Warfare opens with a picture of a beautiful rainforest setting. You could almost be fooled into believing it might be Endor... and who knows? Maybe it is. The camera zooms through the forest, finding a wrestling ring that's been built in the middle of a small village. It's a unique setting, to be sure. The camera moves towards one of the huts, as music begins to play.





Michael McBride comes out of the hut with confidence, walking down to the ring without a care in the world. He slides in and goes to his corner, grinning at the thought of enjoying life as it comes.


HHL: McBride’s a potential dark horse in this one, with all the XWF championships he’s won in the past.


PC: You said the key word there, Heather. In my view, we’ve got the past, present, and future in this match tonight, and I’m not placing any bets on “the past”..


HHL: You may think that, but sometimes a returning wrestler can surprise with his experience and intestinal fortitude.





The hidden lights turn gold as the intro of “Soldier Dream” by ROOT FIVE hits the PA.


Raion Kido appears out of another hut, letting out a lion’s roar.


“Saint Seiyaaa! (Seiyaaa!)
Mezasu kiboo no iro wa
Kedakai hodo utsukushii…”


Raion spreads his arms and breaks into a bird run towards the ring. He slides into the ring on his belly and springs into his feet.


“Saint Seiyaaa! (Seiyaaa!)
Tsubasa wa ten wo kakeru
Erabareta moushigo no you niiiiiiiiiiiiiii!”


Facing the camera, Raion throws a one-two punch forward, his final pose as the music dies down.


HHL: Kido is fresh off of a victory on Saturday night, taking down Angelica Vaughn. Now he’s hoping to keep the wins coming here tonight.

PC: Kido’s got a ton of potential, but Nickles has been his kryptonite in the past. Will tonight be any different?





Charlie walks out with Goldie over his shoulder as he makes the way towards the ring. He reaches ringside, smirking at the two men waiting for him in the ring. He walks up the steps where he steps between the ropes and into the ring.


HHL: We know that Nickle’s Television Title isn’t on the line in this match, but you’d think if either wrestler can win here, they’d immediately move up the contendership ladder.


PC: It depends on how they win. To me, they’ve got to pin Nickles. Anything else would be seen as a fluke to the champion, who just beat The Ringmaster on Savage to retain his title.

NON TITLE CHARLIE NICKLES © - vs - MICHAEL MCBRIDE - vs - RAION KIDO - 3RP Lumberjack Match Featuring Special Guest Lumberjacks The Ewoks

The bell rings, with all three wrestlers looking ready to throw down. They start to move out of their respective corners, when…





An army of small, furry creatures begin to come out from every direction, dancing and bouncing to the “Yub Nub” song. They're all very similar, yet their colors differ wildly, allowing you to pick out individual characters. The Ewoks move around the ring, as if scavenging, with all three wrestlers just stuck watching them for a time.


PC: We’ve had some questionable stipulations before, but Ewok Lumberjacks?

HHL: Hey, some of them are armed.

PC: With sticks. Little, tiny sticks. I’m more afraid right now of what PETA will say if one of these wrestlers beats the hell out of these fuzzy critters. We could have protests for months.


McBride is looking out at the Ewoks and shaking his head, watching as their numbers keep coming. However, Nickles takes full advantage, catching McBride off-guard with an uppercut! McBride falls against the ropes, stunned, as Nickles starts striking away at him with jabs and elbows. Kido, seeing this, comes in, angry at the dishonorable start to the match. He grabs Nickles and spins him around, chopping away at Nickle’s chest. He moves Nickles into the corner, slicing away at him, but McBride is back, catching Kido in the back of the head with a forearm shot. He shoves Kido into Nickles, then pulls him back out, giving him a German suplex!


PC: As we expected, there are no alliances being formed between these three wrestlers.

HHL: Kido and Nickles just want to beat the hell out of each other, and McBride isn’t happy to be seen as the third wheel in this one.

PC: Who would? The third wheel always stinks. Except on the front of a Hot Wheels tricycle. Then it’s awesome.


As McBride pulls up Kido, wanting to land another powerful move, Kido manages to land a couple of strikes, knocking him back. McBride works to clear his head, then steps towards Kido again, but now Nickles is back, attacking him with a headbutt! McBride staggers back, as Nickles turns and lands a headbutt on Kido as well, stunning him. He grabs at Kido, trash-talking him as he drags him towards the ropes, rubbing Kido’s eyes across the top! Kido shouts in pain, working to get free with a couple of elbow shots backwards. Nickles shakes them off, though, wanting to do more damage, but now McBride grabs at him, catching Nickles’ arm. Kido takes immediate advantage with a sharp kick to the gut, doubling Nickles over. Kido and McBride then look at each other with a nod before each grabbing hold of one side of the TV Champ, sending him up and over the top rope to the floor!!


HHL: Uh oh! Nickels is the first wrestler to have to face the lumberjacks!

PC: Big deal. The biggest danger to him right now is dandruff.


Nickles pulls himself up outside the ring, using the apron. He turns, seeing the Ewoks moving around him, but he doesn’t seem very worried. He yells at them, telling them to back the fuck away, and they surprisingly do, staying out of range. Nickles nods, saying they made the right decision. Suddenly, though, Nickels’ eyes go wide, and he’s diving for the ground… as a tree log suddenly comes swinging in horizontally, crashing into the side of the ring!! Nickles barely avoids disaster, rolling on the ground, but he’s immediately swarmed by the Ewoks, who are attacking him from all sides with their spears!!


PC: Oh hell no! How did those little turds set up a boobytrap in here??

HHL: It's their village. Gotta admire them for being resourceful. There’s a reason they were able to defeat the Empire at Endor.

PC: Yeah, and it was bad writing!


In the ring, Kido has caught a distracted McBride with a Battering Ram, knocking him to the mat. The wrestler takes full advantage, applying a dragon sleeper submission onto McBride to try and knock him out. McBride’s not far from the ropes, but there’s no breaks in a match like this, so he struggles to free himself from the hold. Kido’s got it locked in tight, though, working to take all the blood circulation from McBride’s brain and cause him to pass out. As McBride is faltering, the referee moves in to check on him, even as there’s an explosive scream from the outside as several Ewoks go flying! Charlie Nickles gets himself up, immediately grabbing Kido by the legs and dragging him out of the ring, breaking the hold.


HHL: Nickles looks pissed!

PC: You would be too if you had a bunch of Tribbles beating down on you!

HHL: Wrong series.

PC: Yeah, well, I don’t give a damn.


Nickles and Kido are fighting it out outside the ring, each throwing haymakers at the other. Kido manages to get a throat thrust in, sending Nickles stumbling back. The Ewoks are hovering around both men, trying to find an opening to get in some more attacks. One pokes at Kido, who turns towards him, annoyed but not sure it’d be honorable to kick the Ewok in the face. Meanwhile, though, Nickles has no compulsions. As another Ewok gets too close, Nickles grabs him and lifts him up, bodily launching the screaming Ewok around like a baseball bat and smashing him into Kido’s side!! Kido crashes against the apron, falling to the ground, as the Ewok rolls away in agony.


HHL: Widdle Warrick, no!

PC: Using Ewoks as weapons, damn, Nickles is inventive!


With Kido painfully holding his ribs, he’s pulled up off the ground by Nickles, who has one of the spears in hand. He chokes Kido from behind with it, grinning as he keeps Kido secured. He eventually shoves Kido towards the apron, pushing him into the ring. He starts to follow, but a couple of brave Ewoks grab at his legs. Nickles kicks them off, with some of the watching Ewoks screeching at him, before he gets into the ring above Kido… only for a recovered McBride to catch him with a Celtic Clothesline, sending Nickles falling back out of the ring!! With Nickles temporarily out of action, McBride turns back to Kido, grabbing him and delivering the Iron Suplex! He holds on for the first cover of the match.





1!





2!



TH- And Kido kicks out, pushing McBride off of him!


PC: Damn, I thought McBride was going to steal this one from Nickles!

HHL: Is anyone going to help the fallen Ewoks?

PC: They knew what they were getting into!


McBride hauls Kido up, determined to put him away before Nickles can return. He positions Kido, this time wanting the Semtex Suplex. But Kido fights free, reversing his way out of it in order to give McBride a ura-nage! McBride rolls away, but gets up pretty quickly… only to immediately get taken back down by Kido’s Atomic Thunder running lariat!! McBride’s hurting now, knocked senseless, although he’s instinctively working to get to his feet. Kido sets himself, letting out a Lion’s Roar as he readies to go at McBride with the Lightning Bolt!! But McBride’s suddenly grabbed from behind and sent flying over the ropes, landing among the Ewoks, as Nickles stands on the apron!


HHL: Nickles just saved McBride from the Lightning Bolt!

PC: I truly doubt he had any intention of saving anyone, especially with what he’s got in his hand.

HHL: Wait, is that his hatchet??

PC: Nickles said he was going to turn this into a Deathmatch!


Nickles enters the ring, weapon ready, as the referee shouts a pointless warning. Kido, not backing down, steps forward as Nickles swings the hatchet, catching it above his head! He manages to hang on, keeping it from coming down on him, as Nickles fights to deliver the blow. But Kido answers with a knee to the gut, allowing him to knock the hatchet away! He starts striking at Nickles, driving him back with shots, then goes to the ropes to attempt another Atomic Thunder. But Nickles steps to the side, managing to catch the running Kido with a powerful sidewalk slam!! He makes the cover, as the referee slides in for the count.






1!







2!





TH- and Kido gets his shoulder up in time!


PC: Nickles is looking to end this with any means necessary!

HHL: And in the meantime, the Ewoks are tying McBride up with bolos!

PC: Uh oh. Are they going to take him back and roast him over the fire? The little sons of bitches are cannibals, remember? They tried to cook Han!


McBride is fighting against the ropes wrapped around him now, as the Ewoks are taking turns jabbing at him with their spears. In the ring, Nickles takes a look out and seems to find the whole thing pretty amusing. He drags Kido up off the mat, taking him over to the corner, where he begins to slam Kido’s head into the turnbuckle pads. But Kido manages to block it with his arms, showing his strength, before he manages to reverse it, slamming Nickles’ head into the turnbuckle repeatedly instead! The fans get behind the strikes, counting along, as Nickles struggles to fight free, pushing away. But Kido immediately catches him with a discus clothesline, putting him down for a pin attempt!







1!







2!






THR- and Nickles shoves Kido off of him, staying in it!


HHL: Kido almost pinned the Television Champion!

PC: Thank goodness he didn’t. Kido would be shouting about his victory from every mountain top he could find.


Kido works to bring Nickles up, but Nickles snaps his head up, catching Kido under the chin. As Kido falls back to the ropes, Nickles follows him, jabbing away at him. Kido, though, responds with his own shots, with the two men once again brawling. As they fight, though, they’re suddenly thrown off-balance as a bolo comes from under the bottom rope, wrapping around both of their legs. They turn to look out at McBride, who gives them a wave before yanking on the two ropes, bringing both wrestlers to the mat and pulling them out of the ring!! All three wrestlers are outside now, with McBride kicking away at Nickles first. He turns to Kido, who is already recovering, snapping a boot at him. The three men continue to fight, while the Ewok begin to swarm around them.


HHL: I don’t know if any of the wrestlers realize the danger they might be in right now.

PC: What, do the furballs have another boobytrap ready for this side?

HHL: Not that I see, but I’m not trusting the way they’re beginning to group up.

PC: Damn, have they put together another plan?


As the wrestlers continue to fight, with Nickles trying to bring more weapons into it, none of them seem to notice that various Ewoks are beginning to climb up onto the apron. Others are positioning themselves behind the wrestlers, bracing themselves. Suddenly, with a war cry, the Ewoks begin to fly, diving down on the surprised wrestlers, who fall backwards, tripping over the set-up of the other Ewoks!! The pile on begins, with all of the Ewoks shouting as they leap into the fray, attacking the three men who were ignoring the lumberjack rules! It’s hard to see any of them, as they’re all covered in angry fur-covered warriors!


PC: Okay, what happens if the Ewoks win this one?

HHL: Is that even possible?

PC: At this point in the night, I’d say anything is possible…


The Ewoks continue to bite and tear at the three wrestlers, who are working to extract themselves from the situation. McBride is the first to get free, managing to claw his way back into the ring. He limps away, holding his leg in pain from where an Ewok had taken a nibble out of him. Outside, Kido is working to get himself free, even though he seems reluctant to do too much damage to the furry Ewoks who are grabbing at him. McBride looks out at him, still limping, before turning around… and Nickles is there, to give McBride a low blow!!! As McBride slumps forward, gasping, Nickles is quick to lock him up, hitting the mat with the Devil Hook Drop!! He makes the cover, staring towards where Kido is.






1!








2!







Kido can’t make it back in time…





THREE!!!

Winner by PINFALL - Charlie Nickles

HHL: Nickles has done it!


PC: Even when the title’s not on the line, this man is just hard to beat!


Kido dejectedly rolls outside, avoiding the Ewoks as he moves away from the ring. Inside, Nickles doesn’t seem done yet. He pulls up the recovering McBride, furiously grabbing him and dragging him towards the ropes, throwing McBride over! But McBride lands in the arms of the regrouped Ewoks, who immediately begin carrying him away above their heads. Nickles watches them go, no longer caring about what happens to McBride.

---

We cut to a segment filmed earlier in the day. We know this for many reasons, not the least of which is how sunny it is. We see Chronic Chris Page leading the way off an airplane, followed shortly by Mac Bane and Peter Vaughn. The three men move to the nearby waiting automobile, with Page taking a moment to turn to both of them.

Chris Page: It’s going to be a crazy night, with all this damn Star Wars nonsense, but I have faith both of you guys are going to win tonight and earn the chance at the vacated Supercontinental Title. This championship would be a great addition to the CCPE family.

Peter Vaughn: Don’t worry, Chris. Once I’m done with making Valenteen a vampire popsicle, I’ll be bringing that championship home for my collection.

Mac Bane: And once I’m done tossing that bastard Marf into that Sarlacc Pit, I’ll be there to stop you, Pete. That title’s going to be mine.

Peter Vaughn: Oh, I’m looking forward to that, Mac. I haven’t forgotten what you did to my pal Xavier.

Mac Bane: Just like then, this’ll be just about business.

Bane and Vaughn start to come nose-to-nose, but Page gets between them.

Chris Page: Save your energy for your matches tonight, guys. We can worry about you two trying to kill each other after you’ve both got victories. Now get in the car, we don’t want to be late to… wherever they’re taking us.

Mac and Peter stare at each other for a few moments, neither wanting to blink first. But then Vaughn smirks and turns away, going to the front passenger side.

Peter Vaughn: Shotgun.

Mac laughs and gets in the back with Page, as they get ready to drive off.

---

"Lights in the Sky" hits as the fans begin to boo, and Marf Swaysons appears from the dune sea, being brought by a sand skiff. Marf makes his way out onto Jabba the Hutt's barge, looking around at the audience and shaking his head in disgust, and then flipping off the crowd for more heat.



Another sand skiff brings Mac Bane from the dune sea, and he proceeds to step into the barge of Jabba the Hutt.

The winner advances to Leap of Faith to wrestle for the vacant Supercontinental Championship MARF - vs - MAC BANE NO DISQUALIFICATION- 1 RP Khetanna Cruise This match takes place on Jabbas barge. In order to win, you must throw your opponent into the nearby Sarlacc pit

In the barren, hot sands of the dune sea, Marf Swaysons and Mac Bane stare each other down from the opposite ends of the upper deck of the Khetanna - the name for the sail barge of Jabba the Hutt -, and there is no sound but the sand blown by the wind in the desert around the ship - until the silence is broken by the deafening roar of the Sarlacc in the pit below, shaking the flimsy barge, as the creature’s tentacles emerge from its lamprey-teeth-covered throat.


HHL: “No pinfall or submission, no disqualification rules here - the only way to win this match is to toss the opponent into the Sarlacc Pit down below!”

PIP: “Does your Sarlacc Pit look like that, Heather?”

HHL: “I don’t know what you’re talking about and I will not have this type of comments here.”

PIP: “Spoilsport.”


*GRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWL!*


The creature’s terrifying growl is the substitute for the sound of the bell, and Mac and Marf break into a sprint towards each other! Mac Bane goes for a clothesline, but the former 24/7 Xtreme Champion ducks from underneath, and the Texan hits nothing but air! Mac Bane barely has time to react before Marf drops him with a Reverse DDT! Bane is quick to get up and tries to go for a strike, but Marf is faster and counters an incoming punch into an arm wrench! Mac struggles to break free but his attempt is no good, as Marf quickly transitions into a Full Nelson position, and brings him down with a Full Nelson Slam!


HHL: "Beautiful move by Marf Swaysons in the early stages of this match!"

PIP: "But I don’t think the Sarlacc below will eat just yet!"


With Bane down, Marf attempts to go for a rear naked choke, but Mac Bane is quick to push him away! Marf doesn’t give up and attempts to land some head shots, only to be thrust into an armbar from Mac Bane’s full guard stance! Marf struggles to escape, and has no choice but to give up his position! Both wrestlers now scramble and make it to their feet, but Mac Bane seizes the advantage by landing a brutal haymaker to the Canadian native’s midsection, and promptly lifts him up and body slams him into one of the barge’s masts! Splinters fly through the air as the wooden pillar is cracked, and the red sail spills to the deck, and doubled over, Marf Swaysons slumps to the ground!


HHL: "Wow! Mac Bane might have just broken Marf Swaysons in half!"

PIP: “Just making it easier for the Sarlacc’s digestion!”


Mac Bane approaches the downed Swaysons and picks him up one more time, but as he lifts him up in a bearhug, Marf lands a huge headbutt on the Texan’s face! Mac Bane’s own head is rocked, but Marf goes with another headbutt, forcing Bane to break the hold! Marf lands on his fit, and, not without a certain deal of effort after just having been body-slammed, backs up a few steps, then charges for a big boot! Mac Bane drops like he’s been shot by a blaster rifle!


HHL: "Marf Swaysons is keeping himself alive!"

PIP: “And Mac Bane’s face might have just been rearranged!”


But Marf isn’t done yet! He approaches the fallen Mac Bane, and hoists him over his shoulder. He approaches the Khetanna’s access hatch to the deck below - little more than a metallic trap door - and, holding Mac in a massive bearhug, brings him down head-first with a massive Brainbuster! Both wrestlers tumble down the access hatch and the steps below, landing in a slump next to each other!


HHL: "Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh! Marf Is just downright suicidal!"

PIP: “It’s just who he is! He’s certifiably crazy!”


The two wrestlers begin to stand up groggily. They exchange blows throughout the narrow hallway of the ship’s inner deck! A punch by Marf, an elbow from Mac, Marf returns a middle kick, Mac lands a forearm smash! Marf wants to press the offense and charges at Mac for a clothesline, but it’s Mac’s turn to dodge the incoming arm this time, and as Marf collects himself, Mac rams him with a tackle through the door of the aft bulkhead!


HHL: "The ship’s getting destroyed by these two competitors!"

PIP: “Jabba’s not gonna be happy…”


Marf picks himself up from the ground, but Mac is coming at him. He tries to fight the One Man Wrecking Crew back, but Mac Bane brings him down with a takedown, and begins landing blow after blow to Marf Swaysons! Marf is in a tight spot and needs something desperate to break out. He notices the sets of chains that Jabba the Hutt has for his pleasure slaves strewn on the floor, and grabbing one, he swings it at Mac’s face, almost jacking his jaw! The brutal impact makes Mac recoil, and Marf sees the opening! He wraps the steel chains around Mac Bane’s neck, and begins strangling him like Princess Leia did Jabba the Hutt!


HHL: "Marf Swaysons is trying to kill Mac Bane right now!"

PIP: “Man, what I wouldn’t give for a Leia to do that to me…”

HHL: "PIP! WILL YOU STOP!?"


The very air being choked out of him, Mac Bane now struggles to break free! Out of pure desperation, he flails with his elbow - and hits Marf’s jaw! Marf is rocked and Bane hangs on to his chance! Elbow after elbow lands upon Marf’s face, and soon Mac breaks free! He goes for an Irish whip, tossing Marf Swaysons out of the aft bulkhead, and into the metallic trap door that leads to the outer deck![/color]

But of course, the damage Marf did earlier has taken its toll, and he must recover his air. He breathes heavily, dropping onto a knee, while Marf drags himself up to the outer deck to put himself together! Once he’s able to breathe normally, Mac marches down to the struggling Marf. He grabs him by the feet, but Marf pushes all his weight into his legs, and manages to buy himself just enough time to climb back to the outer deck!

Mac Bane climbs down the stairs and into the access hatch, only to find a Big Boot from Marf Swaysons coming at him! He’s caught square in the face and tumbles over from the access hatch into the upper deck!


[color=#ff0000]HHL: "Marf Swaysons has seized the opportunity!"

PIP: “The Rebels should have done that to Vader at the Tantive IV!”

Mac tries to pick himself off the floor, but Marf Swaysons is quick to lay down a mudhole stomping into him! Mac is now writhing in pain and Marf Swaysons looks at a large mounted blaster cannon nearby. The proverbial lightbulb lights up inside Marf’s head, and he picks him up for the Echoslide (Fisherman Suplex)!


HHL: "Is he going to suplex Mac Bane into the cannon!?"

PIP: “He’s going to be impaled!!!”


Marf screams and prepares to drop Mac… BUT MAC WITH A SUPLEX COUNTER! He plants his feet firmly on the ground, and lifts Marf up for a suplex of his own! Stalling for a few moments, Mac Bane lands a Jackhammer right onto the aft side of the deck!


HHL: "Mac Bane is still in the fight! What a disaster that move would have been!"

PIP: “I hate to admit it, but I agree!”


Mac Bane makes it to his feet and Marf attempts to drag himself from the floor! Neither of the two battered competitors has much left in the tank after the brutal mayhem that has gone on in the sail barge of Jabba the Hutt! Bane plants a massive stomp on Marf’s back, then yanks him to his feet - but Marf rams his head into the Texan’s mid-section, stumbling him back! Marf charges forward and attempts to Irish Whip Mac Bane, but Bane reverses the hold and Marf is propelled stomach first into the aft lookout rail!

Clutching his ribs in pain, the former XWF 24/7 Xtreme Champion has barely time to turn around before Mac Bane’s slingshot lariat connects right with his face! Marf Swaysons has been Branded, and drops down to the ground like a sack of potatoes!


HHL: "Mac Bane with the comeback! He’s been brutalized throughout this contest, and it’s amazing he can stand at all!"

PIP: “He looks just like Anakin after Obi-Wan dropped him into the lava!”


]Mac Bane has had enough, and signals for the end! He lifts up the unconscious Marf, and tosses him right into the Sarlacc Pit! The swaying tentacles below Jabba’s Sail Barge stand still, and the next thing coming is the Sarlacc’s roar, right before the figure of Marf Swaysons falls down the massive throat!


*GRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWL!*


HHL: "It’s over! Marf Swaysons has been swallowed by the Sarlacc! A huge victory for Mac Bane tonight!"

PIP: “He was slammed head-first down a staircase, choked almost to death, and almost impaled through a cannon, but he came out of it alive, and he has just earned himself a match for the Supercontinental Title!”

Winner and Advancing - Mac Bane

---

KING BOBBY BOURBON - vs - NED KAYE - 3 RP Rancor Rumble This match takes place in a Rancor Pit where you will not only have to battle your opponent but a half dozen baby Rancors and a creepy half-dressed Rancor handler

We find ourselves inside the Rancor Pit, a dark, grim-looking cave. All around the pit are baby rancors, secured to thick chains that may or may not hold up. Several of them look extremely hungry. Near the middle of the room, Notorious Ned Kaye is waiting, prepared for battle. Finally, out of the darkness from the other side of the room, The Grand High PooBOB Bobby Bourbon makes his way out. He scoffs at the growling creatures around him and heads straight for Kaye, brandishing a large club he picked up on the way down. He swings heavily at Kaye, who ducks and backs off, looking for an opening.

HHL: Looks like Bourbon wants to end this early.

PC: He’s made a point of calling Kaye unimportant, wanting to just get him out of the way so BOB can focus on something else.

HHL: Kaye would love to make him regret that assumption.

Bourbon is relentless, swinging away at Kaye, who has avoided every shot so far. He’s also being backed up, however, getting closer to a chained baby rancor, who appears to be sizing up how to bite at Kaye’s arm… or even bite it off. Bourbon, smirking, seems to have this in mind, as he works to drive Kaye back. But on the next swing, Kaye unexpectedly rolls forward underneath the swing, managing to end up behind Bourbon. As Bourbon turns, surprised, Kaye leaps into a Pele kick, smacking Bourbon in the head and causing him to fall back towards the rancor! The creature immediately takes advantage, biting down on Bourbon’s shoulder!! Thankfully, the baby rancor still isn’t tremendously powerful yet, as Bourbon’s able to knock it off of him, stumbling away with his arm intact.

PC: Bourbon almost became Rancor food!

HHL: That was a close one. Both of these guys will need to be careful if they want to make it out of here without any significant damages.

PC: Whose idea was this match again??

Kaye moves in, looking to take advantage of Bourbon’s injury. But Bourbon reacts immediately, throwing his club from his uninjured arm right at his opponent! Kaye is able to bat it away without taking the hit, but it leaves him open, as Bourbon charges forward, clotheslining him! Bourbon wipes at his shoulder, spreading around a little blood, before grabbing the rising Kaye and delivering a double underhook suplex. The impact knocks the wind from Kaye’s lungs, as Bourbon drops down on him to make the cover. After a few seconds, Bourbon looks around, wondering where the ref is, only to see the creepy half-dressed Rancor handler making his way over. Bourbon looks on in disbelief as the man slowly drops, making the count.



1!



And Kaye kicks out, having had plenty of time to get his breath back.

PC: That guy’s our referee?

HHL: He needs to be a little faster on the count. Although I guess he has to worry about the rancors as well.

Bourbon drags Kaye up, giving him a few extra shots to the head, while he still glares at the Rancor handler. He pulls Kaye over to the side, apparently interested in feeding him to one of the baby Rancors, but Kaye fights free with a couple of elbows to the ribs. Bourbon grabs at Kaye’s hair again, trying to hang on, but Kaye pulls out of it, managing to take Bourbon down with a legsweep. He then jumps into the air, landing a standing shooting star press onto the man! He covers, as the Rancor handler slowly comes over, a vicious smile on his face as he enjoys the violence. But before the Rancor handler can make a count, a rock suddenly comes out of nowhere, hitting Kaye in the back!! He rolls away in intense pain, a large welt already visible.

HHL: Where did that rock come from?

PC: Looks like we’ve got some people watching the carnage from above. Always good to see the fans!

The camera pans up, showing a mob of ‘fans’ around the trapdoor entrance to the Rancor pit. They’re a unique group, featuring many different Star Wars species. Sadly, there is not a Hutt among them. But they are still enjoying the action, including being involved in it, as a Twi’lek is seen raising up another rock and launching it into the hole. It lands a few feet from Kaye, who has rolled away to the side. He gets a little close to a baby Rancor, though, who tries to claw at him, tearing his shirt. Kaye rolls back the other way, as the rancor strains against the chain to get towards him. Meanwhile, though, Bourbon is back up behind the rancor! He runs forward, hopping up on the startled rancor's back and running up, before springboarding off of the monster's head and comes back down with a sitting hip press to Kaye's right knee!! Kay immediately spasms on the floor, grasping at his poor knee which is is still under the weight of Bobby. Bourbon reaches down and starts to wrench the ankle of the leg he landed on, trying to do more damage.

HHL: The odds are starting to look against Kaye in this one. Apparently the fans above are BOB admirers.

PC: It does kind of fit their universe, doesn’t it? Even if Bourbon would rather watch American Graffiti.

HHL: Well, it IS a great movie.

PC: No arguing here, Richard Dreyfuss was amazing.

Bourbon twists at the ankle of Kaye, keeping him down, as he basks in the attention from the cheering creatures up above. One of them, a Gamorrean bodyguard, gets a little too close, causing another guy to ‘accidentally’ bump him and cause him to fall into the Pit! Bourbon and Kaye both move as the Gamorrean plunges down, landing between them. The pig-like creature struggles to get up, suddenly terrified, but Bourbon tells him to calm down and relax. He then lands the SHORYUKEN!!! The Gamorrean flies backwards, right into the range of two baby Rancors, who immediately go to town. The squeals are hard to hear, even as Bourbon turns away from the violence he caused. Unfortunately for him, Kaye took the time to recover, running forward and hitting the Notorious Knee!! He covers Bourbon, but the Rancor handler is too distracted by the joy his ‘pets’ are having. Kaye yells at him, and the creepy man finally comes over and counts.



1!



2!



THR- and Bourbon kicks out!

PC: These two are putting on a very good Pit match. It’s not easy to do, y’know?

HHL: So are we not going to talk about the Gamorrean getting massacred?

PC: The only green-skinned alien I care about is Gamora. I can’t wait for Thor: Love And Thunder!

HHL: You’re promoting the wrong series again, but at least you’re closer this time. Disney will appreciate it either way.

The two wrestlers work their way up, with Kaye slugging away at Bourbon, trying to get him into position for another big move. Around them, the other baby rancor are beginning to get riled up, smelling the blood from the meal two of their brothers are having. They’re straining against their chains, and there’s the sudden sound of metal beginning to give. Kaye, Bourbon, and the Rancor handler all stop what they’re doing and look back, as the Rancors are all straining against their bonds. The chains finally begin to give, as the monsters begin to come forward. Kaye and Bourbon share a look, then run to opposite sides of the pit, looking for a way up as all of the doors have been barred.

HHL: Oh no! We’re going to lose two XWF wrestlers!

PC: So are we going by the winner being the one who’s eaten last?

HHL: This is serious!

The first baby Rancor free immediately heads for Bourbon, who is stuck back in a small alcove. But he doesn’t back down, picking up a large bone off the ground and clobbering the baby Rancor in the side of the head! As the Rancor staggers away, Bourbon jumps onto its back, jamming the bone into the Rancor’s throat to choke it out. On the other side, another freed baby Rancor is roaring in frustration as Kaye has become climbing up a chain he found on the other side, getting closer to the top of the Pit. The creatures above are booing, with one taking aim with a series of rocks, trying to knock Kaye off. The Rancor handler, meanwhile, looks extremely concerned at what Bourbon is doing to his baby, trying to grab at him… only to get knocked away due to the flailing Rancor.

PC: If Bourbon chokes out a Rancor, we’ll never hear the end of it. Let’s face it, it’s probably worth bragging about.

HHL: Meanwhile, Kaye’s gotten all the way to the top! Does he win?

PC: This isn’t a damn cage match! Escape isn’t an option… is it?

HHL: I have no idea at this point.


Bleeding from a rock shot he took on the way up, Kaye has managed to pull himself up onto the trap door edge. He glares at the nearby Twi’lek, who tries to beg off, but Kaye just blasts him with a super kick, sending him screaming into the Pit! More fresh meat for the baby Rancors. Kaye steps up to the edge, looking downwards into the Pit at what Bourbon is doing. He sees Bourbon jump off the downed Rancor, yelling out in triumph. Kaye then throws caution to the wind, leaping BACK into the pit with the Airborne Annihilator, flying down onto a surprised Bourbon!!! But on impact, Bourbon is able to flip them around, managing to land on top! The handler is there, disgruntled about his creatures and wanting this one over with.





1!





2!









THREE!!

Kaye kicks out quickly, but not quickly enough to avoid the fast count. Bourbon rolls away, laughing, as Kaye sits up, pissed. But he doesn’t have time to argue, as the Rancor handler is suddenly yanked backwards by one of his own creatures, unable to fight free as the baby Rancor starts gnawing at him! Two gates open up, and Bourbon and Kaye flee through them to escape the carnage.

Winner - King Bobby Bourbon

HHL: The ‘referee’ counted too fast!


PC: And he paid for it! Mercifully, this one seems to be over, at least for now. Maybe these guys can face inside the ring next time.

---

Kris Cruze enters the ring without much fanfare as his music plays.

PC: "Kris Cruze is coming out here tonight for the biggest match of his career!"

HHL: "I don't think he cares."

Kris Cruze picks his nose disinterestedly while waiting in the ring for his opponent.



Twenty midgets with sparkers in both hands held as high as their little arms can reach, line both sides of the entrance ramp. The sparkers ignite as Thunder Knuckles walks past them. Once Thunder Knuckles is down to the ring he rolls under the bottom rope and in one movement he pops up to his feet. With his back turned towards the camera, he raises his right fist in defiance. As soon as his fist goes up, counterfeit xbux with Thunder Knuckles' face on them fall onto the crowd.

HHL: "This is TK's first official defense as X-treme champion, if he wins tonight he only needs four more before he gets the briefcase!"

PC: "TK has a long road to travel, but we are here to see if he's going to get over his first speedbump here tonight!"


Cruze and Knuckles stand across from each other as another song begins to play over the X-tron, driving the crowd absolutely nuts.


A tiny green man with big ears comes walking down the entrance ramp. Master Yoda nearly trips on his own robes, but he's able to maintain his balance just enough to catch himself in time. Yoda comes down the ramp to a standing ovation, and when he nears the ropes he simply leaps over them using the power of the force. Once Yoda lands in the center of the ring he reaches into his robes and pulls out two lightsabers. He uses his force powers to send one lightsaber to each competitor. TK catches his lightsaber perfectly, but Cruze happens to drop his when it hits his hands. Yoda looks at the referee and nods before using the powers of the force to leap up high into the rafters, where he soon disappears.

PC: "Yoda has given our wrestlers REAL LIGHT-SABERS, so you know this is going to be good!

HHL: "I would think this could get ugly quick, but Yoda is a jedi master, so he is surely more wise than I!"

KRIS CRUISE - vs - THUNDER KNUCKLES © XTREME RULES- 3 RP’s Duel Of The Hates The match starts out using real-life Lightsabers provided by Yoda. All weapons are available. The match must end with a pinfall OR someone having their hand severed by a lightsaber.

As Kris Cruze reaches down to grab the lightsaber he dropped, TK charges at him like a bat out of hell. TK draws his colored lightsaber out, and of course it is dollar-bill green. As soon as Kris Cruze wraps his fingers around the handle of his dropped blade, TK brings his own saber down on Cruze's forearm! The hot blade cuts through Cruze's flesh like butter, and his hand is chopped clean off.

Winner and still X-treme Champion by SEVERED HAND - Thunder Knuckles

PC: "That might be one of the shortest championship matches in history!"

HHL: "I can't believe TK actually chopped his hand off! This is insane!"

Kris Cruze drops to his knees and begins screaming as he stares into the bloody stump on his forearm. TK laughs out loud before retracting his lightsaber and pimp-slapping Kris Cruze across the face with it. This causes Cruz to drop down to the mat, seemingly losing consciousness as his bloody stump continues to squirt. TK grabs the severed hand from Kris Cruze and gives it a high-five before throwing it out into the crowd. As soon as the bloody hand lands in the stands a pack of hungry children begin fighting over the scraps of the challenger.

HHL: "TK is just playing with Cruze now! The match is over, but TK is just in there mocking and humiliating Kris Cruze! The man needs medical attention, not..whatever THIS is!"

PC: "Heather, are you saying....Kris Cruze needs a hand?'

TK continues to verbally berate Cruze while walking across his body and grabbing him by the ankle. TK sports a sick grin before he delivers his patented THUNDER STRIKE to the fresh amputee!

HHL: "OH MY GOD PIP, TK HAS GONE MAD!"

PC: "TK isn't mad, Heather: he's just X-TREME!"

TK gets up to a standing position and looks like he's about to go back to work on the bleeding Cruze, but the referee steps between TK and Cruze with the belt. The ref gives the belt to TK before raising his hand, distracting him from the assault he was engaged in after his first ever X-treme title defense.

HHL: "If this is the precedent TK is setting for his title reign, everyone in the back better watch out!"

PC: "We are seeing a darker, grimier, more X-TREME side of TK tonight and I love it!"

TK takes the belt from the referee before spitting onto Kris's KOed face. That is TK's final insult before he steps out of the ring, through the ropes, and back up the entrance ramp.

---

NON-TITLE RL EDGAR and DOLLY WATERS - vs - MARK FLYNN and NKWC 3 RP Tornado Tag Team Match aboard the Millennium Falcon piloted by Han Solo and Chewbacca

With all wrestlers aboard the Falcon, there stands to be a little hesitancy between the four as to what would bring about the proper start of the match with the lack of a bell. Just as Edgar looked to be whispering to Dolly to figure something out, they quickly got their answer as the great Millennium Falcon shuddered beneath their feet. All four of them quickly dropped to the floor in succession as they realized that it was taking off into the skies!

The four of them managed to readjust, getting back onto their feet. North Korean War Criminal was the one to waste as little time as possible, hitting Dolly with a Valorous-Warrior’s-Attack-Your-Opponent-While-Her-Back-is-Turned! Dolly stumbles from the impact, moving forward through the ship. Edgar went to intercept the war criminal, but instead he gets met with an eye rake by the crazed Mark Flynn!


HHL: I guess that's a smart strategy by Flynn there. Recognizing that his opponents are going to battle the elements of a floating ship might as well handicap them further by blinding them.

PC: And that's why Flynn is one of the G.O.A.T.S.


Edgar staggers himself now, and it’s clear what NKWC and Edgar’s strategy is to start things off - keep Dolly and Edgar from working together. Flynn manages to whip Edgar down the left side of the Falcon, with Edgar finally stumbling and falling somewhere around the circuitry bays. Flynn’s in hot pursuit, eyeing up the bay with a ravenous glint in his eye as he hatches an idea.

Pulling Edgar up by his shorts, Flynn takes a waist lock, eyeing up the circuitry bay and trying to go for a German Suplex! He hoists - but Edgar blocks it! Again he tries, but Edgar has his leg hooked in to block tight! As Flynn sees this is futile, Edgar goes to slip behind to try for one himself, but -

Elbow! Elbow! Elbow! Elbow! Elbow!

Repeated elbows Mark Flynn shoots over his shoulder to R.L. Edgar manage to have him trip over, eyes glazed as Flynn keeps up the pressure, a small smile spreading across his face. As he turns around, he then continues it with knee lifts to the gut! One, two, three, four, five, six, seven-!


HHL: Flynn is working RL Edgar over, one body part a time here.


Edgar’s body goes limp for the time being, and Flynn realizes now’s his chance. He throws Edgar into the circuitry, and after taking a running start, is looking for the running knee that’s the first half of the Riparte-!

BUT EDGAR COLLAPSES AT THE LAST MOMENT! He’s trying to get his bearings back, and with no one to strike, Flynn’s knee goes right into the circuitry! Sparks vomit out of the point of impact and the crazed man takes his leg out immediately for fear of being shocked to death. However, the Millennium Falcon shudders once more. The lights flicker on and off, and it’s a few moments before the ship manages to right itself and turn the lights right back on.


PC: Looks like we are having some electrical issues on our state of the art space ship provided by Elon Musk.

HHL: He didn't give us a space ship.

PC: Shut up Heather or I'll have Elon ban you from Twitter.

HHL: I'm not even on Twitter.


Meanwhile, before this happened…

Dolly and NKWC, two cagey birds trying to tangle with each other, but it’s a matter for them of trying to properly pick their time to strike. This is one of the few times that Dolly is facing someone comparable in size to herself, but even now she’s giving up about three inches and twenty pounds - it won’t be easy to take control away from NKWC, who seems to only be taking delight in bashing the small girl’s head around the metallic walls of the Falcon.

THUD! THUD! THUD!

He’s certainly not wanting to take chances here. Any time he can try to use the environment to his advantage, he’ll take it. But in that vein, he’s getting predictable. He’s allowing Dolly to finally catch on, and right before he can bash her face into the nearby door frame, she manages to press her foot against it, cutting off NKWC before -

WHAM!


HHL: That one's gonna leave a mark.


Dolly manages to smash NKWC’s face into it instead while he wasn’t expecting it! He slumps down onto a knee, eyes widened in surprise as he’s still leaning on the frame. This then allows Dolly to follow up with a SPINNING BACKFIST RIGHT ONTO NKWC’S HEAD! Skull meets steel once more, and now he’s flat on his back. Dolly continues one more time, planting her hands on the ground in order to hit a handstand knee strike right to the small of NKWC’s back!

It was at this moment that the Falcon shuddered again, lights flickering as Flynn accidentally tampered with the circuitry boards. Dolly was about to go investigate while she had a moment to breathe, however…

“Hey, what the heck are you guys doing aboard my ship?!”

Dolly looks over her shoulder to see…



HHL: (Fan girl squeel)OH MY GOD! IT’S HAN SOLO!

PC: What? No. That's Indiana Jones. Is there a one of a kind treasure aboard this ship that I'm not aware of?


“Uh…” Dolly manages to stumble out as she realizes what’s going on. “...Fightin’.”

“Fighting?! You guys are gonna tear the Falcon to pieces, y’know that?! You and whoever else is on here that just caused the circuitry to go haywire for a second!” A short pause afterwards passes on, before Han simply sighs. “Look, tell you what - TIE Fighters are trying to shoot us down. If you’re gonna do… whatever on here, at least make yourself useful in the process and shoot them down for me, yeah? I’d have Chewie do it but I have him working on repairs in the cockpit right now, and he’s gonna need to fix the circuitry proper later.”

Before Dolly could give even a single protest to Han’s request, he walked back to the cockpit to get back to steering the ship. Realizing there were little options, Dolly gave one last stomp right onto the back of NKWC’s head, before moving over behind her towards the pathway into the quad laser. Slipping herself into the seat and aiming the gun, Dolly could see that the Falcon was high in the skies, but with the large swathes of TIE Fighters shooting away at them, it was going to be a long while yet before they landed. Hesitantly, Dolly took aim at a TIE Fighter and experimented with pressing one of the buttons -

PEW!

A laser blast erupted from the main gun, hitting one of the TIE Fighters directly on their wing! Plumes of smoke began to rise from the TIE Fighter in response as it veered off, unable to control itself as it crashed right into another TIE Fighter!

BOOM!

Down went two TIE Fighters! Dolly allowed for a smile to take hold of her, aiming the gun and continuing to fire away! It was almost like an arcade to her, with how she was able to fire away and the enemies were seemingly infinitely respawning, or in this case she supposed, they just had that many people on them…

But as she continued her shooting gallery, NKWC finally came back to! Grabbing Dolly by the hair and skull, he bashed her face into the buttons! Lasers continued spewing out but as he was bashing her across, the gun’s movement itself was going haywire, going in all sorts of different directions! A few TIE Fighters got hit in the ensuing struggle as NKWC continues bashing Dolly’s head in, but a large section are determining that this chase is no longer worth it, dropping from pursuit before they too are shot down. Sensing that the imminent danger has passed, Dolly manages to barely slip out, crawling back into the main corridor with NKWC in pursuit.

Meanwhile…

Flynn and Edgar are still going at it, the two seeming more-or-less evenly matched in terms of skill, but between the intensity and the quiet, brimming strategy in his mind, Flynn has a narrow advantage he can work with here. Such is the case here, as he delivers an Atomic Drop right to Edgar after a whiffed punch, keeping him on his back foot with near-constant reversals. Edgar staggers into the Main Hold, wary on what to do and how to do it here.


HHL: I don't know about you Pip but this match has been fantastic so far.

PC: It's been alright.


Flynn allows himself to smirk, heading in after to try and follow up - OH! Edgar gets a hold of himself long enough for him to roll one of the wheeled storage containers right into Flynn at high speed! It manages to take him off his feet, bashing right against his ribcage as he starts huffing for air!

Edgar can’t let up now though, and indeed he doesn’t, grabbing a nearby empty bottle and smashing it across the skull of Mark Flynn! Glass shatters everywhere as he picks up Flynn and kicks him in the gut, gutwrench position - he must be looking for the C.Y.N.! A piledriver right on the steel here would surely spell the end of this match! Edgar tries transitioning -

Flynn manages to narrowly flip out! Edgar tries to get back on the attack, but Flynn goes for the running knee for the Riparte again! Barely blocked this time by Edgar, managing to get his hands up to protect his face. The two seem to be well scouted as they trade setups for the C.Y.N. and Riparte both, neither man managing to get it landed…

However, a noise echoing through the ship has them both pause and turn to see the source of it. They see NORTH KOREAN WAR CRIMINAL be practically shot into here like a cannon, courtesy of one Shotgun Dropkick by Dolly Waters! The two teams have effectively looped around the ship!

“Miss me?” Dolly said cheekily to Edgar and Flynn. Flynn was about to retaliate at Dolly for what she did to his partner, but that allows Edgar to give a loud, paintbrushing slap against the back of Flynn’s head! He winces in response, and Dolly and Edgar share a nod with each other, allowing the two to act in tandem now!


HHL: And now the team of Dolly Waters and RL Edgar are gaining the upper hand for the first time in this match.


Edgar is quick to slap on a Rear Naked Chokehold! Flynn tries to stagger and fight his way out, but there’s Dolly to follow up! Quick palm thrust strikes manage to stagger the vet - who’s easily the tallest in this matchup - taking the wind out of his sails and allowing Edgar to cinch in the choke deeper and deeper… A tap out here is seeming increasingly likely here, with Dolly ramping up the pressure by repeatedly stomping on Edgar’s side -

DOLLY GETS WHIPPED AROUND, HOWEVER, AND IS MET FACE-TO-FACE WITH THE MANLY-MACHISMO-BLINDING-GREEN-MIST!


HHL: What the hell was that?

PC: Looked like some kind of green liquid. Maybe poison? Maybe alien milk? Who knows Heather.

Dolly’s face is coated a sickly emerald green, as she desperately scratches and claws at her eyes in a vain attempt to regain sight! NKWC disposes of her by throwing her over the table near the sofa! Dolly goes flying as Edgar realizes he’s now the one outnumbered, breaking the hold.

NKWC refuses to allow Edgar to get the upper hand here! Just as Edgar thinks he has him cornered and tries for one of his unorthodox attacks, NKWC manages to barely slip out at the last second and giving a parting gift to Edgar for his efforts, be it a Honorable-Hero’s-Low-Blow-to-the-Nether-Regions, a Virtuous-Dedicated-Citizen’s-Thumb-to-the-Eye, or another heinous action! Edgar can’t seem to pin down NKWC, and this game of cat-and-mouse persists long enough for Mark Flynn to recover! Flynn manages to get a rear waistlock, and calls out directions as -

“GUTENTAG!”

NKWC, picking up on things, wastes little time as he hops over to the nearby table! He hops off, delivering a harsh flying shoulderblock which allows Flynn to FINALLY hit that German Suplex right on Edgar as the Guten-TAG connects!

The two come right back up, but THERE’S DOLLY! WITH TWO EMPTY BOTTLES IN HER HAND, SHE GOES TO TOWN ON BOTH NKWC AND FLYNN! BOTTLES CONNECT WITH DOMES AS GLASS FLIES EVERYWHERE AND THEY BOTH GET DROPPED LIKE A LIGHT AFTER THE SUDDEN OFFENSIVE SHOWING!

Dolly staggers, in disbelief almost that she had that in her, but she manages to right herself. The end would surely be coming - she just needed to get Edgar back on his feet for one last double team maneuver…Edgar looks to pick up Flynn as Dolly starts stomping away at NKWC! Flynn counters with an inside cradle.

1!!




2!!





3!!

Winners - Mark Flynn and North Korean War Criminal

Flynn sneaks it out as Dolly spins around too little to late.

---

Pip: What do you think of Warfare so far Heather?

Heather: Well, it has been a war for all the superstars who have graced the squared circle so far. This next match will be one for the books, I’m excited that’s for sure.

Pip: Yeah, I can tell, your nips could cut glass right now.

Heather: Shut up Pip, it’s freezing in this warehouse. I don’t know why we must commentate from inside here.

Pip: Quit complaining, we will be the only ones besides the competitors in here. You should feel lucky to be here. I know some fans that would trade places with you in a heartbeat. Plus, hard nips never hurt ratings.

Heather: You’re a pig! Can’t we get this match underway; I’m going to catch a cold. If I get sick, you’re doing my house chores until I recover.

Pip: It looks like they are finishing up freezing the last of the warehouse.


A man who looks like Mr. Freeze from Batman sprays down the far corner of the warehouse with a smile from ear to ear. Creating a complete frozen tundra inside. The man then gives the thumbs up to a referee wearing a black and white striped fur jacket and black snow pants before exiting the warehouse.


Pip: Looks like you’ll be getting your wish, the warehouse is completely covered in ice and frigid air.

Heather: Let’s hope Vita ends this match with a record setting speed.





Just as Heather finishes her sentence the lights flicker for around seven seconds before they completely cut off. Suddenly “Wolf Totem” by The Hu ft. Jacoby Shaddix of Papa Roach blares over the PA, the warehouse door flies open. A spotlight shines on the figure of person wearing a homemade wolf fur hoody. The persons head lowered toward the ground, making the wolf head hood look as if it is their head. Suddenly the person raises their head and throws up Boom Knucks (Shaka) with his left hand. Revealing the figure to be none other than the Man, the Marine, The Mother Fucker… BWP! The lights return on brighter than before.

BWP takes off sprinting toward Pip and Heather and then slides as if he is wearing a pair of ice skates. Suddenly stopping like a long-time hockey player, spraying Pip with frost and ice debris. Pip not impressed quickly wipes his face before speaking.


Pip: What the hell are you doing here, this is a one-on-one match! Besides, Bearded War Pig is old news… No one cares about your washed-up ass!

BWP: A good thing, I am no longer going by BWP. No for now on I am just Joshua Schuler. “Wolf of Afghanistan” Joshua Schuler. So, suck on that pippy little dick! Now that is cleared up, you should know I am not here to compete but here to take Heather’s place since she obviously did not dress for this ice capade.

Heather: I like this guy. A true Gentleman, but I will be alright, we can all three call this match. I mean Vita is competing, us girls got to stick together.

Joshua: In that case, here at least take my custom hoody, you will make it look even better than it already does.


Joshua hands Heather his hoody as Pip just shakes his head in disgust.




As the opening riff of "Bloody Tear" tore through the make shift speaker system as the few fans brave enough to handle the extemely cold temps of the warehouse jumped to their feet! Vita makes her way down to the fighting area, slapping hands with her fans along the way. Vita then stands in the center of the designated starting area and postures for the crowd as her music dies down.


The lights in the arena go out, causing the usual hysteria from the crowd. After a few seconds, Peter Vaughn's face appears on the big tron, darkly smirking down at the fans.

"This Time... It's Different."

After Vaughn finishes speaking, he begins to laugh. His laughter carries on as the Tron video(which is being displayed on a 60 inch television screen standing in for a tron) overtakes his image, beginning with "This Time It's Different" by Evans Blue. Sparks begin to erupt around the stage, showering nearby fans(like 3 of them) who feel like they're a little too close to the action. As the fireworks die down, two figures appear through the smoke and haze. Peter Vaughn walks forward first, wearing his dark blue gear, followed by Chronic Chris Page stays behind him, smiling at the reaction Vaughn is getting which is somewhat light given that there are only like 50 people there. The pair make their way down to the starting position where Vita is already waiting for them.


Joshua: Well Peter looks comfortable in these frigid temperatures. I do believe the thermostat by the door read negative four. If this match does not get underway soon, we may have a few human popsicles on our hands.

Heather: Thanks to you, I believe I could spend the night in here, this hoody is warm. Pip you could learn a few things from this gentleman on how to treat a woman.

Pip: BWP is nowhere near a gentleman.


Joshua slaps Pip across the back of the head.


Joshua: It is Joshua or the Wolf of Afghanistan!

The winner advances to Leap of Faith to wrestle for the vacant Supercontinental Championship VITA VALENTEEN - vs - PETER VAUGHN - 3 RP’s Cold as Hoth Match The battle takes place in a special warehouse that has been frozen to mimic the frozen wasteland of Hoth. In order to win you must lock your opponent in a walk-in freezer

Before an opening bell can even be heard Vita then takes off running straight for Peter faking a superman punch. Peter dodges to the left. Vita smiles and winks at the camera.

Pip: What the hell is that? The bell hasn’t even rung yet.

Heather: She didn’t even touch him, quit your whining.

Joshua: Been a hell of a lot cooler if she had.


The referee signals for the bell, Peter angrily charges locking up with Vita in a standard lock up. His fingers laced around the back of her head, he begins to press her to the left and then to the right. Just as she begins to fight him off, he drops and shoots taking her to the icy floor. Her skull bounces of the ice spider webbing it from impact. Peter quickly begins to pummel her with a barrage of closed fists. Instinctively she covers up allowing her arms to absorb ninety percent of the damage.

After about the tenth blocked fist, Vita reverses the full mount with arm bar. Peter clearly in pain begins to panic a little, as he grabs a hand full of ice and snow compacting it together into an ice ball, he beams Vita in the face. Releasing the hold Vita and Peter roll to all fours before leaping back to their feet.


Joshua: Vita is one tough mama cita.

Pip: I have seen a six-year-old take a harder snowball to the face.

Joshua: Are you confusing a money shot to your mother’s face again Pip?!

Heather: Now, now boys, just sit back and enjoy this once in a lifetime match, shall we?


Peter and Vita lock up again, Vita gaining the upper hand sending Peter on his back with a wickedly executed arm drag. Vita begins to crank a wrist lock. Peter cringes in pain for a couple seconds before reversing the wrist lock into a bear hug. Squeezing Vita like a Boa, he then smashes his forehead into her nose. Not once but three times before tossing her to the side.

Peter then looks around noticing blocks of ice from twenty-four inches to ten-foot-tall blocks almost set up like steppingstones. Making his way over to the blocks he puts one foot on the smallest. Vita quickly is on her feet and in quick pursuit. Before Peter knows she is right on his tail, she leaps up and instantly sends Peter face first into the second block with a bulldog from hell. Vita then climbs to the fourth block that stands about seven foot tall. Looking down on her opponent she descends with a double foot stomp to his face.


Joshua: Damn, now that’s some payback, Peter shouldn’t have been targeting her face from the beginning. They always say what goes around comes around.

Heather: Instant Karma. Brilliant move by my girl.

Pip: Luck is all that was. Peter isn’t done by no means.


Vita drops ontop of Peter and hooks a leg for a heel hook.

Peter donkey kicks out of the submission. Still dazed and winded. Vita climbs to her feet bringing Peter with her. She smiles in the camera and begins to deliver a fury of lefts and rights. Before kicking him in the gut. Peter keels over holding his stomach, Vita wraps her arm around his neck looking for a standard DDT.

Peter shoots his body straight up and falls backwards, reversing and slamming Vita hard on her spine on the smallest block of ice. Peter then taunts Vita as she slowly climbs to her feet holding her lower back, Peter kicks her in the shin and delivers a spinning back elbow to her jaw. Vita stumbles back from the blow but keeps her footing. Peter takes off missile drop kicking her over the smallest block of ice her head bouncing off the ice once again.


Pip: See pure luck.

Joshua: Shut the hell up Pip. This match is not even close to over.

Pip: Believe what you want. My boy Peter is about to show her exactly why he took the match over to those huge blocks of ice to begin with. Watch and see!


Peter then ascends to the ten-foot-tall ice block, with a devilish grin, Peter begins taunting Vita to get up.

Vita fulfills Peter’s wish. Slowly she makes it to her feet. Slowly she turns around towards Peter on top of the ice block. Peter leaps off, sending Vita across the warehouse with a flying hurricanrana. Peter climbs to his feet and slides over to the fallen Vita he slides on top of her he begins bashing her head into the iced over floor.

Vita a few seconds from going unconscious out of desperation rolls Peter up and applies a reverse arm bar.


Pip: Vita is so dumb. She keeps going for submissions, only way to win is make it into the walk-in freezer.

Heather: Pip you know if he can’t use his limbs, he won’t be able to make it into the freezer himself.

Joshua: One would think all the experience you have commentating and watching matches you’d know submissions are more than just a way to make your opponent tap. Here let me show you just how debilitating they can be.

Heather: Boys!


Vita releases the submission and kicks Peter in the ribs before she begins embarking toward the walk-in freezer just past the frozen cow carcasses. She makes it into the wall of meat popsicles, swaying past swinging beef.

Peter has made it back to his feet and takes off toward Vita who believes she has the match won. Halfway through the hanging meat wall, Vita almost slips. Right as she catches her balance, she is clubbed to the floor by Peter delivering a diving double axe handle to the back of her neck. Peter then lifts her to her feet and whips her face first into the nearest meat popsicle. Quickly charging to her backside he wraps his arms around her waist delivering a perfectly executed German Suplex.

The force of the Suplex cracks the ice floor, sending ice debris all over the place. Vita lays flat on her back bleeding from the back of her Skull. Peter rolls to his stomach in pain himself.


Joshua: Damn it seems that the German Suplex hurt Peter as well. On that solid surface I am sure these standard moves are even more damaging for giver and receiver. I would try to keep my arsenal of moves to strikes and release slams.

Pip: That’s because you don’t have that do whatever it takes drive to win. Peter does, he’d die in this warehouse, if need be, but his corpse would make it into that freezer!

Heather: Pip you are one stupid fella. Joshua here looks like he could snap you in half and all you do is run that mouth. I’d shut it and just call the match if I were you.

Joshua: Yeah, Pip shut the fuck up before you get fucked up! I may have been gone for a while, but I promise I still know how to kick ass and cash checks.

Peter climbs to one knee smiling at the sight of an almost motionless Vita. Peter then rises to his feet. Bending over he lifts Vita up by her hair, she tries to grasp at his arm to lessen the pain of her hair being ripped from her scalp. Her grasp is too weak and slides right off Peter’s arm. She lets out a scream of pain. Peter shows no remorse as he regrips her hair and slams her face into a side of frozen beef hanging from a metal hook. Vita’s nose begins spewing blood all over the hunk of frozen meat. Peter continues to bang her face off the cow. He then executes a trademark maneuver of his. Grinding her face into her own blood and frozen meat so viciously the friction begins to melt the iced ribs.


Pip: That right there is Insult to Injury, one of my favorite moves Peter has in his arsenal.


Peter then goes to toss Vita to the side. Not realizing she does not fall to the floor. Peter takes his eyes off his opponent and begins walking toward the freezer, pushing cow carcass after cow carcass out of his path to victory. Making his way to the last row of frozen hung beef he can taste victory.

Out of nowhere Vita delivers a basement drop kick to the back of his knees, sending him face first into a frozen chunk of meat. His face bounces off the meat like a rubber ball as he stumbles backwards Vita sends him headfirst to the frozen floor with a reverse bulldog, like maneuver. Next to peter lays a softball size chunk of ice floor from when Vita was German Suplex earlier. She smiles through her crimson mask while grasping the ice chunk with both hands.

Almost sadistic like she begins to smash the chunk of ice in the face of her assailant. Almost mimicking The Mountain and Oberyn’s battle scene from Game of Thrones. Once Peter’s hands open and go limp, Vita tosses the now bloodied chunk of ice to the side. Exhausted herself almost collapses to his chest. Catching herself at the last second, she palms his face and presses herself up to one knee. Finally gaining both her feet underneath her she takes a step.

Attempting to take another, shockingly Peter grabs her ankle. Vita kicks his clasp free and attempts to walk toward the freezer. Peter grabs her ankle again, this time when she attempts to kick herself free from his hold, it takes about four shakes. Except this time when she goes to step forward again, Peter spins and sweeps her leg out from under her. She almost does the splits, slowing the impact of her head smacking the ice floor once again.


Heather: Just watching this match is making my head hurt, you have anymore of that pamprin Pip?

Joshua: Good one Heather. I like you, you’re funny. We should grab a drink sometime. Do you get it Pip? She’s calling you a pussy.

Pip: Whatever!


Both Vita and Peter lay beneath a sea of frozen beef and covered in their own and each other’s blood. Both possibly suffering concussions amongst needing stitches and possibly staples. Both warriors giving their all for the fans and for the claim of victory. Slowly and simultaneously they both make it to all fours and begin to crawl toward the freezer still swinging on one another occasionally. Each one taking the lead back and forth. Making it out from under the sea of iced beef, both panting, and still leaking blood. They face one another on all fours blow to the head after blow to the head. They lean on one another as they both struggle to their feet. At the same moment they notice one singular chain and hook hanging on the edge of the beef sea with no cow attached.

Vita and Peter both think the same thing as they lock up and exchange blows while their feet guide them to the bare dangling hook. Rights and lefts. Until they are about half a foot from the hook before Vaughn hoists Vita up in the air attaching her to the hook! Vaughn backs away as Vita swings her arms around and kicks her feet as she is forced to watch Peter wave goodbye before closing the freezer locking Vita inside!

WINNER AND ADVANCING TO LOF SUPERCONTINENTAL TITLE MATCH: PETER VAUGHN

---

Ned Kaye is backstage after the match, a white towel draped over the back of his neck, visibly frustrated as he kicks the wall in front of him. He sighs as it shakes, rubbing his temples as a loud sound chimes out of his pants pocket, his jeans in a pile on the floor as he's still in his ring gear. He looks at the phone and his thumb hovers over the “Reject Call” button before he tosses the device away and begins marching deeper backstage, passing a selection of doors, both closed and opened as the camera trails behind him, finally making to his destination. He swings open the door to reveal...

THEO PRYCE'S OFFICE!

Theo sits at his desk, placing his phone aside as Jason Cashe leans on the desk, both interested in Ned's presence.


“Alright,” Ned speaks, “You've been calling. What do you want?”

“It's nice to see you can actually answer someone for once, Ned,” Pryce responds.


Ned responded with a short, frustrated reply, “I was busy.”


“Yes, I saw. “Taking down BoB all on your own.” How did that work out exactly for you?”


Ned tosses the towel to the ground, walking towards the desk, whipping his hair out of his face.


“Is that what you wanted to do? Gloat to me about BoB after you did your best to distance yourself from them?”

“As fun as it would be to rub your nose in it, no. That's not why we're here,” Theo stated matter-of-factly.

"Hey, I'm Cashe. How ya doing? What Theo is trying to say is that your name came up when discussing others who might.. Fit what it is we are trying to do. We want to be friends!"

Ned glanced at Jason, his eyes narrowing as he forced out a few words, “I don't know what you're pulling here, Theo, but I'm not falling for it. I've been involved in too many people's schemes and tricks lately and I'm already over it.”

“How do you know that I'm up to something, Ned?” Theo shook his head disappointedly, “You haven't even heard me out on this.”

“Because you're an opportunist. It's what you do.”


Cashe knocks on the door of the room. "Opportunity knocks and we knocking!"


“You are 100% correct about that, Ned. I am an opportunist. When I see an opportunity for success I seize it. Always. But something else I am is Ned is loyal. Take a look at The Kings for example. A group of 4 of the very biggest names this business has ever seen, my creation, my army, my friends. When people do right by me they have my loyalty forever. So how about instead of assuming you know what I want you take a load off and let Jason and I tell you?”


A silence lingered for a moment, Ned still feeling distrustful, but unable to respond without conceding the point. It was only until Cashe spoke up that the silence was broken.


"Look, personally? I'm friendly with TK and Bourbon. Honorary Bastard speaking.. But this is business. Theo spoke highly of you and I like things that are highly spoken of."

“Look,” Ned said, “I appreciate any offer, but you have to know by now that I have some bad history following me. I don't know that it's a good idea for me to be a part of whatever little project you got here.”

“Well, you could start by hearing me out,” Theo replied, motioning towards the camera to leave as Ned nodded, taking a seat across from Pryce.

“Alright. Tell me what you're looking for from me.” Ned says as Theo looks up from his desk just as the door to his office begins closing.

"You got any snacks, I'm clouded!"

---

PC: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to XWF Wednesday Warfare. The rest of this program will be commercial free as we near the conclusion of this very special May the Fourth Be With You broadcast. Coming up next, Heather. A one on one encounter nearly two years in the making.


HHL: Two absolute Titans of the XWF, Pip! Two heroes who are adored not only by their respective fan bases but by most of the XWF fandom overall.


[white]PC: This will be a battle of heroes for certain, Heather. Thaddeus Duke and ALIAS first locked up back at High Stakes twenty-twenty, on a night that saw Duke walk out of Las Vegas as the new Universal Champion.


HHL: Then it was WarGames twenty-twenty-one. A blood feud ensued between team captains Corey Smith and Thad Duke, and their respective first round picks, ALIAS and Dr. Louis D'Ville


PC: That's right Heather, but always brewing beneath the surface was sentiment that has led to this EPIC conclusion here tonight. In a match that's BIGGER than the Universal Title, we are now providing you a remote broadcast. LIVE! From “The Planet Mustafar”. It’s Thaddeus Duke. It’s ALIAS. Who will claim the High Ground in this Battle of the Heroes?! We’re about to find out now!




Ash and ember twist into the smoldering skies above “Mustafar”. A funnel shaped mass of earth protruding from the surface spews molten from its rumbling core creating streams of lava all around.


At the foot of this monstrous element stands the XWF Universal Champion ALIAS. He’s shirtless, wearing only a pair of black boots, gray jean shorts and signature single gloved hand. He’s unbothered by the fire raining from above, and instead his keen senses picking up on what’s coming.




Thaddeus Duke, the Lionheart, appears from the side of an incoming helicopter and points his pilot in the direction. The chopper lowers about fifteen feet above the surface, and the young thrill-seeking commander leaps from the chopper, landing on the surface of Mustafar right infront of his storied foe.


With a look of stoicism, he waves the chopper away, and meets ALIAS’ eyes, finding a mirrored expression of calm before the storm.


It’s time.


...to eat.





PC: Here it is Heather! A moment these two have been waiting on for a LONG time.


HHL: A moment the entire XWF Universe has been waiting for!

NON TITLE THADDEUS DUKE - vs - ALIAS © - 3 RP I Have The High Ground This match takes place at the base of an active volcano to mimic the planet of Mustafar. First person to ascend to the top of the volcano and thus gain the high ground will be declared the winner.

Nearly identical in height and size, Thad a bit taller and leaner, Alias a bit more stout, the two men rush each other at the base of the volcano and immediately begin exchanging fists. After a parry, Duke connects with a stiff punch to the ribs, followed immediately by an uppercut across the jaw.


But ALIAS doesn’t waiver.


As he comes back from the uppercut, he smacks Duke in the bridge of the nose with a headbutt. This time Duke shows his own resilience, as ALIAS moves to take his foe to the ground, Duke grabs ALIAS by the ears and keeps the stronger man upright. He wraps his arms around the neck and swings on ALIAS’ head with a slingblade!


The men crash down into the rock and dirt, scraping up their backs and arms. Duke moves overtop of ALIAS for a series of mounted attacks, but the Universal Champion is nowhere near out of this contest. He meets Duke with a thumb to the eye, followed by a swift knee to the groin.


As Thad begins to fall from his mount, ALIAS climbs his back locking in a rear naked- NO, Duke too still has much fight and slips out of the hold, quickly slipping ALIAS into a front face lock. The two men smack the ground again, as Thad keeps the hold locked tight, rolling the Universal Champion across the rumbling earth. The both of them just luckily evading falling splatters of lava.


PC: This is an intense contest early on Heather! Neither man seems to have a clear upperhand..


HHL: ALIAS is certainly the stronger of the men, but Duke is making up for it with how nimble he is!


But just as that’s said, ALIAS shows that brute strength, powering up to a single knee, and lifting Thad out of the Gator Roll by his back. ALIAS spins Thad in the air and drops the Lionheart hard across his knee with a backbreaker. Duke howls out as he bounces from the knee and rolls onto the dirt, smacking a large rock just at the foot of the volcano.


Thad goes to recover, pulling up to all fours, but ALIAS is on him catching Duke in the temple with a running knee, and wasting no time now latching a claw onto his shoulder. He rakes down Duke's back with the free hand while still pinching the nerve around his neck. ALIAS pulls him back close as Duke’s instinct is to fall forward and bashes Duke in the back of the head with a forearm.


Duke’s head flings forward and collides with the foot of the volcano. ALIAS sees an opportunity to smash Duke’s head completely against the rocks, he growls almost and swings wild with another forearm, but Duke is somehow able to sense this! He tears away from claw lock, and ducks, sending the Universal Champion flipping over his back and smacking into the rocks himself.


Duke stands, wasting time only to rotate the pain out of his shoulder as he grinds his teeth through the blood trickling down his forehead. He takes a short run at ALIAS and dropkicks the already downed Space Jesus. This does a bit of damage to Duke as well, but the Lionheart is already up and on the attack again. Before ALIAS can even begin to stir, Thad has him lifted, his head tucked into his arm pit and delivers a series of left fists to ALIAS’ face. He then lifts the champ, and slams him back first away from the volcano and into the dirt. ALIAS’ feet stopping just at the edge of a stream of lava. But Thad isn’t done, he rolls the duo, and lifts ALIAS again for a second consecutive suplex!


Duke rolls again for the third suplex, BUT WITH A STUNNING SHOW OF ATHLETIC ABILITY, ALIAS FRONT FLIPS BEHIND DUKE. The champ lands on his feet, turns and then he monkey flips Duke right at the stream of lava!


But it’s Duke showing off his athletic prowess this time! He too flips in the air and lands squarely on his feet on the other side of the stream of lava. The two men stare one another down, after what might be considered an evenly contested first round of this battle. They begin pacing one another with the stream of lava between them. To Duke’s back, a boiling red opening of water. To ALIAS’ back, the foot of the volcano.


They charge one another, each man leaping, and they collide in midair, each man catching a clothesline across the throat. ALIAS and Duke plummet to the earth and bounce just on the side of the stream nearest the volcano. They both find their footing at the same time and charge again, Duke swings with a wild roundhouse kick, but ALIAS swiftly ducks under, and raises up swinging a wild haymaker! Just as Duke finds his foot, he squats and avoids what would’ve been a devastating punch.


But ALIAS is up and attacking, swinging with various fists, but the nimble Duke is bobbing and weaving, avoiding all of them until the back of his heel is touching the base of the volcano. ALIAS swings again, and this time Duke catches his gloved arm dragging the Universal Champion to the ground and twisting the arm.


Almost like maneuvering a dance partner, Duke lifts ALIAS quickly and spins the arm several times, bending it into a breakable position. ALIAS’ eyes go wide with panic, he grabs his free hand into the base of the volcano and pulls from Duke, just enough to unsteady the arm wrench.


Left with no choice, Duke releases the arm, which causes ALIAS to tumble, and the lionheart seizes the opportunity with a well timed roundhouse kick to the champ’s skull- smashing it into the side of the volcano. He then sees ALIAS’ gloved hand laid on a rock and stomps on it with his boot. Again, and again, and again he stomps, as the sounds of crack knuckles and bones almost over power the rumbling earth.


ALIAS’ face is twisted with such agony that you can tell he’s trying to scream out in pain, but cannot, instead only his eyes welling up. He grows desperate and swings his free arm with all of his might, catching Duke square in the abdomen. Duke sucks air, and bends over as ALIAS staggers to his feet, heavily favoring his gloved and likely even more mangled than before hand.


Space Jesus knew he’d have a fight on his hands, but maybe didn’t anticipate Thad having this much heart. With Duke still bent over, trying to catch his breath, ALIAS closes in for a leaping DDT


PC: BUT IT’S DUKE! SHELL SHOCKED!


HHL:OUT OF NOWHERE!


Dukre plants the champion with the surprise RKO, and instead of making his way up the volcano, decides the crawl over onto ALIAS back and immediately locks in a grounded hammerlock. ALIAS is sprung out of his daze by the shear pain of the hold, and grunts through the hold, but as THad flips and bridges over applying more pressure now, the champ hollers out in a rare showing of vulnerability.


PC: My god, Heather! Thaddeus Duke has the Universal Champion right where he wants him!


HHL:Some might say this is shocking, but Thad has waited a long time for this moment, and is no slouch! He’s one of the best wrestlers in the world!


PC:What a battle!


HHL:Notice what Thad has done here. That very dangerous gloved arm of ALIAS’ has been wrenched, stomped, and now locked into a state of paralysis. This appears to have been Duke’s strategy all along. Neutralize that powerful arm of the champion!


ALIAS’s free hand is digging into the dirt as he screams out louder still. He knows he’s left with no choice. He sacrifices the locked arm, climbing to a knsgle knee as Duke pops ALIAS’ arm from the socket. The champs face runs hot and white as he gasps deep. Thad is confused, feeling the arm tear and slip from him. He turns back on his knees. Both he and ALIAS face one another on their knees now, and a look of horror even comes over Thad’s face now as he sees ALIAS’ arm mangled and dangling unnaturally. But Duke quickly refocuses, he goes on the attack AND IS MET WITH A SUDDEN LIFTING KNEE STRIKE TO THE CHIN!


Duke lifts in the air and falls to his back, and the champion functioning on pure adrenaline powers his way over to his foe, grabbing Duke by the hair and dragging him towards the stream of lava. He lets go of the hair and falls on Duke right near the stream and uses his good hand to begin strangling Duke. Pushing him head first into the lava.


PC:ALIAS IS GOING TO KILL THAD DUKE!


HHL:It’s not just words anymore! ALIAS is in survival mode!


ALIAS pushes and slides and chokes with all of his strength trying to force Duke’s head into the stream of lava, but Thad is pushing back, doing everything he can pull up onto an elbow, which he finally does, lifting and catching ALIAS in the gut with a knee of his own. The champ stumbles backward. Duke is up, he lunges and drop kicks ALIAS square in the chest, but the champ doesn’t fall…


Until…


PC:SHELL SHOCKED AGAIN!


HHL:OUT OF NOWHERE AGAIN!


PC:Heather, the universal champion is down and twitching on the ground!


HHL:AndThaddeus Duke is up and heading for the high ground!


Duke begins scaling the volcano. Several grueling minutes pass and Duke has reached the top rim of the volcano. The heat at the top is excruciating as the molten flips and spews from the pool deep inside the funnel's core.


Duke is nearly breathless, the exhaustion from the fight, the climb and now the heat choking what little energy he has left in him. He turns back, looking for the spot where he left ALIAS laying, only to find that he’s gone.


PC:Where is ALIAS?!


HHL:Look there Pip!


Incredibly, un-friggin-fathomably, the universal champion is scaling the volcano with one arm. He almost appears to be unconscious as his mangled gloved arm lays under his belly, dragging up across the rocks. His body trembles violently as he misters every last ounce of his grit and tenacity to pull himself up.


PC:An absolutely gutsy effort by ALIAS, but unfortunately for him, Thad Duke is already stalking!


As ALIAS reaches the top of the volcano, Duke is there to help him the rest of the way, pulling him up by the ears and delivering a single knee strike to the nose that sends the champ crumbling to the rim of the funnel planting face first near the edge.


Duke senses it, he sizes ALIAS up…


Just as the champ finds a knee







HEATSEEKER!!!!!!!!













IS PARRIED!!!!!





















IS SCOUTED AND STOPPED BY DUKE!








ALIAS’ eyes are wide as his body trembles with disbelief. Duke had caught ALIAS’ uppercut with both hands and is smiling with confidence of a hungry lion in the face of Space Jesus.


He shoves ALIAS back onto his rear and as he stands to guard…

















HEATSEEKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
































ALIAS barely avoided the super kick with a roll, rose up and catches Duke with the uppercut. Both men fall. Duke tumbles and lands back first at the foot of the volcano, and ALIAS dangles on to the edge on pure instinct with his eyes closed.


PC:ALIAS has the high ground!


1














2



















But he’s barely holding on with his one good arm!










He’s about to slip!





















3!!!!!!!!!


Just then, a spent and unconscious ALIAS falls to the bottom of the volcano, landing on his back right next to his foe Thad Duke, as medical choppers begin to fly in…

Winner - ALIAS

The crowd is still buzzing over the insane main event as the volcano appears to be calming down. It shudders with a thunderous last rumble before suddenly going dead silent. Alias, banged up, bloodied but still breathing, manages to stand near the top of the volcano. He takes everything in for a moment but then stops and cocks his head. Something isn’t sitting right with him. The volcano has gone quiet and cold somehow while Alias cautiously starts looking around at his surroundings.

HHL: I think Alias’ spider senses are tingling…

Pip: Wrong franchise!!

HHL: Wait a minute…who is that!?

Alias turns around to spot someone climbing out of the volcano. As they stand in front of him a Marf mask is seen being worn. They stand still for a moment while Alias attempts to ask them what they want. The Marf mask wearing person lunges at Alias and starts to attack him. They rain down several punches before Alias spins out of their grip and levels them with The Other Left, sending them stumbling over the edge and back into the volcano. Alias shakes his head and turns to leave but now a steady rising roar can be heard. Alias stops and watches as dozens upon dozens of people come crawling out of the volcano wearing Marf masks.

HHL: Absolutely nothing about what I’m seeing makes any sense!

Pip: Just go with it!

HHL: Go with what!? This is nonsense!

Pip: I dunno, use the force or something?

Alias eyes all the clones suspiciously as they attempt to surround him. They attack but Alias stands his ground, uppercutting anyone in sight. The Marf clones start to overwhelm Alias so he reaches out and grabs one with Eat the Left Hand. Alias yells out like a madman as he takes the clone down while the rest begin to dig pile onto him. The giant pile of bodies starts to slide and roll all the way down to the bottom of the mountain. They all seem to hit the ground awkwardly and nobody really moves at first.

Alias, completely exhausted but somehow still conscious, drags his battered body back to his feet. The clones start to get up now too while another fresh clone wearing a Marf mask comes walking up to them. Alias turns and tries to grab him with Eat the Left Hand but gets drilled in the face with a lead pipe. Alias drops to his knees, spitting out some blood in the process. He looks up at his attacker with a blood stained sneer. The clone reaches up and pulls the mask off, revealing himself to be the actual Marf!

HHL: It’s Marf! But why!?

Pip: He’s become a Sith Lord?

HHL: Shut up!

Pip: You shut up, I wanna hear what he has to say!

Marf: Huh, kinda feels like old times eh? Brings back some precious memories that’s for sure! I don’t have any blow torches this time around old friend. But I do have a message...

Marf drops down to a knee and holds the pipe against Alias’ chest to keep him down. Alias, covered in blood just flares up at Marf with a deadly mix of confusion and rage.

…Charlie sends his regards…

Alias’ eyes grow wide with the revelation while Marf stands back up and pulls off his hoody. Underneath it is revealed that Marf is wearing a BoB shirt. Alias struggles to get up but Marf cracks him in the head once more with the lead pipe, knocking him flat on his back. Marf pulls him back up while he’s stunned and then nails him with The Sway. Marf gets back up and then leans over Alias again and rests the lead pipe on top of Alias’ battered body. He pats Alias a few times before standing up. He wipes Alias’ blood across his BoB shirt and smiles down at him sadistically as Warfare goes off the air.

HHL: What a sickening attack! No doubt Charlie had something to do with this!

Pip: The deck is truly being stacked against Alias…

Way to many people to thank here, - I'm sure you're all aware of my current situation. Chemo started this week and hasn't been very nice to me. This is for everyone that stepped up and jumped in to get this show together, I truly thank you- CCP

- HALL OF LEGENDS 2019
- 2019 Heel of the Year
- 2019 Locker Room Leader of the Year
- 2019 Feud of the Year w. Robert Main (you’re welcome)
- Former


With Robert "The Omega" Main

XWF World Heavyweight Champion