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Jim "the Jim" Jimson · (02-24-2021)

Our story starts will Jim sitting in the void doing nothing in particular

Jim Jimson: Wait that’s not true I’m no-

Cool Jimson: What’s up loser!

Jim Jimson: Fuck off, Cool Jim, nobody likes you, you annoying ass

Cool Jimson: Well shut up, I’m going to be wrestling against Twink no.1 & Twink no.2 in a tag team title match

Jim Jimson: You mean Corey Smith & Thaddy Mcdaddy Duke?

Cool Jimson: I hate the name Thaddy Mcdaddy Duke. I don’t want to speak about him again

Jim Jimson: Ok well how are feeling going into this match? You nervous? Think you can beat Corey and the one that shall not be named?

Cool Jimson: I feel like I should be scared going into this match, I feel like I should be nervous, like I should have that voice in my head saying “your in over your head”, I feel like I should be feeling the emotions I felt going into Christmas Chaos for the X-Treme title, that is the only match I’ve had before with stakes this high, but going into this, I feel nothing. Because when look at my opponents, I remember what they were and then see what they've become, I remember back to Christmas Chaos and I remember seeing the engineer coming out on top in the main event and now I see Corey Smith facing shooting star fodder and returning veteran number 2218301AF and I don’t feel worried. I remember watching Lux Vs Unknown Soldier at Lethal Lottery for the Universal championship and now I see Corey trying to act like he’s not going to smash the hell out of Thad after court.

Jim Jimson: Yeah, you really embraced the ways of the jobber Corey. I wish I was a star, just so I could fall so far like you have. It really makes you look more like a jobber when the wrestling fan has to explain to their niece that “oh this guy, used to be cool and that's why we like him” that's the type of stuff that only you as a jobber can bring to the table, Mr. Smith, with a bit less exercise and a lack of moderation when eating junk food, you could really become a top jobber.

Cool Jimson: This guy went from cool assassin lady to evil virus person to a twink that’s not not gay.

Jim Jimson: *sniffle* inspirational shit right there, I can see the 30 minute youtube video about how “ the XWF creative team ruined Corey Smith's character” already. A true legend!

Cool Jimson: Corey didn’t even win the tag team titles and he got them passed along to him, Lux or Engineer.exe on the other hand, I think they would’ve been able to win the tag titles, but nobody jumps off a hill, they tumble down.

Jim Jimson: Doc wouldn’t stare step in the ring with me, he couldn’t hit another member of the bald brotherhood!

Cool Jimson: It seems like all anyone ever says about me is “Jim, my small and frail child, stay out of the way while I work out the divorce papers with that cheating good for nothing lowlife, Charlie!” And then they say shit like “there are sheeps and dogs that herd the sheep and you're a sheep and I’m a dog and Charlie is the bitch I’m going to have a cute little baby litter with after I beat him into submission” But each time they end up losing anyway. I’m not a sheep nor am I a herding dog. I’m a herding alpaca, I eat and live with the livestock, but I’m not going to end up getting eaten up by some wolf.

Jim Jimson: What about getting eaten up by some sweaty gay guys who want to pin you to the ground?

Cool Jimson: If it wasn’t a match, I’d let them eat me up all they want!

Jim Jimson: Huh...

Cool Jimson: No way! I’m going to kick their asses!

Charile: I’LL BEAT OSWALD TO THE FUCKING PUNCH!

Strangely, to Cool Jimsons surprise, Jim hears Charlie yelling from below him

Charile: I didn’t ask you to do that! I didn’t ask to be like this! WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?!

Cool Jimson: What’s going on we’re in the void, why is Charlie below us?

Jim Jimson: I didn’t say we're in the void, that pesky narrator said we're in the void, never trust the narrator. We’re in Charlie's attic

Cool Jimson: What do you mean we’re in Charlie's attic, I hate that guy, all he did for me was trick me into fucking some tranny

Charlie: FUCK YOU!

Jim Jimson: Did he hear us?

Cool Jimson: I don’t know?

Jim Jimson: I think he can only hear you, he was pretty pissed off at you, that’s why you talk in the void, not out into the real world, this is why I’m Jim Jimson and ur the other Jimson

Cool Jimson:SHUT UP! SHUT UP! I don’t think he was that angry, he probably says fuck you to his mother

Charlie: Yes….yes…..I will kill him for you. For all of us

Jim Jimson: For all of us? Oh no, start up protocol A.3. Charlie is getting brain raped by the dolphins!

Cool Jimson: What are you talking about

Jim pulls off the top button on his blouse and taps it 3 times, it then transforms into a spray bottle of watered down dolphin semen!

Jim Jimson: The dolphins have taken over his body, but if I spray enough dolphin semen onto him, the dolphins primal urge to mate will start up and he’ll start doing a mating dance before dry humping the floor while yelling “EEK EEK EEK” and then he passed out from the dry humping we take the dolphin out with the ol’ lobotomy pole

Cool Jimson: what the flying fuck are yo-

Jim Jimson: I’M DROPPING IN

Jim Jimson proceeds to belly flop down from Charlie's attic

Jim Jimson: DOLPHIN SON OF A BITCH!

Jim proceeds to pull off a kick up and sprays dolphin semen into Charlie’s masked face.

Demos : AGH! WHAT THE HELL!

Demos tries to cover his face with his hands as he falls off of the bed, pushed back by the sheer force of the pressurized dolphin semen spraying at him from Jim’s high tech bottle.

Jim : Oh god, the dolphin disease is worse than I thought! They are making you wear some ugly mask and they made your colour code change from red to blue! How horrific!!!

Jim continues to spray dolphin semen at Demos as the man squirms around on the ground.

Demos : STOP IT! STOP IT! HOW DID YOU GET HERE!? STOP!

Jim: I… uh… came through the…. doggie… door?

Demos picks himself up off the floor as the dolphin semen continues to fall onto him. Once to his feet Demos quickly jumps over the bed and tackles the bald man spraying him down with dolphin jizz. Demos pins Jim to the ground and tries to wrestle the sprayer away from the bald man.

Demos : You fell through the fucking roof! I obviously don’t have a doggie door, I’ll say it again. HOW DID YOU GET HERE!

Jim tries to spray more dolphin semen at Demos again, but Demos snatches it off Jimson. Jim realizes that if he doesn’t change the subject Demos is going to realise that Jim has been living in his attic for the past 3 months.

Jim : Let’s not get off track from the main topic, ok, dolphin! I know what you did with Charlie! You think I don’t know, the old stick someone else's consciousness into a person and chill out, in their head trick. Come on, are you gonna create a virus called “the carpenter” in Charlie next? Or worse they're going to put “the seaworld employee” in you!

Demos : Jim! I’m not a fucking dolphin!

Jim : Oh yea? Prove it! By giving me back that bottle!

Demos : No….you’re just going to spray me again. What even is this crap?! Some sort of high class shampoo?

Demos steps off of Jimson and climbs to his feet, allowing the small bald man freedom of movement once again.

Jim : Hmp! So obvious that your a dolphin, dude!

Jim goes to grab the spray bottle out of Demos hand and Jim surprisingly pulls it off. It seems like Demos attention is not with Jimson, but with the wall, or something in front of the wall, something only Demos can see. His eyes glaze over.

Jim sprays Demos again.

Demos : FOR FUCKS SAKE JIM! STOP! I HATE DOLPHINS! [/color]

Jim : Who were you talkin to huh? Your dolphin overlord giving you an order of destruction?

Demos : He’s not giving me orders and he’s not my overlord….I don’t think.

Jim: Oh so he’s just a dolphin passing on a message?

Demos: What? No, I’M NOT TALKING TO A FUCKING DOLPHIN, jesus Jim I never knew you could be so damn annoying.

Jim: Yea, you didn’t because your not Charlie, your a dolphin!

Demos: Jim, listen to me: blah blah blah blah blah blah

Or at least, that’s what Jim heard. Jim isn’t listening and is making a call into a radio.

Jim: roger that, Don’t know if we can do it, currently going through protocol A3 , over

Demos: Where did you get a radio?!

Jim: roger that, I understand the situation send the missile to my location, over

Demos: SEND THE WHAT!

Jim proceeds to dive under a dining table, as Demos begins to panic.

A fighter Jet flies past Charlie's house as Demos watches the missile coming this way.

Jim: GET THE FUCK DOWN!!!!!!

After our brief intermission we come back to see Demos and Jim in the ruins of what is left of Charlies house.

Demos: My house! It’s destroyed!

Jim: Quiet Dolphin, I’m looking for the missile.

Demos: The missile. The Missile. THE MISSILE!! THE MISSILE IS SPREAD ALL OVER WHAT IS LEFT OF MY DAMN HOUSE!!

Jim: It doesn’t matter we’ll just retcon the fact your house got blown up in the promo, ah here it is!

Jim pulls out the head of a missile, Jim taps the bottom of the missile and does a quick retinal scan

Demos: What the hell are you doing?

The head of the missile opens up and the hologram of a burly black man appears. The hologram is dressed from bald head to toe in green military fatigues.

?: DDS! I am making a call for your help. Posadian separatists have declared war on North Korea, they are trying to take advantage of the weak leadership my brother's regime brings.

Demos: .........

Jim: Huh! Was the legendary condition met? No way it was, Johnny Legend is too big of a jobber to win a title!

?: No these Dolphins don’t believe in the Legendary condition and have acquired enough funding from there dastardly business, seaworld

Demos: .........

Jim: Damn… they are striking right where it hurts the most, in the tainted nation of north korea!

?: You and Charlie were powerful enough to wipe out 5269 dolphins in your tear through Posadia, you think you can do a dent in the Posadian Army to make them retreat from the great land of north korea?

Demos: …...WHAT THE FUCK!!

Jim: Hmp? It’s my cousin Jim Jong Un.

Demos: Jim…. Jong….. Un, like Kim Jong Un?

Jim Jong Un: That idiot is my good for nothing brother who loves dolphins and ruined the country, he failed Juche Communism, the only type of Communism that can work!

Jim: YES! JUCHE COMMUNISM IS THE BEST COMMUNISM!!

Demos: Wait… Jims are communist?

Jim: Of Course, one day when Kim Jong Un is dethroned, Jim Jong Un will come in and take the grand name of Supreme leader of North Korea and fix the nation and create a true communist utopia.

Jim Jong Un: So will you help us and save the great land of North Korea?

Jim: This is perfect! So “Charlie” If you're not a dolphin help me take out the Posadian army!

Demos: Jim…..I am Demos. Charlie has long since passed on. But to prove my loyalty to the team, I will help.

Jim: Demos, Charlie WHAATEVER! A fake dolphin name is a fake dolphin name bucko!

Gunfire is heard in the background of Jim Jong Un’s audio. An immediate look of terror flashes across the muscular hunk’s face.

Jim Jong Un: Oh no! On Lenin, the dolphin advance is coming quicker than we thought! DOLPHIN DESTRUCTION SQUAD!

Jim pulls off the second button of his shirt and begins to chew on it, he spits it out and it becomes a plane

Jim: Quick get on my private jet we gotta get to North Korea now! It runs off nothing but the blood of dolphins so I got lots of fuel to run this!

Will our heroes be able to get into the rescue of Jim Jong Un in time or will they be too late and North Korea will be the new Posada? Make sure to tune in next time to find out!!!

Jim: SHUT UP NARRATOR!!

Atticus Gold edited this post - 02-22-2021 06:04 AM

OOC - Due to an error, Jim originally posted this RP at 23:59 but it was removed when he tried to change the title. We can see the original RP and it doesn't differ from this one so we're allowing this to be before the soft deadline. - Atticus

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Soft Deadline A missile, A muscled up black man and of course dolphins
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