Threaded Mode | Linear Mode

Marf · (11-29-2020)

Well here we go again, another cowboy hat wearing promo from our good pal Marf. Today he is riding a black horse in a random dirty field. Where he received this beautiful animal will likely remain a mystery.

Marf: Oh hi friends!

Marf waves and nearly falls off the damn horse.

Marf: We’re almost at High Stakes folks. We got to hear from dear Kieran and Shawn. Brian Storm couldn’t be bothered to show up so far. Nothing but a quiet little coward and his past will do nothing to convince me otherwise. And do you wanna know the best part, big Bri? You can do nothing but prove that statement right. Either you stay quiet and lose at the pay per view like the cowardly critter you are. Orrrrrr, you sneak in a word or two at the last second, like an annoying little weasel. One or the other, both prove you to be a coward.

That’s about all the time I have for you.

Marf hops off the black horse and then slaps its ass, sending it running off into the field. That is likely the last time we will see that majestic creature.

Marf: Shawn Wylde, did you used to snowboard? Don’t answer that, I don’t actually care. Your threats mean about as much to me as your claim to fame. You won a made up title I’m supposed to respect? Cool, did you know I am a three time QEW left lane champion, an LAX baggage claim champion, ABC library team champion as well as a TBS dumb and dumber rerun champion. Your past accomplishments? I don’t give a fuck. I already told you, you’re getting dropped on your head and more now than ever do I want to make that happen.

There isn’t much about you I care about. But there is one important question I’d like to ask...

Marf leans forward to the camera and winks creepily. The cowboy hat makes it even worse to be honest.

Marf: Who is Reneeeeeee?

She sounds reaaaaaaally nice. Is she going to accompany you to your big debut match? Oh I hope she does. I’d love for an opportunity to formally introduce myself to her.

Marf just keeps smiling, his eyes washing over with thoughts of this mysterious woman. Hopefully she stays away for her own good.

Marf: And I suppose this brings us to grumpass himself, Kieran Overton. I don’t really want to bother with you but at the same time you’re one of the biggest problems I keep running into here at XWF. Another one of these loud mouths trying to ride the waves of whatever they think their past accomplishments are. Too good for any of us but you’re just as unknown to me as I am to you, sir. So eat a dick.

Being on the preshow is too below you? You’re lucky to even have a job here, the sense of entitlement is strong with this one. Shitting on me for holding onto the Heavymetalweight championship? How many titles do you have right now? You’re nobody to judge me, let alone call me out for not having other titles. I’ve been here just over a month and I am a two title champion with pinfall victories over Charlie Nickles and Jim Jimson. What the fuck have you done lately? You’ve been here a while, what’s your excuse?

On second thought, keep that to yourself because I don’t give a single turd let alone several to make up an actual shit. Keep running your mouth Overton while you can. I intend to shatter your jaw once we’re in that ring together.

There is much more intensity in Marf’s face as he finishes these statements. His breathing a little quicker, his lovely blue eyes boiling with rage. Marf suddenly closes his eyes and attempts to calm himself.

... remember...

Wait, how? I thought he had to say it first like Beetlejuice ahhh dammit!

... remember...

I remember the fatal four way. It was the end of 2003. A fluke stipulation and turn of events out Will and myself in a fatal four way with two other top names. The cracks in Will and Mel’s relationship were beginning to show and he demanded she not accompany him to the bout. Unknown to Will, I promised Mel I wouldn’t hurt him. Halfway through the match Will did exactly what I knew he would and leveled me. I played it up like I was asking him not to hit me but up close I was really telling him how much I loved staring at his fiancé’s ass.

I remember Will smiling before drilling me with a shining wizard that sent me out of the ring. He continued in the match while I got a breath on the floor. At his point Mel runs down and I remember she immediately came to check on me. I remember after Mel helped me to my feet Will leaves the ring. He shoves me out of the way and begins arguing with Mel to leave. His timing couldn’t be better. I remember sliding back into the ring and stealing the win. Pouty boy Will marches furiously to the back while I pick up a huge win.

Anyone paying attention could see the massive fracture that had formed within the relationship of Will and Mel. I had front row seats and I remember the new year starting off with a bang. The big New Year’s Eve show. Will and Mel defending their tag titles in what was only the second match since Mel returned from injury. Prior to the match Will made a big fuss about not having me out there to watch. So I watched from the back and waited for my moment to pounce. This was going to be the night.

Nearing the end of the match I remember Mel was already banged up. Going up top for an obnoxious and flashy move, Mel gets bumped off instead and crashes awkwardly to the floor. Will stays in the ring battling instead of checking on the supposed love of his life. And there it was, my moment handed to me on a silver platter. Good friend Marf races out to check on his pal Mel. I remember purposely trying to move her to the back as quickly as possible. Will finally takes notice and comes to the ropes to yell at me to drop her. I argued with him like I gave a shit about her safety but really was just waiting.

And after a solid two minutes of arguing, Will gets drilled from behind. He turns back into the ring and eats a finisher and a pinfall. There it was! Such a glorious moment. The company’s golden couple was wilting fast. Relationship crumbling and now a tag title loss. Everything was all but in place. My true intentions were ready to be revealed to my new friends...

...new friends...remember...

... remember...

Marf’s head almost slams into the camera as he finally snaps back to reality. Who the hell even knows where he keeps going. He gives his head a brief shake and then smiles to the camera now.

Marf: So new friends, I look forward to seeing you all at High Stakes! I’ve said what I need to say. I don’t care what else is said. You are all there to lose to me. Thank you for playing the parts of simple props. I’ll do my best not to crack your fragile skulls when you each get dropped on your head. See you sooooooon!

And that’s it! Here comes the fade to black, bring on High Stakes!

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Insert clever innuendo here and such
Author	Message