OOC: I'll add this to the full results later but I figured I'd just post it separately first to make sure it was seen. I went back and forth on the judgment of this one probably five to ten times, so great job to both of you guys... hope you enjoy my match!


Vinnie Lane: “Here we go folks, finally, for all the marbles, we are going to decide the newest XWF Champion as we award the Anarchy Title after months of preparation! Both of these competitors have taken a long and winding road to get here… Sarah Lacklan took the XWF by storm when she won the Queen of the Ring, and shocked everyone when she decided to take a sport in the Anarchy Title match as her reward! Noah Jackson on the other hand worked his way through a single elimination tournament in which he found himself the unpopular underdog in most cases… yet here he is tonight! I have taken the liberty of having the production truck guys chance his entrance music for the evening, because, quite honestly, I hate the real thing. Ruby’s is WAY better. Sorry Noah!”

Noah Jackson emerges from behind the curtain with a bewildered look on his face as he stares up at the X-Tron and watches the pretty ponies frolic and play to their happy theme song. He throws Vinnie a stinkeye and a WTF arm gesture, but Lane just shrugs. Noah rolls his eyes and then runs down the ramp with a burst of energy, taunting to the crowds. He walks towards the ring going to high five fans before faking out and giving them a dab like a dick. He rolls into the ring and rests in his corner.


Vinnie Lane: “That Noah is a funny guy! I hope he’s ready for a fierce fight though, because his opponent is a heck of a fighter and she knows how to take a championship match and turn it into a Broadway classic. Although this match is NOT an iron man match… not sure how that rumor got started… but he might have a bit of an advantage since Sarah decided to take on a second match earlier tonight, coming up big in the Drezdin Challenge!”

The lights go out in the arena and a spotlight shines on the entrance. Two men in marching band uniforms brandishing herald trumpets stand tall. After a few moments, they bring their horns to their lips and play a rousing fanfare.

As they end, God Save the Queen plays across the P.A. as the lights come on and four large men walk out from behind the curtain, a massive palanquin on their shoulders. Sarah Lacklan sits on the dais of red pillows and drapes, waving to the crowd and brandishing her Billion $$$ smile as they make their way down the ramp.

Upon reaching the ring, she takes a microphone from freakin' Kyle, the WORST XWF employee ever, and graces the audience with "Oh! And ANOTHER thing!" before here match begins.
Vinnie Lane: “Some people have said Sarah Lacklan hasn’t been prepping for this match properly. We’ve seen a little bit of a reduction in her recent opponent quality, to be honest, since we saw her booked against Hootie the Owl, rest in peace, and then Mini Morbid, who… well, I mean, he isn’t exactly setting the world on fire, right? He’s cool and all, though. Earlier tonight, Lacklan threw herself into the mix with the likes of Barney Green, who’s been in the waning twilight of his career for like YEARS now, and MY FAVORITE WRESTLER Drezdin, who… well, you know. She won the challenge, but was it smart to get in the ring on the same night she was set to finally get her opportunity at the Anarchy Title? We’ll see…”


The bell sounds and referee Lawanda Sass claps her hands to signal the match has begun. Sarah Lacklan seems to be completely ignoring Noah Jackson as she affixes a few gold star stickers to her large knee braces, seemingly as a self-congratulatory “good job” gesture for winning the Drezdin Open. Noah doesn’t bite on the mind games though, knowing a thing or two about trying to get into your opponent’s head himself. He bides his time with a guffaw, flexing his… uh… muscles… for the crowd while he waits. Finally, Sarah seems ready to engage and she walks to the middle of the ring and begins a kata, shifting through various fighting movements before settling into a perfect horse stance.

Noah laughs his narrow ass off at the ridiculousness of Sarah’s posture, mimicking it as best as he can right in her face. Sarah retaliates to the disrespect by punching Noah in the dick.


Vinnie Lane: “Oh man, she got him right on the tip, it looks like! That hurts!”


Noah rolls around on the mat, grabbing his crotch and banging his feet on the ring floor while shouting about his knob. Lawanda Sass reprimands Lacklan, but she blows her off and continues her Tai Chi. Jackson gets back to his feet and rushes Sarah, but she hits a split and he flies over her, crashing into the ropes awkwardly before landing practically on his head. Sarah stands with a smirk and bows at the waist while her Fang Gangers in the crowd cheer appropriately.


Vinnie Lane: “Looks like Sarah wants to show Noah he’s in over his head with a technician of her stature. She’s been training to wrestle for championships practically since she was in utero, after all…”


Jackson gets up, slapping the knee of his skinny jeans in frustration and with a clear look of anger on his face from being made a bit of a fool of, but he keeps his wits about him and doesn’t charge in recklessly this time. Instead, he takes his time approaching Sarah Lacklan and goads her with his hands up in the universal position for requesting a test of strength. Lacklan chortles and nods in agreement, not at all concerned with Noah passes off for a physique. She raises her hands and grips her fingers in between his, and they then slam together with cords of muscle and sinew straining out in their arms as they jockey for leverage. Although Sarah is in peak physical condition and in a constant state of training, she gives up nearly a foot of height to Jackson and about 75 pounds to boot. Jackson starts to gain a bit of an advantage, but every time he presses forward Lacklan adjusts her center of gravity and levels things out. She catches Noah with a shoulder punch that clips him under the chin and then she drops a heavy foot stomp onto his toes. Noah drops to a knee allowing Lacklan to wrench her hands out and around, twisting Jackson’s wrists. Sarah stands on her toes to add even more pressure, but Noah sees the opening and drives the crown of his head up into Sarah’s midsection, catching her off guard. She stumbles and doubles over, allowing Jackson to hit a quick up kick to her face.


Vinnie Lane: “Unorthodox offense from Jackson, but it worked! Sarah didn’t see that coming!”


Sarah flops onto her back and Noah dives across her face with a forearm, grinding it into her jaw and cheekbones. Sarah palm strikes him to get some separation but can’t roll away fast enough to prevent Jackson from getting hold of her knee brace. Jackson stretches her hamstring before planting a foot on her other ankle and falling backwards to wishbone her legs. Sarah shouts and tries to kick free but Jackson has his own legs wrapped around her trapped thigh and he sinks in a heel hook, much to everyone’s surprise. Even his own.


Vinnie Lane: “Did anyone know Noah actually knew some wrestling holds? I don’t think anyone was expecting the… *checks notes* … ugh. The Aussie Assblaster… to bust out any BJJ here tonight!”


Noah has the leg trapped and the hold sunk in tight, and to rub it in he keeps reaching for the knee brace and tearing off the stickers Sarah has put on it. The little gold stars go flying as he laughs and Lacklan growls while still trying to find a way out of the hold. Eventually, she resigns herself to not being able to power out and she reaches backward until she can grab the bottom rope. Lawanda Sass breaks the hold but Sarah looks pissed that she had to resort to a rope break while Noah has gained a bit of confidence from grounding the Blood Princess successfully.

Jackson heads toward Lacklan looking for a collar and elbow tie up, but Lacklan lures him in with a feint before grabbing him by the wrists and pulling him backward in a monkey flip. Sarah flotas over, flipping onto Jackson and straddling him. Jackson responds by grinning like a High Schooler and spasming and bucking, making Lacklan ride him like a rodeo bronco. She slips and Noah squirms free, once again grabbing an ankle and dragging Sarah to the edge of the ring. Noah slides out of the ring and pulls Lacklan’s leg out, slamming it down onto the apron. Sarah sits up and reaches out between the bottom and second ropes, pulling Noah back toward the ring by his hair. Noah responds by wrapping his hands around the back of Lacklan’s head and shoving off of the apron with his feet, clotheslining Sarah’s throat across the ropes.

Sarah ricochets backward and Noah climbs back onto the apron, then scales the ropes. He wobbles at the top, but regains his balance and leaps off with a falling sledge… but eats a Cop Killa from Lacklan! The right hook looks more like a superman punch, and hits the mark square. Noah lands flat on his back in the center of the ring, allowing Sarah to dive on him with a cover.


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Noah’s shoulder is up!


Vinnie Lane: “Noah Jackson isn’t out of it yet! That was a heck of a shot from Sarah Lacklan but the… hold on… *checks notes again* … Jesus… the Vegemite of Wrestling got a shoulder up in the nick of time. Lacklan is wisely not letting him get any momentum back, though…”


Sarah drags Noah into a corner and sets him against the buckles. She then storms across to the opposite corner and runs at him, diving knees-first into his torso with a running double knee smash. Noah droops and Lacklan keeps the pressure on by running up the corner ropes hands-free and jumping down with a double stomp onto Jackson’s sternum. Jackson rolls out of the ring and splats onto the concrete floor, to Lacklan’s chagrin.


Vinnie Lane: “She can’t win the title with Noah outside the ring… smart move by… crap… *checks notes yet again* … oh come on, the Pogchamp? Really? Whatever, it was a smart move. Noah’s bought himself some time and got some space between himself and the ring, plus he’s forced Sarah to pursue him and annoyed her all at the same time. Kudos, dude!”


Noah Jackson slithers under the ring skirting, leaving just his legs sticking out. Lacklan chases him outside and grabs him by the calves, pulling on him in an effort to get him back out in the open but he must have a hold on something to keep himself anchored under there because she’s struggling big time. Lacklan puts her ass into it on one final pull, and this time Jackson comes sliding out from the underworld… with a box of Cunt-Ohs cereal sugarfood in his grasp!


Vinnie Lane: “Oh no! Sarah don’t go near that stuff! It’s… I mean it’s full of empty calories. Yeah.”


Jackson swings the box of Ohs at Sarah’s head but the erstwhile heiress wisely ducks. The box flies into the crowd and an entire ringside section empties of fans, leaving just a few dozen empty steel chairs. Sarah, momentarily distracted by the tumult, turns her attention back to Jackson just to be caught with a shoulder to her stomach and gets her spine driven backwards into the guar railing. Jackson follows up with a clothesline, nearly flipping Sarah over backward but not quite getting her over the fulcrum. Jackson grabs Sarah’s albino hair and slams her face into the ring apron, then does it again. He slams her a third time, causing her nose to get stuck bent ever so slightly upwards.


Vinnie Lane: “Looks like a dislocated septum for Sarah Lacklan… now she really does have a little piggy nose! Ha!”


Jackson turns and flings Lacklan toward the rail, tossing her over and into the rows of empty metal folding chairs. The clatter from collapsing seats echoes through the arena as Sarah gets buried in steel. Jackson knows it’s his biggest break of the match and heads back into the ring with one of the chairs in hand, climbing the closest corner and standing on top of the ring post facing away from Sarah, who’s still trying to swim her way to the top of the pile of chairs. Lawanda Sass counts loudly at Jackson, telling him to drop the chair and get off the corner but he ignores her, then closes his eyes and seems to mumble a little prayer to Saint Mary Helen MacKillop of the Cross before gripping his chair tight and flinging himself backward in a moonsault, sailing off of the corner and landing squarely on top of Lacklan in her sea of chairs.

Or, rather, where Sarah Lacklan had been a mere moment before.


Vinnie Lane: “Sarah got out of the way! Holy crud! Noah Jackson just creamed himself with a dozen steel chairs! The crowd around them are chanting ‘holy crud’ just like I say all the time! Such a cool moment for me and I guess Lacklan and probably not so much for Noah. That’s the biz though, dude!”


Sarah grabs a steel chair of her own and looks down at Jackson, looking like she might be ready to flatten his head regardless of whether or not she gets disqualified for it. She raises the chair up, but when she brings it back down it clangs against another chair! Noah Jackson stands up with a face covered in blood from a deep cut on his forehead, holding the chair he managed to parry Lacklan’s strike with. He swings his chair and Lacklan parries his, then attempts a riposte but misses when her quarry ducks! Noah scampers over the guard rail and gets back to the ringside area, taking a moment to lean against the ring post and swipe a big smear of blood across it. He’s clearly wobbly from blood loss and a probable concussion, but it doesn’t stop him from ducking once again when Sarah follows him and goes for a home run swing with her chair, making her hit nothing but steel ring post. Sarah screecheds and drops her chair, her hands shaking from the reverberative impact to her fingers from hitting the post. Noah scurries into the ring, waiting while Lacklan makes her way in after him. He rears back with his chair, but it’s snatched from his hands by the official! Lawanda Sass tosses the chair out of the opposite side of the ring and gets in Noah’s face about it, and Noah gives the attitude right back to her.


Vinnie Lane: “Referee Lawanda Sass doing her best to maintain law and order in this match, good for her. Things were about to break down… Noah needs to look out though!”


Sarah Lacklan runs up behind Noah Jackson, but Noah sidesteps at the last second and snares her in a drop toe hold. Sarah’s flies down face first into the turnbuckles across the ring, and Noah balls his fist and pumps it in the air!


Vinnie Lane: “This is it! The King Hit!”


Jackson shouts and runs at Lacklan, leaping into the air and rearing back to hit his superman punch squarely into Lacklan’s brain stem, but he gets nothing but turnbuckle when Sarah drops to the side out of harm’s way.


Vinnie Lane: “I think Jackson hit his head on the ring post! He looks out on his feet and there’s blood all over it!”


Noah staggers backward, blood spewing from a now gaping wound on his hairline, and Sarah sneaks up behind him, yanking his hair backward and wrapping her arm around the front of his face. She jumps for added impact as she drives the back of Jackson’s skull into the mat in a reverse DDT!


Vinnie Lane: “The Abyss! Lacklan got all of it!”


Noah is motionless and Sarah drapes an arm over him, trying her best to get as little of his blood on her as possible (she fails).


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3!!!

Winner by Pinfall and NEW XWF Anarchy Champion - Sarah Lacklan!

Vinnie Lane: “What a match! These two laid it all out there tonight and the fans got a match they won’t soon forget. Noah Jackson has absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, he worked his butt off and came darn close to walking out of here a champion… this won’t be the last time we see him in a title match!”


EMTs rush to ringside to attend to Noah Jackson’s injury as an exhausted Sarah Lacklan is helped to her feet by Lawanda Sass to have her hand raised and her new championship belt handed to her. Sarah’s music plays as she does her best to celebrate while the scene shifts gears.