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Shawn Warstein · (12-25-2019)

The darkness follows me, during the good times and the bad. Today isn’t any different. Why would it be? Just because it’s Christmas doesn’t make it any different from any other day. He’s still there gnawing at me. He’s hiding in corners, just out of sight. I can hear him laugh, and it sends shivers down my spine.

I don’t know what’s going to happen in the long run, but I do know that I’m going to do everything in my power to keep him at bay. I don’t need him running the show anymore. Every time that he does, it ends badly. Not just for myself, but everyone involved. I burn bridges, I ruin friendships, and I fade away to nothingness. It seems a bit of an over exaggeration, but it’s not.

There was once a time when I actually had friends, and people to lean on. For far too long that number stayed there and it was fine. Sure I was always in a stupor, but it worked for me. People would stay away from me, and I liked it. I enjoyed my solitude. I still do, but I know that over time it can begin to break down even the strongest of wills.

I thought I could fight the battle alone.

How I was wrong.

There wasn’t anyone to keep me in check. Needle after needle, day after day. I wasn’t concerned with people anymore. There was only one person that I wanted to see, and he was gone before we even finished out pleasantries. Once a day like clockwork, he’d show up. I’d pay. He’d leave.

He was my only friend.

Things change so quickly in this world. One minute you’re contemplating whether you want to come back, and to become a once again. To the next minute you’re teaming with some Aussie kid, and climbing to the top once again. Once again for what might be the very last time. I can’t squander this moment, no matter how much he sits there waiting for me to fail, I can’t.

Honestly I didn’t plan on making it this far. I was planning on walking back through the door, have a quick run, and then I’d fade away knowing that I tried once again. That’s where everyone goes wrong. Everyone tries, and hopes. I set out firm goals, and I’ve accomplished them. Now we are heading into the next decade. I’ve adjusted my goals. First I have to make it past Christmas.

*Knock Knock*

Why the fuck am I nervous? I said to myself. I stood there waiting for what seemed to be forever. I know the little shit is home, and these gifts on my back are starting to get heavy. I peer in through the window and see Noah standing there. He adjusts his shirt collar and slowly opens the door.

The door swings open, and Noah is standing there in a button down shirt with a tie. His pants are pressed and he’s wearing a nice pair of shoes.

“Come on in Dad.”

Something’s off, I can’t quite put my finger on it, but something is amiss. I walk in and notice that his house is decorated to the nines. The sound of Christmas music plays faintly in the background. I walk up to the tree and see that it’s decorated with homemade ornaments, from throughout Noah’s childhood. I place the few gifts under the tree as Noah comes rushing around the corner. He pulls out a bottle of bourbon, and pours me a small glass as we both sit down.

“This isn’t what I was expecting….”

Noah looks up at the tree with a glint in his eye. He begins to nod and smile.

“Mum told me that when it comes to Christmas, you’d never be here. It was always me, her and my brother. I never expected to have a holiday with me dad. Cheers.”

“You know that…”[/colo][color=white] I couldn’t finish saying I’m not his Dad. “... You know what Noah? I’ll let you have this one. You know it’s been a long time since I’ve had a proper Christmas.”

Noah pops up and begins to nervously look around, not knowing what to do, I can actually watch his brain break at this moment.

“We could always just start opening up presents. It’ll be nice to get that out of the way first. That way if they suck we can go home and call it a night.”

Noah starts to dig under the tree and tosses me a box. It lands with a thump on my lap. He watches intently as I unwrap the present. I pull out a coffee mug, it is just simply says in bold lettering.

World’s Best Dad.

“Wait there’s more to that one…”

Noah rushes out of the room, and comes back with warm glass of water and pours it into the mug. Slowly the word “Best” begins to fade away, and a new phrase is there.

World’s Sickest Dad.

[color=cyan]“That’s SO SICK RIGHT?! You have no idea how many places I had to go to in order to get that made.”

“I absolutely love it Noah. I’ll make sure to use it every day. It’ll never leave my sight.”

I quickly dumped out the water, and pour my previous drink inside. I take a quick sip of it as Noah begins to grab one of his presents from under the tree. I lean forward in my seat. I don’t know how he’s going to react. Furiously he tears away the wrapping paper.

Silence.

Noah sits there for a moment, mouth agape. Clearly processing what he’s looking at.

“Are you kidding me CUNT?!”

This isn’t the normal Noah tone, I must have missed a cue at some point. I was certain he was going to like this gift, and if he doesn’t well then I am absolutely fucked.

“BIONICLES! ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW!”

Here we go.

“THIS IS THE…. FUCKING…. BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!”

Wait what did he just say?

“Mum would never get me these as a kid. Something about swallowing the small parts. Holy Fuck Cunt… How did you know?”

“I don’t know, something about the hundreds of YouTube videos you sent me of kids playing with them was a small hint.”

“Sick…”

Noah opens the package and begins to play with the toy right then and there. It was a matter of seconds before somehow a piece ended up in his mouth.

“Spit it out.”

Noah looks over to me with a large smile on his face as the piece falls harmlessly into his hand.

“Told you I wouldn’t swallow it Ma…”

“Well not to ruin the rest of your presents, but I ended up getting you the entire line of them. Everyone that was ever in production is under that tree right now, so take your time building them all.”

Noah leaps up and lunges towards me. I haven’t been this close to someone since Juile, but the pure jubilation on his face made getting a hug from him okay. Noah steps back, and composes himself.

“Thank you Father.”

“Shut up. Just be Noah. I don’t want this facsimile. Plus there’s one more gift…”

Noah’s eyes dart to the tree, and notices that nothing else was there that wasn’t already.

*Ding Dong*

“And there it is.”

I stand up, but as I do Noah shoves me back into my chair. I just shake my head and make my way to the door as well.

“Listen here Cunt… This is my house… just give me the package!”

Noah is screaming at the delivery driver when I arrive. I quickly grab the paper in his hand and sign.

“Just right here is fine.”

The driver nods, and begins to walk back towards his truck.

“Oi where are you going cunt?”

“To get the package dumbass.”

Noah is visibly frustrated with me, and begins to impatiently tapping his foot on the ground. When the driver emerges from the back of the truck, Noah’s eyes light up, and before I could say anything he was in a full sprint to the truck.

“Outta my way cunt! Give it here!”

Noah pushes the driver out of the way and disappears into the back of the truck. Noah emerges from the back of the truck on a bike and begins to ride around his driveway. Just fucking beaming. He rides up to me and stops the bike sideways.

“Sick! Look it’s got a fucking GYRO… and fucking back and front PEGS! This is fucking SICK. Watch this.”

“Don’t hurt yourself….”

Again I barely had time to finish the statement when Noah was already on the ground, but like the trooper he is he got up and brushed himself off and continued on his merry way. He rode around for a while and then once again rode right up to me. Stopping himself right before getting to me.

“Aren’t you worried about Wednesday?”

“Not right now Noah. Not a care in the world.”

The Afterthought:

Well ladies and gentlemen it looks like my glorious run with the X-Treme title is at its end. I sit here so very nervous about tomorrow nights that I can’t help but reminisce about all the good things I’ve done while I held it.

From beating Big D to get the title, mastering Mastermind, making Overton disappear, to winning Lethal Lottery, getting the coveted briefcase, to finally walking out of the chamber….

Wait? Did I just say that out loud? You didn’t actually think this was the eulogy to my title reign? No it was just me reminding all of you that Christmas is a time for remembering the past and celebrating it.

Mainly celebrating me, but it’s okay, it’s the thought that counts. The mere fact that I even have to think about the four of you is the gift of all of your pathetic little careers. From giving you all false accolades, even as far as portraying that I actually thought you could beat me. Those are the gifts you’ll carry through your fifteen minutes. The fifteen minutes I am graciously giving you in the spotlight. None of you should even be allowed within 100 yards of a wrestling ring, yet here we are. All of you chomping at the bit to get to me. You all want so badly to be the one to end my title reign.

Well I guess I’ll play the role of Grinch this year.

So let’s get down to the brass tacks of everything. I’m nothing if not gracious. I’m going to go in the reverse order from last time. How does that sound? Good? Great, let’s get to it then.

I chummed the waters and you took the bait hook line and sinker didn’t you Peter? You just couldn’t wait to undermine me ... whilst also undermining yourself at the same time.

“Stupid fuck, I never beat Chris Page!”

Yeah, I know, I just wanted you finally say it out loud for the entire world to hear. And why haven’t you beaten Chris Page? Simply you’re not good enough to do it. Every chance you’ve ever gotten you fallen flatter than a small breasted bitch in a wet tee shirt contest. You can’t beat Chris Page, and you never will. I was just allowing you the opportunity to come to grips with that fact. Yet do you want to know something interesting?

I’ve beaten Chris Page.

I’ve beaten Slater as well.

It wasn’t that difficult, yet you’ve never done it… curious. I mean you SAY you haven taken Legends to the limit, in Soldier and Engy, but I don’t see their names etched next to mine in the Hall. So who exactly have you taken to their limit? Sure you won the Universal Title on a fluke and sure enough we all have to hear about that for the rest of time, but you’ll never sniff that title ever again. Wait just one goddamn second…

Did you seriously say you haven’t had the X-Treme title in over two fucking years? Wait did you also say that somehow being a champion in only two decades is somehow better than being one in three? Do you not know how to math? Are you that fucking stupid? Don’t answer that it was a rhetorical question. While we are asking questions that you clearly don’t know the answer to…

Do you even know what it means to “digress”? Here let me it means that you are going to change the topic but come back to it eventually. You basically use it as a more, god I hate myself for saying this, eloquent way of saying “Uhhhhhhh”. SO before I step into your torture chamber, please step into a High School and don’t come back without a diploma. As for Mike Best… Come on now, don’t act like you don’t know who he is? No you’re going to play the moron card? OK. What about Robert Main? James Raven? Centurion? Jon Brown? Aidan Collins? Do they ring a bell? Because they’ll all say the same thing about you. So it doesn’t matter who said it, the fact that everyone says it means that it is a fact.

NEXT!

Knuckles, I’m glad that you brought your A game… even if it means that you can’t count for shit. My gift to you this holiday season is simple… I’m not going to murder you in the middle of the ring. That’s more of a Corey… wait Lux… No Engineer thing. Jesus that guy goes through more personalities that Prince, but I digress back to my original point ( See Peter that’s how you do it.) TK, I know that you don’t actually want this title, and that’s a good thing. You couldn’t handle this title. You’re on call 24/7 and there’s no extra money involved with it, You are at the whims of other people, and there isn’t anything you can do about it. Hell people could rob you just to get the title and neither you nor I want that. So here’s a deal for you…

Run. Run as fast as your clearly asthmatic ass will allow you. You don’t want to get involved with me. You see I’m not the boring or delusional one, no that’s where you’re wrong. I’m not boring, I sell tickets. No one comes to a show and says “I wonder what TK is doing tonight!”. Instead they see my face on the program. My face on the poster. They see ME not you. So settle down there you paint huffing moron.

Well I guess right now I have to break a cardinal rule of mine. I have to venture in and actually watch a Jim Jimsonsonson promo. BRB.

Well that was…. Something. It’s amazing how you can veer into the future and know what I was going to say about you already. What the fuck are you Dr. Who or some shit? That’s Okay you can peer into the future all you want the result will always be the same. You say that in some way I view you as a threat? And that Noah is

for watching your promos. Cool. It's amazing that they all the special needs to talk openly to their superior. I don’t see you as a threat, for fuck sake man I literally just found out you exist. That isn’t hyperbole, that’s the truth. I don’t care who you are, or how many dolphins you had to fuck to make yourself feel all warm and fuzzy (Oh look if it isn’t the return of one of Peter’s favorite words to say when addressing me, as if I haven’t heard it since the day I walked in the door.) So go ahead and blow your load all in a dolphin’s blowhole for all I care, the fact that you even think you are a threat to me is cute. It’s like a child trying to climb out of their crib. Sure eventually they will make it out of there, but inevitably they fall and bust their head open on the ground and begin to scream for daddy’s help. Well guess what Daddy’s not coming this time to save you.

Then finally to Mr. McBride.

Who the fuck are you? Is that seriously all you had to say? You walk back into the doorway and that’s it? You walk into a golden opportunity, and you come with that weak shit? I almost want to go back and delete your entire promo from my brain, then I realize that there wasn’t much there so it’s not taking up too much space. You are literally going to occupy more space in the ring than you are in my head. What does that tell me about you?

That you aren’t even worthy of my time, so I’m going to go back to ripping on Peter for a little bit. See you tomorrow McBride.

HI Peter, I’m back. I know it’s as if you were the most vocal about me. So you were saying something about.. Yadda. Yadda. Yadda. Honestly I never made it though your promo. I was seconds away from drilling my temple out with power drill, when Noah said.

WAIT!

This is how I can get Engy to leave me alone. If I can break Peter’s face, put you out of commission, Maybe Engy will leave me alone. I’m not going to play by his rules. He wants to fight me and that’s his prerogative, but we will do it at my discretion. I am going to make an example out of you Peter. You are the first shot I take at Engy. I just want him to leave me alone, if I have to go through

, Madison and you to make that point. Then so be it. I’m not going to be Nice. I’m not playing with kid gloves. I’m done with your mouth breathing ass…

Merry Fucking Christmas Fuck Head.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode Merry Christmas Fuckheads
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