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Marf · (03-08-2021)

The steady, consistent hum of the motor of the hovercraft opens the scene. The bright red hovercraft speeds along the dark blue waters with the one and only Marf riding. His long, light brown hair whips along in the wind while he heads towards the shore. From the distance Marf can see a blue glow coming from the small hut on the beach. He revs the hovercraft and increases the speed while the glistening sweat shines on the rippling muscles of his bare arms and chest. He wears a grimace as well as some sweet shades while slowing down.

Marf pulls the hovercraft into the beach and parks on the sand before hopping off. He slowly takes off the shades while dozens of nearby people enjoying a day at the beach ooo and aah. Marf smirks before popping the shades into the pocket of his camouflage swim trunks that are a solid four inches above his knee. He shifts his gaze over to the small shack further up the beach. There’s an odd blue glow continuing to come from the edges of the door. Marf begins making his way over to the strange hut as a man with a hammerhead shark head walks by and nods.

Sup braj? You been to that funky shack over there? Pretty bogus if you ask me...

Marf: Yo spoiler alert gnardawg! I haven’t peeped it yet!

Go check it brajmeister! It’s gnarly!

Marf: Word, ‘spect.

Marf and Hammerhead Jones exchange hang tens before going their separate ways. Marf approaches the old wooden shack as the mysterious blue hue disappears under the door frame. Hammerhead Jones dives into the sand and squirms underneath. Marf goes to open the door of the now blackened shack. It is either locked or barricaded closed. Marf steps back and then kicks with a powerful thrust from his tree trunk of a leg. The door splinters as it slams open. At first look it seems to be completely dark inside.

Marf slowly enters and searches around before noticing a small glimpse of blue light coming from under the faux shag rug. His beefy leg kicks the carpet out of the way, revealing a trap door. The blue glow is clearly coming from under the floor as Marf crouches down. He carefully reaches his left hand over to the latch and opens the hidden door. The blue light illuminates the entire room. Marf pulls out his shades and slaps them on before poking his head into the doorway to try and see. The floor lurches suddenly and Marf spills forward and falls into the hole.

Marf hits the ground with a tumble and looks around. He’s backstage while the live audience out front is roaring. Marf gets to his feet and looks over at the other five people in the small area. Reggie, Ethos, Lycana, Ned and Demos stand there waiting impatiently. Finally the curtain parts and the spotlight hits them while the crowd goes wild. The host walks over, waving her arms in the air to keep the live crowd going. She somehow smiles despite her plastic surgery infested face and introduces the audience to all six.

We welcome you six to another wonderful season of Ultimate Survivor! This is our eleventh season and you lucky six survivors will be entering the Survival Dome against three of our most prolific Slashers. For the third season in a row, Chainsaw Chuckie! We all of course remember he ended last season with four straight kills for the streak to start this year! The longest streak ever is seven so he has a shot at shattering that this season.

He’s of course got some stiff competition this year though. The Preacher, record holder for Grossest Kill of all Time and who hasn’t been seen since season six makes his triumphant return! Can he possibly outdo himself and break his own record? We will just have to see how this plays out! Two unbelievably sadistic and dangerous Slashers already but let’s not forget the third!

The madman that holds the record for being the only Slasher to kill all six contestants in a season! A record made in season two that hasn’t been touched since! Back since his retirement at the end of season four, the one and only...The Suburbs Pyschoooooo!

The crowd once again cheers with delight while Marf looks around in confusion. He thinks he can see a blue glow near the back of the audience but before he can do anything he’s moved to a large freight elevator with the other five people. The doors close as Marf and the others eye one another in fake confidence and nervousness. The elevator begins to take them down to the Survival Dome as the sounds of the crowd fade away.

Reggie: So, where y’all from?

Lycana: Shut up, we’re not doing that.

Demos: Oh come on, we’re not against each other here! I’ve known this dude for years we both got on together!

He slaps Ethos on the back who nods and pats him on the back as well.

Ethos: It’s true, we worked together at a Shoneys for years! I was a chef and he washed dishes I think...

Demos stops and looks over at Ethos in complete and utter shock.

Demos: I watched dishes! I never washed them...

Reggie: Well there we go! And what about you big guy? What’s your deal?

They all look over at Marf as he eyes them suspiciously on this incredibly long elevator ride.

Marf: Oh I just uhh, paint houses and shit...

They all nod simultaneously while likely forgetting whatever boring thing that crept out of Marf’s mouth. The freight elevator finally comes to a stop and the doors slowly open. Revealed before them is a large, poorly lit area that resembles an indoor paintball course. There’s dirt everywhere for the floor. Ned takes off while Lycana moves away from the group at a more normal pace. Ethos and Demos continue to argue about the pros and cons of Pyrex while wandering off together. Reggie bids Marf good luck before crouching and sneaking off.

Marf slowly steps out onto the cold dirt and looks around at all the potential hiding spots. Off in the distance there is an evil laugh but Marf can’t pinpoint from where. He walks over to a small wooden shed and steps inside. There’s a small table and he tips it over and smashes his foot down across one of the legs, shattering it in half. Marf picks up the broken off piece and leans against the wall beside the door in waiting. Somehow there is a change in perspective and we go to Lycana. She’s on her own quietly walking up a set of stairs. She gets to the top of the stairs to a lookout point and crouches there looking out at the strange area.

She spots Demos and Ethos stopped in front of one of the random huts. They look to be in a deeply heated looking conversation. They don’t even notice the weird guy dressed like a preacher slowly sneaking up on them while holding a cross with a spiked end. Demos suddenly screams something about Corningware and the Preacher makes his move. He stabs the end of the cross into the back of Demos, plunging it deep enough the penetration the heart. Ethos screams no before scrambling away while Demos drops to the ground. The Preacher stabs him over and over again while Ethos trips over himself and can’t seem to escape.

Marf creeps out of the hut while the Preacher stands up and stalks the fallen Ethos. As the Preacher is about to close in on Ethos, Marf stabs the broken table leg into the side of the Preacher’s neck. The camera view alters again and we see the Preacher turn, his eyes wide in shock as he grabs at his throat and slowly collapses. Marf stomps on the protruding table leg to ensure he stays down. Ethos gets back to his feet in awe. He reaches a hand out and places it on Marf’s shoulder while staring at him completely mesmerized.

Ethos: Jesus...a table leg? Have you never heard of Cuisinart?

Before Marf can answer a chainsaw roars to life behind them. A wild looking bush man stumbles out from around the corner and marches towards them with the live chainsaw. Marf takes off and so does Ethos as Chainsaw Chuckie raises the chainsaw over his head and hurls it at them. The chainsaw spins in the air before jamming into the upper back of Ethos and nearly tears him in half. Marf looks back in horror before racing behind a wall to get away. Chainsaw Chuckie howls with laughter as he runs over to Ethos and carves him up with the chainsaw.

The camera now shifts over to Ned who is hiding in what appears to be a ditch. He has taken off his shoes and has them over his hands for some reason. He jumps in fear as Reggie suddenly scrambles into the hole with him. Reggie is already soaked in sweat, or possibly piss. His hair is matted to his head and his nose is running too. Ned looks at him with a surprised but mostly disgusted face and shoves him with his shoe hands.

Ned: What the hell are you doing get lost! This is my hiding spot!

Reggie: Come on bro! I saw that suburb dad guy and he looks like a nut job man. Like one of those dudes that aggressively washes your windshield without your permission ya know?

Ned: The hell are you talking about? You’re blowing my cover!

Reggie: Screw you dude, you’re blowing yourself!

Ned slaps Reggie in the face with one of his shoe hands and Reggie starts choking him. They wrestle in the hole not noticing a man approaching dressed in a three piece cheap beige suit. He flicks a lighter and the Molotov cocktail in his hands comes to life. Reggie and Ned both stop and turn to see the Suburbs Pyscho standing at the top of the hole. They both scream but it’s too late as he tosses the flaming bottle into the hole. It strikes the ground beside them and they’re both engulfed in flames immediately.

The Suburbs Pyscho raises his arms and laughs at his work while Marf comes running from around the corner. He’s still looking behind him for Chainsaw Chuckie when he crashes into Suburbs Pyscho from behind, knocking him into the raging fire pit. He lights up in flames and scrambles to get out of the hole while Marf looks at him and kicks him right back into the pit to burn with Reggie and Ned. Marf backs away while the screams fade and the stench of burnt human flesh rises. He leaves the area and follows a narrow pathway. He hits a fork in the path and feels his body wanting to go to the left.

Marf: The fuck is going on...I can hear the chainsaw motor down there. No!

Marf fights through his own body’s instincts and backs away and takes the right pathway instead. He follows it back to the front of the Survival Dome. He spots a staircase and starts to walk over to it. To the left a chainsaw bursts through one of the wooden walls and Chainsaw Chuckie bursts out. He chases Marf who is caught by surprise and trips and falls before he reaches the stairs. He crawls away while Chainsaw Chuckie laughs and swings the chainsaw around like a lunatic. Marf crawls to the base of the stairs while Chuckie closes in.

Suddenly Lycana comes flying from out of nowhere and crashes down onto Chuckie, knocking the chainsaw out of his hands. Marf gets to his feet as Lycana wraps her legs around the neck of Chuckie. She twists her body and a loud crack is heard as Chuckie’s neck is broken. Marf goes to grab the chainsaw but it melts in his hands as he stares in bewilderment. Lycana gets up and approaches Marf, her eyes glowing blue now. He wipes the melted chainsaw onto his jeans and tries to back away when she grabs him by the throat.

Marf chokes and sputters while not being able to escape. She continues to hold him by the throat with her right hand while slowly raising her left hand in the air. Her entire arm morphs into a massive blade and she plunges it into Marf’s stomach. He moans in pain while Lycana uses the blade to tear open his stomach. There’s nothing but a black hole inside instead of blood and innards. Lycana moves her right hand up to the back of Marf’s head and starts to shove it towards the hole in his gut. She gives it one more solid push and it falls into the weird stomach hole causing everything to go black.

Marf: NOOOOO! Ugh, what in the fuck is happening!?

Marf rolls around in the bathtub of some random motel, struggling with the shower curtain that’s wrapped around him. He takes a moment and finally calms down and gets out of the tub. He lifts up his shirt and checks his stomach but there is no hole or scars or any weird problems. Marf goes to the sink and splashes some water into his face to wake himself up. He rubs a hand over his disheveled face and stares at himself in the shoddy mirror, clearly ready to go on a rant to himself...

Marf: I don’t know what the bigger nightmare is, my actual dreams or how the XWF has been shaping up lately. I somehow get put up against Betsy Granger in the opening round of the March Madness tournament. And if that isn’t tough enough, I wind up getting jumped during the match and screwed over by Charlie god damn Nickles. Or Demos or Joey Joe Joe who gives a fuck. With the distraction from Jim Jimson that makes three people against me in what was supposed to be a one on one match. Now I’m out of the fucking tournament and that dwarf star champion gets to move on actually saying she beat me.

That’s bullshit, and you know it Betsy. If this happened the other way around you better believe they’d give precious Ms Granger another chance. Just like if it happened to a Corey or a Thad. But instead it happened to me, Marf. Loyal member of the Left Hand and one half of the powerful Dissentients. As per usual, XWF management turns a blind eye. But of course when I wait until after a match to get revenge on Ash Quinn and I’m met backstage with threats of unpaid suspension...

Marf leans over and spits into the sink. There seems to be a mixture of blood in his saliva but he ignores it and looks back up into the mirror. He snarls before speaking again.

Marf: Same old shit, hell the next Warfare card is proof of that. Throwing Lycana and myself into another match with the heavy hitters. Charlie Nickles, the reigning television champion. RL Edgar, the current Hart champion. And the guy ole Eds took the Hart title from, Ned Kaye. Another three shit eating fuckheads that are attempting to snuff us out. And at this point that’s just about everyone from the top these days. Thad, Corey, Doc, Alias, Betsy, Them No Good Bastards, and so on and so forth. Unlike all the faves, we don’t get any breathers. And yet we keep coming back for more. Whether it’s tag or singles, I keep coming back for more.

Marf slowly shakes his head from side to side. His normally beautiful blue eyes look sunken in from the lack of sleep. He glares at his reflection while calmly seething with anger.

Marf: Couldn’t just give Lycana and myself a fair tag match against the two dolphin fuckers either. Jim and Charlie should be facing repercussions and at the very least should be booked against the Dissentients where they would pay for their transgressions against us. But no, we get this bumblefuck of a six person tag match instead. The only damn positive being that Charlie is in the match so I can give him a proper thank you live face to face like he deserves. You got that first shot in, I’ll give you that much. But now it’s my turn to drop you on your head. Maybe you’ll land hard enough to suppress your new, somehow shittier gimmick Demos back from whence it came.

Somewhere down the line I’ll get my hands on Jim as well but for now I’ll dish out twice as much punishment upon you Charles. You and your two new butt buddies Eds and Ned. Everyone saw how damn close Lycana was to taking away that newly won Hart title last Warfare. I’ll gratefully give out some retribution to Edgar for that too. Believe me, I have a lot of pent up rage and aggression these days. More than enough to share between the three stooges. Don’t think I’ve forgotten the times you’ve used the Left Hand name in vain either, Eds. Well here’s your big chance pal, put a stop to us once and for all! Just like everyone else claims they will do and still haven’t. Go on, show me your failure!

Marf is practically screaming at his reflection now. The over/under on this poor motel mirror being smashed is quite high at this point. Marf growls on.

Marf: The only one I don’t really know is Neddy boy. We’ve barely crossed paths at best. But unfortunately for you mister Kaye, you’re standing on the wrong side. So bring that notorious fight to me sir, show us all how tough you are, especially when you tag the very hand to ripped the Hart title from your not so firm grasp. I’m sure that won’t be difficult to manage right? At least when the dust settles and your champion partners have both let you down you can go write about it in one of your little journals. Write a poem about it, a little song or ballad if you want. Ask Alias if you get stuck, he’s good at that poetry shit from what I remember...

...Remember...

Marf starts chuckling softly to himself while backing up against the wall. He continues to laugh louder while his eyes glaze over but sadly we are going to fade out for now...

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode We all have the right to cleanse our souls, who are you to deny us?
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