The scene begins with a short bald round man dressed in a cheap suit, Who looks eerily like Danny Devito. He's standing in a huge conference room, at Kent State University hotel and conference center. He begins to speak.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the moment you’ve all been waiting for! Thunder Knuckles, XWF’s, entertainer of the masses, the giver of opportunities, highest-paid athlete, and future Hart Champion.





The audience applauds feverishly, their love for Thunder Knuckles is truly appreciated by the man himself.


Okay everybody, let's just calm down.


Thunder Knuckles said while moving his hands down, to quiet the crowd. Thunder Knuckles is wearing black suit pants, a white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and a black tie. It appears Thunder Knuckles is having a “Making the xbux quick seminar”. He's holding a microphone so everyone in the conference room can hear him. The crowd is still calming down.


The first step to success is you must join XWF! This luxurious life can be yours by just getting off the couch!


The crowd eats this up as though they heard the words of a fearless leader. Leading them straight to hell, if it came down to it.


The second step, Is always staying focused on what is in front of you! Right now, I’ve got Centurion.


The crowd rains down a thunderous boom of boos.


Centurion is a returning legend.

Legend, I say that again, so everyone knows I know. He has ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY-ONE wins. That’s what his record is after he beat the piss out of MasterMind. He said most people don't ever make it to that many wins. That’s probably because people his age are looking for retirement. You don’t stay in this business forever or it will grind you down. Physically, of course.


The boos are so thick now, that if they were water, everyone in the building would drown.


A returning legend who is stalking down a little girl for a fight. That’s right, I've seen you've been trying to get a match with VV. I already did that, bud. She’s too good to waste her time with you, I'm sure of it. XX she fucked you up pretty good and you can’t let it go.


Thunder Knuckles shrugs his shoulders.


See the first person I face for MY Hart Championship after I beat you, Centurion, is VV. I want another crack at that Anarchy Championship!


The crowd gives resounding applause.


If there’s one thing that Centurion knows, it how to pay Ol’ Thunder Knuckles. To get a top-quality match for his bullshit charity show, he shelled out the xbux. His fucking show was in the fucking Bahamas, after a hurricane no less, soon as we landed it smelled like death. I smelled that shit for days! ONE HUNDRED xbux, cheap-ass prick!


The crowd starts chanting, YES, HE DID! YES, HE DID! YES, HE DID!


Unfortunately for you, Centurion, I will not be taking any offers for the Hart Championship. Nor will I, give you a chance to pay to get out of what I'm going to do inside that ring. Do I want your championship?


The crowd is in suspense.


No.


The crowd seems to be disappointed. Thunder Knuckles knowing he’s a prick says...


It’s because I don't think it’ll be too hard to beat you. I mean, I’ve been a fan of that franchise you've been ripping off, by name, for many years. FINAL FANTASY. You’re going to be the newest person to find out why Ol’ Thunder Knuckles is like the Ohio turnpike. The toll this time, unfortunately for you, is losing your Hart Championship.


The crowd is deafening at this point. They finally realize that Thunder Knuckles isn't going to sell his opportunity. This time and take the opportunity for himself.


Shit son, I know you're coming into this thinking, Ol’ Thunder Knuckles is gonna be an easy one, huh?

Lean in here for a secret, Centurion.


Thunder Knuckles whispers into the camera's microphone.


You’re gonna come out of this looking like Squall, at the end of the day, bud.


Thunder Knuckles flashes a smirk and raises his voice.


If you know anything about FINAL FANTASY, you’ll know just how bad that insult was.

I think it's only right to go ahead and tell you what my FINAL FANTASY truly is.


Thunder Knuckles smiles like the moment he’s about to talk about has happened before.


Okay, so I'm sitting on a beach with a couple of fine ass honeys. I'm going to call them Centurion’s mom and sister, for now. These over-privileged bitches get to do whatever they want to Ol’ Thunder Knuckles and there's not much these crazy whores, like more than pleasing a real man. Unlike Centurion’s father, who could give his mother anything she desired, but never put her in place. Also, unlike those well-pampered men your sister normally sees, pansy rich fuck boys.

Anyways, I'm with these bitches sipping on a cold BUDWEISER...


Thunder Knuckles enters a beautiful sales pitch, that sounds angelic and soothing to the ears.


You don't have to get on a Clydesdale horse, just get in your car. Drive on down to your local gas station and get yourself a pack today!


Thunder Knuckles breaks out of the sales pitch.


...the sunsets while, Centurion’s mother and sister, are doing all those nasty, dirty, downright disgusting things under my beach towel. Let me tell you, folks, my asshole would never be so clean.

I’m going to stop here, Centurion. I’ll let you know the rest after you say your dumbass catchphrase, I suppose.


Thunder Knuckles is met with a roaring response from the crowd.


Step Three, Do you think Ol’ Thunder Knuckles became the highest-paid athlete in XWF currently, by just waiting on his paychecks?


The crowd waiting with held breath.


FUCK NO!


The crowd goes ape shit. Thunder Knuckles basks in it for several moments before calming the audience down.


Alright, alright, I did what I had to do. I competed week in and week out, I earned my opportunities, then like a true American, who bleeds red, white, and blue. I SOLD my opportunities! Capitalism, baby! I’ll take the dives! I’ll continue doing all these things! I will continue MY rise as the highest-paid athlete in XWF HISTORY!


Thunder Knuckles is greeted with a shower of approval from his audience. He lets them give a standing ovation for a few minutes.


okay, okay people, simmer down.


The normally ruckus crowd hushes waiting on Thunder Knuckles' next words.


Vinnie Lane and his management goon platoon, haven’t paid me a single xbux for my matches here in XWF. TWELVE THOUSAND xbux. That’s what XWF owes me, for my talents and what I’ve accomplished so far. Hell, I've been a number one contender twice! I’ve only worked here for five fucking minutes.


The people in the crowd are silent. They can't believe XWF wouldn’t pay their talent, because who the fuck does that, right?


Speaking of making my own way.


Thunder Knuckles points up to a big-screen TV.


Let me draw your attention to the big screen TV above me. I have a special message from a satisfied customer.


The TV shows a video of BigD! No shit, it’s him. Real quotes matter ladies and gentlemen.


“Hi, my name is Big D, but you probably know me as the TV Champion. Thanks to Thunder Knuckles, I was able to receive the Title shot I deserved without putting in the hard work normally required to attain one. Sure, you could spend your hard-earned X-Bux on Vita Valenteen's new shirt or some of Vinnie's vape juice, but wouldn't you rather put it towards something that matters? Remember, giving your X-Bux to Thunder Knuckles is an investment, and one certainly worth the price.”


The crowd loses their collective minds and start cheering the shameless plug.


Don't get me wrong, folks. They can take their time, I'm sure they’re good for it or have just been busy. However, a day will come where my patients will be gone. I hope that day doesn’t happen, then again, maybe I do.


Thunder Knuckles nonchalantly moves on to his next step.


Step four, remember your only limited by your fears. Like right now, Centurion fear is missing his FABULA NOVA CRYSTALLIS against Ol’ Thunder Knuckles, as he’s left lying there like a wet noodle as I LEISURELY...


Thunder Knuckles mutters under his breath not noticeable by the crowd.


Like, that fake video of Boris crossing the finish line before me during the RACE ACROSS THE EVERGLADES.


Thunder Knuckles's voice shifts back up.


...walk up to his right leg, pick it up and drive it straight into the canvas! THUNDER STRIKE, bitch!


The crowd at a fever pitch, chanting, THUNDER STRIKE! THUNDER STRIKE! THUNDER STRIKE!


Alright, calm down, folks.


Thunder Knuckles calms the crowd here at Kent State University hotel and conference center with his hands and gentle voice again.


Jimmy’s looking over some tape as we speak preparing for CENTURION the next person. I think he’s a person, right? Anyways, Jimmy, archives, next week! Got it?


The crowd says yes, together like mindless sheep. Thunder Knuckles gives a thumbs up to the crowd with a smile on his face.


Good! As always Ol’ Thunder Knuckles here is going to inform you about everything I can on Centurion.


Thunder Knuckles's words are applauded again this time it's not as loud. He smiles and shakes his head “yes”.


Yeah, that's right, moving on to step five. Paying Ol’ Thunder Knuckles to get on the ground floor of this brand new "xbux working for you" business. Those of you who wish to join, make a payment. In exchange, I promise that new members get a share of the money taken from every additional member that they recruit into the fold. I, however, will receive a cut of each new individual recruited each time. It’s in the paperwork you signed before the seminar, technical mumbo jumbo and what not.


Those in attentdence don’t seem to notice, that they have just entered, a pyramid scheme because these dumb fucks are still cheering Thunder Knuckles.


I want to thank every one of you who showed up here tonight!


Thunder Knuckles is meet with another roar of applause. He waves to the crowd for several minutes before saying...


Step six, know when to say fuck off! Like right now, you all can straight fuck off!


The crowd laughs, as if, step six was part of the show. Thunder Knuckles now looks serious as fuck.


No! Get the fuck out of here, I got shit to do! Step two, ya fucking idiots!


Thunder Knuckles spikes the microphone he's been holding and walks off stage. The camera fades as it scans the confused audience members. Before the camera completely fades to the backstage of making the xbux quick seminar.


These fucking assholes don't know how to leave.


Thunder Knuckles pops his head back out to the crowd, they cheer and Thunder Knuckles says.


FUCK OFF! GO HOME, YOU DIP SHITS!


Thunder Knuckles looks back into the backstage camera and says…


Follow me, cameraman.


Thunder Knuckles starts walking with the cameraman.


Centurion is a hell of a talent.


The cameraman takes a step back before continuing forward. The cameraman can’t believe what he just heard Thunder Knuckles say.


No seriously, before you get all, Thunder Knuckles is getting weak, shit.


Thunder Knuckles rolls his eyes.


I’m just saying, he’s good. So Jimmy is gonna have to put in a lot of extra work, I bet you, I can't even find some of his old matches. I know how tough this is going to be but tough times don't last, tough people, do.


Thunder Knuckles seems to have a fire in his eyes.


Centurion has never faced someone like me before, face it, how many people walk into XWF and gained as many xbux as fast as me? I’ll wait.


Thunder Knuckles stops walking and looks down at his watch. He’s tapping his foot and lets thirty seconds go by.


I’m pretty fucking sure the answer is no one. Centurion has been here for years and years and hasn’t gained as many xbux as me.


Thunder Knuckles stops and looks into the camera.


Centurion, you should be ashamed of yourself! Your father spent his life working, so you could have the life you wanted. Your not even bothering to try and get the only thing you get paid within this company. Shame on you! To think you were daddy's favorite. Your old man must have been stupider than Jimmy's wife, yeah, Jimmy is still fucking whores. I’m sure he’s proud of his little boy though. His little boy who keeps bringing home new trophies and no paychecks. Get the fuck real man. In two fucking months, I've made more than you have your whole career, roughly four times as much.


Thunder Knuckles looks annoyed by the fact he's going to be sharing the ring with a pampered bitch of a man.


Growing up, Ol’ Thunder Knuckles, didn’t have shit. This scumbag mother fucker was handed his whole life on a silver platter.


Thunder Knuckles thinks about what he just said and gives an evil grin. He then says…


Silver does go for a good price these days, Centurion. I guess I’ll see you soon!


The scene fades to black.