There's a monster under my bed and at my window there's a dragon
I accepted the challenge, it turned me into a savage

Fuck the 4th wall.

I have something to say.

I am Chris Chaos. I try to fight it. Suppress it. I try to beat it down like Rodney King, but it just is too powerful at this point. There are times where I get into a zone, a funk, a mood.......I BECOME Chris Chaos. It has gotten me into some problems. It has burned bridges to nothing but rubble. It has gotten to the point where I take this more seriously than I should.

I can't have fun anymore.


They have been more than accomodating. I reached out, putting out feelers, seeing if I could come back. You see, I couldn't have my way so I took my ball and I went home. Truth is, I couldn't have Robert Main. I almost thought that they would just give me the title to shut me up......

Or inside, I guess I hoped.

Then give Main a re-match, where I would lose it again. At least I got to say I won it. It was frustration. It was depression, anxiety, a mixture of a lot of things. But overall......

I WASN'T CHRIS CHAOS ANYMORE.

I couldn't channel it. No matter how many times I flipped the switch until my fingers went numb, it wouldn't turn on. I played it off as being everyone elses fault. It was nobodies but my own.

I said some nasty things to people who didn't deserve it. I thought I sucked, I thought I had lost it...............but during my time off I realized something.......

CHRIS CHAOS was a CREATURE.

He had a mind of his own, and he showed up when he wanted to.

I became used to being at rock bottom. I became used to being what I had become. I was nothing without him. Maybe I'd find a job or something doing something else, because if I couldn't channel the creature anymore, I couldn't be here.

I couldn't do this anymore.



To be honest, I don't know what scared me worse. Sitting home, knowing in my heart if hearts that the career I had here was over.

Or how I have felt since I've been back.

You see, I used to be at the mercy of Chris Chaos....now, I have become him. I can't turn him off when the camera turns off or I leave the ring. I am Chaos in my car. Chaos at the store. Chaos at family functions.

Sometimes when I am driving, the thoughts overwhelm and consume me........what if I closed my eyes and drove into oncoming traffic? Imagine the chaos it would cause.

It makes me tingle.

Some people just wanna watch the world burn, and that's me.

It makes me dangerous. It makes me not care. It makes me.........

Happy.



When she finally told me the time was up, her voice was soothing. It was like a warm cream applied on an infected cut....I knew it wouldn't work, but it felt good for the time being.

I got up off the couch and thanked her, but I didn't mean it. Thanked her for what? Thanks for fucking her ears off every session for the last year, only for her to prescribe me more sessions so she could get it again?

We both needed a fix. I needed to talk, she needed to get off.

I didn't care, as long as Chris Chaos could be heard. Because that is what I am now. What I am.....not who, because this isn't a who. Isn't a person. It's a thing. A parasite.

A CREATURE.

I didn't partake this time. I walked straight out the door. I had pre-paid with the receptionist. I walked out into the spring air and immediately buried my face in my hands. I had come back to XWF, they had welcomed me back shockingly, and I had won my first match back. Since then, I had been more focused on being Chaos than being a Champion. I wanted to be both. I told myself it would be baby steps. I told myself I would ease back in.

They didn't let me ease back in.

My first match back I was in the drivers seat for a title shot.........

Here we go again.

I sat there nervous and sweating, wondering if I could do it. Chaos licked his lips and rubbed his hands together. He won that match, he propelled that victory. Since then I have been anxious, excited, ready to get my feet wet.

He has been obsessed with it.

I feel him scratching and clawing to get out, but I still have some will power.

I don't even go near the company group chat, because I know what will happen. If I do, I hide behind an alias.

I got to my car, I had finally finished shaking. I put on my seat belt, and pulled out. I had time to think on the drive home.

I have been going to this therapist for a while. Its been "productive" in terms of keeping me from going stir crazy. But she hasn't really given me much in terms of advice. I refuse medication. I'm not sick. This isn't a sickness. I just wanna do the right thing, I want to go about things the right way.............

But the more I say that, the more I get behind. The more I get behind the more he flares up. The more he flares up the more painful it is.

Maybe I should let Chaos take over. Maybe I should let him dictate my life again. At least when I was CHAOS I didn't feel like such a failure.

Win loss or draw he was obsessed with making it back to the promise land. When I wanted to give up he wouldn't let me. Maybe, just maybe..........

The CREATURE is me.



"I am sorry I took so long to respond. I really wanted to digest everything that Centurion said, I wanted to understand it. I wanted to try to get inside his mind, and no I don't mean like that fraud Mastermind. I meant get the overall gist and meaning of his words.

Centurion is a bona-fied legend here. He has been around for years. He is going to go down as one of the best to ever do this, and that isn't up for debate. BUT....I think that despite all of the accomplishments, all of the accolades, and the time he has held this title......I think that he may be fabricating a little.

What do I mean?

Well......his win loss record is something to drop a jaw at. It is huge in one direction. On paper, he looks nearly unbeatable. To the average Joe, he looks like he could be the top dog around this place. He sure says he is. Believes it, too.

But is he really?

Centurion threw my failures in my face. I get it, that has become commonplace around here. It doesn't bother me because for the first time in my life I am man enough to accept them. However, he also threw in my face a list of names that had beaten him.

His "failures" if you will.

Funny, though. In all his gallivanting he forgot a particular name. A name that has been near and dear to my heart. A name that goes wayyyy back.

Shane .

Oh, Cent, you thought I wouldn't do my homework didn't you? You thought I'd be so busy wallowing in my own self pity to actually come up with something productive. Shane , the businessman, Shane , the wrestling pioneer, Shane , the man who made XWF what it is today. But Shane the wrestler?

That just doesn't fit does it?

His loss record looks like you win record, an I am pretty sure his wins are in single digits. This is a man who has beaten you. A man who laughs and jokes all the time at your expense, because he can. A man who has never beaten me.

I have, however, beaten good competition as well.

Michael Graves (3rd or 4th reboot, does it matter?)

James Raven, twice.

Jim Caedus

Robbie Bourbon

Dolly Waters

See what I am getting at here?

I could do the same thing Cent. I could throw all the names I have beaten into a promo and gift wrap them for you. I could also throw in names of those who have beaten me.

Robert Main, as you so elegantly pointed out.

Nazi, the man who was responsible for your attack, took my TV title.

Mandii Rider

Danny Imperial.

The list goes on. im 62-31, I am sure there are others I could mention, too.

What would that accomplish? If there is anything I have learned here it is that anyone is cable of beating anyone on any night. But what I have also learned here is that the intense in ring action seems to have caused brain issues in many of the top stars.

Short AND long term memory loss.....wowza.

Cent, back to my Shane point. You mentioned that K Money beat you.

It's funny because you're like, "there's not a scrub among those names who beat me." Ehem! You're forgetting somebody! Shane loses to everybody but he beat you! In fact, it was Shane who got the pin!

Now, before you get all hot and bothered and start yelling about the misfortune of having to team with Mav, cuz trust me, I get it, let me make another point.

You mentioned all of those names, and yes they are all among the top tier so I see why you omitted Shane. But the highlight of that is......the only good competition you've faced, has beaten you. You are the big bad shark getting hand fed the feeder fish, and the only ones that had a little fight in them beat you.

It's okay, you can admit it.

But I have another question. You seemed visibly and vocally disturbed by the coddling comments. Sorry not sorry. Explain to me, big guy, how you are not coasting and being allowed to coast, hand fed by the higher power?

I mean, yes, I get it, you were Mr. Rebel and you gave out titles shots they told you not to. Ohhhhh boy, big bad Mr. Centurion. But Atara Themis....scrub whose only relevant because she put her knees behind her ears for Shawn Warstein. Ruby, who has made her name on Anarchy and even there has been very mediocre. Vita Valenteen, Tristan Slater. Scrub after scrub after scrub. Vita is okay but she certainly isn't the level you claim to carry yourself at, is she? Sure, they told you not to give them shots because they wanted ratings, not to watch you knock a bunch of nobodies around in a title match. Also, they know that on the off chance they DID beat you, like Shane did, they would have a lot of explaining to do as to why they have a scrub as a champion. SO........yes, they are trying to protect you.

They are happy where you are. They are happy that you are so content being in third place. You give them a strong bronze medal. For someone like me, in my situation, the Hart Title is a major accomplishment but the way you talk about yourself? Hell if someone were to watch your promos with zero knowledge of XWF and its history, they would think you were the face of this place. That you run the show. That you hold every belt and its pointless to try to take them from you. You talk a big game.........

But let me ask you.......

If they weren't protecting you, you have coasted along far below the top two championships this long willingly?

Why?

It doesn't make any sense. I want it all, I want to hold every belt here, I want to be the top dog, I want to be the unstoppable force.............

You're cool with where you're at.

Where is your killer instinct? Where is your drive to be the at the top? You're complaisant, they allow you to be complaisant, and that is how they are protecting you.

Yes, there is a method to my madness.

Centurion I don't like you, but I do respect you. I do respect the success you've had here, padded stats or not. I do respect the "you'll have to kill me to take this title from me" mentality......but it loses a little steam when I find out that you aren't everything you say you are. You're good but right now you aren't Shawn Warstein good. Hell, I called her a scrub earlier but right now you aren't even Atara Themis good. Your merit is measured by the gold you've held along the way and right now you are perfectly fine sitting back and letting the inmates run the asylum, as long as you get fed every once and a while.

I noticed Main and Noah and Santos didn't take your title from you, did they? How convenient.

Oh Mastermind, shut the hell up.

All this talk of crying, and you sound like the biggest baby of us all. Whaaaa, all the attention isn't on me, whaaaa. You're paying more attention to Centurion..whaaaa". Brosef, he's the champ.......if you aren't focused on the champ, you aren't focused.

Boy oh boy, when I said you sucked I didn't think you'd break down the mathematical equations behind it. I mean you already bore the viewers with your monotone drag-on promos, now you're gonna bring them to math class? You really are pathetic. Just like Centurion tries to justify his wins, you try to justify your losses. I don't know whats worse. You're both pretty fucking annoying.

Do you want a cookie? Do you want a pat on the back? Between August of 2016 and the start of 2018 I had been in 64. That's about a year and a half, no? I wasn't far behind you. I did what I needed to do. I was in the ring night in and night out. It's part of being a full time superstar here. It is how you earn your stripes.

The difference is, I was actually good at my job.

You want me to take you seriously, and I do. I don't sleep on anyone anymore, that is a Centurion move. I just said previously that anyone can beat anyone on any given night, so of course I have my eye on you. I also think that you are the weak link in this match, if there is one. You may be the one person on this roster people actually fear less than Barney Green and Red-X. I sure don't fear you. I respect your athleticism, but I fear no man.

You seem to think I have been hiding from the Hart title? Hey, way to think for yourself there big guy, its not like Centurion alreay said that! It's okay, it can't be easy being stupid. I forgive you.

I haven't been hiding from shit. I just wanted my just due. I just wanted what I earned at Lethal Lottery. I just wanted the shady politics to stop. If they had told me I earned a Hart Title Triple Threat, okay no big deal. But they played it off as if it was going to be a one on one shot.

Not good business.

And for the record, assclown, you haven't earned this. When is the last time you earned anything? You better hope Centurion changes his mind about individual one on one's here because you're gonna be sitting in the back with a big pout on your face watching the real competitors in this match put on a show.

Go back home to Kiwi-land and hope you don't find yourself on the losing end of another earthquake, and maybe I'll see ya at Warfare.