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Mandii Rider · (09-07-2020)

Alright, one cut; no bullshit. Let's get this over with.

Have you ever seen trash walk and talk? I have, it even has a name; Tommy Wish. The most I've ever seen from Tommy is, actually, I haven't seen anything from Tommy I've only ever heard talk that never gets backed up. I've heard all the violent crap that spews out of Tommy's mouth regurgitated over and over for every match he's in but not once have I actually watched Tommy back it up. It's funny actually because he has a dad bod but talks like he's built like the incredible hulk. I'll be the first person to say that appearance means nothing in the ring but when you have the physique of your average Joe do you really expect people to believe you are taking your career choice seriously? No. Part of this career is keeping your body up as well as your health and obviously Tommy doesn't do that.

While we are on the subject of wrestlers who should have chosen a career in donut testing let's talk about Brian Storm. You're kinda an oxymoron aren't you? A god loving man who partakes in consuming the devil's lettuce. It's also a little funny that if you were to simply switch two letters in your name it would be Brain Storm. Why is that funny? Because I'm pretty sure you lack one. What man who wears his heart on his sleeve comes up with the bright idea to try to make a career in a business where the very foundation of it is throwing insults and punches at each other? Not a very smart one.

Alright, I've already wasted a lot of time on people who don't stand a chance in hell given other names in this match so it's time for a lightning round. Bilbo Blumpkinz, do I really need to say anything other than the only reason he pops in and out is so he can play with dildos on live television? I'm pretty sure it's his fetish. Dallas Marshall, a man who literally enters the ring on a high horse, cute. Honestly you just sound like the cheap cowboy knock off of Chris Chaos which means you'll be falling off that high horse like he did. Calvary, a man who paid way too much money on a Halloween costume. Gage Gannon, the rich playboy who gets by with having a shitty personality only because he doesn't look bad and because he has money. I've always wondered why men like Gage become wrestlers, after all, why would you risk ruining one of the few good traits about you?

And that concludes the first lighting round. Now I'm going to move on to Chris Chaos's bitches, the diamond-studded leashed chiwawa and the skinny bulldog. Hanari, you're going to have the pleasure of having your ass kicked twice by me on the same night don't you feel so honored? On a serious note though, it must be nice to have someone whispering in your ear telling you everything that they know about your opponent. Me on the other hand, all I need to know is that you're another one of Chris's lackies and I have a record of knocking his lackies on their asses; just ask Jenny. I will say you have potential but I doubt Chris will let you be anything more than his side bitch. As for Peter, well, there's a reason you're the bulldog. First of all, you're pretty lazy in the ring and in your promos always yelling the same crap over and over but no one ever listening to you. Second, you can "teach" a bulldog how to ride a skateboard, which is what Chris is basically doing by having you in his little stable, but most of the time those videos of the bulldogs riding the skateboard are fake and their owners just push them after putting them on the skateboard. Hey, at least your owner is pushing you into championship matches like the tag team match at Leap of Faith, too bad you fucked it up. Ouch.

Ah, Robbie Bourbon. Didn't you completely leave me hanging in a match against Chris Chaos and Jenny Myst? Oh right, you're the reason I lost that match because instead of supporting your own weight, of which there is a lot of, you expected me to carry us both. Unfortunately, I forgot my forklift at home and you went down in my book as completely and utterly useless. You and Peter have so much in common, don't you?

And we have another lightning round. Scott Charlotte, or The Wraith, whatever. You're literally a psycho lollipop dipped in self-hatred, aren't you? Can't let the past go, has negative self-images issues, does a lot of self-harm, you sound like a thirteen-year-old girl going through puberty.....or Jenny Myst. I mean, I don't feel like I need to spend too much time on you because you're the type of person who really enjoys inflicting pain on yourself so you kind of do my job for me. Kris the Hammer Von Bonn, god damn that's a mouthful, overcompensating for something there Bon Bon? Here, I'll say it again because you've probably never heard it in your life, god damn that's a mouthful. I mean, it does say a lot when a man feels the need to carry around a hammer...The other hammer is normally not that mighty...Just saying. Liam Roberts, talk about "it's not a phase mom." Supreme Dylan, or supreme douche depending on who you're talking to. Nothing personal I just feel putting supreme in front of your name is supposed to make up for the fact that you aren't really that supreme. Here's some advice though, if Bilbo asks you to smell his finger, don't. Lynx...You're a furry, aren't you? Minxs, the confused girl who doesn't even know herself. Given the long history we have, I can confidently say that I know you better than anyone in this match. I know wrestling is just a distraction for you while for me it's been my life. With that being said I take this shit seriously which is why I'm not too worried about you in this match. Griffin Macalister has always been one of those names on my match bucket lists because he's such a competitor in the ring. However, it would seem recently that's changed and honestly, it's disappointing to see. Then there's Thaddeus Duke who continues to be one hell of a competitor. Finally, there's Azrael Erebus who is someone I actually enjoy going against. Unfortunately, similar to Griffin, I'm not seeing that competitive spirit that I once did.

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