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Madison Dyson · **10-07-2019, 07:09 PM**

What's Slavic for Kick out?

KICK **BALD EAGLE SCREECHING, AMERICAN FLAG WAVING* OUT!

Oh boy! An emissary from a failed Soviet Bloc state! I'm surprised you even have the energy to challenge for my title given that you have to subsist on bread crusts and alcohol.

You know, if I was from as backwards a country as you are, I'm drink myself catatonic everyday too. It must be so punishing to be in America and see just what hellhole your home country really is. That feeling of not having to shit in a hole next to your bed. A bevy of disease free, non-familial sex partners that are just a click a way. Cars with front and rear crumple zones! Boy, despite what some communist nay-sayers might be bleating into the wind, it sure is nice here in the good 'ol U S of A!

I mean, I will give you some props, you do offer up some decent chuckles. The problem for you is that you're the kind of one note gag that doesn't have a lot of staying power. I mean, before long, butchering the English language, drinking yourself blind and driving around in a glorified two axle dumpster on Youtube WILL run it's course. We are a fickle lot. And yes, the laughs will eventually dry up. I've seen it happen many a time.

But me? I'll still be here. Because you see, unlike people like you, I'm actually more than just a gimmick. I got plans. Big ones. And unfortunately for you, none of them involve losing the Federweight just yet. So, sorry/not sorry to disappoint all the little Gopniks, but Eastern Europe's latest failson is about to get rolled by 125 pounds of good ol' American exceptionalism.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a phone call to make.

(It's to I.C.E. Turns out it's not just for Mexicans anymore!)

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