
It’s enough for Holland to remain stunned long enough for Raab to turn him right around, grab him by the throat, and… CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKESLAM! The Chokinator hits right onto the steel steps! Holland’s body bounces mercilessly off of the unforgiving environment as Raab feels the energy right now! The fans boo the merciless display as Raab quite literally barks at them before turning his attention back to the table.
Raab hoists the table up, bringing it over to the nearby corner of the barricade and situating it so that it was leaning on it. He pounds on the table once, twice, three times in order to make sure it’s sturdy and stable.
Vinnie Lane: “I don’t like this one bit. If either of these guys goes through that table, they’re probably spilling right through the barricade here.”
Bama: “Better hope the fans get moving, then!”
Raab turns back towards Holland, seeing that he’s struggling to get back up onto is feet but is making it onto all fours. He grabs Holland up by the hair, intending to throw him through the table… BUT HOLLAND DIGS DOWN DEEP! He gets down low, grunts, and DRIVES with his shoulder to bring Raab into the nearby metal guard rail! Raab clearly took that blow hard and by surprise as he gasped out for air after!
Holland doesn’t waste time either, kicking out Raab’s legs from under him and forcing him into a sitting position. Holland then takes his boot across after a small running start and hits the PANIC ATTACK ON RAAB!
Vinnie Lane: “Speaking of heads bouncing around, Bama, Raab’s gotta be in a similar spot with how dizzy and stunned that running facewash must have got him!”
Bama: “Understatement of the YEAR! Raab’s head is gettin’ shoved into that steel rail - that’ll do a number on ANYONE!”
Holland now is the one still on the offensive, grabbing Raab up by the wrist and beginning to pull him over to the table! The end of the match might be within reach now, but Raab is still trying to fight back! Hard body shots come to the gut of Holland, forcing him to double over as Raab manages to fight out!
And now it’s Raab’s turn to grab Holland! He goes for him by the throat and tries to lift for the Chokinator one more time, but Holland is struggling! He grabs Raab by the wrist, trying to do his best not to fall victim to the slam one more time considering how close they are to the table! But his defenses are quickly shut down as Raab hits a headbutt right between the eyes! That gets Holland stunned as Raab lifts for the CHOKINATOR-
BUT HOLLAND HOPS OUT OVER AND TO BEHIND! THE FANS POP AS BEFORE RAAB CAN REALIZE WHAT’S WHAT-
Vinnie Lane: “Sleeper! Sleeper Hold is locked in tight from Erik Holland! He’s really trying to choke out Raab here if it means he can put him through a table now!”
Bama: “That boy has got to fight out fast and fight out hard, or else this might be over before you KNOW it!”
Raab is reaching out to the barricade, but Holland doesn’t let him go far! He hops up onto Raab’s back and locks in a tight body scissors in order to hobble him! He’s gasping for air, trying to move… to move… to move…
But it’s no use! Raab is down on his knees now, having the life sucked out of him as Holland releases, pushing Raab against the table now! Holland takes a couple steps back for separation now as he ROARS into the air! He goes to hit Raab with that Lariat through the table and barricade!
…
Vinnie Lane: “Aw, crap! Move for the hills, fans!”
Bama: “I hope they got health insurance-!”
BUT RAAB SIDESTEPS IT IN THE NICK OF TIME! HOLLAND CRASHES AND BURNS THROUGH THE TABLE AND THE BARRICADE IN ONE FELL SWOOP! THE REF IMMEDIATELY CALLS FOR THE BELL!
DING! DING! DING!!!
Winner by Table Breakage - Lord Raab
Vinnie Lane: “Lord Raab survives the tables match with Erik Holland… but holy crap Bama what’s that!?!”
Bama: “We got company my friend!”
CLETUS enters with his theme music from the crowd, bulldozing through audience members before entering the ring and clotheslining Raab to the mat!! Then he grabs a mic.
"I TOLD YOU SUIT-WEARIN' SHITNUGGETS I WAS GONNA FIND YOU IF YOU DIDN'T GIMMIE SOMEBODY TO SLAP TONIGHT. NOW I'M HERE, AND I'M PISSED. IF I GOTTA FIND SOME SUMBITCH TO GIVE THE SLAP MYSELF, THEN GOD DAMN IT, THAT'S WHAT I'M GONNA DO. WHAT'S THIS CITY BOY'S NAME? RAAB? WELL, LORD RAAB, HERE'S HOW WE SHAKE HANDS ON SLAP MOUNTAIN."
He then picks [Lord Raab up by the neck to his feet, gives him a LOUD slap across the face that sends him reeling, then drives him back down to the mat with a brutal pop-up powerbomb!
He then storms back up through the crowd the way he came, screaming obscenities at the people while stepping over all the people he knocked over along the way.
#1 Contender Tournament
HGH
- vs -
UNKNOWN SOLDIER
Down in the ring both HGH and Unknown Soldier have both made their entrances already and are hanging around in the ring.
DING! DING! DING!!!
The bell has just rang as the match should be starting when a note is being handed to Vinnie Lane, who gets up and addresses the crowd.
Vinnie Lane: Ladies and gentlemen, we have a surprise entrant for this match who has made waves a while ago on a recent Wednesday Night Warfare.
Both Hangman and Unknown Soldier stare at each other before turning their attention towards Vinnie Lane.
Vinnie Lane: This individual has quite impressed us in its way of how it scared off Ned Kaye into bribing him not to show up!! Now we have given it another chance to success!!! The Gorilla!!!
We see the camera’s turn towards the entrance way as the Gorilla emerges and charges towards the ring as the crowd cheers it on. We hear chants of Gorilla as we see a closeup of a fan holding up a sign that says the Ned Kay Slayer. The gorilla runs into the ring and charges in on both Hangman and the Unknown Soldier. Clotheslining both men down before covering the Unknown Soldier for the three count
1!
2!!
3!!!
Winner by Gorilla Mauling - A Literal Gorilla
#1 Contender Tournament
RUBY
- vs -
CENTURION
Ruby pops out straight up in the air from beneath the stage, thrust heavanward by some sort of trebuchet or something as a voice shouts BOOYAKA BOOYAKA!
When Rubes lands in a super hero pose like Black Widow's sister, pyro pops off and banana lime smoke pots release. Then her music plays and she swaggers to the ring, stopping for literally every sing fan who asks for a selfie or an autograph. It takes her ten full minutes to get to the ring because of this and her theme has to play on loop.
Bama: Here comes the three timer, or menage a trois as she likes to be called!
Vinnie Lane: She absolutely does not want to be called that dude, like ever. You know this! I told you in rehearsal.
"Wild Thing" plays and Centurion walks out from the back with a smirk, very much like Charlie Sheen in Major League - which is a move that came out when Centurion was already a grizzled veteran.
Cent waves to the fans and blows a kiss to Ruby in the ring, who catches and returns it... but then it's all business as the smile runs away from his face - which is a lyric from a song that came out when Centurion was already wrestling.
Vinnie Lane: Centurion secured his 200th win on the last Anarchy, Bama... that's a feat that probably will not be matched any time soon!
Bama: Dating Ruby has done wonders for the man's stamina and staying power!
DING! DING! DING!!!
The match in the number one contender tournament begins between Ruby and Centurion. The veteran Centurion bends his knees in the middle of the ring, anticipating the first move from his younger and more inexperienced opponent Ruby. Who starts to clap her hands towards the fans in an attempt to get them behind her while circling Centurion. Centurion occasionally attempts to make Ruby watch her every move as he sometimes extends his hands in an attempt to grab her, causing her to back off and stand in the neutral corner as the official tells the two competitors to get it on.
Bama: I think Centurion is playing this very intelligent Vinnie, trying to get Ruby out of her game plan and to make a mistake.
Vinnie Lane: Indeed, let’s see how Ruby reacts to this.
Centurion catches the momentum early on, as he manages to snatch the left arm from Ruby as he spins her around and locks her into a standing side headlock, dropping her onto the canvas with a hip toss before she manages to reverse the headlock into a Hammerlock upon the veteran Centurion as this catches him off guard. Centurion quickly manages to get back to his feet as he attempts to counter the Hammerlock that Ruby has on her and locks her into one of his own, only to be grabbed by the head by Ruby’s free arm as she uses the middle turnbuckles to jump over him before landing behind him as the move had forced Centurion to let go off the Hammerlock. Ruby lands on her feet and executes a Dropkick into Centurion’s back before running the ropes on the opposite side before charging towards Centurion as she jumps through the middle and top rope, holding onto the top rope as that momentum forces her to spin around towards Centurion and have both feet hit him into his face (like Rey’s 619).
Bama: Ruby has pushed the tempo of this match up a few notches!!!
Ruby quickly jumps the top turnbuckle, preparing herself for a Splash on top of Centurion. But the veteran has managed to roll to the outside of the ring on the far end of the ring opposite Ruby. Ruby jumps back into the ring, runs towards where Centurion is and executes a Suicide Dive through the middle and top rope, only to be caught by Centurion before hitting a Belly to Belly suplex on the concrete floor.
Vinnie Lane: Ouch!! I think our Super hero will feel that in the morning!!!
Ruby is squirming in the ring, holding on to her ribs as she had fallen hard on the concrete padded floor, Centurion slowly stands up as he grabs the left arm of Ruby and rolls her back into the ring before following her back into the ring. Once inside the ring he grabs her by the arm, setting her up for an Armbar, but Ruby manages to counter it as she surprises him with a Small Package
1!
Centurion manages to power out at one, clearly the effect that Ruby’s ribs had causes her to not being able to use all of her strength to keep the bigger opponent down for the three-count. Centurion immediately grabs the arm once again and locks in an Armbar submission hold, causing the official to drop to his knees and check in on Ruby whether she is willing to submit to the submission hold being used by Centurion.
Bama: Will Ruby be able to get out of this?? Or will the pain and the tight cinched submission hold mean to be too much for her??
Ruby is waving her free arm around, not really aware of her ring presence as she is using a lot of energy to attempt to grab the ropes for the submission hold to be broken. But she is too far away for her free hand to grab the bottom rope. She then tries to move her legs around and manages to hit the bottom rope with he tip of her boot. This forces the official to tell Centurion to break the hold as he finally does so. Ruby manages to slip to the outside by rolling underneath the bottom rope, nursing her painful arm as Centurion steps through the middle and top rope and drops to the outside to follow Ruby. There he grabs her by the painful arm and executes an Irish Whip, only to be reversed somehow by Ruby as she sends him into the steel ring steps.
Vinnie Lane: Good Grief!!!
The official is starting the ten count as he has reached the count of two, Ruby is nursing her painful arm as she is running her good hand over it to have the blood start to flow through the painful ligament. She notices Centurion slowly starting to stir before turning around, she surprises him with a drop toe hold at the moment that he turns around
5!
6!
7!
She hears the count of the official as she quickly slide sin the ring while kneeling down in a corner as she looks on whether if Centurion can make it back into the ring in time
8!
9!
Te….
And just at the final moment Centurion manages to break the ten count, Ruby grimaces a bit as she feels the painful sensation in her arm before quickly getting up to her feet and executes a dropkick that drops Centurion, she quickly follows it up with a double leg drop and goes for the cover with only her good arm.
1!
2!!
But Centurion manages to get his shoulder off the canvas in time, immediately locking Ruby in a Sleeper hold as she had draped her body on top of him while resting on her back. Ruby is desperately trying to break free from the hold before Centurion lets go and spins her around and immediately lifts her up on his shoulders.
Bama: 1000 Mile Slam!!!
Vinnie Lane: This must be …. NO!!!!
Centurion lifts Ruby up for his patented slam, but Ruby manages to somehow break free from his grip and grabs his head with her good arm and spins her body around before managing to lock him in a Hurricanrana and drops him hard on his head before locking both of his feet with both arms, her face shows a grimace as the pain is still killing her while the official starts to use the three count.
1!
2!!
3!!!
DING! DING! DING!!!
Winner by Pinfall - Ruby
Bama: Ruby managed to pin Centurion to qualify!!!!
Vinnie Lane: But look at them, Bama! Still loving and supporting each other! Centurion is holding Ruby's hand up after the big win!
Bama: Ain't you never watched wrasslin' before, Vinnie? He's about to clobber her! Any minute now... any... minute...
Vinnie Lane: Not a chance dude! I BELIEVE IN A THING CALLED LOVE!
Ruby and Cent hug as the cameras fade to commercial.
A figure is seen walking out from the back wearing a black hooded sweatshirt on. The hood was over his head so he couldn’t be seen, and his head was looking down.
He stood in a stance. And as a white light appeared on his front, he unzipped his sweatshirt and showed the front of the t-shirt:
As it continued he turned around and took off his hooded sweatshirt and revealed the back of the t-shirt which read:
He turned back around and stood in a pose as the white light bathed on him to reveal: MASTERMIND
He then smirks as he walks all the way to the ring, with the Misfits Manager Antony The Jerk, walking not far behind. Followed by Scarlett ‘The Hunteress’ Donaldson and Kris 'The Hammer' Von Bonn.
Vinnie Lane: “The Misfits have an uphill battle in this one, Bama… Antony the Jerk suspended above the ring in a cage!”
Bama: “You just wait. Antony is a genius. He’s playing ten dimensional chess!”
Somewhere in the back, someone opens up a bamboo cage door.
As it clatters to the floor, the trio of EDWARD, EDWINA, and EDWARD JUNIOR TWO come racing out, knocking over the ring tech who had to open the cage.
EDWINA even jumps onto the poor man’s chest and starts slamming her 24/7 Freestyle Championship belt into his face and dry humping him… although he apparently fails this masculinity test as EDWINA hops off of him and follows her kin to the ring.
EDWARD stands atop a corner, beating his chest and OOK-ing loudly while swinging the Anarchy Title around like Michael Jackson did to Blanket back in 2002.
The EDWARD clan all settle down (sort of) in their corner and wait for the bell.
Vinnie Lane: “And here comes the champ and his kin… we were promised there would be NO throwing of feces here tonight. That only happens when Philly teams win the big one!”
Bama: “Zero feces? With EDWARD? To quote George Strait, if you’ll buy that I’ll throw the Golden Gate in too.”
Inside the ring, Antony is arguing with officials as they lower his single man cage and open the door, trying to get him inside.
Mastermind and the Misfits protest as well, but eventually Antony is placed into the cage and raised over the ring as the crowd cheers.
DING! DING! DING!!!
It’s total bedlam right from the start. The entire thing breaks down almost immediately into a full on brawl with all six combatants in there at the same time, throwing hands and feet.
EDWINA knocks Donaldson to the floor and starts trying to eat her face, probably taking her presence as a challenge to her mating. Yup - Scarlett just got sprayed by EDWINA like a cat in heat.
Bama: “Was that estrus Vinnie!?!”
EDWARD JUNIOR TWO and Kris Von Bonn end up tumbling over the top rope as they grapple with one another, and that leaves Mastermind and EDWARD alone in the ring… and Mastermind trips up EDWARD and gets him into the MIND CONTROLLER!!!
EDWARD is flailing but EDWINA grabs him by the hands and yanks him to freedom, knocking Mastermind over. He gets up, only to be clobbered by a flying windmill punch from EDWARD JUNIOR TWO!
EDWINA springboards off of the top rope and actually dangles from the cage Antony is in. She starts climbing up when The Jerk stomps on her fingers! EDWINA is left hanging by one hand, and then Antony pulls out an aerosol can of some kind and sprays it into EDWINA’s eyes!
EDWINA falls from the cage to the mat where she hits HARD, and then rolls out of the ring before collapsing on the floor and lying motionless.
EDWARD JUNIOR THE SECOND and EDWARD find themselves outmanned by the Misfits then, and the trio of Mastermind, Von Bonn, and Donaldson take turns picking the father and son apart.
EDWARD gets knocked silly when Kris Von Bonn slams him to the mat with the HAMMER TIME! Then Donaldson smacks EDWARD JUNIOR TWO with THE HUNT IS OVER after Mastermind helps her get him up in the corner.
The Misfits all celebrate in the ring over the fallen and broken bodies of the EDWARDs… and then from out under the ring comes Melanie ‘Crayzee’ Childs!
Childs slides into the ring and she brandishes a ring of keys… she must have gotten them from the officials that locked Antony into the cage!
Vinnie Lane: “What’s Melanie Childs doing here? And why does she have those keys?!”
Bama: “I think that’s pretty obvious Vinnie… the Misfits don’t give a crap about winning this match! They’re sending a message!”
Childs tosses the keys up to Antony, and he quickly starts unlocking the cage door. Childs then leaves the ring and locks on the CRAYZEE COW GIRL on EDWINA! The referee calls for the bell!
DING! DING! DING!!!
Winners by DQ - EDWARD, EDWINA, & EDWARD JUNIOR II
Mastermind locks on his MIND SLEEPER on EDWARD!
Antony opens the cage and lowers himself down with his legs hanging over the canvas until KVB and Scarlett Donaldson help him the rest of the way down. Antony then gives a few kicks to EDWARD JUNIOR II, who has yet to move after the big top rope piledriver he suffered.
EDWARD turns purple in the sleeper and Mastermind drops him onto his face. He’s totally unconscious by the time MM and the Misfits pose over his body.
The crowd starts tossing garbage into the ring as Mastermind laughs.
Vinnie Lane: “I can’t believe the dastardly deeds perpetrated by the Misfits here tonight!”
Bama: “You’re surprised? The guy’s name is MASTERMIND, Vinnie! He’s outsmarted everyone for his entire career! He let you book this match the way you did because he knew it didn’t matter and he knew it would give the ‘Fits a chance to take out all of the EDWARD clan at one time!”
Vinnie Lane: “Whatever Bama, this is disgusting behavior!”
Bama: “What’s disgusting is having a caveman as champion!”
Vinnie Lane: “Just cut the feed already! This is over, I’m not broadcasting this crap!”
The cameras zoom in on the Misfits as more and more garbage is tossed into the ring.
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